Act 20

Misleading Doors

Once Gojyo and Ayane entered the room,he walked her over to the bed where, for once, to Gojyo's relief, she did not try to punch him. He held his hand up playfully as if she were to, which resulted with a small smirk from her as she rolled her eyes slightly. He grinned back at her and wandered to the middle of the room looking around.

He slid off his jacket, he had been wanting to do that since they arrived at this fancy ass digs, but because he had a limping girl clinging on to him, kinda made it a little bit hard for him to do that. He threw the jacket on a nearby small round marble occasional table with matching two marble stools by the window that overlooked onto the pristine lake.

Damn.. this place was nice...He nodded to himself as he stared out the window admiring the view. The room itself was really big. He had thought the room at the last inn was big but this was massive compared to that. There was a blue wardrobe that had oriental floral carvings on it a carved stone vanity table with a large mirror. Nice looking vases and even a big chinese brush paintings on a tapestry hung on one wall. The bed was a double four poster bed that had silk canopies draping down softly in finest silk, it was laid on its side across the horizontal wall that faced the door and window looking out onto the lake. Next to it was a bedside table with an oil lamp and a jug of water and two glasses. The ceiling was ridiculously high, made the room bright and airy and the floors were made from dark wood. A bookshelf with volumes of books on the right side of the wall with a two seater settee and a floor lamp next to it.

It was really cozy and really was a place for the rich . Places like this always made a little punk like him feel a bit uneasy... out of place.. like he didn't belong there. hmmph, then again... who was he to complain about belonging.

He was a half breed. The color of his hair and eyes says that already, a mark of his unholy existence. The forbidden coupling of human and demon. He was a Hanyou, neither human nor demon and belonging to neither. In a way he guesses that's why he fitted in so well with the rest, all of them was neither demons nor humans. Though Sanzo was a human, he'd killed so many lives that he wouldn't be surprised if he too were somehow a demon himself.

He'd never expected anything anyway... not even from himself.

He turned back to the girl on the bed. She was unwrapping her bandages on her legs and thighs. Judging from the little pile on the floor, she'd already undone the one on her arms and was starting on her legs.

"Whatcha' doin' there," he asked when he reached her, watching her as she slowly unwrapped the ribbons of bandages, revealing her pale soft looking calves. He was surprised to see that the bruises from before had practically gone. Only whispers of darkening was left. Only one night ago, it was so vivid and now they were almost gone. The only evident ones were the ones on her wrists and ankles. Still a bit blue with faded purple around them.

"I don't like the feeling of them on me," she said simply.

"Well, tough," he crouched down and picked up the discarded bandages that were falling to the floor. "You're not a hundred percent yet," Gojyo held the bandage up trying to persuade her. She pushed it aside decisively.

"I know, dammnit!" she hissed, anger biting at the tone. "And i don't need your help."

"Will ya' stop bein' stubborn, just once!" he found himself gritting his teeth as he said that. He tried once more to get the bandages back on her bt she slapped his hand angrily away.

"Fine, suit yerself then," Gojyo gotten up and walked over to the marble stool and plopped himself there. His jacket was in a heap on the table next to a potted plant. Gojyo took his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one up and inhaled at the smoke as he watched her from across the room. He was starting to get annoyed a little with her as well. Her stubbornness could rival a certain broody eyed monk.

He recalled the conversation they had had before entering the mansion. She had refused his help and he was telling her to just bear with it until they get to the room. But she had started to get pissy and annoyed and wanted to do it herself but he had talked her down on it by threatening to pick her up and carry her if she weren't gonna stop arguing with him.

Later she had apologized into his chest, and had actually looked like she was really sorry. As if she was talking about more than just her physical health. Seeing that, made Gojyo soften to her and made him feel like a prick for making her feel bad. But even so, he needed to find out what happened. For her benefit if nothing else. True, that he had never witnessed anything like that before. And she seemed at that time, almost like a different person and he knew definitely now that she wasn't just some ordinary run of the mill girl. Was she even human? He shook the thought from his mind. That does it, he needed to get to the bottom of this.

He spoke when he approached her, "You wanna tell me what happened back there?" Gojyo drew on his cigarette and glanced in Ayane's way, letting the smoke slowly trail it so that he was viewing her through its haze. Her silver eyes met his, stopping midway of undoing the bandages on her other leg. There was a steady glare to her gaze.

"I have nothing to say," she said, her voice steely. Shut off.

"Oh, you certainly didn't need to say anything, love. You've said plenty with the act ya' pulled," Gojyo started to walk towards her bed again. He needed to be firm even if it pained him to do so. "I mean hell, i thought that you landing a hit on me that morning was impressive but, boy, was i surprised," he returned her glare with a stern look as he leaned against the bed's foot post pillar, his arms crossed and his cigarette in his mouth.

She bit her bottom lip, she looked torn, as if contemplating something very heavy in her mind.

"Look, if ya' don't wanna tell me, fine. I don't care," he gestured to himself and shrugged then continued, "But i'm afraid that Sanzo and Hakkai won't be that forgiving if they found out that you lied to them," Gojyo's face was serious now. He meant what he said as well, and despite his own opinions of her, he feared his suspicions that even Hakkai was apprehensive about her. And Sanzo made it very clear to him on the first night they took her in of where he stood on this matter. It seemed that Gojyo and maybe Goku were the only ones that were on her side. But Goku is always following after Sanzo so even that bet's not solid. Really, the only one she got was him, but he didn't want to use that against her but right now but he had no other choice.

Whatever she was, human, demon, or something else, they had witnessed her demonstrated power. And maybe to those less experienced might think that the energy release might have come from her attacker but it was almost the same energy they felt in that clearing of the forest where they found her. She had done something, and it seemed to have pulverized the demon into nothing but soot. Yeah, he'd gladly admit it, he'd grown sweet on her but even he would be a little affected if this was all a farce.

"I mean we did go through all that trouble of saving ya' and all... be a shame if all that goes to waste," he exhaled smoke, eyes staring intently on her. "I mean we are not the enemy here. Hell, we're trying to help you. But we cant do much if you don't tell us what's going on."

"I can handle things myself," she avoided his gaze.

Oyy man.. this chick wasn't gonna let up. Gojyo was starting to get a little annoyed by all this bravado. "I think you've proved that already. No one's askin' ya to be a hero here, okay? But a little gratitude might be nice?"

A shadow crossed her face, her eyes darkened slightly as she stared at him, then she looked down. Her shoulders moved as she heaved a sigh and he saw a glimmer of tear fall from the curtain of her hair that fell and shielded her face from his view. "It's not that.. I'm not grateful..." she let her words trail off. She took a deep breath, her hands scrunching at some of the unwrapped bandages. An almost painful heavy sigh came from her.

A twinge made Gojyo wanted to wince, whilst his heart gave out to her. Man, he really can't see women in distress. It just wasn't in him. He sighed, acknowledging that this wasn't gonna go anywhere, and ran his free hand into his hair and took a puff of his cigarette and allowed it to fall to the floor where he stubbed it out with his boot. Ah, fuck it, evil or no, he refused to believe that this woman before him was a threat. And even if she was, he'd cross that bridge when he comes to it. For now, she was Ayane, no more, no less. Atleast, to him anyway.

Gojyo's stature relaxed dramatically and his face softened, "Hey," he said softly and sat on the bed in front of her and sweeped her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear, letting his hand linger there a little while longer, silver eyes framed by wet long lashes met his own. She was definitely crying. "You don't hafta' tell me if you don't want to. I'm sorry," he gave a small sad smile. "I just don't wan't anything to happen to 'ya, " he admitted, sadness brimming at his own heart, her eyes widened when she heard this.

To Gojyo's surprise, her hand reached up and cupped her fingers over his as she brought it down gently onto her lap, she averted her gaze away from his but she didn't let go of his hand. Her face was full of forlorn sadness and her voice sorrowful and heavy when it spoke. "If i told you, would you still look at me the same way?" her hand that was holding his was starting to tremble. He noticed that the veins in her neck and face were straining making them tense and livid, only then he noticed that she was gritting her teeth. She looked like she was trying to literally wrench something out from within her.

Man, something really bad must've happened to this girl, he thought as he brow furrowed in worry.

"I-I-...," it looked as though she was choking the words out. Her hand gripped his almost to the point where it was starting to hurt, the grip was honestly bone crushing. Her breathing was in rasps and hisses of what sounded almost like pain. "I-..I.." her voice shook really bad.

He placed his other hand on her severely shaking one now. "It's okay. You tell me when you're ready." He held her hand firmly, it was hot and he wasn't sure but he could feel a tingling sensation from her palm.

She looked at him, this time, her eyes looked so sad... it was so painful for him to see. "I'm trying. It's just so hard," she sighed deeply. Tears filled those eyes and leaked down onto her chin. "I want to-I do..." she sobbed.

He cupped the side of her face and stroked the tear away with his thumb, "It's okay, we'll try again next time." If he ever wanted to kiss her, this was the time. He wanted to grab her in his arms and just kiss those tears away. Whatever internal struggles he had had with himself in the previous town, disappeared when he saw her being held hostage by that demon before. He knew for sure then, despite everything he was worried about, he knew then that he didn't want to lose her. Either good or bad he was damn sure he wasn't going to let it go without ever knowing that he had ever tried.

And he decided it now, as he gazed into her eyes, seeing his own sadness reflected in it. He pulled her face closer to him by her chin and leaned in to kiss her. She had her other hand on his arm, it was also pulling him slightly. She slowly closed her eyes as he pressed his lips onto hers.

Gently at first, then with a little more pressure. Her lips parted willingly to him and it was sinfully sweet and soft and full, he allowed his hand to follow the curves of her neck onto her shoulders. Her hand entangled itself into his long red hair and was wrapped around his neck, clinging onto him. He kissed her harder as his other hand wrapped them around her small waist, pulling her slightly closer to him. They melted into each other, forgetting their pains, and loneliness as they were caught in their passionate embrace. Her lips parted slightly as she pulled away, a delicious sigh came out of it as she took in a breath. He suddenly realized that his breathing was getting heavier and hotter, so was hers. His eyes stroked her beautiful face and and her neck, but he forced himself to stop just there. He leaned in again to kiss her again, their lips found each other again and Gojyo felt different than the times he had kissed other women. This time he felt whole as if a part of him that bears the hole that he had carried with him for so long was being filled with light and he felt like he was on a high on the sweetest drug.

He didn't care anymore about the Sanzo party, or why they were going to the west, in that moment, all he knew was her lips on his and her scent filling his brain. Normally he'd be pushing for more, more than kisses but that never even crossed his mind, he was happy with just this.

Suddenly, she pulled away, not for air either. Breaking the spell. When his mind cleared a little and his want calmed down, he noticed that She had one hand on his chest, gripping, twisting the front of his shirt and he noted that the hand was trembling, restraining him from her. "No.." she whispered, those eyes looked sad again. No... no.. he didn't want them to be sad anymore. He wanted to make her happy and forget her pain but then something made him stop and realized that she wasn't him and sometimes maybe physical contact was not the answer. His high had vanished, his heart empty and cold again. "I can't do this with you..." she started, still trying to get her breath back.

Alone again.

His face fell at the words. Disappointment started to leak into him at what those words could mean. Come to think of it, he never even asked if she had anyone else in her life. He barely knew her but then why was it that his heart felt as if he'd known her all his life. He retrieved his hand back and rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh, I get it. Of course someone as beautiful as you must be taken. It's not a surpr-"

"No," she quickly interjected, cutting him off before he could finish. "It's not that at all."

Gojyo frowned slightly. "Then what? I ain't good enough for you," he snorted, he meant it as a joke but when she didn't answer and when he saw her face looking away, he has gotten his answer. "Ch' ," he scoffed, his head low, his eyes darting away. That's what 'ya get for gettin' ahead of yerself again, he thought bitterly.

Gojyo had started to get up, his ego more than a little bruised. But before he barely got to his feet, his arm was being held back. Her hand had shot out and held on to his own. He gave her a questioning look. But he had decided. So, though it pained him to do it, he jerked his arm free of her grasp easily. "No, look, I'm sorry alright. It didn't happen. I just thought..."

...thought that maybe you felt the same way.

Those last sentence were left unsaid. He was feeling irrationally angry at himself now for letting his damn feelings getting ahead of him. Idiot! What's a half demon mutt gonna be doing with someone like her anyway. He can't give her the life she deserves. They were no white fuckin' picket fences for him in the future. Doesn't matter how much he secretly desires for it. He's always led a punks' life till now, probably gon' die like one too.

He took out his box of cigarettes and rummaged in his pocket for his lighter. It didn't show on his face but his fingers, for the first time, were trembling just slightly at the pain of reality's rejection. Gojyo was no stranger to rejection but doesn't mean that he was fond of it either. He was feeling around the loose change and the key to his old place that he shared with Hakkai that he had kept with him since they started out on the road. Some pebbles and candy wrappers. His finger found the smooth square metal of the lighter and he brought it out and flicked the lid as he touched the end of his cigarette to the flame.

He wanted to walk out the room but somehow he couldn't move yet. He only manged to walk to end of the bed and resulted to leaning on his elbow on the post, his other hand on his hip with his back to her. He needed to calm down. His body was still buzzing from the heated exchange and he didn't want to say or do anything that he'd regret even more...though he feels like its too late for that.

"Gojyo..." her voice called to him, low and wistful. He didn't answer her, instead he inhaled on his smokes. "Please don't take it like that," she started. He didn't move. His heart felt as if it had stopped and every beat it took gave him a very discomforting sensation. It was painful is what it was. He had to force himself to stop assuming the scenarios in his head.

"Yeah, well, then, how am i suppose to that take it then?" he replied with his back still to her. He exhaled on his cigarette, shifting his weight on his feet a little. On any other given circumstances, this probably wont even phase him. But with her, it's different. It was harder to pretend like he didn't care.

Because he did.

He really hated to admit it, but he really fell for this girl. Stupidly and blindly.

"You don't want me, Gojyo.." came her low reply. "I'm no good for you..."

Gojyo eyes widened at her words, he hadn't expected this. He turned to face her. She had her hands wrapped around her arms, as if, if she were to let go, she would fall apart.

"And what makes you think, that I'm any good for you?" Gojyo frowned and searched her face.

"You're a good man, Gojyo... but i don't even know myself. You deserve better. I don't know what's going on with me. And I-" she stopped abruptly and made a slightly strangled noise. "I just -I cant..."

"Then say it," he told her, his voice cold, determined. If it is true it wasn't him and that she really didn't want this then he wanted to hear her say it. He knew how selfish that sounded bt he didn't care. He needed to hear it. She looked at him, confused. "Say it. Say that whatever...this..this is," he almost spat the words out. "Say that you don't want this and I'll leave you alone."

It was weird, but in that moment he knew she wanted him. He sensed something in her that told him that she felt the same way towards him. It was as sure as the cigarette in his hand. They stared silently at each other. The pressure thickening around them. He was done playing games, he was done guessing. He was done trying to ignore it.

"I'm not gonna lie, whatever this shit that is between us. I don't really understand it, and frankly it pisses me off," Gojyo started as he stubbed the cigarette out on the floor again. "But i know this much is true, I'm done fighting it. I don't know what it is, but i knew i wanted to be with you since the first time I laid eyes on you. So yeah, there...I'm all in, babe. Cards on the table."

He felt naked, not that he was ever ashamed to be naked, in fact he was very proud of his body but he felt... exposed, vulnerable and uncharacteristically fragile. Like a wet wimp.

"But you don't even know me," she looked at him with desperate eyes.

"Yeah, well I can say the same to you about me." he tilted his head and shrugged slightly as he said this.

She held him in her eyes, as if pondering over the most unforgivable puzzle.

"They're leaving me here, Gojyo..." he knew what she meant, it was the thing that he had been worried the most. And this was the thing he was trying so hard to not let happen but he just can't fight against these damn fuckin' feelings anymore.

"I don't give a damn anymore," he said, his jaw hard and his eyes steady, he shook his head to exaggerate his decision."I really don't."

Her shoulders heaved with her breathing, which had quickened, her hands on the bed were gripping at the sheets. It felt like those eyes stared straight through his soul. He walked over to her so that he was looking down at her from his full height.

"I've said what i needed to say. So.." he didn't know how to finish that sentence anymore. And half of him regretted everything that he had spouted just seconds ago but it was too late to turn back now. It's sink or swim.

Her hand came up and tugged on his, he was a little taken aback by it at first but he quickly allowed her to pull him onto the bed next to her. He searched her eyes, sad hollow looking eyes, for any sign of hope. Then her hand came up to caress the left side of his face, he nudged it into her soft palm and closed his eyes against it. It tingled against his scar that curved around the side of his face.

He didn't ever want to lose this closeness, it felt for a moment like it did before when they shared a kiss, it was as if that they had opened to each other. Accepting each others' scars. But looks like it was just him.

"I'm not worth it, Goyjo..." she smiled sadly at him as she moved the hand to stroke a strand of his crimson hair. Her voice was starting to break. The pull between them was so strong. He was certain he can't be the only that feels this. Every time she touched him it felt like his insides were on fire.

"Worth more than anything I will ever be," he replied as he looked into her eyes, for the first time ever seeing the brilliance of that silver dulled to a cool gray. Without any warning, she threw herself onto him. Though taken aback, he relished the feeling of her body against his own as he held her tight against him. He never wanted to let her go. He was supposed to be happy by this but he didn't understand why that his heart still felt so heavy. He feared if he let her go, she'd vanish from him in an instant.

"I think I've done horrible things," her voice was muffled but he could feel the hot tears started to dampen the front of his t shirt.

"I think we've all done things that we'd like to take back,"Gojyo stroked her hair and rested his face on the top of her head, breathing in the smell of her hair, which was the same shampoo that he used as well, smelled like peaches.

"You don't understand," she stopped him as she raised her head to meet his face. "Sometimes, I feel like it is better if I was dead."

His heart sank as he heard what she said, it immediately pulled him back to his memory of when he was young, when his mother was hitting him, wanting to kill him for being what he was.

"Your red hair, i hate your red hair, it only reminds me of that stupid bitch! I wished you never existed!" his mother had screamed as she repeated hit him. In that moment he had thought that maybe it would be better i if he had just died, maybe her tears will stop if he did.

He pulled her to him hard and planted soft kisses on her lips, she wasn't resisting him anymore this time and kissed him back, her hand entwined in his hair. But he felt sad, as if his heart was breaking even as he kissed her.

Felt like his heart was crying.

He then let his lips gently caress the bruises and the scars on her neck and traced soft feathery kisses on them.

"Maybe we all deserve to die," he whispered in between kisses. "But the world would surely be an emptier place without you in it."

And with that he felt little drops of tears fall onto the top of his forehead. His embrace tightened, he brought his face up to hers and looked her straight in the eyes and said with his devil-may-care smile. "I hate to break to ya' but... you're still alive."

She blinked the tears away with a heartbreaking smile then she planted a kiss on his lips, then his nose and then his forehead. Gojyo didn't ever want to forget this feeling. But then his bliss was cut short as the words that she spoke next cut him like a knife.

"I'm sorry, Gojyo..."

"Wh-?" he pulled away to look at her in disbelief. It felt like he was falling into nothing. And the pain that was stinging his heart was even worse than when Sanzo had to shoot him near there that time when he had a seed planted in it.

"I'm sorry..." she sobbed into her hands, covering her face. She started to cry harder now. He was angry, confused, worried... everything all at the same time. He reached his hand to her but she smacked it away.

He couldn't believe what a turn this took. It was almost unreal.

"Just go..," she almost yelled it out. "Please...just leave me alone...!" she threw herself down onto the pillows burying her face in it, muffled sobbing was heard, her small frame shaking with her sobs.

Gojyo's heart sank as he watched the pain that he had caused and with that, he got up walked over to where his jacket was, pulled it on and stepped out and closed the door to her room... and most probably as well, to her heart.

Athor's note; tension heating up between them two now. I'm don't know whether i should make a steamy scene with them soon or not... maybe i will..maybe i won't.. read on to find out. :p Writing next chapter now, so keep yer fingers crossed. This chapter is a little patchy and kinda bad, sorry for that.