The Random Megaman Parody Show: Third Strike
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
Parody #25
A Parody of Jaws
By: The X series
(Instead of playing a harmonica, Dynamo is playing the tune to 'I Like To Move It' with a tuba. Then, as Flame Hyenard runs after Gigavolt Man-O-War, he continuously yells 'Burn! Burn! Burn to the ground. Burn!' Also, Flame Hyenard runs after Gigavolt Man-O-War, he rolls down a hill and lands in a grave with his name on the tombstone.)
MSX - -dressed as a mortician- Quick, boys! Before he comes to!
(As Gigavolt Man-O-War swims in the water, Metal Shark Player is looking up at him.)
Metal Shark Player - That's nice. Wait! Is that a… -attempting to hold back barf noises-
(Metal Shark Player drags Gigavolt Man-O-War into a buoy. He then drags him into a small fishing boat. Then, a large cruise ship appears.)
Gigavolt Man-O-War - Oh, hell n-
(Gigavolt Man-O-War is dragged through the ship, creating a gigantic hole. Meanwhile, a random person is standing at the head of the boat as it begins sinking.)
Random Guy - I'm king of the… Oh, crap. Not this again.
(The next day, X wakes up with Alia and Infinity Mijinion runs in.)
Mijinion - Mom, I cut my hand.
Alia - Dammit, Billy! Were you playing around with those Mexicans again? They said they'd cut you!
(Instead of a jeep, a Ride Chaser sits in the driveway. X shrugs and gets in. As he drives off, Dynamo runs after him.)
Dynamo - Come back here, asshole! That was mine!
(Once on the beach, X/ Flame Hyenard/ Rainy Turtloid find Gigavolt Man-O-War on the ground, dead with his arms across his chest.)
X - Damn. It must've been painful. Look at her face. Wait… Is that… Ugh…
(After getting a phone call, X turns to Axl.)
X - Axl, how many 'Duck Crossing' signs do we have?
(Inside a store, Spark Mandrill is talking in the background.)
Spark Mandrill - There's not a thing I ordered on this list! No beach balls. No loungers. No hookers. Not even a fucking pair of sunglasses!
(Just before driving off, X speaks to Axl.)
X - Polly wanted to let you know…
Axl - Yeah? Well, Polly wanna doodle all the day! I say let her doodle! -drives off-
(At the dock, Signas rides up in a ferry.)
X - Take me to the nearest Hooters, would ya?
(X converses with a group of people on the ferry.)
X - Well, what else could've done that to that girl? Guy? Girlguy?
Douglas - Well, I think… Yes. I think that a dragon did it.
X - Don't talk to me anymore…
Douglas - If you yell barracuda, no one gives a shit. But if you say free sex… Everyone comes running.
X - I'll remember that…
(When some random guy comes up and starts talking to X, Commander Yammark screams. X stands up and sees Commander Yammark flailing in the water. )
Yammark - My boyfriend's biting me! Help!
(X sits back down. Then, instead of 'The Muffin Man', Infinity Mijinion is singing 'Without Me'. From underwater, Metal Shark Player is looking at everyone's legs.)
Metal Shark Player - Hmmm… Which one… Which one… No, too white. Too black. Too Mexican. Don't like spicy food. Aha! Caramel! Perfect…
(A random person yells out 'Shark' and everyone gets out of the water.)
Random Guy - Shark! Shar… Oh, hold on! My bad! Just a dead clown floating on top of the water! Everyone back in! Nothing to worry about!
(In the famous 'Jaws' screen motion, the camera moves too far. )
X - Ow! Son of a bitch! Will someone please fire this cameraman!
(Instead of what it actually says, the sign in the police station says, '$3000.00 reward for whomever can successfully frame Michael Jackson.' Then, X finds himself in a meeting.)
Random Guy - Are you going to close the beaches?
Vile - No, we're gonna let you swim in shark-infested waters. Of course we're gonna close them, ya stupid bitch! -smacks Random Guy- Go to your room!
(Then, Zero begins talking to the council.)
Zero - For $10,000, you get the head, the tail, the stomach, the dorsal fin, this souvenir Amity Island snowglobe, and this coupon good for a free medium coffee at any participating Starbucks. Good until July 7. Non-refundable.
(That night, X is reading a book as Alia sits down next to him. He turns around suddenly, but nothing happens.)
X - Boo.
(Alia jumps.)
Alia - Oh my God, you scared me.
(As two morons are on the dock at night, Metal Shark Player grabs the bait.)
Metal Shark Player - Take out. My favorite. -begins swimming away-
(Then, as one moron falls in the water, Metal Shark Player turns around.)
Metal Shark Player - Dessert? You shouldn't have.
(Later, during the frenzy at the harbor, Douglas enters the shack.)
Douglas - You know those eight guys overloading the boat? Yeah, none of them are getting out of this harbor alive. I just blew up their boat.
(A brief silence follows.)
Douglas - See? That's what I'm talking about! Now get out there!
(During the frenzy with the boats, Ride Boarski stabs himself and the blood squirts into the water. When people are celebrating about killing a shark, Metal Shark Player pops out of the water.)
Metal Shark Player - I'm gonna get sued for this. -lifts harpoon- Ya missed me, ya dried-up douchebag!
(Metal Shark Player throws the harpoon throw someone's head and is gone by the time people look towards him. After Palette finishes her rant, X sighes.)
X - You're right. There isn't anything I can do about it. Except of course…
(X raises his buster and blows Palette's brains out.)
X - And that, folks, wasn't in the script!
(That night, Infinity Mijinion does whatever X does.)
X - Come here.
(Mijinion leans closer and gets smacked.)
X - Stop doin' what I do!
(Later, during the conversation with Douglas…)
X - So this rogue stays in one spot until the food supply is gone.
Douglas - That's right. It's called 'he's hungry like a motherfucker!'
(The next day with Sigma…)
Douglas - Mr. Mayor, if you open the beach on the 4th of July, it'll be like ringing the dinner bell! It'll be a salad bar, but it's not salad! It's people! It's a people bar!
Sigma - Sounds like you've been to a people bar.
Douglas - Who told you?
(Instead of playing 'Killer Shark', the kids at the arcade are playing 'We're All Gonna Die!'.)
Dumbass #1 - Hey look! I'm dead!
Dumbass #2 - Awesome!
(The two high-five each other. Then, as people run into the water, a man in a seal costume hops into the water as well. As the people in the boats are looking for Metal Shark Player, he is underwater looking at people's legs.)
Metal Shark Player - False alarm? I'll show you false alarm…
(At the hospital…)
Lifesavor - Do you want your mom to bring you anything?
X - My drugs. They're in my Hot Wheels car holder thing.
(On the boat with Zero…)
Zero - I saw a shark eat a rocking chair once. I think Old Man Jenkins was still on it.
(While chunking fish guts, Metal Shark Player surfaces, takes X's picture, then dives back underwater. Then, after Zero's story about sharks, they begin singing as Metal Shark Player tosses the barrel towards the boat.)
Metal Shark Player - Special delivery, asswipes!
(While pulling in the rope, Metal Shark Player pops out of the water.)
Metal Shark Player - Hi-dee ho, motherfuckers!
(After tying the ropes to the boat, Metal Shark Player laughs.)
Metal Shark Player - You are some stupid assholes, ya know?
(Once in the shark cage, Douglas looks up to see Metal Shark Player approaching.)
Metal Shark Player - Did you miss me?
(During the attack on the cage…)
Metal Shark Player - Playing hard to get, are we?
(After killing Zero, Metal Shark Player drags him down.)
Metal Shark Player - Don't mind if I take my snack and leave.
(Just before 'Jaws' dies, X takes aim.)
X - Smile, you son of a bitch!
Metal Shark Player - Bite me, you bitch of a son!
(As they swim away, the two laugh.)
X - I used to hate the water.
Douglas - I can't imagine why. -gets smacked- I can imagine why.
(Suddenly, Metal Shark Player jumps up and eats them both. He surfaces and smiles again.)
Metal Shark Player - Surprise, you dried-up douchebags!
(Just then, Quint swims up.)
Quint - Excuse me! How was this not a Classic parody! The guy's name is Quint for Christ's sake!
MSX - So?
Quint - So?! Is that all you've got to say is so?!
MSX - Yeah, pretty much…
Quint - Argh! I don't understand you!!
Next time: The Classic series meets the best doggoned dog in the world.