ELEPHANTITIS?...ARE YOU FOR REAL? I was gonna give you all a sweet and tart lemon, but ATS decided I needed to use the word Elephantitis….you know, that's only a word you could use if Emmett is involved. *rubs palm over face vigorously* Hmm…..

We are still following behind SM, because she owns it all. We just pull her characters out and play dress up with them from time to time.

ATS….even though you are the sun to my shine…the moon to my light, the whip to my cream….I've got three words for ya… "To the Moon"….*snicker, and a big ol eyebrow raise*

OH…and remember that chocolate caramel cake?...ya..recipe below if you care.

Chapter 26 – Elephantitis (gonna smack yourself when you see the true definition…..)

Edward

Mrs. Cope brought me lunch. That woman is a saint, and I can never repay her for all that she does. I sat at my desk, too busy to go hunt nourishment, and she went and secured the biggest, baddest, most wonderful sub and fries a man could ask for. You are a smart son of a bitch for bringing her with you. "True dat."

"What did you say Edward?" My door to the outer office open, Mrs. Cope was running around doing officey things.

"Aren't you eating lunch?" I shifted in my seat and changed the subject. She heard that?

"I have my lunch here Edward, just wanted to clear my desk of a few things before I enjoyed it. You're 1:00 p.m. will be here in about 15 minutes. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be, thanks to you. Hey…I ever tell you how wonderful you are Mrs. Cope."

"Not enough Edward…..never enough." She deadpanned and then giggled. "Edward, I'm just glad to see you chipper this morning. Yesterday was a bad day for you and I don't ever want to see it again."

"Me either….." I finished my lunch and started to re-review the file for my 1:00 p.m. I heard Emmett's loud voice right outside the door….as per usual.

"Pay up Emmett."

"Mrs. Cope….I..um…"

"Pay up loser. I was right…you were wrong."

"Um…I'm …I don't have any tens on me."

"I'll take a twenty then."

"Well shit." I could hear Emmett rustling through his wallet.

"Nice doing business with you Emmett. Come back anytime."

Emmett's mumble could be heard as he went back to his office to sulk. I laughed as I remembered the events of yesterday….all of them, leading to my excellent mood today.

~FLT~FLT~FLT~FLT~

I woke up Sunday with a sore hand, rumpled clothes and smelling like ass. After Alice left, my mood lifted slightly, but I was still suspicious.

Emmett came over early afternoon to get lunch. "Dude, you're poor company. Lighten up a bit. She'll come home….all her things are here…you can fix whatever the problem is when she comes home."

"I don't know Emmett. She just left….poof…and she was adamant about going by herself. Maybe I came on too hard and scared her away. Am I too clingly Em?"

"You're a man in love Eddie. I don't know that I would have beaten her boss to a pulp, but I kinda understand why you did. At least his wife is in your corner."

"Yeah, but I'm gonna have to tell Bella about that when she comes home and that may send her packing."

"Listen…dude…" Emmett turned his car around and left the city limits. "Dude…we have a ½ tank of gas…..a pack of cigarettes and we are on a mission…"

"What?"

"Hang on tight buddy…gonna be a bumpy ride. We are going in."

"What the fuck Em..have you lost your mind?" He was quoting movie quips and I had a real problem to fix.

"No, but if you survive the mission with yours intact we'll celebrate with a beer."

"Shit Em….where are you going?"

"Shelly's."

"Mrs. Cope?"

"Yup."

"Why the fuck for?...I'm not discussing my problems with Mrs. Cope."

"Why the fuck not Eddie?"

"Because….she's a girl…she's my employee…she's…"

"She'a a hell of a smart woman that gets things Edward. Has she not been like a mother to you?"

"Yes."

"Has she not made sure everything is ready at all times of the day….for all of us?"

"Yes..but that's her…"

"You don't pay her enough for what she does Edward. She goes far beyond the scope of assistant. Listen to me…..once you talk things over with her, she will give you insight…trust me…Call Rose and ask her if you don't believe….."

I sat there begrudgingly. I didn't want Mrs. Cope to know what was going on….Hell!...this is like going to the principal's office…or worse…the guidance counselor. I don't need a friggin' shrink….Fuckity Fuck.

"Get out of your head Ed…" Emmett burst out laughing at his rhyme and continued. "It's dangerous in there."

Emmett parked the car at Mrs. Cope's and bounded up the walk to her door.

Shelly Cope had a house that was an interior decorator's wet dream. It was like a god damn doll house with the trim and the structure. A Victorian set out in the country with horses and a pristine barn that held a floor you could eat off of. It was like Hansel and Gretel had found the motherload and by-passed the evil witch.

She sat us down in the living room and brought out coffee and sandwiches. "Edward, I'm glad you came. I didn't think Emmett would be able to get you here."

"Oh..ya…Shelley….you can pay up when we leave."

"Whatever Emmett." She shook her head at him and rolled her eyes.

"Edward, I've been worried about you."

"Why?"

"Because any fool can see the change in you over the last few weeks. Your smile is brighter, your eyes shimmer and you have a spring in your step. Only two things do that to a man. Winning the lottery…..or falling in love."

I sat there in awe.

"By the looks of it, there is a little bit of trouble in paradise this morning. Am I right?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, not wanting to answer this. I just wanted Bella back and things to be okay.

"Well now….I do believe I hit the hot button."

"Yes you did Mrs. Cope. It's awkward for me to discuss these things with you….."

"I'm not going to ask what kind of dildo you use on your love Edward. Just some other things to help you see that you can fix whatever problem you have ….. with a bit of communication."

She grinned at me, my face a shade of red that has yet to be named by Crayola.

"SHELLY…OH MY GOD…." Emmett's booming voice broke our conversation. "Did you see that?" Emmett had tuned us out and was watching the documentary on the tube.

"Yes I did Emmett, but it's re-run. Haven't you ever heard about Joseph Merrick?"

"Nope." He popped his p, eyes still on the TV.

"Well, kiddo…watch it, and learn something today. Edward, bring your sandwich and let's go to the kitchen where we can talk." Mrs. Cope got up and started to leave the room.

"HA!..shows what you know Shelly…his name is John Merrick, not Joseph."

"You wanna put your money where your mouth is smart ass?" Mrs. Cope was full of piss and vinegar today, and it made me wonder what I was in store for.

Emmett grinned, dimples showing and eyes conniving. "Yeah I do. Ten says I'm right."

"Okay then, idiot. You keep watching and we'll see who comes out ahead here. I'll also bet that Elephantitis isn't the true name of his disease. It's Elephantiasis."

"You're on…double or nothing."

"Whatever you say Emmett." Mrs. Cope walked away smirking to herself.

I took a seat at the kitchen table and faced Mrs. Cope.

"Okay Edward. Spill it. Every last detail except the young couple sex part. Tell me what's wrong. What happened."

I looked at her, embarrassed. "I don't know…um…shit…where to ….well fuck..oops..sorry…it's just.."

"Just let it out boy. Start at the beginning of the problem and we'll work our way around."

Something about the way she looked at me made my mouth want to just open. Once I started, I couldn't stop and I told her all of it….my original plan, meeting Bella, that damn cat, my ex and the damn cat….Bella being wonderful…my new plan…all of it..and then what happened the last two days.

By the time I was finished, I was spent. Totally exhausted. Mrs. Cope let me sit for a moment and puttered around in her kitchen. She slid a piece of cake toward me and I looked up at her confused.

"Rose got the recipe from Bella. It's rather good if I do say so myself, and totally appropriate given what we are going to discuss."

Chocolate Caramel Cake. I almost cried seeing it. Mrs. Cope set a glass of milk beside the plate and smiled at me. "Go on now Edward…eat it and relax a minute…..and just listen okay?"

I could only nod and slump down in my chair, looking like a boy who'd lost his puppy.

"Tough times bring a couple closer together….or tear them apart. It is the tough times that define a couple. Bella's leaving may have had something to do with you, or it may not. She may have a lot of things weighing on her mind and needed the time away to sort them out. You do not have to let this define who you are though Edward. Just because she ran so to speak, doesn't mean she's running."

She looked at me and took a bite of her own cake letting the words sink in. "Listen Edward…in everyone's life a little shit must drop. Are you going to shovel it in the compost pile and move on….or let it sit, thereby collecting stink?"

" I wanna shovel Mrs. Cope."

"Okay then….shovel the shit and move on. When Bella comes home, and I guarantee you she will, then you be waiting for her. Ready to talk, and apologize for being rude right off the bat. Doesn't matter that you didn't really meant it. She needs to hear you're sorry too."

"You will talk it out…all of it Edward. All that frightens you about being in a relationship with her, her running, the damn cat…all of it. Get it all out in the open and then move on. Either together or apart, but don't let this shit in your life fester and grow. You get me?"

"Yes I do Mrs. Cope. I'm worried…no scared shitless actually that she will come back and push me away."

"You won't know until you confront the issue though right?"

"Yup. Damn this sucks."

"Ah…nothing in life worth having comes easily Edward. This you know. There must be sucky periods."

"Thank you Mrs. Cope for helping me see better today….and for lunch….and this cake."

"You're welcome Edward. You've taken care of me and made sure I always had a place, it's the least I can do for you. I don't have any children of my own, and you and Emmett are like surrogate kids to me."

Mrs. Cope grabbed both of our empty plates and stood up. "Finish your milk kid, it helps with courage." She smiled and walked toward the sink, leaving me to my thoughts.

"HAY…HAY….Shelly….they've said NOTHING about Elephant-whatever-the-hell-it-was-itis."

"Yes Em, but they did clear up the name thing didn't they….."

"Shit..you caught that?"

"Re-run Em."

"Oh…well, okay..we're even then right?"

"Not after you Google Elephantitis."

"Shit."

I went back to collect my loser brother and go home. I had to wait for Bella to come home, and I had to prepare.

~FLT~FLT~FLT~FLT~

Noon….no Bella.

2 pm….no Bella.

3:30 pm….no Bella.

I sat in front of her door, all the earlier confidence I had gone. The cat curled up to me and began eating my phone. I didn't care. Bella wasn't answering my texts, nor my calls. It was a useless piece of equipment.

I heard a giggle and my head raised automatically. Oh God…Bella. Thank you God.

"Edward." I jumped up, wary of what she was going to say. I wanted to fix it before she decided she needed to be single.

"I'm sorry I ran….." I didn't even hear the rest before I grabbed Bella and just hung on. She's here…she's here….

Emotions overtook me and I kissed her deeply, wanting everything to just be ok.

"I love you…" Bella had tears in her eyes.

I looked into those eyes searching for truth. Past the beauty, I saw it. Fear of her own….longing…and love.

"Don't ever run from me again." I couldn't cope if she did. This was it for me….her…and if she left like this again I wouldn't survive.

I lead her to my apartment, the cat still eating my cell phone on the floor. I know we have to talk….about everything, but I just need to feel her close to me first. Bella willingly comes with me to our bedroom….our bedroom. If this all works out, and I think it will….we are moving..so we never have to sleep…or be apart again.

A/N

Awww….Edward was a hurtin' too. Mrs. Cope is a friggin smart lady I must say…Emmett should quit betting with her.

OK….

Chocolate Caramel Cake:

INGREDIENTS:

1 package chocolate cake mix, plus ingredients to prepare, use applesauce for the oil and one cup caramel topping.
2 bottles caramel topping (most of the first will go into the cake batter.)
1 cup roasted pecans

DIRECTIONS:

Prepare two layer cake according to package directions. (Round cake pans work the best)

While cake is still warm and after you turn them out to cool, use a small wooden spoon handle to poke holes in the two cake layers. Pour ½ of remaining caramel sauce into holes using ¼ on each layer. Let layers fully cool. Put Whip Cream on first layer, just enough to give a good coating, top with second cake layer. Pour rest of caramel on top layer and spread with rest of Whip Cream. Sprinkle with pecans.

So…there we have it…and Edward and Bella do have a lot of talking ahead of them…but I think they will be just fine. Lemon's in your court ATS..and I'll help you out with that m'kay?...

Your word is:

Shower-gel

Biggy hugs and kisses schmoopiebear!

MW2