Here's the latest installment of this FF story. Hope you like it, thanks for reading and the comments and yes, Matt's a clueless pain in the ass sometimes (like when he ditched C.J. to go to the fights with Vince…grrr) but he'll get it eventually. ;-)

Wow, was all she thought when they came up for air this time, but what had he been thinking? They looked at each other, their faces inches apart on the couch, a moment suspended in time that she wouldn't forget soon.

Then he waggled his brows at her and she held up her hand.

"Don't you dare go making that frog sound again…"

He looked hurt but she could see a trace of mischief in his eyes behind it.

"I wouldn't even think of it," he said, "That was back when I was young and foolish."

She relaxed, with a smile.

"And getting over what's her name," she said, "the international model who you called…'Squeaky'?"

"You had to have been there," he said, drolly.

"No thanks," she said, "I think I have a pretty good idea what happened."

He sighed.

"She was really something back in the day," he said, "but we would have never worked out. We were just too different…She hated frogs…"

C.J. almost laughed at the indignant look on his face. Now that was genuine given Matt's real love for the amphibians. After all, she still tended to his colony of them which were still living and reproducing happily on his ranch.

"But you…seem to like them."

"Of course I do," she said, "What's not to like?"

He reached for her hand and rubbed it between his own.

"You know…when I saw you holding Hildegaard with that cute little bow around her, you really knocked me through a loop."

"I thought 'Squeaky' had already done that," C.J. said, "but what was she thinking trying to rekindle things with you, she was already engaged to a senator."

"Yeah well, it was a little trip down memory lane…that didn't go very far."

She looked at him for a long moment and her mouth twitched. For a moment, he thought she might joke about it to keep things light between them and at the same time, push him back over the line that somehow had been etched between them. He couldn't even think back far enough to remember how that happened.

"Houston, what did we just do a moment ago?"

He kept her hand in his and she always loved it when he did that with his fingers, almost subconsciously or so she thought until one day she had asked him about it and he had mentioned having dated a woman who had been well versed in acupressure techniques. She had felt that twinge of jealousy go through her as quickly as it had quite a few times, so much so she barely caught it anymore.

"I thought we just shared an amazing kiss," he said, innocently enough.

"But why are we doing this," she asked, "Why now?"

He remained silent for a moment and she could tell he was thinking about it.

"This doesn't have anything to do with Slade does it?"

He looked at her suddenly.

"Why do you ask that?"

She pulled her hand away from his.

"Because we've been friends for most of our lives and okay, we've kissed before but it's never gone anywhere because we both had an understanding…"

"What understanding is this," he asked.

Now irritation filled her though she tried to keep it under wraps.

"You know what I mean," she said, "That we mutually decided not to risk our friendship over some meaningless fling."

His jaw set and she could tell he didn't care for her choice in vocabulary but she couldn't take it back now. She wasn't sure she wanted to do that anyway.

"C.J. I don't think of anything about you or anything that we shared would ever be meaningless."

She relented.

"Okay maybe not…"

"No maybes, I mean what I just said."

He wasn't making this easier for her that was for certain so she tried another approach.

"Okay, but we've never well you know…"

"Made love?"

The way he said those two words drew color into her cheeks and she couldn't hide it from him so she took a few deep breaths.

"For you, it might be more like having sex…"

She got up and walked away from him towards the window, but damn it, he just wasn't going to let her do that, keep putting distance between them every time "the issue" arose. So he got up off of the couch and joined her. She didn't acknowledge that or him but kept staring out at the rain.

"That's not fair C.J.," he said, "That's not how I would ever think of anything like that with you."

Her brow rose though he couldn't see it. So he had been thinking about what it would be like…but she couldn't really call him on it because if he could take a look inside her dreams lately…

She finally turned around to face him.

"I'm sorry for being so flippant but Houston, you've had many casual relationships with women and I'm not judging you, but I don't want to be on that list of women that you love for a while and then walk away…Our friendship means too much to me to throw it away on scratching some itch."

He folded his arms at her and she knew then that she had hit a raw nerve or two, but she called it as she saw it and she wasn't going to change that part of herself for anyone even him.

"Is that what you think I do in my relationships with women," he said, "that it doesn't mean anything more than physical attraction?"

She folded her arms right back at him and rose that brow this time when he could see its arch.

"Houston, like I said, I go to the office and you're kissing some blonde or brunette on the helipad and then you walk away as if she weren't there in your arms a minute ago."

"It's not quite like that C.J…"

"Maybe," she conceded, "but I told you earlier that's something that I wish I could do sometimes."

His face softened just a bit.

"And I told you that I envied your ability to put everything that's you into your relationships. I wish I had done that more often."

She nodded.

"It means getting hurt sometimes to do that," she noted.

"I know."

"I thought I could change that but I can't Houston," she said, "certainly not with you. So if all you're interested in is a quick roll on the couch…"

He grabbed her arms so that she had to look at him.

"While that would be pleasurable for both of us, that's not what I want."

She had no doubt that he was right about the pleasure, but she knew that would never be enough for her. Okay, maybe with Slade or even Randy but not her best friend. And if it were more than enough for him…she just didn't want to travel down that road and then after things crashed and burned; have to rebuild a friendship she treasured more than just about anything from the ashes. She removed herself from his hands and put her hands on her hips.

"So what do you want?"

A crash answered her question coming from somewhere outside. The rain had tapered off some but she saw Bo and Lamar running to an area just in front of the barn.

"Damn, what's happening now," she said, moving towards the front door.

He followed her as they both ran outside and saw that one of the trees had fallen on the ground near the corral but fortunately just grazing the fencing.

"The tree just fell over," Lamar said.

"I can see that," Matt said, "I guess we're going to have to cut it into smaller pieces and haul it away."

C.J. ran her hand through her hair.

"The saw's in the barn somewhere," she said, "Bo you go and fetch it and we'll move the horses just in case."

A couple of hours, the sun had began to set, having returned in time to burn away the storm clouds that hadn't been blown off towards the eastern ridge. They had cleared out the tree and cleaned the area of debris before heading off to finish off the previous night's leftovers. The conversation between her and Matt had been much safer than what they had shared earlier even while they washed dishes afterward in her kitchen, their shoulders brushing. His mood had been light and except for flicking soap bubbles at her when her face was turned, he had kept pretty much to himself.

She on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about how he had never really asked her question about what he did want from her. And she hadn't wanted to step back into that mine field again so instead she stuck to her nightly ritual of a glass of wine and a soothing soak in the hot tub. This of course was duly interrupted by a phone call from Shelia right on schedule.

"Hi girlfriend," Shelia breezed then skipped past the pleasantries, "So have you gotten down and dirty yet and who was the lucky guy?"

"Boy you just cut right to the chase don't you?"

"I have to," Shelia said, "My own life is so boring right now. Being an urbanite isn't all it's cracked up to be."

C.J. chuckled.

"The rural life does have its moments," she admitted.

Shelia whistled on the other end.

"Oooh I knew you'd have something to report," she said, excitedly.

C.J. hesitated.

"There's something going on that's really strange between Houston and me."

That snagged her friend's interest quickly.

"Oh how so?"

"We kissed," she said, "Twice, once in the orchard and the other time on the couch."

"Wow, you don't waste any time at all."

C.J. felt a flash of irritation.

"It's not like that at all," she said, "It just happened…"

"Both times?"

She heard the skepticism in Shelia's voice and she knew that it wasn't without good reason. Because there had been something less spontaneous about the second time.

"So what happened after that?"

"After what?"

"After you two got on the couch and lip locked."

C.J. sighed.

"We talked about it."

"Say what girlfriend," Shelia said, "Did I just hear you right? What the hell is there to talk about? I'll tell you if I had a drop dead gorgeous cowboy like him in my lap I wouldn't waste any time on words. That's not the only thing a mouth is good for you know, not even my favorite thing…"

C.J. chuckled.

"I know what you'd do, but you're not me and he's not just any guy," she said, "He's my best…"

"Most cherished friend from childhood," Shelia finished, "Yeah we all know that story in L.A. about the two of you."

Oh yeah, the social columns, C.J. remembered who always seemed to paint her as some wistful wall flower waiting in the wings for Matt to notice her. She had stopped reading them but Shelia and a couple others had dutifully kept her up to date on that saga.

"So what does Slade think about you and Matt getting hot and heavy?"

Slade…oh yeah, C.J. thought.

"He wanted to get back together with me," she said, "You know in a serious kind of way rather than just having sharing some good times."

Shelia snorted.

"That guy's an ass," she said, "I hope you told him where to put it…which is somewhere else."

"Shelia…"

Damn her friend and her double entendres that would slip past most people.

"Well forget old Slade anyway since he's clearly yesterday's news," Shelia continued, "Back to Matt…what does he want from all this?"

C.J. furrowed her brow.

"I don't know," she said, "We got interrupted during that part of the conversation."

"Like I said, the two of you do way too much talking and not enough of what you should be doing," Shelia commented, "I mean if you're really not interested, you can just send him my way."

C.J. laughed.

"What about Phil?"

"Oh he's fine only now it's Lance…"

Her friend wasn't much different than Matt, in that she loved to play the field and call the shots on how long her relationships lasted. Only society didn't view women who played that role in the same light that it viewed men who did that. Especially women who were trying to be taken seriously in high-powered careers. After all, C.J. hadn't even been that hard core and she'd been called a ball buster more than once…once by a now ex-client of Matt's.

"You and Houston, you're just much better at this than I am," she said, finally, "In the past year or so, it's been Robert the homicidal news anchor, Slade the financial whiz with a string of women and Randy…well that's a whole different story…"

"I don't think I ever heard that one," Shelia noted.

"There's not much to tell," C.J. said, "He thought I was hung up on Houston the whole time."

"And why would he assume that?"

C.J. paused.

"Let's just say during a very…heated moment, I got the two confused and leave it at that," she said, clearly embarrassed.

Shelia naturally ignored both her discomfort and her attempts to close the book on that topic.

"Oh my god," she said, "That's really…interesting. Freud would have a field day with you."

"I'm glad you think so," C.J. said, "Randy wasn't amused. That torch blew out very quickly."

"The two men aren't anything alike," Shelia said, "How did you…never mind."

C.J. looked at her watch.

"Listen, I'd love to rehash my relationship faux pas further but I got to hit the sack," she said, "I've got a big day tomorrow."

Sleep didn't come easier to her and it certainly didn't to Matt who tossed and turned in his own bed before getting up and pulling some milk out of the frig to heat up on the stove. His father had done this for him during many sleepless nights he had experienced as a little boy recovering from a traumatic kidnapping. Some of the closest moments between father and son had been spent in the wee hours of the morning, with darkness all around them while sitting at the table drinking warm milk. A sprinkle of cinnamon made it palatable but it had worked its magic on helping him settle into a more restful sleep as had the time spent with his very busy jet setting father.

It didn't help him as much as he had hoped on this night. He rubbed his eyes and sat down, finishing the milk and revisiting as he had been doing the past several hours that conversation, better known as a can of worms that he had opened between him and his lifelong friend. Well, actually he almost made it to that part of what happened because that kiss which electrified the air between him more surely than the thunderstorm outside jumped inside his head first. And he knew before the uncertainty had veiled her eyes that she had enjoyed it as much as he did. But then she had pushed him away from her, putting that wall up between them, the one she believed was necessary to preserve their friendship. But hell, he never really bought into that and maybe that was just a fundamental difference between men and women. That sex would ruin a perfectly good friendship and he had been very doubtful back when they had been younger and had been flirting with that line between them, but years later, he did realize what she had been trying to tell him. That it just couldn't be as casual between the two of them that either might wish it to be and that the heart that could be broken in the process could just as easily be his own.

He had walked away from many relationships after he had been done with it and probably had left a broken heart or two behind him. In one case, a woman who was psychologically unbalanced had gone on a murderous spree after he dismissed her as a one-night stand and perhaps thinking back, he had done it more casually than he should have done.

But now looking ahead at what had sparked up between the two of them once again, he remained determined to set a different course this time, one to push their relationship in a whole new direction. As he headed back to bed, he thought of how she could get her to see the possibilities that were out there for both of them. Somehow he had to find that path, and as he made that decision, he settled his head on his pillow and this time, sleep did come.