Jays pov

I sat on the hospital looking numbingly at the wall thinking how could I have let this happen to the person I promised to protect with my life. I already knew this was going to be an uphill battle for especially because of her past so it will bring up old memories and mix them with the new creating a big problem.

I had already been looked at and stitched up and given new clothes by Nat while Will sat beside me talking to me about random things to distract my mind. It was a nice feeling that he wanted to help but I just wasn't interested all I could think about was how Erin was doing and she was alright. I also thought about Kyus. I just wanted us to be a happy family together.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear the door slide open so I jumped when April started talking.

"She's okay physically and you can go see her put just beware she's a bit on edge and she's not the best mentally right now so the best thing to do is to just be the Jay for Erin and make sure she knows everyone loves her" She said with some tears she refused to let fall.

"Trust me I will but thanks" I said getting up and gathering my jacket from the chair beside me and walking out of the hospital room.

I followed April into the elevator and up to the 7th floor. As we were going up I was kinda getting antsy at finally being able to see her after what felt like forever and was probably just a couple hours.

We stepped out the elevator going right and stoping in front of room 7B23.

April put a hand on my shoulder and said" Go right ahead she might be sleeping though because of the pain killers"

"Yea thanks again April I really mean it" I said

"Yea sure I'll send Will up in about hour to check on you" she said walking away to let me walk in the room.

I walk in the room and notice the lights are dim and that there are some little bears on the dresser beside her bed. And in her bed she laid looking so peacefully even though I knew full well that she wasn't going to sleep peacefully for a long time. As I stared at her I just couldn't believe the condition she was in and still managed to look so beautiful.

"Are you going to stand there all staring or are you gonna say something" A small voice said

"Well when people are as gorgeous as you are I just couldn't help myself" I said teasing Erin slightly even though I meant it.

She scooted over and patted the little space on the bed indicating she wanted me to lay with her. I walked over and took off my shoes and put my jacket on a near by chair. Has I reached her I laid down carefully trying not to disrupt the wires on her bed.

"So all jokes aside how are you mentally cause if I know you it mess be a bit crazy in there right now" I said pushing some hair out of her face.

"Well I do have the urge to resort back to my old habits but then I remember Kyus, Hank, and you, Jay and I just ca t help but think down the road I'll be okay and in a better place" She said quietly refusing to look at me.

"Well that's good but if you wanna talk about how you feel when you have that urge you can always talk to me." I said lifting her chin up so we can lock eyes.

"I just can't believe it happened again I mean does the universe hate me or something like why did it have to be me and don't get me wrong I'd rather it'd be me then some innocent person but I just when I saw you get beat I thought they were gonna kill and when he started to r..ra..rape me I just couldn't help but think that Kyus would grow up without parents and always have to wonder what we were like cause he wouldn't remember us" She said sobbing into my chest.

"Hey, hey it's fine let it out" I said holding her tightly." You don't have to think like that anymore we're safe at the hospital and Kyus is fine he's with Antonio and Sylvie and Voight is in the lobby waiting until you're ready to let him in."

"I don't want them to see me just yet" she whispered with tears still streaming down her face.

"Alright I'll only let Will and the doctors in okay you just get some rest." I said holding her while stroking her hair.

"Okay" She said already falling asleep in my arms.

A couple minutes later I hear a knock at the door and say softly come in knowing it's Will.

"Hey man how's she doing" he said closing the door softly.

"Alright we talked a bit but it's still a long way to go." I said looking down at her" but I think she's gonna get to where she needs to be. But she doesn't want anyone else coming in to see her just yet I think she might be scared of what they think"

"Yea I expected that much" he said with pain in his voice. "I'll let the rest of them for the mean time but if you need anything tell one of the nurses to get me I'm pulling a double so I'll be here all night"

"Alright thanks bro" I said getting up and hugging him.

"No problem anything you need just ask" he said letting go and walking out the door.

After Will left I just laid back on the bed with Erin letting my mind race for a little bit before falling to sleep myself.