The More Concrete

I sat on the couch with the bottle of beer in my hand beside Loki as Lorelei stood before us. The beer was warm, but I didn't care. I didn't drink out of it; my eyes were blankly forward as Loki sat drinking a beer of his own. He was sitting far away from me, so far away from me that I was perfectly fine with the distance. In fact, if he was further away from me, even if he was just sitting on the arm of the couch or falling off… I would have been fine with it. The beer hovered over my mouth before Lorelei sighed deeply, "I told you to drink the water I brought you."

"That I told you to have ready for her," Loki scowled at her. "Do not pretend that you care what she drinks. The beer is what she wants, not your fucking water." Hearing Loki say 'fucking' made me glare over at him in disbelief before I took a long draft from my beer. He was talking like me. Should I be flattered or disgusted? "We must leave this place." Loki stated, being the first to mention something that we should do. I didn't add on to it. I didn't see the point of it. Why should I? I did not want to add to the plot of my fate.

"I agree with you, Amora will not stand on the sidelines. The two of you must go forth and find the Brísingamen." Lorelei said after him.

It caused me to scoff at them both. I looked up at Lorelei with my brow furrowed, "Why the rush in killing me? Let me live for a few more weeks… at least till my birthday. Can't we do that?" I drank after that, taking a small sip out of my beer.

"No, we cannot." Loki answered me, his tone actually serious. I glanced over at him. "There is a bounty on my head."

"That's funny." I started to him coldly, my fake smile dropping. "Because I am the one that's going to be dead after this. I don't give a shit about what happens to you." With that, I turned my head. I had more than that to really say but I was going to explode after Lorelei would leave. I wanted to save what I really wanted to say to him later. I muttered underneath my breath after I thought and he probably thought I was done, "To have you die would be a fucking blessing."

Loki chuckled half-heartedly at this, "You are acting like I am at fault for this."

"You are," I told him, "you started this thing."

"You know nothing," Loki said to me, drinking out of his bottle of beer. "We leave tomorrow for… Kant." He stated to Lorelei and me matter-of-factly, putting the beer down on top of the coffee table. I tried to not cringe hearing him prop his feet up onto the coffee table. And guess what? I was not going to fucking let him leave tomorrow. I had crap to do. I glared down at his feet scornfully. Loki went on, gesturing over to Lorelei, "You take care of things here and make sure that—."

"I will take care of that," I said to him quickly, interrupting. My tongue skimmed over the front of my teeth before glancing over at him. The mouth of the bottle was close to me and the awful smell went up my nostrils, almost taunting me. "I want some final moments, I do not want someone making them for me. I have a life here, and we need her to do far more than pretending to be me. Just… just think logically about it." With that, I took a sip of my beer, closing my eyes before bringing my knees close to my chest. It was so funny and strange that the person, who spent half of her life cowardly making sure she stayed alive, was the one wanting to actually plan how efficient it was going to be getting to my death. I was always the type to think things over later—to think my next move logically before I react. I had to be like that.

I did not want to die though. I only wanted Lorelei out of there, and if planning my death was the only way, then I was going to do that. "If I am going to die anyway, I want my final moments be moments that I create and that I remember, not how she creates them."

"What do you suggest you do with me then?" Lorelei asked me, confused.

"I suggest we skin you alive," Loki said to her through his teeth, his eyebrows perking at the idea. "It is of your fault that we are here in the first place because you could not keep your meddling self out of my business."

"Loki—."

I had to cut in, "I am not the only mortal here who has a life. Bill does also, so when we meet Bill in New Jersey, you will take his place for when he takes us… to the Brísingamen. Unlike me, he'll be alive when this is done. And I intend to keep him alive."

I looked over at Loki meaningfully after this. He did not look back at me. However, Lorelei asked me, "You want me to be an old man?"

"You said you would do anything to redeem yourself, did you not?" Loki asked her, with the corner of his mouth twitching up. I had no idea what Lorelei needed to redeem herself from, but coming from Loki's mouth it did not sound like something that I wanted to hear. And by the way she barely looked at me, it was clear that I did not want to know. "Maybe, shifting into an old man will do just that… and if he needs to be persuaded further…"

"What is she going to do that will persuade him further?" I asked confused, looking between them.

Loki was sure to be the one to tell me. "That is something that Lorelei knows how to do, make men do whatever she wills them to just by the sound of her voice and her touch." That… that only worked on men? My brow furrowed at this, parting my mouth before looking over at her. Actually… no those two times she only made me think it was Loki. Maybe it was different than what he was talking about… maybe I should shut up now. "And if he needs some more persuasion, you will help us."

"You will also be sure to divert attention from us," I told her, trying to make my voice sound even. It was so difficult to keep my composure, but for this… I had to. I had to pretend that I was okay with this. "Cause chaos somewhere else so they don't pay attention that I'm missing. I don't care how you do it, just do it. We will take care of getting the thing we need, and once I'm gone, you and Loki will go on your merry way."

"No, I will go on my merry way." Loki stated with his eyes narrowed at Lorelei. I had the strangest feeling that I was missing something again. "Any alliance you wanted to have with me is not possible now."

"I did not mean to do what I did."

"Then I take you as a fool that I should not align myself with." Loki told her. Now I was the one who felt uncomfortable between them. I shifted from where I sat. "Why don't you tell Alex here what you have done? Maybe she will understand your reasoning more than I do."

"She will not want—."

"Tell her how you went to Amora and asked of her to do this, and organized her coming to the diner, and this was all just a set up for her and I to fall into." Loki demanded of her. My face fell at this with my eyes widening at what he said. That… I turned my face toward her, I felt it contort and pull as I tried to comprehend what I just heard. He just told me that all of the things that Lorelei had told me there… was not at all sincere… Lorelei barely looked at me now. What Loki just said made me even sicker than I was before. My head fell forward as I took a long sip out of my beer. I barely had any left and I was not even sitting there for long. The three of us were all silent, waiting for either Lorelei or me to say something. But I think I didn't have enough words to even compile into a sentence. "No words? From either one of you?"

Lorelei did not say anything, but I sure as hell did after a moment. I looked up at him and told him, "That does not do anything to divert the attention from you for when she leaves, which should be now, we got what we want and I do not want her in my sight… for a long, long time." Surprisingly, my composure wasn't kept. My voice broke off as I shook my head in disbelief.

Lorelei started, "Alexandra, I am—."

"No, you are not," I told her loudly, my head abruptly turning toward her. I ordered her coldly with my eyes wide, "Now get the fuck out of my apartment." Lorelei stared at me for a moment; a split second of disbelief went along her features, before looking to Loki. But Loki did not say anything to protest my words. Then with a blink of my eye, Lorelei was no longer there in front of me. I stared at where she had been, hearing Loki shift from where he was next to me. I ignored him for a moment. I should have expected it all to be a set-up, I don't know why I didn't, but I found it strange how the two sisters who couldn't stand each other were under the same roof. They would have both noticed the other, not just the one. It made sense. Though that seed of doubt was firmly planted in my head before, Lorelei only provided the water. She knew that I was going to do what I did the day before, try to leave him or have him leave me; it was the perfect opportunity for me to be done with.

I did not want to know the reason she did that though. I was fine with not knowing. For a few moments, Loki and I both had our bottles of beer in our hands and were drinking them slowly, no matter how warm they actually were. We were both waiting for someone to say something to the other. Personally, I had nothing to actually say just yet. I had to organize what I wanted to say because there were just so many thoughts in my head. Him… I had no idea what he could possibly say to me. I didn't want to know, to tell you the truth. But it was going to come out one way or another. We were both the type to not remain quiet for long.

Loki was the first one to speak and already I thought about throwing my nearly empty bottle of beer at his face. "Are you all right?" I didn't answer him. How was I supposed to answer that? I turned my head away from him feeling my teeth grit at the question before I saw his hand extend out to me. He moved across the couch so slowly and cautiously before he dared to touch what was on my neck. His fingers traced the mark, my eyes closing as I felt my body became rigid. I wanted his hand off of me, I was upset with him, I had every right to be upset with him, but I allowed his hand to come onto me and trace my mark like I wanted him to do that. I heard him ask me, "What did she do to you?"

I could either contain myself to tell him, or explode and tell him off. "She… she carved me up." I told him, turning my head his way. My voice cracked. My eyes fluttered open, seeing his mask of concern on his face. His hand didn't cease tracing it, his fingers went up and down every curve, every line that was there. However, I did not want him to do this. Why was I letting him though?

He moved closer to me, and I didn't exactly move away from him. His hand went from my mark to my neck, curling around it before turning my head to look at him. I parted my mouth seeing his green eyes close to mine, his tongue going to lick his bottom lip as he glanced down at my mouth for a moment. He said to me softly, "I should not have left. If I had stayed, they would not have had the chance."

I didn't say anything. What was I to say to that because I was the one that wanted him to leave? I tried not to look at him now, feeling uncomfortable next to him. My hand shook in my lap as Loki told me, "For this to happen to you was never my intention."

"You… you were going to kill me the whole time," I slowly said, turning my head toward him. Loki paused in rubbing my neck, pursing his lips before turning away from me. "There is not much of a difference between you and her, is there?"

"I would have never given you the mark." Loki stated.

I shook my head at this, "Because Amora is the only one able to, but you were still… still planning to kill me after all this."

"Alex—."

"No!" I shouted at him, standing up from the couch to get away from him and his touch. I had my hand out, feeling my breath tremble out of my mouth as I gestured over to him. But when I tried to speak to him no words came out. I felt hot tears come into my eyes as I tried to compose what I wanted to say to him. But then I started, "This is not about Amora, nor is it about Lorelei. It is about you and me now." I swallowed thickly looking him up and down. "You were going to kill me… I mean you are going to kill me."

Loki was silent for a moment before standing up from the couch. His plan was basically foiled. The cat was out of the bag and he did not expect it to be out of the bag for a long time. He did not seem prepared to actually face me. I waited for something; I waited for something to leave his mouth that was along the lines of him actually admitting that he was doing this. As I continued to wait for him, the more the silence became thick. I had to ask him, it almost seemed like plea, "Can you at least say it to me? Can you do me that much?"

"I was planning on killing you," Loki said to me with emotion absent from his voice. I turned my head at this. Hearing the words escape his mouth was different than knowing them already… it hurt a lot more, and it almost endeared me speechless for a moment. Loki stared at me in silence as I fisted a hand to bring to my mouth. The hand was shaking so much. I trusted him. I trusted him, and this was the same mouth that told me things that made me trust him… and he admitted that to me. "The whole time, I was planning to kill you, Alexandra." I looked back up at him hearing my full name; the hot tears went onto my bottom eyelashes as I watched him take several steps forward. I wanted to yell and scream and just… just hit him. But for some reason the words had shocked me so much with him actually saying them to me that all I could do was stare blankly forward.

His hands closed around my arms. "I did not though have anything to do with that."

"I never said you did." I told him still not looking up at him.

"I would have never made it final like this, as she has done."

"You might as well have branded me," I told him, pursing my lips as I looked up at him gritting my teeth. I did not leave his hold, but I looked up at him with wide eyes. "Loki, I want you to be honest with me. I do not want any more games. I want you to answer me… was anything we had real or was it all just a game to you?" I stared up at him, his words, his promises, his… it was… I did not want it to be fake; I wanted it all to be real. I think I would have felt better, to tell you the truth, that he meant some of the things we did. That… that night after New Jersey… he looked me straight in the eye, and told me that he would not let any harm come to me.

He didn't answer me. He stared at me, looking at me like he was defeated. I didn't know if he actually felt bad or that he was just so overwhelmed by everything that happened. I thought it was most likely the latter. The more I waited, the more my chest compressed against itself and the more I grew impatient with him. His face was expressionless. I couldn't read it. A cold and broken, "Answer me," escaped from my lips before I could control it.

"It was all not real." Loki said to me immediately. His upper lip curled up in a scowl as he said to me to be clearer, "It was all just a game I was playing."

The words stung me more than I had expected them too and in a quick second my hand rose and as hard as I could with my palm fully out I brought it to his cheek. I bit the inside of my mouth watching his face be tossed to the side and I watched a nice, red mark come onto it. My jaw clenched as my hand fell to the side. I felt my chest swell up, but it wasn't with pride or satisfaction. I would never be satisfied. His hands fell from my arms as he took his cheek in his hand to nurse it. I knew him to be the twisted sort to like something like that, but this time, when I slapped him, I saw pure shock and insult on his face. He didn't voice it though.

I picked up my chin as I narrowed my eyes at him in disbelief, "How… How could you do that?" It was a stupid question. I knew it was a stupid question, but I didn't understand how someone could play with someone else so much that they wouldn't feel even guilty about it. He did not shed any guilt for me, or say sorry, or do anything right then. "How could anyone do that to someone?"

"I am not anyone." Loki told me, trying to keep his voice even with me.

"Yeah, god or not, or whatever the fuck you are, you don't have a problem with manipulating someone to get whatever the fuck you want." I hissed at him with my nostrils flaring out. I took several steps away from him. "And now that I find out your plan, you stare at me. You don't have anything to say for yourself, only what I want you to say to me!"

"What would you like me to say to you?" Loki asked me, gritting his teeth. "That I am sorry? That I did not mean to do what I did?"

"Those are lies, I know you don't feel that way."

"You're right, I don't." Loki said. "It was going to happen one way or another, and in the back of your mind, you know that everything that we did was a lie on my part." I… I turned my head at this, opening my mouth. I did… I really did. "Do you want me to say what I truly want to right now? Or can you not handle what I want to say?"

"I can handle it." I stated to him, with a clear voice. He stared at me for a moment before tilting his head to the side slightly.

Then I watched his head lean forward and the words were like venom as they were thrown toward me. Only because… they were my words to him. "All's fair in the game." I narrowed my eyes at him at those words. It was like a slap in the face. I wanted to smack him again for using them because those words left my mouth before. This was a different type of game that he was playing. This was a game where I was going to get hurt, die, at the end of it. "You were just at the losing side of it."

Losing side… I was only on the losing side once and that was with him. I was not to be on the losing side with him ever again. I gritted my teeth, finding words to say… to him. What in the world was I to actually say to that? I tried to think, rake through my thoughts for something, anything to actually say back to him. But something clicked in my head. There was something not right in his tone at all, and after a moment in looking at him, I knew that something wasn't right.

"You don't want to win it though." I said to him slowly beyond my control. His face softened at this. I… I remembered… the memory was sudden, but I still remember when I was just going unconscious… what he said—I mean it was hazy, but I did. I did not have Amora in me while I sat on the couch, I watched him pace back and forth and heard the concern in his voice when he called out to me. I was just silent, and in shock, and frightened. I was still—and today, telling this story, still—frightened about it happening again, and of her. I didn't want to pretend that I didn't hear that, or see that, I did not. The God of Lies was lying to me and he thought that he could get away with it. This could mean that I might have been in denial… but I remembered this vaguely, so I was going to show him that what he said was not the case. "If you wanted to win it, the mark would not have been a big deal for you. I heard what you said in my room, faintly, but I did."

Loki told me quickly, "I did not say anything in your room… you imagined that."

"If you wanted to win the game, then you would have gone with Amora. No matter how much you don't want to admit it." I went on like there was no tomorrow. I had something on him that made what he said a complete and total bluff.

"Stop it."

"No," I quickly said, shaking my head to him. "You got too carried away with the game you were playing with me, and now that it's final, you look at me with more than pity. I am not stupid."

"You do not see anything other than pity in my eyes," Loki tried to tell me, his face faltering slightly. "And if you think that the only reason why I did not go to Amora was because I did not want this to be final, you are wrong. You only wish I felt more."

"I never said you felt more," I told him immediately. "I only said that you look at me with more than pity. You don't have to feel anything to do that… You did not like it when I was like that before." I said to him, shaking my head still as I suddenly recalled. I vaguely remembered what I heard while I was in Amora's hold, but I remembered him calling out to me, over and over again. My name being called by him, my hand being held by him, his words that he said to Odin before I fell asleep, I faintly remembered that. And he could not change that. "Can you give me that much? Can you tell me that much that you didn't like how I was acting?"

"It's not true." He told me shortly, but looked away from me. He was lying. I actually was able to tell that he was lying to me. He couldn't look me in the eye to tell me differently. I tilted my head to him, feeling the tears fall onto my cheeks. I was tempted to walk back to him and have my hands on his shoulders to make him look me directly in the eye. I shouldn't have thought like that though. "You are nothing to me, but a mortal."

"Look me in the eye, and tell me that again." I requested to him, my voice going soft as I pursed my lips. It took him a moment, before he finally turned his head towards me. He was silent; his eyes fell briefly onto my mark, before flickering back on mine. I took a step toward him and repeated myself, "Look me in the eye… and tell me that again."

He looked me straight in the eye. His hands were still at his side. "You are nothing to me, but a mortal." I did not believe his words for a minute, but they still made my throat clench at the sound of them. I wanted that to not be true then. "I would have been fine with watching you die with the necklace around your neck so I can rightfully take my place on the throne. I would have been fine stepping over your worthless and lifeless corpse and carrying on to the next day. And I will still be fine with it, that burden you bear there does not change anything."

"I know you too well to tell me the truth." I said to him, my voice hoarse. "If that is true, you would not have done what you did before, and you would not have been as upset as you have been with Lorelei." I noticed his eyes waver from mine for a moment and then I told him softly, "Look at me." He hesitated in doing so before he actually did. I stepped slowly toward him before going on. I completely went off track. This was not what I wanted to do. I took his hand gently in mine and my other went to the cheek I slapped. His hand immediately went to keep it there as his fingers curled around it like it was an instinct. "Now… tell me that again, and in the exact same way."

His eyes closed, dragging my hand down his cheek. I raised my chin up at this as I waited for it. He was silent for a moment, as I was. He didn't tell me that. As he leaned his mouth into my hand, he murmured into it, "You should have told me about Amora… you should not have listened to Lorelei." Those words… it caused my face to falter. My jaw fell open. I don't know why, a part of me, expected him to tell me that again. I was only left to stare at him before I found words—my hunch was right, and he didn't bother to hide it. I didn't know what that meant.

"I know," I nodded to him. "I wanted to tell you."

"This would not have happened." He said to me, his eyes opened and they flickered down to my neck. I breathed in sharply, feeling his hand before come onto the mark. His fingers traced it again, before this disgusted me, but not any more. It was a harsh reality we both had to face. I don't think he expected this to happen, or for him to actually act like this. Before this, he would be playing his game and I would be the victim, but if he had the chance to back out, if he wanted to back out, he could. Now… he had to take it. No matter how he felt. "We could have gone off, I would not have left your side and she would not have had the chance."

"Would that change anything?" I asked him, closing my eyes shut and feeling his head fall on top of mine.

He admitted to me honestly, "I don't know." That was much better than a no, in my opinion. My mouth opened slightly as he brought me to him, pressing himself against me. He had his mouth in my hair as he moved his hand away from the mark. I felt it on top of my shoulder. He murmured to me, "I have not thought that far through." I only nodded to him, unsure of what to really do other than that. I don't know how we came to be like this, with his hands on me when before I was so disgusted by him, with me wanting to throw things at him and shout at him, and doing anything but this, but here we were. I would never know how much of it was real—if what he said before was just he covering up his shit, or he telling the truth. But this… no one could tell me differently, that this was real.

I ran out of things to actually say. We stood there for a long time. My tired legs were not really helping me to stay in this position with him. I actually felt safe… even though I found out what he was planning before. He did not want to be in this position right now, and I saw it in his eyes. "I will not hand you off to Amora." He told me.

I didn't want him to. "You are far better off in my hands than hers."

"I know…" I said slowly to him. After my night with her, I knew that fact all too well. She would take pleasure in doing what she would to me.

"You will not be out of my sights again." He said softly to me. "I will not let that happen to you again." I knew the mark was something that was not undoable, but I still nodded at this. "She would not give you any sort of mercy, if it was up to her." I was aware of that also. I did not say anything. Surprisingly, I was happy that he was the one that was actually going to kill me; Amora would have done it slowly. He probably would have done it quickly. "This is not what I intended at all."

I said to him, "You've said that already."

"I know I did." He told me. His head picked up off of my head and he took my chin. My eyes were cast down immediately as he slowly pressed his lips against mine. The tears streamed down my face as he did this. He told me against my mouth, "I truly do not want to do this. I probably would not have been able to be the one to do it if the necklace was in my hands."

"Don't say that, you don't truly know that." I murmured. In my opinion, I knew he would be able to do it. It was who he was. He was only saying that now because he did not have the option and wished that he were able to change it. I kissed his lips gently, feeling him slowly back us up to the couch. Both of his hands took a hold of my face before pulling away from me.

His eyes locked with mine before asking, "Are you angry?"

The answer was immediate, "I'm so angry… with you, with her, and that bitch and her eunuch friend." I was taking this better than I thought I would be. I didn't do anything that I wanted to, this was not the position I wanted to be with him. I wanted to be in my bedroom, throwing things, and maybe throwing things in his direction. I knew I would never be able to lock myself in the room… I couldn't be alone that night, and other nights. Anyway, despite of things, he chuckled at eunuch; I don't know why he chuckled at eunuch. I continued on, "I want to throw things at you and probably after this night I won't talk to you for a week."

"I expect that." He admitted to me.

"But too much is going through my head right now to even think about doing that." I told him honestly. "I just… want…" the words trailed off. I didn't truly know what I wanted.

"I know." He softly said to me before moving away from him. "I know what you want." How could he possibly know what I wanted right at that moment more than anything when I was puzzled about it? He did though. I didn't have to ask, really. He took me in his arms that night on the couch. I had arms wrapped around him. I could not sleep alone that night, and with no one else but this man here, I did not want to. He was the only one that might have known what I felt—and he was the one who caused it. I went to his comfort. Surprisingly, he had let me cry against him, he brought me close to his chest, allowed me to dig my nose into it, as he ran a hand through my hair. This was the most safe I had felt in a long time—genuinely.

Hello everyone! As I promised on my Facebook page, I was able to update today! Thank you all for reading! Seriously, I think I have gotten so many responses in general for this story and I truly am overwhelmed by you all (in a good way!). Thank you so much for your continued support, and some of your reviews do make me laugh… so thank you. The next chapter is definitely lighter, well as light as it could be.

Review replies:

Icelandic Reader: Really? Oh wow, thanks lol, yeah I've noticed on the websites that I used that she's often compared to Aphrodite. But I thought that Frigga was also the goddess of fertility? Maybe I'm wrong though. And no you are actually right with that! It's just that's really, really proper English grammar, most writers (like myself) split infinitives like that unless it sounds awkward doing so, it's like one of those grammar rules that we ignore. I sometimes try not to do it, but in some ways not splitting them also sounds awkward too, so I do it when necessary and also her point of view is very... casual, so not doing so she sounds really proper and less conversational and engaging with the reader. But thank you for pointing that out! I hope you continue to enjoy the story

(oh and by the way, since you are from Iceland, I actually have questions about it, so if you see this reply, can you shoot me a message on my Facebook 'like' page by any chance? And this actually goes out to other readers from Iceland, if you want to help me that is in concerns with RUaH :))

Barefootballerin: Hey, maybe! Who knows! But I can't get your hopes up, Loki currently has no way to get to Asgard, and as Lorelei states she does not want to help him removing that thing, but if those golden apples work on mortals, too, because all I know is that they work on the gods, then hey! I'm open to it (but in Marvel's comics, Amora also is Idunn at some point, and I remember vaguely in the mythology that Loki did something with Idunn that may have pissed her off… but we'll still see!)