NOWHERE TO TURN: 4693-397
I have come to the realization that the best way for me to spy on Raoul was by using the only window of opportunity that he has provided me with through his letter. If he was jealous of Trithorax, then maybe he was more willing to divulge secrets if I got more under his skin. Would that be ethical, Artemisia? I mean, if he really is a thug of the sort who would traffic with his own kind and with little kids, then he deserves this, doesn't he? I mean, Papa is right. Sacrifice hurts.
I sent an email to Trithorax this morning, asking him to meet me in the chat room around nine tonight. I want to talk to him. There are so many things I need to hear his opinion on. About the recording, the girls, the whole mole business, the dream I had about him, saying his name out loud… all those crazy things, including Papa Downs and X-breed... by Jupiter's grace, my dream about Raoul too. I don't know how he will take that. Perhaps I should shut up about it.
BlueBunny logged on 397: 20'55 Magellan Firewall opens portal KJNDB-897349-493.
Trithorax logged on 397: 20'57. Magellan Firewall opens portal IGBHL-3682-9932.
BlueBunny
Oh, I have missed you so much, love. I am so glad to see you here I really, really need to talk to you before I go crazy here. Two minutes seemed like an eternity before you logged on.
Trithorax
Hi. Love? Wow, what a reception. I like that. I could have you say that to me all night. :D
BlueBunny
Love?
Trithorax
Yes… I never get tired of it. I am sorry, by the way.
BlueBunny
About what? :-/
Trithorax
About not being here for quite some time. About not having time to chat other than through emails. I have been caught up in something.
BlueBunny
Oh, yeah? Caught up in what?
Trithorax
Unfortunately, not in something good. I friend of mine is from a pretty good family. His sister was taken to the Pet Academy when she was about 10. Everything was great, I mean she seemed to enjoy it too. You know all the pampering and the nice stuff they get and so on. Well, a few days ago she turned up dead. She was to be shipped away to Lord Issant. They had the burial yesterday and I was invited.
BlueBunny
Was she pregnant?
Trithorax
Um… yeah… How did you know?
BlueBunny
It doesn't matter. This is so sick.
Trithorax
I know… but at least I am glad I have you here. How are you?
BlueBunny
So many stupid things have happened lately. I would really need to talk to you in private. Can you meet me at the cemetery?
Trithorax
When?
BlueBunny
Tonight.
Trithorax
I am a little tired tonight. It's been a long week. Tomorrow?
BlueBunny
Please Tri. I am begging you.
Trithorax
All right. I will do it, but don't leave me waiting for long this time.
BlueBunny
I will get to you no matter what. And Tri… I have a small request.
Trithorax
Isn't this a request in itself?
BlueBunny
Please?
Trithorax
sigh I can't deny you anything, can I? Well, tell me what it is.
BlueBunny
I want you to wear your training kit and nothing underneath.
Trithorax
laughing BB, it's freezing outside.
BlueBunny
Please.
Trithorax
Fine. Can I at least wear some shoes?
BlueBunny
Shoes and trainers and something warm for you. See you in a little while.
BlueBunny logged off 397: 21'05 Magellan Firewall closes portal KJNDB-897349-493.
Trithorax logged off 397: 21'05. Magellan Firewall closes portal IGBHL-3682-9932.
I will get ready to meet with Trithorax. I am confused, frustrated and I need to talk and to have some affection. I know I am crazy, but I've decided to give myself to Tri tonight. I wonder if he'll reject me? I can never have Raoul but I can love Tri. At least in this shady kind of way, at a distance and without faces. As I started speaking to him I remembered how much I really loved him. I am feeling so many emotions right now. I don't know when I'll be able to write to you again I guess you'll see when that happens.
CONFUSION: 4693-398
It's early morning. I'm already in at work, but no one else is here. I had left Trithorax at the motel and came directly here. I didn't sleep that much last night. I met with Trithorax at the cemetery just as planned.
I was there first. The rain was in the air but only like a soft spray. The winds had stopped blowing and apart from the cold, it was quite a nice evening. I heard the footsteps of Trithorax approaching about half an hour after my arrival. He sat down behind me on the bench and I knew he would be searching for my hands above the back support. I lifted my hands and our fingers intertwined. It was our little erotic kiss and I really enjoyed feeling his skin like that.
"How are you, my sweet Bunny?" He whispered softly and with that he stole my heart. I had to gather strength to start focusing on my task. I opened up and we had a long talk. I told him everything. My findings about Dr Hannoh and the current trap I am in; having to spy and undermine my boss in exchange for my freedom in the future. I also told him about the meeting in Tashjian and my dream during which I spoke his name, and even about my warm feelings towards by boss when Raoul held me tight. I confessed that at that particular moment the most important people in my life merged into one and I couldn't keep them separate. I wanted to feel Raoul close, just as I had dreamt about Trithorax. He let go of a few nasty comments about me following my dick rather then my head, but I understood his sudden anger. He calmed very quickly, however, and his fingers were searching for mine again. To my surprised he wanted to hear more. More details, that is. What exactly was it that I had dreamt about and what was it I felt, either towards Raoul or towards him. I couldn't speak of my feelings, never have.
I stood up and started walking. I left him on the bench and I didn't acknowledge him even when I heard his voice calling for me. I stopped but didn't turn around. As I had expected, he began walked after me and when his footsteps were rasping against the asphalt, I kept on walking. It was like a game of hunter and prey. I walked way ahead and paused in between crowds until I was certain he was following me. I fought my way through a sea of people, closely hunted by the only hunter I was willing to be caught by. I only turned swiftly now and then to catch a glimpse of him. The hood of my jacket was masking my face in the darkness it provided, so was his. Whenever I halted so did Tri and he wouldn't move until he saw me take another step. I was almost like a game of lovers, the kind you read about in novels where the girl in her impressive gown runs through a maze of trimmed bushes of roses and juniper and is tirelessly pursued by her eager lover.
I ran across the street and stopped in front of a simple motel from where I shouted beyond the cars hovering in hundreds past us on both sides of the street.
"Wait a few minutes, then come in. You know what name to ask for."
I rented a room for the night. It was a simple little motel, but equipped with everything one wanted. These places were most often rented by youngsters on a drive-through or by adults needing a safe haven for lust and pleasures for a night or two. Oh yes, I've been here before and I knew that the rooms also had all the equipment needed for a successful night for all tastes. I stepped into the room and closed the blinders towards the city. It made the room pitch black and almost like a whole to another dimension. I took off my clothes with haste. I was hit by the thought that perhaps I shouldn't do this, but I didn't feel the same warning lights flash inside my head as I usually did. I wasn't unsure, although I was a bit insecure. I had left he door unlocked and just as I stepped out of the bathroom I heard Tri knock on the door. I stayed away from the doorway so that the light from the hall would not fall on my face and invited him in.
As soon as he closed the door, I attacked him with my kisses. I pinned him to the door and pressed my tongue inside his mouth. It was so delicious to feel so liberated from bonds. I tasted every sweet corner inside his mouth. I chased his tongue and lured into my mouth until he was moaning for me to give him more. Artemisia, he is such a good kisser. It burned. I ripped the clothes from his body, during which I was reluctant to release him with my lips. His hands were as eager as mine as he traced the length of my back with his warm palms and stopped at my bottom that filled his cupped hands. He pressed his body against mine and our sensual battle continued towards the bed. He covered me with kisses from the neck to the stomach but as I requested he did not continue past my hips. It didn't matter, every touch was like a separate little orgasm exuding from his hands. I was so excited. I hungered for something I had very seldom actually asked for. I had him lying on the bed and with fumbling hands and probing lips, I found his throbbing member. I didn't have to see it for I knew from before what it looked like, but I could taste it, swallow it, lick it and play with it as long as I wanted.
I heard his breath sometimes becoming irregular as my teasing was becoming too fervent. I stopped and attended to his thighs and stomach, petting until he calmed, then began the game all over again. I love his taste, his smell and the texture of every inch of his body. I loved his every touch, his every lustful sigh and every dirty little wish for me to satisfy him. I obeyed. Giving head to someone else has never been my favorite thing, but I let my imagination rule and made him enjoy every aspect of it until he filled me. I couldn't swallow, but he didn't seem to mind.
Tri pulled me up to his face and we continued kissing, caressing and tumbling around in the worn out bed. The blankets were quite soon in a heap on the floor. Usually, I get tense and a bit evasive when someone's hands and fingers are examining my portal, but not this time. I relaxed as much as I could, allowing for him to push one finger inside me as my hips began rocking, wanting him deeper. I rolled on top of him, straddling his hips and allowing for him to gain full access to me. It was really different wanting it so desperately as I needed it now. It was so different from being ordered as I had been in the past. I wanted more. He freed himself from underneath me and found his way behind me.
I was so overwhelmed with elation, I felt like my body was going to explode if I didn't get release. Trithorax licked my neck as he traced the length of my back with his hands. I grabbed hold of the pillows whilst his mouth moved along my back to my bottom. His teeth were deliciously sharp as he playfully bit my trembling muscles, and the feeling that swept over me as his deliciously cool and wet tongue circled me was beyond words. My body moved against my will. It swayed to catch and intensify every circle he completed over me whilst one hand was cupped around my groin, massaging and playing. I was so close to coming. He kept me on the edge, but before he had the chance to penetrate me, I turned and positioned him on his back. From the drawer beside the bed, I grabbed the single use lubricant this motel provided all guests with and attended both Tri and myself. I couldn't see his body, only a faint black silhouette, but my body remembered the movement as if I had been practicing it my whole life. I straddled his hips and sank down on his engorged penis. I felt like I would burst as the muscle stretched to its limit. It hurt me so badly in the beginning that I almost lost my appetite for sex. As if he almost sensed my aversion, Trithorax halted me in all my keenness and slowly inched his way in, supporting my weight with his arms so I wouldn't slide down too quickly. When he was fully inside me, I started rocking. Although the pain was present at all times, I was in need of release. I tried to position myself so that he would stimulate me with each movement. His occasional muffled moan excited me and I responded similarly to encourage his actions. I moved around, shifting and rocking but to no avail. Frustrated and angry, I threw my head back and exhaled my dejectedness.
I heard him panting in the dark below me; "What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry." I sighed and got off his hips. I stumbled into the bathroom where I almost collapsed in bitterness and shame. This was what I always tried to avoid. I buried my face in my hands, and myself in self-pity just about when I heard Tri's voice through the door.
"B? Are you all right?"
I felt like crying and roaring at the same time, but I responded with a meek voice.
"No."
"B, please. Just give me another chance. I know you hate being penetrated…"
"I don't hate it." I interrupted. "I just want to be able to do it too."
And it was true. I was more of a giver than a receiver. I longed so much being able to push myself inside someone. He asked me to come out and give him another chance. I am glad I managed to persuade my stubborn head to give in.
He overwhelmed me with his kisses that were burning my lips and neck like lava. I wanted him so badly still that I forgot all about the pain. I was insatiable but the fact remained that I was incomplete and incapable to feel the full extent of his offerings. We gave it another try, and though I was really eager to feel him and explore my own desires, I failed again. I stopped responding to his kisses and turned my head to the side as he distanced himself – supporting himself on his elbows. He asked me if he did something wrong. I panted beneath his heavy body and just shook my head. I knew he wouldn't be able to see it, but sometimes when you are so connected to someone, eyes are not even needed.
"Bunny, there has to be a way, and now that I have you in my arms, I am not letting you go… even if it takes me the entire night. Do you understand?"
His determination was so familiar in some odd way. I knew at that moment that there was no escape or reasoning. Besides, he brought up the very subject I wanted to avoid. Toys. It was a disgrace and I was ashamed. I could only come with the use of toys, but for him it was just a spice to his adventure.
"Open the top drawer." I sighed and he took out the vibrator. It was in a plastic-wrap, disinfected and ready to use. I heard as he tore the wrap open. I knew he was smiling, but I wasn't amused even if he tried to assure me there was nothing to be embarrassed about.
"If you were in my shoes, you'd be embarrassed too."
In the comfort of the darkness I grew brave enough to open my legs for him and the soft hum of the vibrator came to life. Then he asked me the most peculiar question.
"You want me to lick you the same time?"
"No!" I reacted in panic and put my hands around his face. As I calmed, I tried to explain. "I don't shave and apart from that… I can't let anyone touch me there. At least not yet, Tri."
I have to tell you, Artemisia, despite all my whims, demands and inhibitions, Trithorax didn't lose patience with me. The vibrator slipped inside me, maximally teasing my prostate until I stained and soaked the sheets beneath us, screaming his name. Trithorax threw himself lying next to me and I could hear the bliss exuding from his every breath. He was pleased knowing he had made me climax and rolled on top of to cover my lips and neck with kisses.
"Did you enjoy it, Bunny?"
I inhaled my breath as I tuned in on those sweet words and I asked him to repeat it again. I ran my fingers over his face and wrapped my arms around his strong body to hold him tight.
He said; "I think I really love you, B."
We were pretending again… and it felt so good. It was my little heaven for a night. I left my sweet Trithorax before the Sun came up. The room was still dark when I kissed him goodbye. We agreed we had to do this very soon again.
Oh my. I've taken two hours from my work just to write this down. I hope no one has noticed. I had a great night last night, yet I feel so empty, Artemisia. No matter where I turn I seem to be in the middle of a terrible storm. I didn't tell you and not Tri either, but at times Raoul's face did flash before my eyes as Tri took me and used my body to satisfy himself. It's confusing and I feel trapped. It makes me feel even more traitorous and dirty knowing I will have to play Raoul. And thought part of me says it is wrong, I still want to do it… just to feel his body next to mine. What's happening to me?