A/N Important!: So, I accidentally uploaded these in the wrong order. So if you're reading this and this is the first chapter you're reading today, please go to the previous chapter.
Crisis of Infinite Yellow Part 4: The Perfecting
As the storm subsided,I looked at my form, one so familiar and yet… Wait… something was different.. I can feel it. Now if I could just figure out what it was without getting distracted by my own radiant glow-y bits...wait...
…
"Am I Super Perfect Cell?"
I had a golden crackling aura of Ki…
…
Holy shit! I'm Super Perfect Cell.
"Now this I can deal with."
I guess that the stronger I am as Imperfect Cell, the stronger I am at my other forms… Saiyan biology is truly a wonderful thing. Every time I get near death I get stronger… how many times do I nearly off myself any given day? I mean… i literally have a closet full of the skulls of my own severed heads.
'What?... Why?'
Well you see Lazuli, it's for a preemptive skeletons in the closet joke. I like to be prepared for potential LULZ.
"Hello handsome." said Artemis as she whistled.
Ok, first off…Ow! Whistles hurt. Second, No... just No... I am very uncomfortable now.
'Your own medicine tastes bitter I take it.'
Eat me Lazuli.
'I'm not you Cell, I prefer salmon glazed with lemon.'
'Oh, that sounds good right now!'
Ignoring that, I looked to Artemis, who was looking at me…
...
Weirdo.
"Please don't do that Artemis."
She shot me a… interested look…. I don't like it.
"Just window shopping, don't mind me."
'What mind? With the exception of the Fiction Section, It's mostly empty in here.'
'HA! Nice.'
…
I'm going to file all this under the 'repressed' section of my mind.
'Oh hey! Look sis, I found the Repressed Section.'
God…. Dammit.
"Yeaaaah, I'm gonna go now." I said as I Instant Transmission'd.
So I stood as Scarebitch started doing his best Godzilla Impression on New Orleans, or it would have been if it wasn't for my Telekinetic powers creating a shield around the building, and the people. Everything really was covered under my telekinetic shields that I envisioned in my minds eye.
As Scarebeast stomped on a building… it didn't even move. No crumbling, no shaking. He might as well have been a child trying to stomp a boulder to pieces.
"What?"
"Hi there Scarethulhu."
The Scarebeast turned to see me, and quirked his head.
…
"Cell?"
"Pleas…. Call me Super Perfecter Cell… Mr. Super Perfecter Cell."
'You and grammar have a complicated relationship don't you.'
Yes. The way eye sea it, grammar is optional.
'...How did you use eye and sea, I don't… what?'
Ha, I think I broke Lazuli.
'Eat a dick Cell.'
The Scarebeast's smile widened as he swiped at me with his scythe claws…. I caught the giant school bus sized index finger and it stopped mid-swing. I jerked back and sent the Giant Kaiju Scarebeast over my shoulder into more indestructible buildings. I yawned.
The Scarebeasts Image morphed and shifted like water until the it was once again on its feet. Then it started to laugh.
"Excellent. I was wondering when you'd show up, love the new look."
'Watch out Artemis, you have competition.'
CAN WE NOT LAZULI!
"On this old form? Hardly what I would call new. EIther way as you were. I'm just here to watch."
"Watch?"
"Yep, every building, vehicle, and person is blanketed by my vast psychic might. You have to get past my psychic shields to do anything… to anyone. Think of it like a lantern ring shielding the city, but you just can't see it. I am an Invisible Lantern now." I said with my arms crossed.
I'm actually surprised I could actually do that… I got the idea from the movie Chronicle, a Found Footage film where three High School Students got Telekinesis… and stuff happened in the movie before shit immediately went downhill from there. I figured applying the logic of how Telekinesis worked in that movie 'i.e. Visualize shit' to my own Telekinesis would work… turns out it does… neat.
'You must be so proud of yourself.'
'Well I am… Way to go bro.'
Thank you Lapis, anyway Scarecrow sent serpent-esque tentacles at me. I ignored them as they harmlessly bounced off my body. Fangs bending and breaking without even getting through.
"Oh, lovely breeze wouldn't you say."
…
More nameless Yellow entities crafted from Fear appeared around me. All forms of nightmares and Phobias made manifest swarmed me and the city. Their teeth broke against my mental shields, their claws bounced off human flesh, they futility stomped on vehicles that didn't so much as bend. The Scarebeast dimmed a bit as he tried to swipe at me with his massive claws. They couldn't even budge me. I just stayed floating, staring at the Scarebeast.
"FIGHT ME, ATTACK ME, PUT THE FEAR OF GOD INTO ME."
"Yea… no, I'm not going to do that."
The Scarebeast pointed it's massive closed fist at me as it started glowing a bright…. pretty yellow…. I just wanna smash my face into it.
"DIE!."
I was barely singed, but thanks Crane, all the benefits of smashing my face into it without actually doing anything…. I'm like a Zen Moth right now. Alas, it ended and I stood there mostly unharmed.
"Hi there."
…
The Scarebeast looked at me for a moment before… It started to smile.
"Very well, let's try something else."
…
Why is the back of my mind twitching?
'Um…. Bro…. He's in the Fiction Section.'
He's in the what now?
"Let's see… hmmmm… Ah, that will do.."
A blinding flash of light appeared before me before...Oh… You have got to be… FUCKING kidding me.
"P is for priceless, the look upon your faces."
…
So… Abridged Cell was here and…
…
"E is for Extinction all your puny races."
NOPE!
I shot off towards the Cell construct, who immediately caught my kick.
"Ohhhh, ruin the song eh, how rude."
"KAMEHAMEHAAA!" I screamed as I pointed the attack right in his smug face.
I saw the form of …. Errr… Other…. Yellow Perfect Cell collapse and I barked out a laugh. I turned to the Scarebitch.
"That all you…."
"Suuuuup!"
Huh?
I looked to the side where the second voice came from and… SO MANY EYES!
"THERE ARE YELLOW EYES EVERYWHERE!"
"What can I say… I have so many Eyes, Eyes for days!"
And now Abridged Alucard is here… Joy.
I lashed out with a kick towards Abridged Alucard who fucking shattered… Well… at least they are only just as durable as….
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiii"
ABRIDGED POPO! NOOOOOOOOOO!
"BIG BANG ATTACK! FUUUUUCK!"
Yellow Popo exploded.
Thankfully, these things are about as strong as a standard Lantern Construct, normally those are very strong, but I could bench press planets right now. Still… while I wasn't afraid of these guys… It did kinda throw me off my game.
'Ce... out ... '
Huh? Lazuli, what was that?
"Your mind has some very…. Useful information."
…
Oh no!
'...snap… it…'
"Secrets I should say!"
No no no.
"Poor child, stuck in a body that isn't his, on a world he thought fake."
I shot towards the Scarebeast, and started to slam my fists against his form which… wait… it wasn't cracking. WHY WASN'T IT CRACKING?
"Because my child, you aren't strong enough"
'SNAP OUT OF IT!'
Wait what was…
I opened my eyes, to see the Scarebeast looming over me and...
'CELL!'
What Lazuli, where?
'FUCK! Don't you DARE do that again! You scared the SHIT out of me.'
Awwww, Lazuli… you do care.
'SHUT UP I DO NOT!'
I feel so loved right now… Huh… Love…. That is much further away on the Spectrum than Fear... Lazuli, you used the power of love to save me.
'Awww, that's so sweet sis.'
'Hate you... Hate you both.'
'Oh, and before I forget, sorry Cell, I thought you were just doing a thing. You just kinda spaced out.'
It's fine Lapis, that bastard Mind Fucked me. I have to know, did he get in the fiction section?
'What? No, why would you think that?'
I just needed to know how much of that was apart of the mind fuck, he doesn't know the truth, he just made me think he did.
I looked back up to the Giant Scarebeast construct, and Ki Blasted it's face, which he didn't expect. He let go of me and I exited its grip with ease.
"You Clever bastard, you mind fucked me."
"How did you escape? Tell me. HOW."
I just smirked as the giant construct started to dim even more than ever before, and in the center, I could see the Scarecrow through the translucent Yellow…. Bingo.
My Clones, Also Cell in this case, who were aiding me in keeping shields up… were they mind fucked to? I don't think that building was destroyed before… No matter, I teleported in the Chest, and put his arms around Crane, grabbing him hard in a huge bear hug. The massive Scarebeast construct fell as Crane wiggled and kicked trying to escape.
"Unhand me." screamed Crane petulantly... Well at least he stopped talking in Yellow.
'Does he think that would actually work? Just say Unhand me?'
'It might, you don't know.'
"C'mon guys, let's sing Crane a song."
Soo, Other Cell, the Bugman Currently known as Cell, and I surrounded Also Cell and Crane… and then we started singing.
"This is the Song that doesn't end
yes it goes on and on my friends...
"
"NO NOT THIS SONG! ANYTHING BUT THIS SONG!"
"...Some people, started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because…
"
"I HATE THIS SONG!" screamed Scarecrow... LIKE A BITCH!
"...This is the Song that doesn't end
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people, started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because…
"
"CEASE THIS NONSENSE! FIGHT ME." Screamed Scarecrow as he summoned a massive beast, like the horrid hybrid of a Hydra and a Millipede. It lashed out at us and the city, but didn't even scratch the paint of the building or our exoskeleton.
"...This is the Song that doesn't end
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people, started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because…
"
"AHHHHHHH!"
After finally running out of my last pistol, I stuck to the Brass Knuckles and faired just as well due to its mystical properties. Eventually the Justice League, now cured of the Toxin joined the battle above. Others were throughout various points of Earth by now, as I have deduced when noting that the Yellow in the far horizon started to give way to reveal the Blue Sky once more. The Yellow Ones fell, those that were marginally intelligent retreated into Space and back to their Antimatter planet… Will need to research how it is they do not explode when there… or here assuming they hail from an Antimatter dimension… perhaps there is no Antimatter there, and it is just a word they use… I would have gone with mirror universe myself.
"Is it over." asked the Kid Flash, who could only be the Nephew of the current Flash by my deduction… which would make him Wally West…
…
I go through everyone's trash… Everyone being the operative word.
"It never ends." I said truthfully.
"Well… that was certainly an event." said Robin… or Bruce Wayne's adopted son Dick Grayson of the Flying Graysons.
Seriously why else would Bruce Wayne adopt a Teenage Acrobat if not to have him aid alongside the good fight.
Then the Superman came… Who I was certain could only be the Employee of the Daily Planet Jimmy Olsen…. No wait…. wrong color hair… Clark Kent then.
"Is everyone alright?"
"I am out of ammo." I said.
…
…
"And you are?"
"The Question, I came after discovering the Illuminati, who renamed themselves the Light were using a complicated gambit to bring the Death Star here so that the Death Star could Death Star the Death Star."
"... Okay, so… looks like they are retreating." said Superman, pointedly ignoring me.
I noticed the one named Superboy was staring at Superman… Interesting. Superman looked at Superboy for a moment, before looking away just as fast… Double Interesting.
Soon we were joined by the Rest of the League. Wonder Woman, Flash, the Hawkpeople, the Lanterns of the green variety, ect. When Batman arrived, I pointedly made my way to him and explained the situation.
"Your enemy the Scarecrow has used his toxin in conjunction with a planet covering plant organism made of dandelions to put the world into a state of fear. This attracted the Yellow Lanterns. Scarecrow uses Fear, as do the Yellow Lanterns, therefore Scarecrow is now a Yellow Lantern, in addition, as Sinestro means sinister, I deduce something Sinister has transpired. Ah, but what has transpired, Scarecrows scare crows, crows are birds who in large enough groups are called a Murder, and there is a large group of Yellow Lanterns, ergo Scarecrow Murdered Sinestro and is now the leader of the Sinestro Corps, which most likely he renamed the Scarecrow Corps."
…
…
Batman proceeded to glare at me, before Superman and the Flash joined in.
"Today wasn't making any sense anyway. Why should it start now." said Superman
"You gotta admit that it is... not the craziest thing that happened today" said the Flash.
"That is NOT how deduction works."
"Your skepticism is noted, now I propose using the 1-Up pills to synthesise a cure, and distribute it using the Dandelions."
Batman sighed.
"At least that one makes sense."
"137th verse, same as the first."
"This is the Song that doesn't end
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people, started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because…
"
By this point… After Scarecrow tried using the back of his own head to give Also Cell a concussion (A futile effort if there ever was one, might have actually given himself a concussion), and after the Scarecrow had summoned monster after monster to try and pry himself out f Also Cell's bear hug, none of which could get past our mental shields. He just kinda limply hung in Also Cell's grip. We didn't stop singing BTW. Lazuli had long abandoned us for the Fiction Section of my mind once the song got too much for her.
"...This is the Song that doesn't end
yes it goes on and on my friends.
Some people, started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because…
"
"Warning: Yellow Lantern Ring at 4.87% Charge."
As soon as I heard that, I grabbed Scarecrow by the front of his shirt. His face had gone blank, and he was drooling a bit, like his brain had decided the best course of action was to shut down all non critical function. As the song stopped however, he blinked several times in rapid succession and his gaze returned. He actually looked at me with a hopeful look that maybe… just maybe the fight would start up again….. Instead I grabbed him with my telekinesis, and had him hover before me.
"Have a nice trip." I said as I poked him in the chest with one finger…. The resulting sonic boom sent him over the horizon… and around the planet.
"Three." said Also Cell.
I turned around humming as my clones started humming The Song that Doesn't End.
"Two…." said Other Cell.
I spread wide my arms, and I could see a yellow dot racing towards me.
"One…" said the Bugman Currently known as Cell.
Then Scarecrow slammed into he and I started hugging him.
"Crane you're back, oh how I missed you. How was your round the world trip?"
His yellow glow was a bit brighter than before, but as he struggled to get out of my grasp… Well….
'I'm Back… What I miss?' Thought-asked Lazuli.
"...This is the Song that doesn't end
yes it goes on and on my friends.
"
'I'm out.'
'Bye sis.'
The bright Glow faded, and his brain shut off again, at least that is what I assumed happened after he started drooling again.
"Some people, started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it forever just because…
"
His head started to spin in a dizzy state… kinda like a Mortal Kombat character when the match ends and Sub-Zero is about to rip your spine out. That could only mean one thing... It was time for the Fatality.
"Oh God it. Just. Doesn't. Stop!" said Crane.
"Love you to Crane."
'He's not quite as scary as I expected.'
Now now Lapis, this is the Scarecrow. I mean if we count the Arkham video game series, he is, to date, the only villain in any piece of media to succeed in unmasking Batman to the world, and in the comics after realizing how dependent he was on his fear gas, he did start breaking people with words. Which is probably how he 86'd Sinestro. He is still a human though, only with a Spooky ring of BOO!
Crane started twitching as he tried to drown out the song, then his fist gripped and pulsed yellow.
"In blackest day, in brightest night,
beware your fears made into light,
let those who try to stop what's right,
burn like my power... Scarecrow's might!"
He did manage to get a bit of power from that… somehow… buuuuut."
"Scarecrow tries with all his might,
To summon fear and win this fight,
But no matter the power you gain,
He will never have a brain."
'I'm back, heard someone finally realize they don't have a brain. I'm so proud for you Cell.'
'HA! Nice.'
Oh look, Lazuli came back. Hi sis, love you to.
The brighter Yellow light or whatever it was Scarecrow was doing went away. He looked to me in subdued horror… but not the kind he was hoping for. It was more like a dawning realization.
"Never have a... Oh no… no no no… Don't you dare Cell… I'm warning you."
"How about a little fire, Scarecrow… of the lyrical variety."
I smiled, and 'Cell and the Clonez TM ' opened our mouths and took a long intake of air.
"I'M FUCKING WARNING YOU, DO NOT SING THAT SONG, OR SO HELP ME I WILL….."
We so DID sing that song.
"I could while away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
"
"I WAS A PSYCHOLOGY PROFESSOR AT GOTHAM UNIVERSITY!"
"And my head I'd be a scratchin'
While my thoughts are busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain...
"
"I HAVE A DEGREE! I HAVE A BRAIN!"
"Methinks the Scarecrow doth protest too much." I said, preemptively taking it from Lazuli who forced a wave of annoyance at me… worth it.
"STOP MOCKING ME!"
...
...
" No."
We continued singing 'If I Only Had a Brain' from the Wizard of Oz…. Scarecrow just screamed in frustration.
'This is fun!'
'Not for him.'
Scarecrow started hyperventilating as the song went on. Then he looked down and stopped. He started chuckling again.
"What's so funny chucklefuck?"
'Oh! Chucklefuck. I'm gonna remember that one.' thought-spoke Lapis.
"I just had a thought…." said Crane
"Impressive considering the lack of a brain."
'Like you're one to talk.'
Crane looked to his ring covered hand, and flexed his fingers. In response, his ring spoke.
"Yellow Lantern RIng at 3.47% Charge."
"That should be fine."
"Fine for what?"
'You do know he's playing you right.'
Lazuli say what now?
Instead of answering, the Scarecrow tightened his fist, causing his eyes to glow a blinding yellow. Then his ring talked again.
"Command Acknowledged. Implanting user with Acrophobia."
Then he took a deep intake of air… and as his chest sucked in he slipped right out of my grasp and started to fall.
"Shit!" I screamed as he fell.
'Told you.'
I followed after him as he lifted his ring.
"Yellow Lantern Ring at 1000% Overcharge."
"FUCK!"
Did this crazy bastard just HACK HIS OWN BRAIN TO GIVE HIMSELF THE FEAR OF HEIGHTS!
'I didn't know that he could do that.'
'I don't think he knew that he could do that… Annoyance can be a hell of a motivator to try something new. Trust me, I speak from experience.'
"In blackest day, in brightest night,
beware your fears made into light,
let those who try to stop what's right,
burn like my power...!"
As I caught the Scarecrow, he conjured a yellow aura of thorns around his skin and…of course… it was right as I caught him.
"OW! FUCKING POINTY!"
'WHY DO WE FEEL YOUR PAIN!'
"Scarecrow's might."
Then he basted upwards, and he kept going.
"Get back here you BASTARD!"
'Yes, because I'm sure he's going to do just that.'
Not now Lazuli, it's standard hero dialogue. I flew after him, and was steadily catching up. Scarecrow continued flying as he looked at me. Then he gave me a salute.
"Till next time Cell, I'll be off."
As we made it past the atmosphere, we were surrounded by the remnants of the Yellow Lanterns… then they all collectively hit FTL speeds while…
…
…
Heh!
Pretty lights are pretty...
…
…
Wait was I doing something?
…
FUCK!
'Dumbass!'
'They are pretty though.'
'That is besides the point.'
Wait there was a point?
…
Oh right….
FUCK!