Christmas Stress
Everyone finished picking a paper out from the red Santa hat. Some of their faces crinkled in disgust when they saw the name written on their paper, while others grew a devilish grin on their face.
Christmas was a week from now, and everyone in the household decided it'd be fun to shake things up this year with a little game of Secret Santa. Now it was three days before Christmas Eve. And Cloud still hadn't got a gift for the person he was being a Secret Santa for; Tifa. He realized this when he and Zack were goofing around in their shared room.
"I wonder who they're wrapping gifts for?" Zack mused to himself. Aerith and Tifa were both downstairs somewhere, gift wrapping. The duo had been sent to their room because they were forbidden from taking a peek.
"Marlene and Denzel?" Cloud guessed as he carefully balanced another card atop of his impressive house of cards.
Zack shook his head. "No, they finished wrapping their gifts last week. And even if they hadn't, why wouldn't they let us watch as they wrapped them?" he asked, surprisingly logically
Cloud was just about to finish the impressive house that he had been working on for the last hour. Just this last king of spades...
"THATS IT!" the ravenette shouted enthusiastically. He jumped up, causing a gust of wind that made the card house teeter and fold in on itself, resulting in a messy pile of cards.
Cloud gritted his teeth and balled his fists into his spikes in frustration.
"The Secret Santa thingy, remember?" Zack asked innocently, oblivious to his blonde pals aggrivaition. "They're our Secret Santas!" He face palmed in a 'duh!' fashion. Why hadn't he realized that earlier?
"Oh shit!" Cloud exclaimed as he too slapped his own hand over his pale forehead. Tifa's gift!
Cloud moaned as he put his hand down. "I forgot all about it. I didn't get Tifa anything yet!"
"Oooh, that's bad." Zack chuckled. "That's why I made Aerith a card. Simple!" He smiled cunningly and folded his arms across his chest.
Cloud rolled his eyes.
Just the other day. yesterday in fact, Zack was in a frantic frenzy when he realised Christmas Eve, when everyone was supposed to exchange gifts, was in a few days.
Cloud had found his raven-haired friend that day in Marlene's room, lying on her fluffy white throw rug, scribbling away on a folded piece of neon green construction paper. To Cloud, Zack looked utterly pathetic as he crudely created his last minute gift like the cheap boyfriend he was.
"I'm not cheap!" Zack had protested while he wrote 'I LOVE U!' in alternating red and green crayon. "Just sentimental. Homemade gifts are from the heart and better than anything from the store, you know." he added. And anyways, didn't Cloud know it saved wrapping paper and tape by just making a simple card? It'll especially save all the hassle of winding the paper around a gift, especially after last year's incident...
Snorting, Cloud answered back with, "Aerith is going to be super dissapointed. She really wanted a Crock Pot."
Zack cringed at the mention of the cooking utility "Have you ever had Aerith's cooking? I'm sorry, but I don't want to stimulate her urge to make more Surprise Stew!" he muttered in disgust.
Marlene, who was dressing a doll beside her favorite uncle, gasped.
Before the little girl could run down the stairs and tattle on him to Aerith, Zack clasped his hand over her mouth like a hostage and whispered, "This stays between you and me, alright? If Auntie Aerith hears about this she'll kick me so hard in the no-no spot I won't be able to bike with you anymore."
The young girls eyes widened in horror at the thought. She loved to chase Zack on her mini tricycle!
She quickly nodded her head and zipped her lips. "I won't!" she chirped convincingly. Zack smiled and patted her on the head.
Zack went over to the hardly used hamper in the room and brought out the completed card from its hiding spot. He shoved it in Cloud's face mockingly.
"Can't you cut straight Zack? The front cover looks more like a triangle than a rectangle!" Cloud exclaimed at the card obviously made without much talent.
Pulling the card protectively to his chest, Zack defended himself. "It's not my fault they almost held me back in kindergarten 'cause I couldn't cut right!"
Shaking his head, Cloud sighed. You learned more and more about Zack, even when you thought it was already impossible by how much he talked about himself.
"Do you have any idea what to even get her?" Zack asked, suddenly changing the subject. He tossed the card back into the hamper, only to get crumpled.
Cloud flicked a playing card and watched it as it skittered across the table and shot right into the empty card pack. "I don't even know. I don't want to get her something crummy compared to whatever spectacular gift she has in mind for me." he answered glumly. Knowing Tifa, she'd probably buy him another Fenrir.
"Hmm, I got an idea!" Zack exclaimed as he hopped up from his cross-legged position on the floor "I'll just go downstairs and see." he answered simply.
"I don't think they'd just let you-"
Zack waved his hand rudely at him. "Shush, I got this!" he reassured him in a sing-song voice.
Cloud stayed in the room as Zack sauntered over to the top of the stairs. The blonde heard the other man hollared down, "HEY! CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM?"
From downstairs, Cloud could hear Aerith yell back, "I don't know, can you? Or are you having those problems again?" she and Tifa giggled from somewhere on the first floor.
"NOT FUNNY!" Zack shouted back, embarrassed. The whole household didnt need to know about that!
"Nice try, Zack. There's a bathroom up there!" Tifa called impatiently.
Zack slunked back into their room in defeat and shut the door.
"Did you see anything?" Cloud asked sarcastically. Since when would a plan formed by Zack actually work?
"Negatory." the ravenette confirmed.
Cloud thought for a moment. What did women like? Especially someone like Tifa...
New gloves? No, thats a cheesy gift. . . Oh, a gift card to one of those Wutain Massage places! That won't be a good idea, Tifa just might punch the masseuse in the jaw for feeling on her or something. But Tifa does like jewelry. That'd be perfect! She treasures the tear-drop earrings she always wears given to her by her father. Maybe Cloud could find a beautiful bracelet to match?
Grabbing his wallet and coat, Cloud announced, "I know what to get her!" and quickly rushed out the door. He was a man on a mission.
"Whoa, is this the North Pole?" Zack marveled, jaw dropped.
To little children (and grown men with the mentality of one), it was. Santa was still visiting the Edge Mall, asking little kiddies what they wanted for Christmas as he 'ho-ho-ho'-ed almost wickedly.
The gargantuan North Pole set-up was in the middle of the mall. There was a giant gingerbread mansion complete with gumdrop roof tiles and licorice window drapes. The garden was covered in fluffy fake snow and was fenced in. Children were throwing tantrums in the line for waiting over two minutes as they waited to sit on the fat, disguised pedo's lap.
A strange snorting sound attracted Zack's attention. He ran around the side of the fake gingerbread house and stopped cold when he reached the back of it.
"Look, Cloudy! Mooses!" the man exclaimed as he gripped the fencing that penned in the many 'mooses' excitedly and hoped up and down in glee. They were HUGE!
Cloud glanced over, unintrested in the herd of moose wearing fake reindeer antlers upon their heads, over the already exsisting ones. Cloud shook his head. Why not get regular reindeer? This ghetto attempt of incognito moose was just pathetic.
"Meese." Cloud wrongly corrected the ravenette.
Zack looked down at the shorter man with pleading eyes. "Cloudy, can you buy me it?" he asked, sticking his lower lip out for emphasis.
Cloud made the most deadpanliest deapan face in the history of deadpan faces. "I left the buy-one-get-one free coupon at home." Cloud responded bitterly. Zack frowned in disappointment.
"Can we go back and get it then?" Zack asked seriously, hope flooding his eyes pitifully.
Suddenly, before Cloud could respond with a very sarcastic Vincent Valentine-like remark, a child shrieked from the front of the gingerbread house, where Santa Claus was located.
"Nooooo!" a ten year old boy shouted as he was kicked down the slide connected to Santa's throne by the 'jolly' man himself.
Wasn't that child abuse? Cloud started to pull his cellphone out of his pocket to do the most over-reacting thing, and call the cops.
Zack jumped at the random squawk from the child, his elbow unlatching the gate of the moose pen.
The child's shout echoed and boomed due to the mall's odd architecture.
A moose stampede was the result.
Mothers shouted for their children and workers from nearby stores poked their heads out from their store of employment to see what all the hubabaloo was about.
The duo dodged the angered crew of moose as they bulldozed their way out of confinement, the silly reindeer horns adorned with bells flying off everywhich way.
"No, come back!" Zack shouted to the renegade beasts as they rushed past him. Just as he was going to lasso the closest one with a string of sparkly tinsel, Cloud dragged him out of it's path. A second later and Zack would have been like an annoying piece of gum under it's hoof.
Cloud made a mad dash to the mall's jewelry stole, poor unfortunate Zack getting dragged along for the ride as he was being clutched practically by the neck.
The store filled with valuable jewels was in complete pandemonium when a midget dressed as an elf from Santa's gingerbread house warned them of the moose on the loose. People screamed and bolted out of the store, trying to save their lives once they saw the large animals change their course towards the store.
Cloud and Zack were the only idiots who stayed within Stampede Central. The blonde frantically peered into each glass container, searching for something decent. His eyes widened when he finally saw what he was seeking.
A dainty silver chain made with teardrop-shaped links was embellished with diamonds, as creamy pearls were set into the bracelete's heart shaped clasp.
There was just one tiny problem. How was he going to get it out of the case and purchase it? All of the sales personal had fled the store.
He bit his lip thoughtfully. He looked over his shoulder to locate Zack, who was stunned by the sparkliness of something under the briliant lights of the display case.
Normally, he wouldn't do this. Not at all.
His conscience bickered with him, telling him it was a perfectly a-okay solution to the current situation.
Ah, fuck it. It had to be done, especially if he didn't want Tifa constantly making him feel guilty for not getting her a gift.
Cloud brought up his elbow and smashed it into the top of the glass display. The unattractively lumpy sweater Yuffie had knit him one year did the trick at protecting his arm from the shards. The ugly muave-ish murk-colored monstrosity would probably be the only thing to survive a nuclear war. But the blonde didn't have the heart to attempt throwing it in the furnace. Mainly because Yuffie WOULD find out.
An abnoxious squeaky-sounding alarm blared throughout the stare, notifying no one of the hoodlum robbery.
Everyone sat anxiously around the living room (except Vincent, the man was a scrooge when it came to Christmas. Even though he promoted it with his festive cape).
"Me first!" Yuffie shouted posesively. Before anyone could object, she crammed something under Scrooge's nose.
Retreating slightly, Vincent mechanically took the package and carefully sliced the tape with surgeon-like precision. Once peeling off the wrapping, he sighed behind the tall collar of the cape.
"What'd ya get, Uncle Vinnie?" Marlene asked eagerly. By the looks of it, her 'uncle' didn't seem to like whatever it was. Which meant she would get first dibs on the present!
Unwillingly, the demonic man lifted the object and displayed it for the rest of the room.
"'How to be a proper emo teenager'." Barret read, slowly pronouncing the syllables with a creased brow.
"' Fer' dummies.' " Cid finished, having as much trouble as Barret with the fourth grade reading level of the title.
Everyone exploded into giggles, except the two children sitting at the base of the Christmas tree. What was 'emo'?
"I wish I could have gotten coal instead." Vincent muttered to himself.
"What is coal, anyways?" Marlene asked.
Vincent answered her from underneath Yuffie, who was sprawled on his lap like an affectionate-not to mention annoying-house cat.
"It is a black graphite-like material used as fuel, formed from fossilized plants and consisting of amorphous carbon with various organic compounds." he defined scientifically for the children.
Yuffie rolled her eyes but snuggled closer to Vincent.
"So, if it's organic, can we eat it?" Denzel asked with a puzzled frown.
The demonic man shook his head. "Not if you plan on missing a front tooth."
No one caught onto the dry humour.
"Auntie Yuffie, will I get coal for Christmas?" the young girl asked with her big brown eyes that could melt anyones soul into a sparkly, rainbow-colored puddle of 'aww!'.
Shrugging, the tiny ninja answered breezily. "Not sure, kiddo." suddenly, a Cheshire smirk formed on her face.
"But why don'tcha ask Old Saint Nick, here?" she said, puting extra emphasis on the word 'old'. Vincent grimaced.
He wiggled to the side, trying to dump Yuffie off of him and onto the couch instead. She clung to his red cape and shook it about.
"That's why you have this, right Santa Claus?"
The childrens eye's lit up. They just found out their uncle was the SANTA CLAUS.
"No." the ravenette simply replied.
From his position across the room, Zack spoke up. "It's for his job as a Matador." The way he mimicked Vincent's deadpan face and flat tone cracked everyone up.
Apparently, everyone had the image of Vincent struggling to flee from an angered bull trying to stomp all over the man, but failed because of the tight pants he wore made from the bull's cousin.
The kids were confused.
"Auntie Yuffie, what's a Matador?" they spoke in unison, stumbling on the unfamiliar word.
Before Yuffie could get him more embarrased than he already was, Vincent quickly replied with "Nothing."
Vincent quickly brought out a bottle of clear colored liquor and silently handed it to Cid.
Cid's eyes went wide when he saw the label, "How'd ya get the cash to buy this, Vince?" Vincent opened his mouth to answer, but Cid thought it'd be wise not to hear the gory details of working for the WRO. He held up a hand, "Never mind" Cid opened the top and took a swig out of the bottle.
Barret shook an un-wrapped box in front of Yuffie's face, who was currently distracted with twirling Vincent's hair around her finger.
She greedily snatched the present, accidentally yanking her boyfriend's hair in the process. Upon opening it, her devious smirk broke and fell off her face. She glared at the darker skinned man.
"Do you think this is supposed to be funny?" she ground out as she held up the bra that she could probably use as pants.
Aerith gasped. "It definetly isn't funny!" she snatched the pink bra out of Yuffie's hand and clutched it to her. "You don't go through a woman's drawers, Barret, especially mine!" the woman scolded him.
Cid whacked Barret on the back of the head and flicked something at the bigger mans face. Before the gunman could back-hand the pilot, he noticed the box that bounced off his face and onto his lap.
"Cigarettes?" the gruff man grumbled. He picked them up only to have them snatched from the blonde, a smirk on the pilot's face.
"Well thanks fer the gift!" Cid chuckled sarcastically. He pocketed the green box. Barret growled at the blonde.
It was now Cloud's turn. He brought out the slender box and handed it to Tifa with a small smile "Merry Christmas, Tifa." the garnet eyed woman 'aww'ed and pecked the blonde on the cheek.
When she opened the box, her hands flew to her mouth. "Oh my God, Cloud! It's so beautiful!" she exclaimed as she quickly clasped it onto her wrist, tracing the pearls. Everyone watched in awe at the beautiful piece of jewelry. "How much was it?" she asked. It seemed like it was something pretty pricey. . .
Cloud froze and fumbled for an answer. "Uh, I got a discount on it. Yeah, a really great discount." he mumbled vaguely. There was no way he was ever going to tell her that he STOLE it. The realization of the robbery suddenly hit him and he instantly felt the heavy guilt drop on his shoulders.
Zack whipped out his little arts and crafts project and presented it to Aerith.
"Oh." she said, half disapointed and half surprised. She took the card and opened it. "How charming." she smiled lightly.
Zack nudged Cloud and mouthed 'homemade, baby!'. Cloud muttered back, "Cheap."
The duo waited for their girlfriend's to hand them their Secret Santa gifts. The girls looked at one another uneasily.
"We sort of. . ." Tifa began but stopped and chewed on her lip, nervously playing with her new bracelet.
"Didn't get you guys anything." Aerith finished. "We forgot."
But. . .Weren't they wrapping gifts for them earlier that week?
Cloud spoke, "Who were you gift wrapping for, then?"
Tifa descreatley pointed to Marlene and Denzel, who still believed in Santa. "We didn't finish fast enough." she said sadly, her face apologetic.
So, in a way, this was all Zack's fault? He was the one who first put the idea in his blonde head that they were wrapping the kid's gifts.
Zack sheepishly looked at the blonde. He giggled nervously. "Heya there, Cloudy."
Happy Holidays everyone! Pig out to your hearts content and then make it up with long jogging sessions (like I plan on doing xD) I hope Santa Claus treats you all nicely this year ;D Anyone notice the 'A Christmas Story' reference? And I actually have a teacher who almost stayed back because his cutting skills were lacking! xD Also, I'm thinking about making a sequel to this, continuing with this collections of destruction-filled oneshots. What do you guys think? I've been thinking about starting fresh for a whole now.
Anyways, review and let me know what you thought! :3
~Sabby-Sama