Kai did not go to his room, or back to the one from which he left. Rather, he left the house entirely. He would have showered first to get rid of the dirty feeling that his thoughts had brought upon him, like a thin layer of scum on his skin, but he felt he couldn't spend another minute around Ruki... or, well, any of the others, really.

He had to get out of there.

He went without saying goodbye; leaving no clues as to where he was going, who with, or why. He was quiet as he left, like a cat, so much so that the door made virtually no noise upon closure. He felt like a drink, or something like that. A long, hard drink. Where from, he didn't know and he didn't care. He needed a drink and he needed a fuck. The former, because he wanted to forget his current troubles with something to bend his mind. The latter he also knew he needed equally as badly, but he himself was unsure as to why he did. A psychologist who had the opportunity to study Kai Yutaka's mind would have told him several reasons why he felt so; reasons involving paranoia, insecurity, egocentricity- and, most prominently, sexuality- but there was no psychologist; only Kai, alone with his perpetual panic. And, a lone young man on the streets of suburban Tokyo was almost certain to run into trouble, if he wasn't careful; but this fact, however, was the last thing on Kai's mind.

Instead, he imagined Ruki, temper as fiery as his ruby hair and shuddered violently. What had he been thinking? He depicted him more intensely, with his awful habit of biting his toenails and Kai's brief initial sexual attraction dissolved like dandelion seeds in a summer breeze. He felt like laughing about how ridiculous he had been and thought about turning back and apologising, but even though he'd had somewhat of a revelation, the idea still seemed unnerving to him. He didn't feel he could go back just yet, or even any time that night. He needed some time and pleasantries first.

Kai smirked to himself and texted a girl he knew fancied him. Mimi was off limits for the next several weeks at least because of what had happened at the party, but that was fine by Kai. Unusually however, he was actually feeling guilty about he was about to do. Women came and went around him; he was open to them and he ran a give-and-take system where nobody got hurt unless they pulled the whole 'commitment' thing. It had been a good system ever since he was fifteen and it had fared him well since then; he'd never committed to anyone and that was fine, thank you very much. His initial reasons had been inadequate at best, along the lines of youth and false soul-searching, or, at least the reasons that his brain was capable of admitting to itself. What it wasn't capable of admitting was the blatant fact that they were excuses and it was looking like Ruki's words, somehow, had cracked open Kai's nice little bottle of suppressed feelings.

However, he hadn't realised this, or at least, not enough to stop him. So he texted a girl he knew called Sadako Tendo and invited her out for a drink with him in Baru Ba; a shot bar opposite the Starbucks they both worked in and, also, where they had both met each other. She was a nice, pretty, bubbly girl who was warming company and who most guys would have been delighted to stay with, but to Kai she was currently his tool. This was unfair and cruel to her, but Kai Yutaka was more than a little messed up.

He told her half an hour and put a wink at the end of the text along with two extra kisses. She'd flirted endlessly with him in work and he with her; even though he probably on hindsight shouldn't have. Sure enough, he got an immediate text back. She would be there, she said. Kai hadn't doubted that for a second and he repocketed his phone with a glint in his eye.

Two hours and at least thirty units later, they were messing around in the back alley behind Baru Ba. She was topless and hot as hell, but something still didn't feel right. He tried to protest, explain his feelings in a kind of fearful, worried way, but every time he tried to talk, she slid her tongue inside his mouth. He couldn't blame her really; his reputation was fairly notorious and she'd liked him for ages, so he tried to get into the mood of things. He honestly thought he did- normally he'd have done the deed in minutes and the both of them would have been on their merry way, foreplay or no foreplay- but now he was trying his hottest tricks to get himself going. It was an empowering feeling as she moaned and cried and whined like a bitch in heat as his fingers and tongue flicked, teased and thrusted. Kai, like any man, liked that power- but it proved to not have been enough, because as she unzipped his cords, pink, gasping and ravenous, his dick was limp and lifeless.

They, of course, exchanged their apologies to each other and Kai explained in a panicked way that it was unlike him, it wasn't her and he didn't know why it was happening. She said she understood, but something in her eyes; a touch of hurt, maybe, told Kai that she didn't quite believe him. They tried for a little while, but nothing seemed to work, so they dressed in silence. Kai bought her the cab fare home to make up for it, even though he was broke and she left with a grateful but worried look on her face. Kai didn't go home, though. He staggered up to the bar, paid them far too much for the full bottle of whiskey they had under the counter and spent the night in the alley with it.

Only fitting that a failure should be amongst his failures.

Aoi Shiroyama took a long toke of the Malboro Red he'd lit from a fresh pack and passed it to Taeko Hanabishi, almost lazily. She wasn't a smoker, but she took a toke anyway; the musty, almost acrid taste filling her mouth and entering her lungs. It was an almost sweet taste; as sweet as it was deadly, but she didn't care even the slightest. It felt as if nothing right then mattered at all. She ought to feel selfish, really, for not worrying as much as she felt she should have over Yuki-San. Taeko felt that she'd almost turned Yuki's hardship upon herself, for sympathy, perhaps. Surely that was wrong of her?

She shivered a little involuntarily and felt foolish. She was going to be alright. Yuki had said that she was going to be alright. She never lied, she never needed to- she was always so sure of herself and in others to hedge around the truth. Why would it be different this time? Taeko realised that she was asking herself a question that was only apt on troubling her, but hopelessly thought of it nonetheless. Aoi sensed her movement and sidled up closer to her.

"What's wrong?" Aoi asked, his messy black hair framing his worried face. Taeko looked around at him, with a smile. He needed a comb.

"Nothing," she lied, "it's fine. Really."

"Are you cold?" He whispered to her, even though there was no real need. They were the only two in the house. The only person who knew that Taeko had company was the unfortunate woman next door who had banged and yelled several times for quiet, but to no avail. Taeko also felt guilty about that, too.

"A little," she replied quickly, eager to change the subject. If Yuki didn't come back, Taeko reasoned with herself, she would call Miro and Ai. Call them both and they would go looking for her together. Yes, that would make more sense.

Aoi put his arms around her. Taeko was charmed by it, actually. She shuffled a little, feeling uncomfortable. The act itself wasn't unpleasant- very far from it- but it wasn't a meaningless act, which was what made her feel odd and suffocated. It was the kind of action that a person didn't perform if they just thought you were just 'easy' and nothing more. Taeko hadn't thought for a second that Aoi had actually thought that about her; regardless of the way she'd acted around him. It was something in his eyes and motions that showed that he really cared. This didn't particularly scare Taeko- she liked to be cared for. What scared Taeko was that she was beginning to feel that she cared back for him.

You can't, you mustn't-

Aoi cut through Taeko's thoughts like a knife through butter, before they trailed back to nightmarish memories, which, later on, she would feel insatiably grateful. Nonetheless, what he was about to say kept her up all that night, anyway.

"Taeko..." Aoi started, before pausing and uttering a short laugh, "I have to tell you something, honestly, but you have to promise that you won't freak out on me, okay?"

Taeko knew what was coming. She also knew that if he said what he was going to say, she was going to have to cut him out of her life. She didn't want to. Hell, she didn't want to, she never did-

Only, she thought, in this case, which pain would be worse?

"Fire away," she replied, her tone unsteady. Unsteady, but not as much as it usually was when coming face to face with situations like this one. She felt, in a sick sort of way, almost proud of herself. She took another toke of the cigarette and tried not to splutter. Right then and there, she needed it.

"I..." Aoi trailed off. Taeko couldn't see him, but she could tell that he was fidgety and sweating. A caricature, almost, of his graceful, former, almost demonic self. She had thought of him as a- Warlock? Vampire?- Valkyrie, yes, that was it. She was surprised how, in retrospect, suitable the term actually was. Of course, it was stupid of her to think of a stunning person such as Aoi as an actual mythical creature, but the poetic side of her could not get enough of the idea, or the fact that she cared for him. These were things she had fought hard for a long time to avoid and at that moment, she was more frightened than she had been in twelve years.

"I like you," he finished softly, his husky voice resonating warmly by her ear, "I really do. I know it's like soon and all- well, I guess, a little- but I was wondering if you'd consider, well... you know."

There was silence as Aoi trailed off again, for a long time and he felt his heart, which had been so happy before then, sinking lower and lower in his chest as if it were made of hardened granite. It was an unpleasant feeling, as if someone had sucked all the air out of his insides with a slow, invisible punch. He began to feel as if he'd made some terrible mistake and thought for a moment about apologising and saying he was being silly, he was rushing things, just anything, anything-

While their conversation took place, they were both together on Taeko's futon, both naked as the day they were born and as sated as any young couple could be after two hours of having a free house together and being about as sexually compatible as you could get. Taeko didn't have enough fingers to count the number of times she'd come that night and Aoi doubted he did, either. They were both a voluptuous mess, Taeko especially, still pink and breathless from their last encounter which had ended only seconds after Aoi had lit up- literally, anyway. The air in the room wasn't cold, fairly understandably considering what had gone on fairly consecutively for the last one hundred and twenty minutes or so, but Taeko was still quivering as if she'd been dunked in a barrel of cold water.

You have to Taeko, you have to-

"I can't."

Her voice was small, but it couldn't have made more of an impact on Aoi if she had screamed. Her two words stabbed him in the chest like a couple of iron spikes and a choking noise of pain came from his throat. Taeko didn't turn to face him, but she could hear it. She could hear it and she felt guilty again.

Please, I don't want to let him go, don't make me, he's different-

"Why?" He asked her, his soft voice smooth, but with unmistakeable notes of sadness.

See, he's different, you can't make me, he cares, he CARES-

"I just..." she searched for a word, but nothing came up, "can't. It's not because I don't want to, or that I don't like you. I do. It's just impossible for me right now and let's leave it at that, alright?"

She felt impossibly cold for saying all of this without facing him, so she turned around so that she could see his face and the sickening feeling of being punched came to her this time, so much so that when his visage came into view, she almost choked. Curiosity and concern were there, of course, because Aoi Shiroyama was a nice guy-

(They're all nice at first though, aren't they?)

- but she could see the pain in it and pain, there was plenty. She felt astoundingly horrible, saying what she had to him, but his eyes were searching her vigorously, trying to find a cure for whatever agonies she might have. Bless him- he was trying to help. Taeko wanted to laugh at that, but it would have, although she would not have meant it to sound so, almost certainly come across as cruel.

"Be that as it may," he said, finally, after some thought, "I can't not see you, if you say you still want me around. I fucking can't do that- I'll go mad. But if you don't want me here, tell me now and I'll go mad, anyway. Because I'd rather you were happy in whatever you choose- and I'd consider the time I got to know you as my 'Good Ol' Sane' days."

Taeko giggled. She looked into his eyes and a spark of happiness jumped over the pain like a miniature lightning flash. She couldn't say no. Her mind was telling her to, that all of this was dangerous and she was risking herself, but she couldn't and wouldn't. She made up her mind long before she opened her mouth to reply, choosing her words perhaps not as delicately as she felt she should have.

"We could stay friends," she finalised, touching his face, "but be free to roam, you know? Be together, but be apart, if you get my drift?"

"So, put in layman's terms, fuckbuddies?"

She smiled, a little sadly. "I guess. If it's not good enough for you, I more than understand."

Aoi shrugged. He wasn't happy about it. A lot of guys would have been- Kai, would have, of course-

(Wonder where he is now?)

-but he really, really wasn't. He did not, however, tell her this. Nor did he let it show on his face. Instead, he slid his arm around her a little more, wishing an awful lot of things. Like how he wished that she'd said yes, how- for some stupid reason- he wished the rain outside would stop, those kinds of thoughts. 'Deep' thoughts for a thoughtful guy. But Aoi didn't tell her those things, either. He just looked back at her and smiled.

"Guess it'll have to be."

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long! I had my English project due this week and it was an absolute nightmare to do! I'm going to update more this week to reward you all for being amazingly patient with me XD