I own nothing from NCIS and make no money from this story! If I did own them there would be some wicked story lines! LOL! But for now I shall merely play with them and return them very sated!

A huge thanks goes to my most excellent Beta-Amy- without whom this would not be as polished! Kudos to her for her great work and wanting to work with a nut like me! Trust me! And I lover her all the more for it!

Come by my facebook page- always a riot! Sometimes great eye candy as well! Facebook./gibbsandtonysbabe Always happy to have you drop by!

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I can't tell you how much I appreciate everyone's response! It means the world to me! All you guest reviewers I send love to since I can't respond! I love you all! This story has grown from where my muse had originally led me- there is a great deal more to this story. I hope that you all continue to enjoy the journey!

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Tony nervously wrung hands as he tried to gather his thoughts before Ducky returned with Abby and she came crashing through his door. He had been inexplicably grateful when Jethro and Ducky had told everyone that visiting was to wait until he was at home and had his bearings.

Care packages still arrived at the hospital in forms of food, treats, movies and books to show support, but everyone understood that he had a lot to work out before he felt like having company. To have everyone respect his boundaries meant more to him than he or she would ever know.

He really wasn't ready to show a happy façade armed with his rapier quick wit, not that Jethro would let him hide behind that anyway. He and Ducky had been very clear on that from the get go and he sure as hell didn't want to get on the bad side of those two.

It had taken some reassurances and slight convincing but he had managed not to beat himself up too badly after confronting Jethro and Ducky. Didn't mean that he liked it, though he had to admit it felt good to get it off his chest and out in the open.

Abby was an entirely different story, but that didn't excuse her actions as he was reminded none too gently. He was beginning to understand and accept everyone should be held accountable for the choices they made as he continued to dredge up things from the dark depths of his soul. He could do this- he had to do this.

The words Jethro spoke kept going through his mind repeatedly and each time he heard them he struggled less and less and began to accept them at face value. He was worth it.

Tony sighed as memories were hauled to the surface he had once thought buried too deeply to rise again. He really didn't want to examine them; the pain that came with them was unbearable. He sure as hell didn't feel like he could reconcile his pain by a dead parent and as for the pain inflicted by his father, he was going to have to dig deep to even touch the surface. It was possible that he would never be able to be free from more than a small portion of that.

He had inadvertently idolized his mother upon her death more than likely because he was so young and simply couldn't allow himself to remember her anything other than loving. She had been a loving mother and they had happy times together but there was a dark side to her as well. That side only showed up when she had been drinking and unfortunately, it had been more often than not.

He hadn't been kidding when he had mentioned that she drank his sea monkeys, the canopy bed or her desire to continue to dress him in sailor suits far beyond the acceptable age and that was just the tip of the iceberg. So he had to make peace with her actions without the ability to confront her and he had done so.

But his father was a different ballgame and he knew that he would need to confront the man eventually. He held no illusions that anything would come of that and truthfully, it wasn't for Senior that he wanted such a confrontation.

He expected nothing more from his father than total denial for anything he had done and felt he would turn things around to place blame elsewhere anyway. But he needed to take charge of their relationship and father or not he wanted to inform the man that unless he had designs on building a real and accepting relationship with him, he should stay away. He was all grown up now and no longer needed nor required parental approval, or so he kept reminding himself.

Tony knew that ending the merry-go-round, revolving door relationship with his father would on one hand be liberating and the other devastating. Just because the confrontation was the healthy thing for him to do did not make it easy, something he had learned quickly over the past few days.

He looked at the clock. Ducky would return in about an hour with Abby in tow. Sensing Jethro's gaze upon him he looked up and met his blue eyes which were full of concern as he waited for him to vocalize what was on his mind.

"Jet…"

Sensing the hesitation as Tony struggled to put words to his thoughts, he quietly waited for the younger man to continue.

"All this talking and bringing up the crap that I buried – I had to look at my parents too and am starting to see things more clearly than I had been or more truthfully, allowed myself to."

"I need to see my father", Tony bitterly chuckled, "if he can be bothered. But more than that, I need to set some ground rules or rather one rule." He looked up; his eyes clearly reflected the pain he was feeling. Taking a deep breath he spurred forward determined to get out all at once.

"I only want him in my life if he can be supportive, accepting, and real." Tony began to struggle to get it all out. "I don't want a father, I want a dad. One who believes I matter, believes in me, who visits just because he misses me, one who's proud of what I do and who I am. One that loves me for me. Is that too much to ask?"

"No, Tony that is not too much to ask. You have always deserved that and more."

"Then why does it feel like the world is crashing in?" Pain marked every word.

"Because it's your father. Every kid wants that and most fathers are like that without request. It hurts because you know it is not likely to happen no matter how much you want it to."

Jethro watched as uncertainty and resignation flickered across Tony's face.

Tony continued in a quiet subdued whisper. "Maybe I should just forget about it."

Jethro kept his gaze on Tony. "Will that make you feel better than confronting him?"

The younger man shook his head. "Yes." As the word slipped from his mouth he knew that was true and it pissed him off. "What the fuck Jethro? Do I need to lay my soul bare down to the thread that is holding it together? Are you enjoying seeing me this way? Hell for all I know maybe you're getting off on this and are beginning to realize that my father is right." His breathing was ragged as he continued, "That I am worthless and belong in the gutter. Maybe I don't feel like putting a spotlight on the charade that made up my family anymore and would prefer living in the land of denial that I built. Did anyone ever stop to consider that?"

Jethro cocked an eyebrow and looked at Tony. "Hey if that is what you want to do, go ahead. Hide it away and let it eat at you. Then when your father comes you can let him poke at the wounds he gave you and make them bleed again."

Glaring at Tony, he moved closer to the bed. "But don't for one minute think that I believe your father is right, I don't. You have never been worthless and sure as hell won't end up in the gutter. Don't put words in my mouth."

"It's your decision Tony, always has been. But remember how well denial and burying this shit has worked for you so far. Nobody ever said that this was going to be easy, but I know that you can do it."

"I'm fucking tired Jethro. I have been fighting off this shit since I was a child. My mom, dad, relatives, and I could go on. I want the damn sticker that says 'Kick Me' removed and to be able to look at people without always having to question their motives. I. Am. Tired. Of. People. Fucking. With. Me." Tony shouted from the top of his lungs.

Jethro looked at Tony and quietly said. "Then do something about it."

As if a light bulb went on above Tony's head, everything made sense. He knew logically what talking to Jethro and Ducky meant and what it was doing for him, along with the confrontation with Abby. However, this was the first time that he felt it throughout his entire body and actually felt his shattered belief in himself being mended back together.

Raising his green eyes to meet blue he knew that no matter what Jethro believed in him and if he stumbled along the way he would be there to pick him up. He could do this and more than that, he needed to do this.

"Damn."

Jethro reached over and brushed the hair off Tony's forehead. "I'll support you whatever you decide. I told you that when you agreed to open up to me and Ducky all decisions are up to you. I'll encourage you not to bury shit again and gladly play devil's advocate giving you honesty. But ultimately what you chose to do is up to you."

"I know", giving Jethro a half smile, "sucks sometimes. I'd rather you made the decisions; I mean you're the boss."

Jethro chuckled. "Not in our private life Tony, we're equal partners."

Tony's grin was a bit brighter than before. "I like that, don't think I have ever had that Jet."

"First time for everything."

Tony sighed and looked over at the wall. "Yeah", picking at the covers with his fingers, "Then I'm going to do it. Stand up to my father for the first time. Time for me to put on my big boy pants."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Like I'm doing what's best for me."

Jethro grabbed Tony's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Proud of you Tony."

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Ducky made his way down to the lab to pick up Abby, deciding earlier to drive her in so that he could prepare her somewhat. He was already painfully aware of how difficult this confrontation would be for Anthony and hoped by making Abby understand, he could ease the way for the young man.

He walked into her lab and smiled as she barely contained her enthusiasm.

"Abigail may we sit for a moment before we make our way to see Anthony?"

Puzzled, she nodded and grabbed the remote to turn off the music. "Of course. I'm just excited. I just can't wait to see him. It's been hard waiting, ya know? I thought you and Gibbs were waiting till he was released from the hospital." Abby began to pace and wave her arms excitedly. "But, hey that's cool, I need to see him and give him a hug. I mean I have been giving him hugs in my mind but it's not the same."

She turned and looked at Ducky with a panicked look on her face. "Oh my God…he's alright isn't he?"

"I assure you Abigail, Anthony is on the road to recovery." Ducky quickly reassured her. "But he is going through a lot and beginning to open up. I need you to do something for me that is going to be a bit of a challenge for you my dear."

"I need you to contain your exuberance a bit and your natural curiosity. Wait for Anthony to show you what he needs. We're finding that he has been hiding a great deal of pain underneath that smile."

Abby narrows her eyes. "Who Duckman? Nobody hurts my Tony. I'll take care of them just tell me who."

"Then we have a problem my dear."

"Why?"

"You would have to dispose of Jethro and myself along with a myriad of others."

Abby shakes her head. "You two would never hurt Tony."

"Perhaps not intentionally, but we have hurt him none the less." Ducky gave Abby a pointed look.

Abby lowered her eyes and whispered. "I've hurt him too haven't I?"

"I am afraid so my dear but you are certainly not alone in that regard. I want you to listen to Anthony and if he decides to share that pain with you, make sure that you hear him. Do not ask if he has something to tell you, he needs to open up on his terms. Do not make excuses for your actions; only see them through his eyes and how he felt."

"If that's what he needs Ducky. Anything for Tony." Two tears rolled down her cheeks. "I never meant to hurt him."

"I'm sure you didn't my dear and I am certain that he is aware of that on some level. But that does not negate the fact that you and the rest of us have caused Anthony a great deal of pain."

Abby nodded.

Ducky sent her a smile. "It's always harder when friends and family are involved. The pain sinks to a deeper level and is harder to erase from the mind. But Anthony has risen to the task of healing and I have no doubt that he will be successful."

"Will he forgive us Ducky?"

"Anthony has shown great propensity for forgiveness since I have known him. I have no doubt that he will if we in turn are truthful in our apologies."

Abby took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "I'm ready Ducky. Time for me to face the music."