Free my mind, levitate
Don't let any of those fuckers in my headspace
Let me go my own way
Burn the rest of them that try to keep me enchained

"Headspace" by Velvet Revolver

Rey hasn't spoken to Ben in nearly two months.

(Rey is not keeping track of the days, hours, and minutes. That would be ridiculous.)

(Forty-four days, eight hours, and thirty-seven minutes.)

At first, Rey had been too caught up in her own anger to be too upset that Ben was avoiding her as much as she was avoiding him. They sat across the room from each other in their painting class on Tuesdays, and Rey snapped at Luke every time he asked her what was going on between the two of them. She'd told him that Ben was just a big, dumb idiot.

She could tell that Luke knew there was more to the story, however. But he wouldn't get it from her.

But after the first month the anger had finally started to subside. She stared at Ben out of the corner of her eye whenever they were in the same room together, and she even debated showing up at his apartment claiming she'd left some CD's or art supplies there. But her stubbornness ultimately kept her from reaching out.

But last week, when they'd reached day thirty-eight without speaking, she'd been sitting on her bed and looking at all of Ben's drawings from jail that were still taped to her wall. Some of the corners of the notebook paper were curling, and some of the subjects in Ben's drawings were less then pleasant, but they were drawn for her.

She'd burst into tears sitting there on her bed, and Rose had immediately woken up from her afternoon nap, crawled onto Rey's bed with her and rubbed Rey's back while she hiccupped.

"Maybe you should talk to him," Rose had suggested. Her best friend had sighed, hand moving from her back to clasp her shoulder. "Ben has been an important part of your life since I've known you, Rey. You shouldn't let one fight get in the way of, uh. What the two of you have. You know, your friendship."

Rey had looked at Rose then, gaze still blurry from unshed tears. "I know I shouldn't," was all she had been able to say.

But something still kept her from calling Ben, from approaching him at the studio, from showing up at his apartment. She realized it was her own pride.

She understood then, why pride was one of the seven deadly sins.

It's the last Saturday of her summer vacation, and Rey is using the afternoon to do chores around the home so that she can earn some spending money from Maz. She'd like new jeans for the start of the year, and maybe some charcoal for drawing and new paintbrushes.

She's dusting the main room, TV set to CNN in the background. She runs an old, stained dusting rag across a long table that Maz likes to keep knick-knacks on and tries not to let herself get too depressed over starting her sophomore year in two days. Besides, she's going over to Jake's in a few hours to have dinner with his family. She's met them a couple of times now, and they're very nice people. She tries to dwell on that, tries to feel excited, but she just…can't.

She's wearing slightly-too-big cargo shorts she'd gotten at Good Will for a couple of bucks, and a massive, purple Blink-182 t-shirt with an angry bunny on it. She'd only gone into Ben's room once the whole time he'd been in jail, and it was to sheepishly steal this old shirt of his that she figured he wouldn't miss. It had provided comfort at the time. Now, she liked the way it hung off her shoulders and exposed the black straps of her sports bra. There were tons of holes around the collar and a tear in the armpit, but Rey doesn't care. She likes wearing it. It's soft.

It's Ben's.

She's mostly been tuning out the reporters droning on and on in the background, but inhales a sharp breath when she hears them mention Senator Organa. She turns around, leaving the dusting rag sitting on the table, and moves behind the couch to stare at the TV.

"—not a great day for Senator Organa. Breaking news out of Washington has revealed that the senator's biological father is none other then Anakin Vader, the terrorist who bombed the White House Easter Egg Roll in 1969, killing over twenty children and nearly assassinating President Nixon. His speech while taking the stand during his court sentencing is still considered infamous to this day. Whether or not the senator and her brother, esteemed artist Luke Skywalker, knew of their parentage remains unknown. Neither parties have been reached for comment—"

Rey sprints upstairs, dusting forgotten, and rushes into her room. She ignores Rose's cry of concern when she flings open the drawer to her bedside table and grabs the few keys that she has. She's out of the room again in seconds, brain barely keeping up with her body as she flies back down the stairs and out the door.

There's really no time to be irritated over the fact that she can drive but technically can't drive as she runs to the shed behind the home and extracts her old bike. She trots it to the driveway and then gets on, pedaling harder then she ever has in her life.

Sheer anxiety keeps the needed adrenaline flowing through her veins. She remembers months ago when she'd written that essay on Vader, how she had taken to drawing out his portrait because of how fascinated she'd been by him and the crimes he had committed. She remembers sketching out his scowl, the shape of his eyes, and thinking vaguely that they reminded her a little of Ben.

Shame and sadness fill her, because some part of her subconscious had picked up on something that she never dreamed could be true.

Rey can feel sweat pricking at her temples, and she's pretty sure she forgot to put on deodorant in her haste to get out of the house, but she doesn't care. She doesn't care about anything other then getting to Ben's place as quickly as possible. It doesn't matter that they're technically in a fight. It doesn't matter that she hasn't spoken to him in weeks, or that she smells like sweat and dust right now. None of that matters at all.

Because Ben Solo needs her.

The apartment is dark when she lets herself in. Rey had banged on the door for two solid minutes, and when no one had answered she'd taken it upon herself to use the key Poe had had made for her a couple of years ago. BB-8 greets her as soon as she walks inside.

"Ben?" she calls out as soon the door closes behind her. She waits with bated breath, but there is no answer. The apartment is silent except for BB-8's insistent meowing.

She scoops up the fluffy cat and moves them over to the couch, turning on a lamp as she passes it. She sits. And sits. And sits. She's too nervous to put on music, and she can't bring herself to turn on the TV either. For some reason, she can't disrupt the silence that's echoing about this space.

Eventually she stretches out on the couch, intent on waiting here as long as need be. BB-8 jumps on top of her chest and circles a couple of times, trying to find a comfortable position. She winces and swats at him a little when he steps directly on her breast, but the cat takes it as an invitation to headbutt her palm and ask for petting.

Rey sighs and scratches behind his ears, shifting a little as he finally curls up on her chest. The weight is soothing, and he's warm.

She's not sure when she falls asleep.

Rey is awakened sometime later to the front door of the apartment banging open. BB-8 leaps off of her chest and she sits up hurriedly, wincing a little when the overhead light is turned on.

"Rey!"

She looks up and there's Poe, helping a very bedraggled looking Ben into the apartment. He kicks the front door closed behind him, Ben's right arm slung across his shoulders. "Rey! What are you going here?"

"Uh…" She moves to stand, but stalls as she continues to take in the sight of Ben. He's sweaty, his eyes are glassy, and there's a little bit of blood on his shirt. "What happened? Did he get in a fight?" She moves aside as Poe leads Ben to the couch and helps him sit down.

"No," Poe says as he straightens up. His hair is slightly mussed, and he looks a lot less put together then normal. "No, not a fight. He just smashed a bottle."

Rey's lips part and she looks back at Ben, who still has said nothing. He's watching her, eyes bloodshot, face blank. "Is he…is he—"

"Ben is very, very drunk right now. It was the least I could do." Poe rubs the back of his neck and sighs. "I'm assuming you've seen the news? Wait, of course you have. Why else would you be here."

Rey nods, wanting to move closer to Ben, to help him, although she has no real idea how. Besides, she's still frozen in place by the fact that his gaze is still fixated on her.

"Rey," he says, voice slurring badly. "Put on music."

Poe rolls his eyes and gestures for Rey to sit down instead. "It's okay, I'll put on something real quick—"

"No." Ben's voice is loud, probably much louder then he'd meant it to be. "I only want Rey to do it."

She immediately turns to the record player and their collection of records. Now, this she could certainly do, and something in her chests warms at the thought that Ben hasn't snapped at her, hasn't demanded she leave his apartment. That instead he's insisting only she can chose the music. She quickly selects a band she imagines Ben will appreciate in this moment, but when she puts it on he gives her no reaction.

Instead, Ben just stares down at the carpet, swaying a little. Rey watches as Poe manages to get him to drink down a glass of water, but Ben looks listless. She's never really seen him this way, and it scares her.

Ben is still staring down at the floor when he says, "Are you still mad at me?"

It feels as if her heart as clenched. Rey finds herself wanting to reach out and touch him, but she refrains. "No," she answers honestly. "I thought you were sill mad."

He shakes his head before finally looking at her again. "Of course not. Just thought…just thought you wanted space."

Rey smiles a little, pathetically resisting the urge to cry. For some reason, she's not even surprised. Of course he would assume that she was the one who was still angry, and of course he would give her space until she came to him.

She once again curses her pride.

Ben groans, mumbles something about how hot it is, and grabs the bottom of his shirt. He lifts it up and uses it to wipe the sweat off his face and neck. Normally Rey would be disgusted by this sort of thing, but instead her eyes sweep down to take in the bottom of Ben's bare stomach.

She swallows at the muscle there and feels a flush start in her chest and travel to her cheeks at the trail of dark hair that runs from the bottom of his navel to the waistband of his pants. If Rey had bothered to look at Poe in that moment, she would have found him silently rolling his eyes, shaking his head, and sighing deeply.

Ben closes his eyes, lets her shirt fall back down, and leans his head back against the couch, totally oblivious to what he's just done. "You can sit down, you know."

Rey sits, trying to erase the image of bare Ben stomach from her mind and failing miserably.

"Nice music choice," Ben says, slur still there but not as bad as before. His eyes remain closed. "But I've come to expect that by now."

Rey smiles, settling back into the couch. Frankly, Ben looks like he needs nothing more then a hot shower and a good night's sleep. But he's talking to her. He's not mad at her. He still cares.

She could kiss him.

Wait. What is happening?

A knock at the door makes all of them jump, and Poe moves toward the door and opens it a crack. "Senator!" he exclaims, stepping aside as Leia comes barging in, her massive, bushy bearded bodyguard right behind her. She moves to rush to her son. "Ben! I've been trying to reach you—"

"Did you know?" Ben's eyes are open now, and he takes in his mother, face hard.

The senator pauses about five feet away from the couch, and she works her mouth in the same way that Ben does when he's upset. "Ben, listen—"

"Did. You. Know?"

Rey watches as Ben's mother shifts her designer purse from one shoulder to the other. She looks frazzled, which is no surprise given what day she's had. "I-I did. I wanted you to be older when you found out, wanted to know you could handle the information. I didn't want this to hurt you, or for you to equate yourself to—"

"Get out."

Leia stills, eyes going just a little wide. She looks as if she's not sure what to say. She does not move.

Ben's gaze is fixed on her, and it's almost as if he's not absurdly intoxicated. "You're not moving. I said get out."

Leia looks increasingly frustrated—and maybe a little heartbroken. "Ben—"

"GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!"

The silence after Ben's outburst is deafening. His chest is heaving in emotion and his hands have curled into fists. There's something horrible and nasty and rotting in his eyes, and Rey hopes beyond hope that Ben never looks at her the way he's currently looking at his mother.

Leia's bodyguard steps forward, clearly sensing all the tension permeating the atmosphere. Leia moves out a hand to still him, shaking her head. "It's alright, Chewie. We'll go." She gives her son one last long, lingering look, and then leaves, hulking bodyguard right behind her.

The door shuts and Poe audibly groans from where he's standing in the kitchen. "You know what, I need a drink."

Rey laughs, and some of the tension diffuses. Something tingles in the back of her mind, as if her brain is trying to remind her of something…

Ben is staring at her again. The expression on his face, in his gaze, is inscrutable, and Rey could almost scream. She gulps, feels herself beginning to blush because why is Ben Solo looking at her like that and why oh why is her brain showing her the image of his naked stomach again—

He clears his throat and she nearly jumps.

"So that's where that shirt went."

Rey blinks at him. She thinks for a moment he's going to ask for it back, but instead a small smile ghosts across his lips, so brief she nearly misses it. Moments later he's fast asleep.

It's not until an hour later, when Maz is giving her a thorough tongue lashing and grounding her for a month, that Rey realizes with a pang of panic that she forgot all about her dinner with Jake.

A/N:

So yeah. Ben finds out through the news that Vader is his granddad in canon too. All the parenting awards for Leia. I also can't imagine that this will be great for Ben and his relationship with Luke either.

I know I say this every chapter, but that's only because I freaking mean it. You guys are awesome. Every comment warms my heart. I love y'all's enthusiasm for this fic and being able to converse with you guys about this story genuinely makes my day. Thank you guys so much for continuing to read this fic and share your love for it.

This might not be all for 2005. I'm undecided. Anyway, if you liked let me know?