Chapter 26

"Shizumi… is that you?"

The black-haired boy stood in front of Kanade, the light from the street lamp reflecting off of his brown eyes.

"T… Takuya?"

Kanade straightened, pushing herself off of the wall. Her lungs felt restricted and her heart started to flutter uncomfortably in her chest. Stupid pacemaker... she thought.

"Y-Yeah…" he responded. He took a step closer towards her.

"I can't do this."

"I can't believe it's you," he said, taking another step forward.

"I can't do this anymore."

Kanade stuttered and took a step backwards, fumbling back away from him, and Takuya froze. She put her hand to her chest, trying to calm the pain that started to radiate down her torso.

He shouldn't be here... this is wrong. Why is he here, now?

Takuya paused, his eyes widening a little, and he put up his hands in defense.

"W-Well, uh… how… how have you been?" he started. "I didn't expect you to stay here in Tokyo."

"O-Oh," Kanade stammered. Her thoughts were running marathons in her head, desperately trying to piece together the puzzling situation. She started to feel dizzy. What did he mean he did not expect her to stay? Why does he care? "Y-Yeah, I go… to the university nearby."

"Oh, really?" Takuya asked. His eyes were wide. "For swimming?"

Kanade felt her heart jump painfully.

Of course, you remember.

"Yeah," she replied. She glanced around the dark street and suddenly felt cornered.

"Wow, that's great!" Takuya said. Kanade whipped her head back to look at him, giving him a strange look. "I wasn't sure if you'd continue after the… after high school. But it's not surprising, you always did really well."

Kanade felt sick.

"Thanks," Kanade said softly, lowering her head. A lump lodged in her throat and her stomach churned. Her hands gripped her pants by her sides.

Always did really well? You hardly showed up to my tournaments!

Just go away... leave.

Don't bring this pain back.

"Shizumi, listen," he said softly. Kanade raised her head and saw a serious look on Takuya's face. "I… I did something horrible to you. I… I want to make it up to you, I… we should catch up sometime and maybe… talk?"

Kanade's eyes widened, her heart pounding now. "Catch up?" she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah. Let me treat you to dinner or something," Takuya said.

Kanade hesitated and studied the ground, biting her lip. She could feel the hair on her arms and neck stand on their ends, sending a shiver down her spine. Something was not right.

Why was he being so nice?

"I… I'm not sure," Kanade stuttered.

"Please."

Kanade whipped her head up, hearing Takuya's desperate voice. His brown eyes were narrowed into painful slits as he tried to send her a pleading message. She could see his fists shaking by his sides.

Memories flooded her mind in an instant. Memories of holding his hand, going to the movies, kissing him…

It was all so familiar.

Kanade gulped, trying to swallow past the uncomfortable lump in her throat. The words spilled out of her mouth before she could even have a chance to think.

"S-Sure…"

"…R-Really?" Takuya's face brightened up. "That's… that's great! How's next week sound?"

Kanade jolted. This was happening so fast. What in the world was going on?

This was a bad idea.

She should go talk to...

Makoto…

He was all she could think about.

Where was Makoto?

"So I'll take a step back."

Kanade jolted again, remembering her promise to Haru. She told him she would back off.

That's right.

"Uh, yeah," Kanade agreed.

"Great!" Takuya said. "Your number still the same?"

Kanade swallowed again. "Yeah."

"Cool. See you next week!"

With that, Takuya walked off, and Kanade's legs felt like jelly. She almost sunk to the ground, but an immediate wave of nausea hit her like a rock. She crossed her arms in front of her, holding her stomach. She rushed into the rec center and stormed to the nearest restroom, locking herself in a stall. She heaved and vomited into the toilet, nausea overwhelming all of her senses.

Once her bout of retching was over, she slumped back against the stall and pulled her knees to her chest, and sobs and tremors started to wrack her body. The flutter in her chest still remained, making the nausea stick around longer than she'd wanted. Why was this happening?

I just want to be by Makoto's side…

"Thanks for dinner, Haru!" Makoto complimented.

The curry that Kanade had bought earlier that night was now completely gone, leaving Makoto satisfied. He smiled shyly at Haru, who sat across from him at the dinner table, quietly studying the apartment.

Haru noticed the whiteness of the walls and how barren it looked. No pictures or paintings. It seemed odd that Makoto would live in a place like this. It seemed almost… lonely?

"Listen, Haru," Makoto said, drawing Haru out of his gaze. Haru turned to Makoto, his eyes fixed on Makoto's now sullen expression. "About what happened..."

Haru internally sighed, feeling his hand hurt from how heard he was clenching his pants. It felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach, and he squinted his eyes at his best friend, knowing that there would be an apology spewing from his mouth soon. Haru had to stop him, so opened his mouth to speak.

"Mako—"

"You were right."

Haru blinked a few times. He was… right?

"What do you mean?" Haru asked cautiously.

Makoto rubbed the back of his neck, his defeated expression not leaving his face. "Kanade… she was hiding something from me. You were right."

Haru felt his heart fluttering in his chest as he lowered his head to look at his lap. His grip on his pants loosened as relief washed over him like a relaxing bath. This was good. He wasn't wrong. His accusation held water. Nothing to worry about. He glanced back up at his best friend to acknowledge the apology but stopped when he saw Makoto's heartbroken face.

What's that look for?

Haru clenched his pants again, feeling tension sit on his shoulders as he took in a shaky breath to speak.

"What… what was she hiding?" Haru asked carefully.

"Ah, well… that's what I wanted to explain," Makoto started. He fiddled with his hands and lowered his gaze. "Kanade… she has a heart problem."

Haru's eyes widened and his breath stilled in his chest.

"Gou said… Shizumi was ill."

"…pills…oxygen tank…"

"What?" Haru said. His grip on his pants hardened again.

"It's… um, it's called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, I think," Makoto said. "It's a heart condition. When I came back to Tokyo…"

Makoto suddenly stopped and lifted a hand to wipe his face. His hand stilled and covered his eyes. His lips pulled into a grimace, his teeth grit and pained. He breathed in a shaky breath as his frame started to tremble.

Worry surged through Haru's bones and he started to lift a hand to touch Makoto's shoulder. But, Makoto sighed and dropped his hand from his eyes, making Haru drop his hand as well. Makoto stared blankly down at the table.

"When I came back to Tokyo, Kanade had thrown out all of her medications and she damaged her oxygen tank. She said she was angry at her illness and needed to take it out on something. She said it was a momentary lapse in judgment," Makoto said. Haru tried to gulp past a lump in his throat. "Anyway, she… she came back from a run that night and… and she collapsed. She… she had a heart attack, Haru."

Haru didn't breathe.

A heart attack? Isn't she only 18 or 19? And she's an athlete, so her heart should be…

"Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy"

That's what Makoto had said, right? What did that mean exactly? Is she… okay?

"I was… really scared."

Haru snapped out of his thoughts and focused his eyes on Makoto, who was hanging his head with a sad face. His chest started to heave as his breaths started to quicken.

"She… she lost consciousness in the ambulance and… I wasn't sure if she would wake up after that," Makoto said. Makoto raised a hand and wiped his face again and he sat up to look at Haru. His green eyes were swirling with stress and worry. "Sorry, Haru. You were right about her hiding something from me. I should have believed you."

Haru blinked at him, watching him as he forced a strained smile on his face. Guilt started to knock on the door of Haru's heart and his eyes begged Makoto to stop.

"Don't… don't apologize," Haru said quietly. Makoto gave him a puzzled look.

"Huh?"

"Don't apologize for that," Haru said again. He looked down at his lap. "It was my fault… for trying to ruin your friendship with her."

"Haru…"

"Is… is she okay?" Haru asked.

Makoto paused, looking at Haru with wide eyes. "She's a little sore and weak but she should be fine. They inserted a pacemaker to help with her… irregular heartbeat, or something," Makoto said, scratching his cheek.

"Pacemaker?" Haru repeated.

"Yeah," Makoto said. "Kanade was pretty upset about it. The doctor told her she needed to slow down, even quit swimming. But Kanade is stubborn," Makoto said with a small smile as he stared at the table in front if him.

Haru's brows rose a bit at seeing Makoto's face looking so fond. The storm that was once plaguing Makoto's eyes suddenly seemed to lift.

The guilt was still gnawing on Haru's bones. He stared hard at his lap, his fists gripping his pants.

"I'm sorry," Haru said, and Makoto whipped his head up to stare at him.

"What?" Makoto said.

"I'm sorry," Haru said again. "For… yelling at you and… running away. Again," Haru said.

"Haru…" Makoto whispered. He watched Haru struggle with his apology, baring his emotions for Makoto to see. It was a rare sight, and Makoto always appreciated Haru for letting him see him like this. He put on a small smile.

"I'm sorry, too."

"So you were at Rin's!"

"Yeah."

"So he lied to me?!"

"…yeah."

"Ugh."

Makoto and Haru headed down the stairs of the apartment and headed towards the front of the rec center. They were both dressed in their jammers, ready for a relaxing swim. It was Makoto's idea to go swimming, and since he officially worked at the rec center now he thought it would be nice to show Haru the pool.

Haru accepted the offer immediately.

"Sorry," Haru apologized, continuing their conversation as they entered through the front door of the rec center. Makoto sighed at his apology but immediately put on an amused face.

"No, no, I get it," Makoto said with a small laugh.

They walked up to the double doors that led to the pool but then stopped, seeing that the lights were off through the window. Makoto tugged on the door handle and sighed, seeing that it was locked.

"It's locked," Makoto said to Haru, who lowered his head in disappointment. "Maybe we can go tomorrow morning, or—"

"Ah, I thought you guys would come down here!"

They both turned around at the sudden voice. Behind them stood Kanade, her hands on her hips. Her face was flushed and her eyes red and swollen, but she still kept a wide smile on her face. She held up a key in between her fingers and walked towards the door.

"Kanade?" Makoto asked, noticing her red face.

"You guys can swim as long as you'd like," Kanade said cheerfully as she unlocked the door and pulled it open. "Here," she said, and she handed the key to Makoto. "Just lock up when you're done."

"Ah, s-sure," Makoto stuttered. "But… are you okay? You look like you've been cry—"

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" Kanade said, interrupting him by waving her hand in the air. "It's been a long day and I've been doing a lot of walking, so I'm just a little overworked is all." She stretched her arms above her head. "I'm headed to bed. Nanase-kun," Kanade called, pulling Haru's gaze from the pool. "Feel free to stay the night. You can swim more tomorrow."

Haru blinked a few times at her, but then nodded and hummed, accepting her offer. Kanade smiled at him and nodded back. She turned towards the front of the rec center and waved them off.

"Well, goodnight, you two! Have fun!" Kanade called.

"Ah, night, Kanade!" Makoto called back.

Kanade quickly escaped the rec center and headed back up to her apartment and then her room. As soon she entered her room she heaved, feeling her chest flutter uncomfortably again. She scrambled for her new oxygen tank and put the mask on her face. She heaved in a few breaths, her hand gripping her shirt near her chest.

This would a long, sleepless night.

"This is it, guys!" Gou announced, gesturing towards the entrance to the main pool.

The three first-years all gaped at the pool and the stands, excitement and nerves all running through their veins. With their faces flushed, they quickly ascended the stairs and into the stands.

"Don't go goofing off! You guys need to go stretch soon!" Gou yelled at them. "Seriously…" she whispered under her breath.

"We'll take care of them, Gou-san," Rei said, giving her a sympathetic smile.

"Just leave it to us!" Nagisa chirped as he thrust his fist into the air. "Let's go, Rei-chan!" Nagisa yelled as he bounded up towards the stands.

"N-Nagisa-kun, don't run!" Rei called, running after him.

Rei chased him up the stairs and into the stands, finding the small blond leaning over the railings and gawking at the pool.

"Nagisa-kun," Rei scolded. He put a hand to his head and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Didn't you hear Gou-san? She told us not to goof off!"

Nagisa giggled. "Sorry, Rei-chan!" he apologized. Rei opened his eyes and stared at him, seeing his wide eyes stare down at all of the competitors. A slight breeze blew past them, tugging at Nagisa's blond bangs. "I was just so excited!" he explained with a wide smile.

Rei's raised a brow and put on a small smile to appease Nagisa. "It is exciting. But you're supposed to be the captain. Set an example for our teammates."

Nagisa paused, his magenta eyes narrowing as his lips pulled into that familiar, nostalgic smile. "Backstroke is the first event," he said. "Mako-chan would've placed first, for sure."

Rei jolted, his brows arching up. He heard Nagisa sigh as his head leaned down on the railings. His shoulders sagged and he looked completely dispirited.

"Nagisa-kun?" Rei whispered.

"It's so different now," Nagisa mumbled suddenly. "With them not here."

"You mean Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai?" Rei asked.

"Mmn," Nagisa murmured. "I wanted the four of us to swim forever. But now, Haru-chan is gonna try out for the Olympics. And Mako-chan has Kana-chan."

Rei hesitated, adjusting his glasses. He furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a roar of laughter from behind. Both he and Nagisa jumped and spun their heads back to look up at the stands.

The first-years were all sitting together with bright smiles on their faces. Rei and Nagisa stared up at them, watching as Gou, Coach Sasabe, and Amakata-sensei joined the picture. Rei's lips pulled into a small smile.

"Nagisa-kun," Rei called, grabbing ahold of his companion's attention. "Our team needs our captain."

Nagisa flushed, his face twisting pitifully. But then he put on a smile, his eyes flashing with excitement.

"Let's go!"

"Ah, their individual events should be starting soon," Makoto said, looking at his watch. He sat at the table eating breakfast with Haru. "Should we call them and wish them luck?"

Haru hummed in agreement and then took a bite of his mackerel. Makoto chuckled and smiled warmly. Things were finally back to normal.

Right?

"Is there more mackerel, Haru?" Makoto asked. Haru hummed again and took another bite. "I'm sure Kanade would like some." Makoto glanced back to the hallway, eyeing Kanade's door. "It's unusual. She doesn't usually sleep in."

Haru put down his chopsticks and stared at Makoto's face. He noticed the worried lines that danced around his furrowed brows. He gulped down the mackerel.

"Maybe you should go wake her," Haru said. Makoto whipped his head back to Haru with raised eyebrows. Haru looked away from him shyly. "I need to apologize to her," Haru said softly.

"H-Haru…" Makoto whispered. He breathed through his nose and then smiled. "I'll go get her."

Makoto stood up from the table and went to Kanade's door down the hallway. He knocked on the door gently.

"Kanade!" Makoto called. "You want some breakfast? Haru made mackerel."

There was no response on the other side of the door. Makoto bit his lip, remembering her teary-eyed face from the night before. He quickly knocked on the door again but heard no response. He put his hand on the door and slowly opened it.

"Kanade?" Makoto whispered as he poked his head through the door. "Eh?"

The room was empty.

"Where did she go?" Makoto mumbled to himself.

"What is it?" Haru called as Makoto walked back to the kitchen.

"She's gone," Makoto said, folding his arms across his chest. He stared at the ground hard.

"Maybe check the pool," Haru suggested. Makoto's face lit up for a moment but then fell.

"Ah, that would make sense. I hope she's not swimming, the doctor told her no swimming for two weeks!" Makoto whined. He walked towards the front door and put on his shoes. "I'll be back, Haru."

Haru hummed and watched Makoto disappear through the front door. Once he was left with peaceful silence, he studied the apartment again, seeing that there was a single picture sitting on the coffee table in the living room. He stood up from the table and headed to the living room, plopping down on the couch. He picked up the picture frame and looked at the picture.

It was the picture of Kanade and an older man. Kanade was wearing a medal around her neck and a big smile on her face. The old man next to her had a proud smile on his face. It reminded Haru of the picture of him, Makoto, Nagisa, and Rin in elementary school after their first relay.

Speaking of Rin…

Haru pulled out his phone and slid it open. He shifted down the contacts and pressed send when he finally got to one. He put the phone to his ear and waited, listening to the rings.

"Hah? Haru? You never call me," Rin said on the other line. "Especially since this is an overseas call…"

"Yeah," Haru said plainly. He heard Rin sigh on the other line.

"Well, what's up?" he asked.

Haru bit his lip and gulped. He tried to process the words together in his mind, thinking of the right words to say.

"Shizumi is sick," Haru said.

"What?" Rin asked immediately.

"She's ill, like you said. I was… wrong about the drugs," Haru explained. "You were right."

"Ah, well…" Rin hesitated. Haru could picture him rubbing the back of his head with a light blush on his cheeks. "Well, I'm guessing you talked to her about this?"

"No," Haru answered. "Makoto told me."

"Oh, so you two are talking now?"

"Yeah."

"Well, good," Rin said confidently. "I'm glad you guys worked things out. You apologize to Shizumi, then?"

"No," Haru said. "I didn't get a chance to. She's been… avoiding me."

"What a surprise," Rin said, his voice laced with sarcasm. "Maybe her illness is that she's allergic to mackerel."

"She loves mackerel," Haru said defensively.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It was joke. Geez, don't take everything so seriously!" Rin scolded. He sighed over the phone. "So, what's wrong with her, anyway? Asthma, or pneumonia or something?"

Haru bit his lip and gulped. "Makoto said… it's something to do with her heart."

There was silence over the line. Haru could not even hear Rin breathe.

"Her… heart?" Rin asked, his voice gentle and concerned.

"I… I can't remember what it's called. But apparently, a few days ago, she…"

Haru thought back to Makoto's face as he explained the disease. The fear that coated his green eyes as he relayed the horrifying story of that night was stuck in Haru's mind. He swallowed hard, realizing that Makoto had dealt with that night alone.

He let out a slow sigh.

"She had a heart attack," Haru finished.

He heard Rin gasp, his breaths shaky. "Wha… What?" Rin said, his voice barely above a whisper. "A heart attack?!"

"Y-Yeah," Haru replied. He shifted his gaze to look down at his shoes. "She collapsed when Makoto got back to Tokyo, and they had to go to the hospital."

There was a heavy silence that fell between them, the only sound of Rin's irregular breathing filling the void. He heard Rin take in a shaky breath.

"Is… Is she okay?" Rin asked.

"I… I'm not sure," Haru said. "She looked really tired and she was really pale. Makoto… when he told me about it, he seemed really out of it."

There was another brief pause before Rin spoke again.

"Haru," he started. "Give me Shizumi's number."

Haru glanced around the room until his eyes fell on Makoto's phone that rested on the table in front of him.

Kanade swished her foot in the water, creating ripples that spread outward. She sighed as the temptation to just dive in sent tingles through her bones. But she heard the double doors slam shut and she popped her head up, her gaze locking with concerned, green eyes.

"Makoto?" Kanade said as he approached her.

"Ah, thank goodness," Makoto said, putting a hand to his chest. "I was worried that you would be swimming," he said with a soft chuckle. Kanade felt her cheeks flush at hearing his pure laugh and she looked away from him.

"You really think I would do that?" Kanade said, her face pouting. "I'm not that stupid."

"I didn't say you were," Makoto said, taking a seat next to her. He took off his shoes and rolled up his pants and then dipped his legs into the pool next to hers. "Ah, this feels so good!" Makoto said with a brilliant smile, his eyes squinting shut.

Kanade stared at his kind face and could not help but smile. The goofy look on his face as he swished his feet around in the pool reminded her of a child's innocence. He was kind and sweet and caring, always putting others before himself. He was pure, holding no secrets and telling no lies…

Kanade's face scrunched up and she looked away from him, feeling guilt hit her stomach like a punch in the gut. Her chest fluttered uncomfortably once again, making more nausea jump to her throat. Disappearing into the water was a really tempting idea now.

"You brought Haru back to the apartment last night, didn't you?" Makoto asked after a moment of silence. Kanade turned her head to meet his eyes, the same kind smile painting his lips.

"Yeah," Kanade answered, turning her head to look down at the pool. "Sorry… for butting in."

"Eh? No, no! Don't apologize! Actually… I should be thanking you," Makoto said, lowering his gaze to stare at the water. Kanade glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, watching as he swirled the water around with his feet. "Back in high school, Haru and I had a big fight. I gave him space, even going to Rin for help."

"That's when he went to Australia with Rin?" Kanade asked.

"E-Eh? You know about that?"

"Ah, Gou-chan told me about it," Kanade said. She kicked the water and sent water droplets flying in front of her. "I'm guessing you guys made up, though?" Kanade asked.

"Mmn," Makoto hummed. "But, when we fought this time, it felt different. It felt that I was actually losing him. Like he was giving up on me."

Kanade winced, her hands gripping the edge of the pool. Makoto's feet stilled in the water and Kanade did the same.

"I went to go apologize to him the next day, but he wasn't home. That's when I knew he was avoiding me," Makoto said sadly. "It made me worry that my life would continue without him in it, and I dwelled on that."

Kanade closed her eyes, feeling the pain in Makoto's words.

"I was really out of it the whole time, but I still noticed those worried looks you gave me," Makoto said. Kanade jumped and turned her head to look at him, her face turning red. Makoto smiled at her shyly, a tinge of red playing at his cheeks. "Thank you… for bringing him here," Makoto said. He tilted his head happily and gave her a genuine smile, the smile that had been missing for days.

"Mmn," Kanade hummed, turning her head to glance down at the water. "You're welcome." She started to swirl her feet again to fill the silence that fell between them. It was a comfortable silence that only lasted a moment.

"What was really wrong last night?" Makoto asked suddenly.

Kanade's feet froze in the water.

"Shizumi? Is that you?"

"I did something horrible to you."

"We should catch up."

"N-Nothing," Kanade lied.

"You sure?"

Kanade pressed her brows together and hesitated. She knew Makoto could tell she was lying, but she really did not want to talk about the issue. She sighed and then lifted her head to meet his gaze. She put on a smile.

"It's nothing," Kanade affirmed. Makoto's eyes narrowed a bit, but he kept a strained smile on his face.

"All right," he agreed. He stood up from the pool and shook the water off of his feet. "Haru made breakfast. You should come join us. We're going to call the Iwatobi team soon to wish them luck," Makoto said cheerfully.

"Ah, okay, I'll be up soon," Kanade said, waving Makoto off.

After he left through the double doors, Kanade heaved a heavy sigh and pushed herself up from the ground. She slumped over to her bag and rummaged for a towel, but a soft buzz halted her search. She grabbed her phone and looked at the caller ID.

Unknown?

Kanade hit send and tentatively put the phone to her ear. "H-Hello?"

"OI!" came a roaring voice over the line. Kanade jolted the phone away from her ear for a second before putting it back to her ear. "Why didn't you call me and tell me you were in the hospital?!"

Kanade blinked a few times. "Ma… Matsuoka-kun?"

"Yeah," Rin said, his voice gruff. "Now then, explain to me what's going on."

Kanade sighed, shaking her head. She plopped down on a nearby bench and leaned back against the wall.

"It's nothing really," Kanade said.

"N-Nothing really?!" Rin growled. "You have a heart attack and you tell me it's nothing really?!"

Kanade's brows lowered. "How did you—"

"Now are you going to tell me the truth?" Rin was persistent.

Kanade grimaced. "I… I have a heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy."

Rin hesitated. "Doesn't… shouldn't you like, I don't know… not overexert yourself, then?"

Kanade huffed out an impatient sigh, feeling her annoyance level rising. She hunched forward and leaned her arm and elbow on her knees.

"You're not the only one who's told me that," she answered. "If I stop now, then I'll lose any chance of getting to the Olympics."

"Is it really worth your life?" Rin asked, making Kanade pause. "I mean… this is dangerous, isn't it? You pushing yourself like this?"

"I… I guess, but this is my dream! I can't just give up," Kanade said.

"What about Makoto?" Rin asked.

Kanade's eyes widened and her back straightened. She felt a little alert at the sudden question, her heart starting to ache as it jumped uneasily in her chest.

"What… do you mean?" Kanade asked.

She heard Rin sigh with a defeated tone. "Never mind. Just… don't overdo it, okay? I don't want to hear that you've ended up back in the hospital."

Kanade paused but then smiled. "I'll be careful," she said.

"Good. I want you to be at the Olympics, too," Rin said. Kanade chuckled lightly.

"I'm guessing Makoto told you, huh? I guess he wanted to keep you informed," Kanade said.

"Uh, actually…" Rin stuttered. Kanade raised a brow. "Haru was the one who told me."

Kanade's eyes widened. "Nanase-kun?"

"Yeah," Rin replied. "He called me earlier to tell me about it. Seemed a little… shaken up about it, honestly."

"He… he did?" Kanade repeated, her voice a whisper.

"Yeah," Rin said. "Why?"

Kanade bit her lip, her chest fluttering.

"A-Ah… no… no reason."