Don appears in front of the camera. "Last time on Total Drama Couples." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "Timmy and Louise began by fretting about the other contestants knowing about Cosmo and Wanda, but Louise told Timmy to forget about it and just get on with the competition. Which we did, in a contest to see how loud our contestants could be. Light decided to make our ears bleed by stealing Sabriel's speaker system and using the feedback, winning them the challenge. As for the losers, that would be Max and Zidane, who thought the sound of Max slapping Zidane would be enough to win…"
"No I didn't," interrupted Max. "You just decided…"
"What is it with you people and interrupting me during my opening narrations?" demanded Don. "Especially when you've been eliminated?" The scene cuts back to Don. "Who's going to be whited out next? Find out right now, on Total Drama Couples."
Intro song plays.
"Alright, what's the plan?" asked Light.
"The plan is, stop pretending like you want to help us," snapped Finn. "Why do you think we tied you up?"
"I thought you were just be kinky," said Kathryn, winking at them. Katniss glared at her.
"Look, the situation isn't as dire as it seems," said Artemis. "I believe that they can't do anything that directly causes them to win a challenge, only something that may aid but not give them an outright victory."
"What makes you say that?" asked Sabriel.
"Well, in that last challenge, they got through because a bunch of crickets happened to come past," said Artemis. "That's way too convenient for it to be a coincidence, so that must have been a wish. But they didn't wish for something like, say, Metallica to turn up and play a show."
"Of course not," said Katniss. "One of the sites this is posted on doesn't allow real people to be used. We'd never get away with that."
"You get what I mean though," said Artemis. "So they can't give themselves the win, just the means to win if utilised correctly."
"Alright then, I guess we know what to do," said Annabeth. "Figure out what they wish for, and find something to counter it."
"Even if it means sacrificing someone?" asked Peter.
"If we can do it right, no," said Annabeth. "Of course, if that someone is Light and Kathryn, then…oops. But hopefully Timmy and Louise won't last much longer with the force of five teams trying to beat them."
"Hey, we wanna help too," said Light.
"You're helping yourselves, not us," said Alice.
"Is it so wrong that we want to win?" asked Light.
"No, but we still don't like you," said Ash.
"Contestants, to the Mess Hall," said Don over the loudspeakers. "We're nearly done with this season, so let's try and hurry this up. It feels like we've been on this island for a year."
"What is he talking about?" asked Timmy. "We do these challenges daily, don't we?"
"Must be one of those weird fourth wall breaks Kieran loves for some reason," said Louise.
Later…
"Okay guys," said Don. "Welcome to your next…hey, where are Kathryn and Light?"
"Oops, forgot to untie them," said Alice, making no effort to move.
"Well?" asked Don.
"Well what?" asked Alice.
"Are you going to untie them?" asked Don.
"…I mean, do I have to?" asked Alice.
"We're not doing anything else until they're here," said Don.
"This coming from a guy who started a challenge without me?" demanded Sabriel.
"To be fair, you still won," said Don.
"And time literally means nothing to me," said Alice. "So unless you intend to wait for Hell to freeze over…"
"I freed them," said Finn, leading the two missing contestants into the room.
"But why?" asked Alice.
"Because you might not die from time, but the rest of us will," said Finn.
"Thank you Finn," said Don. "Now, on with explaining the challenge."
"Do we get our prize now?" asked Kathryn.
"Just let me explain the…" started Don.
"No, give us the prize," said Kathryn. "We want to start planning for the challenge so we can win."
"Kathryn, please," said Light. "We'll get the stuff in due time, and then we'll…"
"Prize. Now," said Kathryn.
Don sighed in defeat. "Fine, whatever," he said, turning to an intern. "Give 'em their prize."
"See, was that so har…" started Kathryn, before being knocked over by a cart filled with tins of paint. The paint tins fell on top of Kathryn, drenching her in paint.
"See, this is what happens when you decide to interrupt me," said Don. "Now, as I was saying, today's challenge is for one of you to paint the other one, and the best painting wins, the worst loses. Judged by me, of course."
"Aren't you biased?" asked Annabeth.
"I solemnly swear that I'm not," said Don. "I don't give a rat's ass who wins, so just impress me and I'll let you go to the next round."
"What do we paint with?" asked Artemis.
"Whatever you can find," said Don. "Honestly, whatever you come up with in order to win, I'll allow."
"That's great and all," said Kathryn. "But what do we paint with, now that you've covered me in the paint we won?"
"Same as everyone else," said Don. "Honestly, if you weren't so impatient, you wouldn't be having this problem."
"You don't have any spare paint do you?" asked Light.
"Nope," said Don. "Okay, time starts now."
"You better make me look good," said Louise, dragging Timmy away by the ear. Light, Annabeth, and Artemis watched this with interest, before focusing on the task at hand.
Meanwhile…
"I'll be the painter for our team," said Sabriel. "Since you wear mostly orange, you'll be easier to draw."
"By the way, the more complex the better," Don called out to the contestants.
"…damn it," said Sabriel.
"Mmf mff mfff mf?" asked Kenny.
"Yeah, why not?" asked Sabriel. "I think I can make this work, with some…uh…'creative liberties.'" Kenny shook his head at this, but decided to go along with it.
Meanwhile…
"I'm not too bad at drawing," said Ash. "I can draw you if you wa…"
"I can literally see whether I'll make a mistake with every pen stroke," said Alice. "I should do it."
"No, really, I don't mind," said Ash.
"Ash, I already decided," said Alice. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Why do I feel like those are some famous last words?" asked Ash.
Meanwhile…
Would you like me to paint you?" asked Artemis. Chell responded by firing her portal gun at the ground twice. "No? So you'd like to paint me?" Again, Chell fired at the ground twice. "Well, one of us has to paint the other one, so you might as well pick one." Chell proceeded to fire at the ground again twice. "Did you forget that twice means no?" Chell froze for a moment, then fired at the ground once. Artemis sighed in frustration. "I'll get ready to paint," he said, grabbing some paper.
Meanwhile…
"So, can you draw?" asked Kathryn.
"Not really. You?" asked Light.
"Not really," said Kathryn. "So…rock paper scissors, loser gets blamed when we lose?"
"I think we can pretty much blame you anyway," said Light. "But sure." The two of them brought their fists out and shook them three times, before yelling out what they got. "ROCK!"
"Paper," said Kathryn smugly. "Try to capture my good side."
Meanwhile…
"Are you sure you want to be the artist?" asked Finn.
"Don't worry, I learned a lot from watching Peeta," said Katniss. "By the way, what do you look like without that weird hat?"
"Oh, this?" asked Finn, pulling off the hat. Immediately a ton of long blond hair flowed out.
"…I think it'll be easier to draw you with the hat on," said Katniss.
Meanwhile…
"I'll draw," said Annabeth. "I have to be able to draw, because I need it when designing stuff."
"What kind of stuff?" asked Peter.
"You know, architecture and stuff," said Annabeth. "You do know I redesigned Mount Olympus, right?"
"Why does that sound like a job that shouldn't be put solely in the hands of a sixteen year old girl?" asked Peter.
"To be fair, I'm a demigod and a child of the goddess of wisdom and handicraft," said Annabeth. "Now hold still, I need to make this good."
A couple of hours later, Don was sitting in the Mess Hall, bored. "Why is this taking so long?" he demanded. "I told them they had an hour. Where are they?"
"Actually sir, you never set a time limit, just that they had to be the best," said an intern.
Don just glared at him. "Well, you're fired for making me look stupid," said Don. The intern cheered, running away. "Huh, am I that bad to work for? Meh, whatever. Better make them come back." Don grabbed the microphone and switched it on. "Attention contestants. I'm bored, so time's up."
"That wasn't part of the deal," yelled Finn from somewhere offscreen.
"If you didn't want to get bored, you'd have set a time limit," yelled Peter, again from offscreen.
"Okay, both of you just got penalised," said Don angrily. "Everyone, back here and get subjected to humiliation."
Meanwhile…
"Are you sure that's going to pass?" asked Louise.
"Of course it is," said Timmy, transforming back into himself. "I wished to become Leonardo Da Vinci. The others don't stand a chance."
Later, at the presentation…
"Okay, let's see how bad this is," said Don. "Let's start with Kathryn and Light. See how they got on without their prize that they wasted."
"To be fair, you waste…" started Kathryn, but was cut off by Light.
"This is what I drew," said Light, placing the piece in front of Don. "What do you think?"
"Hmm…meh," said Don, holding it up for everyone to see. The picture featured Kathryn as a very rough grey lead sketch, with obvious lines that needed removing. "Six out of ten. Next up, Artemis and Chell."
"I took the lead on this one," said Artemis, holding out his picture for inspection. "What do you think?"
"Hmm…" said Don. "I see what you did there in order to put forth minimal effort." Don held up the artwork for everyone to see. At either end of the picture was a portal, with a leg and an arm poking out of each.
"To be fair, art isn't exactly my strong suit," said Artemis.
"And to be fair, that's cheating…kind of," said Don. "Four out of ten. And that four is purely because that was kind of clever. Next up, Annabeth and Peter."
"Okay, check this out," said Annabeth, handing over the picture, a smug smile on her face. "What do you think?"
"Why does Peter look like blueprints for a building?" asked Don, showing the picture to everyone. Sure enough, Peter looked like he was supposed to be a building.
"I told you he wouldn't be into architecture," muttered Peter to Annabeth.
"It's unique, but stupid," said Don. "I'll give it a five. Next up, Finn and Katniss."
"I think you'll like this," said Katniss, handing over their work. Don looked over it and his eyes widened in shock. "This is actually pretty good," he said eventually.
"Told you a learn a thing or two off Peeta," said Katniss.
"And by that I mean it's the least crap of the steamy pile so far," said Don, showing it to everyone. Sure enough, it looked better than the others. "I'm penalising you for calling me out earlier, and for not trying to draw Finn's hair. Eight out of ten."
"Suck it Light," said Finn, poking his tongue out at Light.
"Real mature Finn," replied Light calmly.
"Next up, let's have Alice and Ash," said Don, getting handed a piece of paper by Alice. "What the hell is this?"
"It's Ash," said Alice. "If he was in a dark and gritty reboot of his franchise."
"God damn it Alice, Pokémon is not the DCEU," said Don.
"Maybe Detective Pikachu will be dark and gritty?" suggested Alice.
"With Deadpool voicing Pikachu? Not likely," said Don. "One out of ten. Next up, let's have Louise and Timmy."
"Behold, my masterpiece," said Timmy, holding out his picture smugly for Don to inspect.
Don stared at the picture in confusion, then showed it to the group. "This is a masterpiece?" asked Don.
Timmy looked at the picture, and then realised what he'd drawn: Louise as a stick figure, coloured in poorly with crayons. "Uh, can you give me a minute?" asked Timmy, running outside. "What the hell guys?"
"Well, you only asked to become Leonardo Da Vinci," said Wanda. "You never asked to have his talent, so you just took his body and kept your own talent."
"And you didn't think to tell me this?" asked Timmy.
"We thought you would wish for that too," said Cosmo.
"GRR! Now we're gonna lose," said Timmy, walking back in to see Sabriel and Kenny presenting their picture.
"This…is perfect," said Don, showing them the picture. "I mean, all you needed was orange and a pair of eyes, and you did so much more than that. Ten out of ten."
"MFF mf," said Kenny.
"Hey, language," said Don. "So, here's your prize." Don handed them a box, which the winners immediately opened.
"Moonballs?" asked Sabriel, bouncing one of them on the floor and catching it. "Why do I feel like Nora's people would like these?"
"As for the losers…" started Don.
"I know, I know, we're going…" started Timmy.
"What are you talking about? We scored two," said Louise.
"Wait, really?" asked Timmy. "Then that means…"
"Alice and Ash are out of here," said Don, as the Lame-o-sine pulled up in front of them.
"I told you I should have been the artist," said Ash.
"As if you could…" started Alice, as Ash showed her a picture. "Holy crap, you even got my sparkles in this." The two of them got into the car, which started moving once the doors were closed.
"Six teams remain," said Don. "Who's going home next? Find out next time, on Total Drama Couples."
Author's note: Holy crap, I've been writing this fic for a year. And it's NEARLY my longest fic ever (about five hundred words short). Thank you so much everyone who's been reading, and hopefully I'll have this thing done soon.