I don't know what the date is anymore.
Talk 'bout a plot progression, huh? Even though there's only one more person left on this fucking world to read this pile of miserable memories anyway.
Yes, you did hear me right. Reimu and I...
...are the only ones left.
Just after the April 30th entry, it seemed like Losira was fed up with us 'n finally flushed us out. Ever since then, we've been on the run. Literally, running around the entire goddamn world over 'n over. That's why I don't know what date it is anymore. We've all forgotten, because surviving is more important.
Big and Jenna were the first to go. After my house got split in half and thrown across the Pacific Ocean, I battled Losira right there, buying time for everyone else to get as far away as possible. But it was different this time. For some reason, Losira got a lot fucking tougher. I don't know what she did to get that much stronger, but I can't roflstomp her like I used to before. More like now, it's either we're dead fucking even, or she's slightly more powerful than I am, I can't tell for sure. But the fact that I can't just kick her ass at will's the part that I care about, because she started going after them.
She certainly wasn't lying about the part that mentioned me not being able to protect all of my friends. Even though I knew it was gonna happen eventually, it still doesn't stop me from feeling downright shitty 'bout the fact that Losira ripped their heads off right in front of me.
They didn't even reach a hundred meters. We had to leave their bodies where they lay on the broken street, otherwise Losira'd've ripped our hearts out through our mouths too.
...man, I still have nightmares. If I can even call them that anymore. Nah, nightmares. Just visions while I sleep.
I'll never fucking forget their faces.
When Big got his left arm cut off,
he didn't care. All he did was
run to Jenna
who was missing the left side of her head.
And the sad thing was
he never reached her
because his spine got ripped out through his neck
and got used to slice the rest of his body
into seventy pieces.
I don't know what happened to Jenna's body,
but I'd imagine Losira did whatever with it.
Chuck lasted for a week, I wanna say. Reimu was the one who suggested that we just travel around the world, since we didn't have anywhere else to go to to call home. So we did just that. Wanna know how I knew Losira threw my house across the Pacific? I found Reimu's futon blankets - parts of it, anyway - over where Beijing would've been.
Who the fuck knows where we are now.
But anyways, yeah. Chuck only lasted a week. The first time Losira caught up with us, he was the first one she found. He said he wanted to go sit out on a harbor to watch the ocean for a bit, which by this point's been tainted black. By the time we got to him, he didn't have any skin left on him.
By this point, those sights don't bother me anymore. It's as Reimu said. You grow indifferent to these kinds of things, because if you let them get to you, if you let those kinds of experiences worm their way all the way down to your soul, you won't last. It makes you seem cruel and uncaring, but if it's what it takes to survive, seeming all uncaring 'n shit is a small price to pay.
All I do is watch them die over and over in my visions. I stopped calling them nightmares anymore because they don't frighten me. I don't back down from them. I just calmly watch them die in their horrible gruesome ways and close my eyes. I can only wish their souls, wherever they are now, to find better refuge than the hell we held out together in for God knows how long. It's something I've accepted and come to terms with.
...now that I think about it, I probably accepted it too readily.
I suppose writing in this journal, the only thing I managed to save from the house, and sittin' my ass down next to Reimu and sighing like an old fart is all I can really do now in this world. Losira's grown too strong in too short of a time for me to have done anything productive to save anyone. Even now, I'm supposed to be trying to find out how the hell we can kill Losira.
But it's like it's not even worth it.
Every day, we run. Me and Reimu - we just run. Fly away to another place, because if we stay in one place for too long, she'll find us and kill us. For days, for weeks, for months, we've run. It's all we ever do. We don't have the time for anything else. We don't have the luxury to stay in one place for more than a day. We don't have any other choice but to run like pussies and bitches or die like pussies and bitches.
The only reason why we choose to resist is because I still want to kill that whore. But can I really even do that now? 'cause I really can't right now.
But the important thing is that we haven't died yet. As long as we keep running, we'll live. And since it's not like we need physical sustenance anymore, we can keep at this 'til something happens. Either we die, or she dies, or everyone dies.
This what it must feel like being something immortal. You can't ever die, so you just run circles 'round 'n 'round with no real tangible aim in sight. I think I've mentioned how I never really found the idea of immortality appealing, because being truly unable to die sounds like it'd suck. Like, what are you living for? Unless your goal is some higher-dimension objective that humans ain't got an idea about, what's the fun in being immortal? I suppose that's why you see in every fucking story 'n piece of mythology ever that all the gods 'n goddesses are complete douchebag asshats. Just goin' around fuckin' with people 'cause they ain't got anything better to do. Sounds 'bout right.
Runnin' around the world reaffirmed my fears about immortality, because we haven't gotten thing done except tire ourselves out to shit. This is exactly why I hated the idea of living forever, because it no longer feels like I'm doing anything productive.
Run.
Sleep.
Rinse.
Repeat.
Run.
Sleep.
Rinse.
Repeat.
Sigh. I guess it won't be any different than this for a while, anyway.
Better pucker up 'n have at it, then. If I'm gonna die, I'll use the rest of my time here on this fuckin' piece of shit Earth to be with Reimu - and feel like a total badass.
No time for tears
No time for funerals
No time for prayers
No more room left in hell
for our damned souls to go anywhere
but here.