Allowing children to show their guilt, show their grief, show their anger, takes the sting out of the situation. – Martha Beck

I chickened out.

I stared into my grandfather's golden eyes and just couldn't do it. Maybe there really was bliss in ignorance because I knew that it was worse for my family to know about Alec and my feelings for him then them not knowing.

Who was I kidding? They'd never understand.

Dad was keeping quiet because he believed I needed some growing up and Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper were just being weird (but I really think they all just still secretly hate Jacob, that's all). The rest of my family would be horrified, especially my mother who would be appalled her precious baby was in love with one of the world's deadliest vampires (but pedophilic werewolves she had no problem with).

I stormed out of Grandpa Carlisle's office in a rush, making some lame excuse about homework and checking on Chelsie. Both were lies.

I bumped into Alec on my way out.

"Whoa, hey! What's wrong?" He asked as I tried to move past him. I was too upset to care really, all I wanted was to go back to my dorm and hide under the covers in shame.

He grasped me by the arms and didn't let me go. "What's wrong?" He asked more forcefully this time and I stare into the reds hidden beneath blue contacts before I shake my head and refuse to answer.

He must have seen something in my expression because he softened and let me go. "What do you want to do, Renesmee?"

"Dorms." I uttered out, not trusting myself with long sentences.

He nodded and we got into my car. The drive was quiet and awkward with Alec obviously wanting to ask questions and with me not wanting to answer them. I let him drive only because my concentration was shot.

I was overcome by guilt and…fear. Fear? Because I was so afraid of my family finding out about this. Alec was just outside the hospital my grandfather was in. What if Grandpa Carlisle had followed me? He would've seen Alec and…and everything would be ruined.

I couldn't handle that. Just like any foolish girl in love, the thought of Alec being ripped away from me hurt. It was unimaginable.

And then the guilt would overcome it. Because I was still lying.

It was a painful cycle.

By the time we arrived at the dorms, I felt so worn down, my walking was sluggish. I counted my steps as I made my way up the building and into my dorm.

As I collapsed on my bed, Alec took the seat by my desk and stared at me.

The sight of his eyes staring at me was the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and slept.

I woke up to something tickling my face, I tried to bat it away but it just moved to my nose causing me to sneeze. I opened my eyes grudgingly and saw Alec leaning over me with a feather duster. I blink at this sight, too confused to process what was happening before he started tickling my face again.

I swat him away and he cackled as I groaned in misery. Asshole.

He took a seat beside me as he put the feather duster down, his fingers moving the hair covering my face. "Morning, beautiful,"

On any other day I would've been flattered by Alec calling me beautiful but I was simply too grumpy that moment to start blushing and stuttering like the fool I usually was around him. "Alec, fuck off."

"Nope," He retorted, tugging on my hair as I squinted up at him. "I have plans for us today. Now, get up."

I scowled at him in misery. Couldn't I enjoy my Sunday in peace?

But no, Alec wanted us to go somewhere and that was exactly how we ended up outside a museum with Alec covered in layers of hoodies and sweaters, looking ready to face Antarctica.

"I…look ridiculous," He muttered unhappily to myself and I rejoiced in his misery.

I stifled a laugh. "I agree, but you can't go around sparkling, sparkleson. People already think you have a severe case of pink eye."

He glared at me petulantly but didn't say anything else, just moved closer to the entrance of the museum. The guard let us in without fuss.

"What are we doing here anyway?" I asked, the curiosity nearly killing me. "Isn't this place closed today?"

"It is," He replied cockily, rolling his eyes at me for stating the obvious. I wanted to punch him but I restrained myself. "But I have friends in higher places, little girl."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Whatever."

"Come on," He said grasping my hand. "Let's start the tour."

Alec showed me the galleries with the skills of someone who knew art like he breathed air. He was well-educated about the paintings and statues and my head felt full with knowledge by the time we were done.

"Why'd you take me here?" I asked as we stopped in front of one large painting and sat down by the floor.

"This is our first date," He stated, shocking me. My eyes are wide as he continued. "Wanted to do something non-linear,"

This was our first date? I didn't think it was a date. It never even crossed my mind…

I felt myself blushing.

I was on a date.

With Alec.

My first date ever.

Heck, I always thought my first date (in my younger self's delusions) would be more...romantic. Complete with a string quartet, a nice dinner, some fireworks - the whole shebang. Instead I got an oddly overdressed vampire and a museum tour.

The cruelty of it all. I wish I was drunk.

And like magic, Alec whipped out a bottle of wine and glasses.

Or at least, I thought it was wine.

"Is that…?" I don't finish my question and he raised an eyebrow at me as he hands me a full glass.

"You will take what I give you and you will be happy about it."

I try to protest and he looked at me curiously.

""Have you ever even tasted…?"

"That doesn't matter."

His eyes held a challenge. Without thinking, I swallowed the contents of the glass.

The blood felt delicious on my tongue.

I didn't feel guilty at all and that scared me.

Because I thought, I was so close to the ending and what the hell.