Thank you to katcamree for reviewing and here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy.
Being angry all the time can be exhausting! I just want to explode. I want to run to my brother and apologise for everything I said or tell Sirius I still love him or tell my friends I miss them but I can't. I can't go back to the way things were, I won't. I can't go back to being the girl I use to be. Always waiting for someone to protect her or breaking down every time something happened. Every day Voldemort is getting more powerful and the world is crumbling, there won't always be someone to pick me up when I fall or a shoulder for me to cry on every time something bad happens. I won't be weak again.
I haven't really talked to my family or my friends in two weeks. Sirius is always there, watching me. I know he is. Whenever I look at him he looks away but I know he is watching me. He is angry at me, I know that as well. I hurt his best friend and I hurt him.
I am angry too, at everything and everyone. That doesn't mean I don't love any of them or care any less. It is actually but by that, that my anger is fuelled. Loving people hurts, hell loving things hurts too. Caring for people hurts. How can something that is supposed to be good hurt you. Sometimes I wish I could turn off my emotions. Sometimes I do. I bottle everything up and focus on one emotion. Anger, anger is my default emotion. I get hurt and it's full on bitch Emma, I make rash decisions and probably end up hurting myself and the ones I love more.
The result of the last two weeks is me going to Hogsmeade by myself. My friends tried to invite me, even though I know they are angry at me, but I ignored the offer. I want to be alone. If I stop caring then maybe, just maybe, everything might stop hurting. I have to make them hate me because if they hate me then I don't have to be with them and see the things that make me love them.
The walk to Hogsmeade was long to say the least. Walking along makes time slow down. You notice every step you take, every metre you walk. Being quiet also makes it easier to hear everyone else's conversations. "Did you hear Jake and Samantha are going on their first date today?" "Daniel had to go home this weekend, no one knows why." "Jessie is heartbroken after Dave cheat on her."
And then I heard something, I kind of wish I hadn't heard. "Speaking of heart break, Katie told me that the reason Sirius and Emma broke it off was because he found her in the bathroom with Jordan Panlly, you don't need me to tell you what was going on there." "What! Sirius deserves so much better than her anyway. I mean did you see what she did to Katie's face and all she got was two detentions."
I was so close to turning around and punching one of them if not both but I thought better of it. Who do they think they are talking about me like that especially seeing as I am standing right in front of them? They continue to bitch about and talk about how they can't see how I'm related to James seeing as he is so "delicious". You don't want me to tell you the things they were talking about doing to him. In the end I got feed up listening to them so I stopped abruptly and they walked into me.
"Eh excuse me." one of them said snottily. I turned around and raised one eyebrow. Their faces dropped. I guess they didn't know I was standing in front of them after all.
"Problem?" I ask the two girls. There not Gryffindor's and there not in my year so I have never seen them before. One of them sleek black hair while the other is her polar opposite with bleach blonde.
"Ehm... No, not with you" Blondie says cheekily. They both start sniggering at me. I'm not about to let these two twats make fun of me.
"Well I have a problem with you!" And before they can come back with another cheeky answer I continue. "Have you ever heard of me having a problem with anyone?"
"Yeh, you have a problem with Katie bass."
"No Katie bass has a problem with me. The question was have you ever heard off me having a problem with anyone." They are silent.
"Exactly." I smile. "Word from the wise shut you big gobs or I may have to shut them for you." I bring my hand to my lips and turn it as if locking a door before throwing away the key.
"Is that a threat?" Blackie says trying not to look scared but her trembling hand deceives her.
"If that's how you want to see it but I call it a word of advice."
Blondie steps forward. She's got guts, too bad I don't like guts. She starts to square me up but then just to add fuel to the fire Jordan Panlly grabs my arm and pulls me away.
"What are you doing? Haven't you heard the rumours? " I say.
"Sure I have but they aren't true. Yet." He wiggles his eyebrows.
"Oh my merlin, don't do that again it makes you look like a pervert." I laugh, a proper laugh. I feel like I haven't laughed in weeks.
"By the way, just for future reference, It is seriously unattractive for girls to fight but I do like a girl who can throw a good punch." He winks. I grin
"Are you flirting with me Jordan? Cause ill have you know I'm take…" I go silent, my minute of laughing gone. I'm not taken.
"Hey, why don't we go for a walk down buy the lake?"
"Yeh, that sounds good."
"Not worried people will talk?
"They already are." We walk down to the lake, away from everyone's prying eyes.
"Back there I was flirting with you but I wasn't hitting on you. I just wanted to see you smile again. Emma we have all been worried about you. You haven't been coming to quidditch training and it only been two weeks but some people in Gryffindor are talking about how you should be kicked off the team. Even your brother hasn't been the same without you. What is going on and I don't mean to sound blunt but it isn't just about your father, is it?"
"No, it's not. Everything just got on top of me and I broke down but I guess I didn't pick myself up very well. Can I tell you something? But you have to promise not to judge me or tell anyone else." He just smiles and nods. I take a deep breathe, no use backing down now. "Do you know Kevin Ewing?" he nods again. "The night I was told my father died, he found me in the forest, Ewing I mean. Something snapped inside me and well long story short I took away all his memories, snapped his wand in half and then left him to live the life of a wanted man in London."
"That is… freakin awesome, you bad ass." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Don't praise me on something I did that was wrong." I hit him on the arm but I can't help but smile at the fact that he didn't judge me.
Suddenly we hear an awful screech, it pierces my ears. A glowing stag flouts towards us. "Emma come quick! We need you." I hear my brothers voice before the stag disappears.
tell me what you think might be happening and please review, it makes me happy and pushes me to write more. hope you enjoyed reading:)