To Rachel: oh christ…how did that go?
To Rachel: oh man my mami just text me asking me 2 cum home.
To Rachel: she wants 2 "talk" this can't b gud.
To Santana: Well, it was surprisingly okay. Daddy grumbled a bit about you "stealing my virtue" but then Dad went all feminist on him and lectured both of us on how sex was a perfectly normal, healthy part of life and that I was still a wonderful, respectable woman and shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of a healthy expression of my love towards you.
To Santana: Then we had cake.
To Rachel: go papa berry. thought i'm a bit offended. i mean how they no u didn't steal my virtue? lawl
To Rachel: oh shit. mami is making tortilla soup. she only makes that wen she's pissed off.
To Rachel: if u never hear from me again its cuz she's killed me and buried me beneath her tomatoes. know i loved u.
To Santana: Please, Santana… before rounds 1-7 I had no idea what I was doing. Could you really see me stealing anything?
To Santana: She'd probably bury you under her okra, actually. It's harder to grow, and your decomposing body would fertilize the soil nicely.
To Santana: That said, please text me later to let me know that neither eventuality has come to pass.
To Rachel: well u mnged 2 steal my heart so i don't know
To Rachel: ok false alarm she told me 2 treat u rite or she'd bury me beneath the okra (thats fucked up btw).
To Rachel: also the soup is vegan and she wants u 2 come over
To Santana: That was horrible. *groan*.
To Santana: I'll be right over - Daddy's attempting to make eggplant Parmesan again, and that only ever ends in tears.
To Rachel: lawl jerk that wuz me bein romantic u hater
To Rachel: alrite but hurry. jesus my mom loves u. like no joke