Has it really been a year already? Well, it does seem like it has. I've never thought this fic I was worried about being too cliché would get terribly drawn out like this. (sweatdrop) Still, I'll like to thank everyone who has reviewed because you have really kept my interest in writing this story alive. Thank you all so much! (smile)
And because you didn't leave an email address for me to reply your review,
To Senna-chan: An aching neck is a small price to pay for an awesome concert. (grin) I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

This chapter is quite long, hope everyone would enjoy it.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Straightening his back after he checked the last trap, Kakashi stood for a moment to scan the surroundings one final time. Dusk faded quickly into darkness in these winter months and stars were already appearing in the black velvety night sky. There was no sound upon the wind and he could detect no other human presence for miles around.

Satisfied, he turned and headed back to camp. He knew taking such measures to secure their camp was a bit extreme, considering the fact they were still within the borders of Fire Country and unlikely to encounter any danger. But he knew from the countless times he just happened to stumble across the path of a missing nin or an unexpected complication, you did not need to go looking for trouble for it to find you all on its own.

Besides, this was an important mission, one of utmost urgency and vital to Konoha's security. He could not risk any delays or Iruka getting hurt due to some unnecessary entanglements.

That thought gave him pause; he blinked as it occurred to him how protective he was of the chunin. Yet it was only right he was. After all, it was his job to deliver Iruka safely into the depths of enemy territory where the chunin could do his work.

It was just duty. Iruka was just his teammate.

Kakashi closed his eyes briefly and sighed. He had no doubts Iruka felt the same.

But he had to admit it was nice to be near Iruka again, even if it was only for a little while, even if it was only for the mission.

In fact, despite his dread about this mission and their rough start, he found himself actually enjoying working with Iruka. He had known their temperaments and habits suited each other from those wonderful months they were together, but he had not expected they fitted so well professionally as well. Although there was an obvious disparity in their skills and experience, Iruka complemented his abilities perfectly.

Where he knew over a thousand jutsus, copied with no real understanding of most of them; Iruka only knew a few basic ones but had such deep knowledge of them, he was a master at adapting them to any task. And while he was inclined to use his most powerful jutsu to accomplish what he needed, Iruka showed him how less charka-draining ones plus a little creativity could achieve the same. It filled him with amazement to learn these things about Iruka he never even knew.

Kakashi shook his head at himself as his lips twisted into a sardonic smile; he could not deny how he felt.

Working together, slowly exploring and discovering each other like this, it was refreshing, uplifting…absolutely exhilarating.

Better not get too used to it, he reminded himself sternly as he rounded some shrubs and the faint glow of the campfire came into view in the distance, it'll just be harder to let go when the time comes.

Pushing his wishful thoughts and useless longings to the back of his mind, Kakashi took a deep breath of the chilled night air. They had made good time today, passing swiftly through the forest and arriving at the border without incident.

Ahead, the shadow of the Kaiten Ridge snaking along the boundary between Fire and Waterfall loomed dark and forbidding, blocking out a good part of the vast night sky. While the mountain range protected Fire Country from the worst of the cold currents and kept their winters mild, this close to the border, the air was bitingly cold, carrying a promise of the ice and pine just beyond the jagged peaks.

Kakashi shivered and quickened his step, suddenly eager to be back by the campfire with Iruka. Against the magnificent backdrop of the towering Kaiten Ridge, the small twinkling light was warm and welcoming.

Iruka had gotten a good fire going and the chunin sat nearby on his bedroll, reading a scroll by its light as he absently stirred a pot of stew balanced over it. His head jerked up at the sound of his approach but when Kakashi stepped into the circle of firelight, he relaxed and smiled, flipping the kunai back into the folds of his cloak.

"Everything okay?" He asked as he scooped the stew into a bowl and passed it to him.

"Yeah, we're set for the night." Pulling his cloak closer about himself, Kakashi sat down on his own bedding and accepted the food, pretending not to notice Iruka had given him the larger share of their meal. Was the chunin still convinced he was suffering from some mental sickness and worried he wasn't taking care of himself?

He didn't want pity; it left a sour taste in his mouth, but he did not press the point.

Wrapping his cold fingers around the bowl to warm them, he took in the rich scent of the stew, determined to make the most out of this hot meal. It was likely to be their last in a long time if they were to enter enemy lands tomorrow, where they could risk neither light nor fire.

They ate in companionable silence and when the last drop of the stew was gone, he settled his mask back into place and gave a contented sigh, feeling relaxed as the pleasant weight in his stomach spread tendrils of warmth to the rest of his body.

"That was good, perfect for this cold." He fed a twig to the fire and shrugged. "Too bad it's back to ration bars tomorrow once we cross the border."

"Why's that?" As with all their other meals together, Iruka had kept his eyes carefully averted but he looked up in surprise at his comment. One corner of his lips twitched with the beginnings of a smile. "Surely the people in Takigakure don't live on ration bars alone, do they?"

"No, but at night, even the smallest flame can be seen from miles away." He shook his head. "It'll give our position away immediately."

"What position?" Iruka sounded amused and somewhat exasperated. There was laughter in his eyes. "Kakashi, this isn't an assassination or even a recon mission. It's an undercover assignment; we're trying to blend in. Skulking around in the woods and freezing would only make us look more suspicious."

"How do you propose we get into their village then?" He arched an eyebrow at the chunin. Iruka was smiling knowingly at him and he suddenly felt out of his depth.

Reaching around the fire, he pulled the scroll from Iruka's lap and pointed out several points on the map. "From what I've seen, there are several large ponds here, here and here; some or perhaps all of which lead to secret passages into the village. But we'll need time to figure out which ones their shinobi use and find the right time to use it ourselves."

"You're forgetting one other option." Iruka grinned, tapping his finger against a cross marked out on the page. "This is how we'll get in."

Kakashi froze, his eyes went wide.

The main entrance. The Great Gates of Takigakure.

Open only in broad daylight, tightly guarded by night. The massive doors made of their strongest pines and fortified with steel; flanked by battlements rising up where archers patrolled with their bows nocked. Where they checked everyone who passed through for travel documents and would not hesitate to seize anyone suspicious, or put an arrow through their back.

It was madness to even consider it.

"Absolutely not." He frowned. "It's too dangerous. One mistake, even the slightest bit of suspicion and our cover is blown." He fixed Iruka with a flat look. "We'll be dead."

But Iruka was not deterred. "It's the best way." Lifting his chin in that stubborn, defiant manner Kakashi knew and loved, he glared at the jounin. "Any other route would take too much time, time we cannot afford."

"No!" His voice rose, getting frustrated. "I will not allow it."

Something dangerous flashed through Iruka's eyes. "This is not something for you to decide whether you'll allow it." His voice was tight and angry. "This is too important for me to let you pull rank like this."

"I'm not pulling rank, damn it! It's my job to protect you!"

"Well, you're sure as hell getting in the way of me trying to do mine!"

They glared at each other for a long silent moment, neither willing to back down. The fire hissed and popped, sending up sparks between them.

Iruka looked away first. Biting his lip, he gave a broken sort of laugh, pressing one hand over his eyes. "We're arguing again."

"It's my duty to protect you, to make sure you don't risk yourself unnecessarily before you can get a look at their records." Still rankled and upset by their disagreement, Kakashi raked a hand through his hair and bit out curtly. "I don't care what happens to you but I won't let you jeopardize our mission like this."

He regretted his words the moment he spoke them but the damage was done.

For a moment, Iruka stared at him, pain showing plainly in his wide brown eyes. Then he dropped his gaze. His shoulders sagged and his lips curled into a small sad smile.

"Our duty. The mission. Don't be a liability to the team." He recited softly, tracing patterns absently in the sand with a finger. "I know. How can I forget when you never stop reminding me?"

With a sigh, he nodded to the map. "And you have done your part really well too, coming with me this far, telling me where all the entrances are and all the enemy activity you've seen on your recon mission."

"But getting into their village and beyond the walls, my work begins." He raised his eyes to look at him, firm with resolve even as he tried to reason with him. "We both have our roles in this. I'm the one with the experience in spywork and when I'm sure this is the best way about it, I won't settle for any other compromise."

Smoothing a hand over the map, he swallowed hard and went on slowly, as if reluctant to give voice to what he was about to say. "And if you can't agree with me on this…then I'm afraid I'll just have to go on alone."

The cold air was sharp in his lungs when he took in a shocked breath. "Don't be ridiculous." He snapped sharply. "We're a team, of course I'm not going to let you do this by yourself."

He eyed the chunin in exasperation, taking in the strong line of his jaw and the determined set to his mouth. Despite his misgivings, he realized Iruka was right. This was a whole different game from his usual missions. It made him irritable he didn't know enough of the rules to play the game well, but he understood it was time to listen to someone who does.

Closing his eyes, he breathed out a resigned sigh. "All right." He told the chunin who was waiting patiently for his answer. "We'll do it your way."

"But?"

He smiled at the narrowed eyes and skepticism in the chunin's voice. "No buts." Inclining his head, he gave him a mock half-bow. "I gather it's usually wiser to respect the authority of experts, hm?"

"Kakashi…" Iruka blinked. His eyes widened, surprised and clearly touched. A slow look of wonder was spreading over his face. "Thank you…thank you so much." Words tumbled out, earnest and heartfelt. "Going undercover is never easy, I…I'm really glad to have your support." He paused, breaking into a soft smile. "You have no idea what this means to me."

"Saa…it's nothing much…" The chunin's sincerity was making him embarrassed. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, giving his companion a discomfited glance. "I mean, teammates and cooperation and all that, right?"

Their eyes met and held across the dancing flames of the fire.

"Right." Iruka grinned at him, his expression affectionate and faintly teasing. Firelight threw flickering shadows across the planes of his face, bringing a pale gold cast to his sun-darkened skin. For a moment, he lost himself as he watched the light reflected in those smiling eyes, turning the liquid brown eyes into a most enchanting shade of dark amber. There was a light dusting of snow from the flurry earlier that evening still clinging to his hair, glinting against the dark locks like tinsel.

Bathed in the gentle glow of the fire like this, he was all warmth and life and breathtaking spirit; made all the more wonderful for that he was so innocently unaware of his charm.

It was almost painful to look at him.

"Kakashi?" Iruka's voice was quiet and anxious, jerking him from his thoughts.

Kakashi took a breath, all of a sudden realizing he had unconsciously clenched his fist, entire being tensed with the ache that seared the deepest part of his soul.

This was why he had to stay away from Iruka, this was what he had feared. Already, he could feel his heart had quickened, the smallest of hope taking root.

And it was tearing apart old wounds and carving out new ones when he was struck once more with the devastating reality of everything he had lost.

Iruka was looking at him oddly, worried at his silence. "Kakashi?" He called again, leaning forward as though to lay a hand over his. "Are you alright?"

He flinched violently, pulling his hand away before catching himself and brought it up to scratch at his cheek instead, pretending he did not just recoil from the chunin.

"Fine, I'm fine. Just a bit tired." He mumbled apologetically, unable to meet his companion's eyes.

"Well, I guess you had better get some rest then." Iruka didn't sound convinced but he let his excuse slide. "I'll take first watch."

Nodding stiffly, he turned his back on the chunin, suddenly wanting nothing more than to shut out the sight of the man. Drawing the blankets around himself like a shield, he lay down and closed his eyes, and waited for the sweet oblivion of sleep to wash his pain away.

The fire crackled merrily as Iruka stirred it to get it blazing stronger, warming up the campsite more so that Kakashi could rest better.

His breath misted in the chilly air as he huffed out a soft sigh. It was steadily getting colder as the night wore on, but all was silent and peaceful in the clearing they had decided to make camp. Setting aside the maps and scrolls he had been studying for the last hour, he glanced at his sleeping teammate.

Kakashi had curled up on his side, turned away from him as if he didn't want to look at him. He was huddled up in his bedroll, blankets drawn so high up around his neck that all that could be seen was his tufty silver hair, the tips touched with gold by the light of the fire.

He still looks so thin and tired. Iruka bit his lip as he unconsciously followed the silhouette of the lean form, trying to make out the lines of the jounin's frame under the heavy bulk of the blankets, his gaze tracing the curve of the shoulder which drooped even in sleep as though under the burden of an unspeakable sorrow.

He was only across the fire from him, if he leaned over and reached out, he could easily run his hand through that unruly silver hair. Yet, he felt the jounin had never seemed more far away.

Curling an arm around one knee, Iruka sighed. He tilted his head back, idly watching the smoke from the fire rise up to the dark star-strewn sky.

He had thought they were doing so well; running comfortably by each other's side as they traveled, trading careful jokes and light conversation whenever they rested. In fact, he felt when they stopped for the night, any lingering awkwardness had all but disappeared as they split the tasks of setting up camp between them, working comfortably with impeccable teamwork as though they ran countless missions together before.

He had thought there was an easy warmth in Kakashi's smiles, a tenuous but oh-so-precious sense of closeness between them as he gazed into that single dark eye across the fire.

It would appear, he had thought wrong.

Iruka shook his head and grimaced, casting another dejected glance at his partner's turned back. It must have been something he had said, or did. He must have said something wrong without knowing, made a mistake, done something wrong.

Done something differently.

Kakashi had shrunk away from him like he was diseased, horror and anguish showing plainly in his masked face.

And there was no mistake about the disappointment he saw in the dark eye as the jounin turned away from him.

A bleak, humorless smile curved his lips and he heaved a quiet sigh. Drawing his legs up, he wrapped his arms around them as he rested his chin on his knees, staring thoughtfully into the fire. It didn't matter if they had really been together before his illness or that it was all a fanciful delusion of an over-stressed mind.

What mattered was that Kakashi believed he remembered.

The jounin remembered the wonderful times they had shared and that special bond he cherished deeply. He remembered the chunin who knew everything about him, who knew what to do to make him smile, who never made him upset or angry or hurt.

Kakashi remembered the Iruka who knew how to love him.

And no matter what he did now, it would only fall short.

His eyes stung with unexpected tears and he balled his hands into fists, swallowing hard. A wave of bitter jealousy swept through him so strongly, it almost made him gag. But it faded quickly a mere moment later, leaving him feeling hollow and lost.

Suddenly, he had the strangest urge to burst into hysterical laughter.

Clasping a hand over his mouth, he allowed himself a small smile, dashing the tears from his eyes angrily with the back of his other hand. It was completely ridiculous. After all, it meant he was jealous of himself.

But how could he ever compare to that perfect Iruka in the jounin's mind? How could he ever measure up to that shining memory which could only grow stronger and more wonderful every single time Kakashi noticed their difference?

You are not him…not anymore…

It's never the same the second time round…

Iruka sighed quietly, shaking his head. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, trying not to let the black despair overwhelm him.

Because, he was afraid, he was not being entirely ridiculous after all.