I'm home! Finally! And I have excellent news! I'm going to be posting regularly from now on, like, every Monday or so. Thank you all for being so patient with me while I traveled and here's an extra long chapter to make up for all the delays. :)
Hitsugaya felt his mouth go dry. The hand holding his unsheathed sword began to quiver.
"What…what did I…?" he stuttered, appalled at the situation he was in. He had been so overwrought with fury at seeing another man on top of Karin that he had drawn his sword without thinking.
"How could I forget?" he berated himself. "How could anything have made me forget?" His self loathing was reaching a maximum and he felt an intense wave of nausea creep up into his throat.
"Hey, relax Toushiro," Renji said, cuffing him playfully on the shoulder. "You were just protecting the love of your life. There's gotta be a clause about that somewhere in your personal contract with that seal." Hitsugaya felt like Renji had just slugged him in the gut.
"THERE ISN'T!" he screamed, shaking violently now. "There is no excuse for me to draw my sword for any reason! Even if it is to protect Karin. I didn't need to draw it! I could have protected her without it! But why?" He directed the last question at himself, and at his hand which was still gripping the sword so hard his fingers were beginning to go numb. "Why did I do this?"
"It's ok Toushiro," Karin said in a calming voice. She approached him and placed a firm hand on each shoulder, forcing him to look directly at her. "All you did was draw it. You had good reason to, but besides that, you didn't do anything. You didn't hurt anyone. No one has touched your blade. So just sheath it, reseal it, and pretend that this never happened. Ok?" She gave him a loving smile, but it didn't reach him.
"You don't understand," he muttered. "You can never understand." Karin's smile disappeared and was replaced with rage.
"Yeah, you're right," she replied darkly. "I don't understand. Because you won't tell me. What exactly are you hiding Toushiro? What did you do that was so horrible that you can't trust me enough to tell me about it?" Hitsugaya felt nauseous all over again. He turned his face away from Karin's, refusing to make eye contact.
"That's none of your business," he grumbled.
SMACK! Hitsugaya didn't even seem to register that Karin had just slapped him. His mind and body were partially frozen as it was. But her words cut into him like knives.
"It's none of my business?" she cried, her cheeks burning with anger. "It's none of my business? That's right, who am I? I'm only your fiancé! I've only promised to spend the rest of my life with you, but no, it's none of my business that you have some deep dark secret that you keep dangling in front of me like a carrot on a string. Do you really think this is all ok? Do you really think I'm just going to humbly marry a man who keeps such crazy secrets from me? If you're so closed lipped about this, then how do I know that you won't keep more secrets from me? How do I know I can trust you?" The room was silent except for the sound of Karin's heavy breathing. No one dared move. Hitsugaya paused before he spoke. His mouth had gone completely dry.
"If you don't think you can trust me, maybe you shouldn't be marrying me," he said, his voice steadier than his mind felt.
Hitsugaya hadn't hit her, but it sure felt like he had. Karin had never felt more betrayed.
"Oh, so that's how it is huh? Well then, maybe I won't marry you. It was fun while it lasted." She stormed past him and the gaping spectators, but paused briefly at the door. "Oh," she added, without looking back at him, "you owe me 250 rho."
ooooooooooooooooooo
Karin didn't feel like moving when she woke up the next morning. Her joints were still stiff from the paralytic, but her heart ached worse than her muscles. Part of her felt guilty for breaking it off with Hitsugaya over something like that, but the other part knew that she had made the right choice. She loved him, but if he wasn't willing to be honest with her when it mattered, then she didn't know if she could really marry him. The thought tortured her, but her resolve was firm. Until he was willing to open up to her and tell her about his past, the engagement would remain dissolved.
There was a knock on her door and Karin held her breath.
"Who is it?"
"Renji. Can I come in?" Karin sighed, but she wasn't sure if it was from relief or disappointment that it wasn't Hitsugaya.
"Yeah, sure." Renji slid the door open and came over to her.
"Here," he said, tossing her a small bag. "Your share of the bounty. We turned the rat in last night after you left." Karin nodded and took the bag, not even bothering to count what was in it. No amount of money could replace what last night had cost her.
"Orihime-chan is feeling a lot better today," Renji told her. "Chibi-chan says she should be fine to travel once we get a decent meal in her. And…" he paused, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably, "Toushiro says he's gonna come with us. Says he still owes it to you to play the fiancé role in front of your dad."
"Does he now?" Karin said bitterly. "Well, I did pay him for that. It's the least he can do."
"He does love you, you know. He just…"
"Don't defend him!" Karin interrupted. "Could you marry someone you couldn't trust? Don't tell me you're on his side!"
"I'm not," Renji assured her. "I just think you could be a bit less harsh on him. Last night was really trying for him, and I don't think he was thinking properly, that's all." Karin turned away from him. He was right and she knew it, but she didn't want to admit it. "Anyway, we're all heading to the pub to eat breakfast. You can join us or not, but we're leaving right afterwards, so pack up." Karin nodded and Renji left her alone.
ooooooooooooooooooo
The ride out of town was excessively awkward. No one really spoke about anything more than directions and Karin pointedly avoided looking at Hitsugaya. He however was lost in his own world, and kept staring warily at his sword as if it had just killed his best friend of its own volition and he was worried it might wake up and do the same to him. The heavy mood lasted for the better part of a week. Snow began to melt as they left the mountains, and warmer breezes blew past them, providing a welcome respite from the stinging chill of higher altitudes. Mud splattered the wagon and the horse's hooves as spring began to dawn around them.
"Hey, I've got some good news," Renji said one morning over a breakfast of hastily prepared rice porridge. "The elevens' main haunt is only a few hours from here. Let's go check up on them huh? I'd be fun right?" Renji was clearly trying to brighten the mood, but his attempts were only mildly successful. However, stopping to see old friends seemed like a wonderful distraction, so they climbed back into the wagon and headed out.
They arrived just before lunch. Renji navigated them down a narrow alley lined with moderately sized, but poorly kept houses.
"This is the place," he announced, pounding on the door.
"Who the hell…" came Ikkaku's voice, but as he slid the door open, he stopped mid-sentence.
"Renji! Dude, I thought you'd never get here! Hey guys," he called to the house. "We've got company! Come on in! Man, but that wagon of yours is damn slow. We've been back for ages. When are ya' gonna' ditch it and get yourself a proper horse?" Renji laughed.
"You know I need that thing to carry my goods." Ikkaku waved him off.
"Yeah yeah, whatever honest worker. Oh, by the way, Kira's woman is here, ya' gotta meet her. But don't make this public yeah? Her brother's still not so keen on Kira." Ikkaku led them inside but, while there was more space than there had been in their place before, the state of things was pretty much the same. Discarded clothing and weapons littered the floor and they had to navigate carefully to avoid impaling themselves on a rogue blade. The smell of mildew was pervasive and Orihime pinched her nose. The rest were incredibly envious of her right to do so.
"Dude, it stinks like a sewer in here," Renji said, unabashed. Ikkaku chuckled.
"Yeah, we're not the best housekeepers. Yumichka does his best, but he's fighting a losing battle there. Come on, everyone's in here." He slid open the door revealing an incredibly crowded room.
"Look who's here!" Ikkaku announced, and suddenly they were beset upon by every member of the elevens as they hugged, hit, and swore at each other in greeting. There was a great deal of commotion over Orihime, and she was lifted, laughing and delighted, into the air several times before she was spirited away by Yachiru who wanted to show her her bug collection. Matsumoto tried to catch Hitsugaya's eye, but he avoided her gaze, too ashamed by what had occurred to look at her properly. It was she whom he had betrayed the most when he drew his sword and he couldn't yet bring himself to face her properly.
"Oh you simply must meet Kira's beloved," Yumichka declared. "Hinamori-chan, these are dear friends of ours." The sea of people split and the party noticed for the first time that there was a new face among the throng. An adorable young woman with jet black hair swept up into a tight bun sat at the table with a look of surprise and excitement on her playful features. She was quite short and delicate, as if a strong wind would blow her over. Her seductive eyelashes seemed the type to innocently tease men inadvertently. She looked up at them and gave them a warm smile.
"Nice to meet you," she greeted pleasantly. "I'm Hinamori Momo…" Her voice trailed off as her gaze locked on Hitsugaya and her genial smile melted into her face. "Sh…Shiro-chan?" she questioned, looking as though she had just seen a ghost. Hitsugaya had a similar expression on his face. "Shiro-chan right? It's you! It's really you!" She jumped up and dashed towards him, arms outstretched for an enormous bear hug. "I can't believe you're here…"
"Don't touch me!" Hitsugaya snapped, and Hinamori stopped in her tracks.
"Shiro-chan?" she said pathetically, her face lined with hurt. Hitsugaya glared at her.
"What, did you think I'd be happy to see you or something? Get off your high horse! Who do you think you are, you traitor?" Hinamori's eyes filled with tears.
"Shiro-chan," she gasped. Hitsugaya looked away from her coldly. He never could stomach watching her cry.
"Oh sure, now you cry," he said venomously. "You didn't cry then but you cry now. Only when it's convenient for you, is that it?"
"Shiro-chan, it's not like that!" Hinamori sobbed, her tears running freely now.
"Oh really?" Hitsugaya barked. "Then what is it like? You have no idea, no idea what happened to me after that!"
"Shiro-chan, it's not like we wanted to! Otousan loved you, he just panicked and…"
"How dare you mention that man!" Hitsugaya screamed at the top of his lungs. "How dare you bring him up in front of me! Did he drink himself to sleep every night? Did he spill innocent blood for no reason at all? Did he poison women and children? Was he beaten and tortured ruthlessly? Because if not, then I never want to hear his name again. And if you have any decency left at all, you'll leave me alone." Hinamori had gone stone faced.
"Otousan's dead, Shiro. He killed himself. About a month after you left. He felt so guilty that he just couldn't live with himself anymore. Kaasan held on for about a year, but then she died too. Grief. The fields were all destroyed and it was impossible to get anything to grow. Niisan and I did everything we could, but there was never enough food. You know niisan can only work so hard. He almost died himself more than once. The twins, well, they didn't make it either. They were too young and there wasn't enough to eat. Maybe we would all have been better off if we'd have died that day." The silence that followed was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The room was gaping at the pair, too stunned to say anything. Finally, Karin mustered up her courage.
"Um, Toushiro," she broke in bravely. "Who is she?" Hitsugaya lowered his gaze to the floor.
"My sister," he answered quietly.
"Your sister? I thought you had no family!" exclaimed Karin and Matsumoto in unison. Every eye in the room turned to Matsumoto. She quickly clamped a hand over her mouth, but the damage was done. Hitsugaya scowled.
"Tell them whatever you want," he spat. "I don't care anymore." He turned on his heel and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
Kira came over to Hinamori and placed a comforting arm around her as Karin started on Matsumoto.
"You know him?" she asked, dumbfounded. "Why didn't you say anything before?"
"I'm so sorry," Matsumoto apologized, grief and worry etched deeply into her face. "He begged me not to. He's very ashamed of his past and since I was a part of it, he wanted to keep the fact that we knew each other a secret. I never meant to hide it from you."
"What past?" Karin asked in exasperation. "What happened? What exactly is he so ashamed of?" Matsumoto looked at Karin with pity.
"I think you need to ask him that question. I don't think it's my place to tell you and frankly, I only know part of the story. Besides, I know he'd rather you hear it from him. I think he'll tell you now." Karin didn't need to hear another word. She bolted out of the room as fast as her legs would carry her. She knew instinctively that he wasn't in the house, so she ran out into the street.
"Toushiro!" she shouted. "Where the heck are you?"
"I knew you'd come looking for me." Hitsugaya was leaning against the wall of the house, arms crossed defensively, an unreadable look on his face. Other than the storm raging in his emerald eyes, there was no other indication that he had just endured severe emotional turmoil. "You want to know about my past." It wasn't a question. "I guess you have a right to know. It's not like I can make things worse between us." Karin didn't reply, but she allowed Hitsugaya to lead her down the street. They found a quaint little tea shop and asked for a private room. A waitress brought them tea and left them alone. Hitsugaya rocked his cup back and forth, contemplating how best to begin.
"I guess the first thing you should know about me," he said at last, "is that my name is not Hitsugaya Toushiro. Hitsugaya Toushiro was a character in the book I was reading when we met. Nothing more. My birth name is Hinamori Shiro. I cast that name off ages ago and have assumed dozens of others since then." Hitsugaya paused and stared unseeingly at the cup in his hands. This was not going to be an easy story to tell, but with the appearance of his sister in the midst of their fight, he knew it was time to come clean. So Hitsugaya took a deep breath and began his story.
It finally happened! I know I've been building up to this for ages so I hope you're as excited as I am that I'm finally here. I won't make you wait as long for the next chapter this time, I promise!