Disclaimer - I do not own Naruto or Fairy Tail

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By Any Means

Chapter 19

The Elephant In The Room Pt 1

Opening: The Way Back - One OK Rock

0o0o0 Akane Resort Train Station - The Next Day 0o0o0

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A FLAME BRAIN?!" Natsu Dragneel, the Salamander of Fairy Tail yelled at… a disrobing Gray Fullbuster, Fairy Tail's resident Ice Mage.

"I've heard the rumors about that but… man, they really are strange," a tall man with short, messy hair thought as a redheaded knight - Fairy Tail's Titania, Erza Scarlet - punched the pink-haired mage and now completely nude Ice mage whilst a blonde haired girl chuckled and seemed to be doing her best to not groan. "Hmm… probably the Heartfilia girl that started this whole debacle in the first place. Oh… if it isn't little Sasuke, wait… should I still be calling him that? It has been a long time and he has grown quite a bit since then. I heard he's even got himself a girlfriend! Oh Sage, even little Sasuke has gotten a girlfriend before me. What does that say about me? I mean I'm an eligible, good-looking guy. I mean sure, I've killed people and done things I'm not proud of, but women like to change men right?"

"There you are Naruto!"

The shout brought the man out of his depressing thoughts and back to the group of mages as a blond haired man joined them. "Well, at least he seems ok. Better than Sasori that's for sure. You've caused us a lot of problems as of late. Makes you wonder just how much he really knows and how much is just blind luck. Either way, it's about time to end your little rebellion. I know you mean well, but you just don't know how much worse you've made things." The man sighed as he stood up, running a hand through his hair as he watched the group begin to board their train. "I'm really sorry about this kid. Wish it could be different, but orders are-!"

"Kehehehehe. Did you notice the looks he was giving the redhead. Haven't seen him so enamored like that since poor Kurotsuchi. Almost brings a tear to the eye." The man paused mid-step at the rough voice, his chance to follow the group of mages passing as the train doors closed.

"I heard that he had been in a relationship with her. I never imagined my student getting so close to someone like her. I recall her being rather rebellious, giving Tsuchikage-sama a run for his money for stubbornness," a more refined voice spoke up from his other side.

"Keh, those two together was like putting two firecrackers in the same box. Made for some interesting mission reports. She wanted to kill him and he wanted to kill everybody." The man with the rough voice gave a toothy grin as the train began to roll out of the station before turning his attention to the black-haired man that had been watching the Fairy Tail mages. "Surprised you haven't started a scene. Figured you'd have at least made a break for it."

The man just stood there, rather surprised by his unexpected guests. "To be honest, it hasn't even occurred to me to do that yet. It's been a long time Kisame… Itachi."

Kisame, dressed in a floral button up shirt, tan khakis and flip flops, couldn't help but widen his grin as the man called them out by name, Samehada rustling restlessly, anticipating the oncoming fight.

"That it has. To think that we would meet in such a place is almost... amusing." Itachi dressed similarly to Kisame, only wearing a straw hat instead of an oversized, chakra-consuming sword strapped to his back.

The man sweatdropped at the terrible use of a pun. "You still have no talent for comedy, I see."

"You're telling me. I swear Uzumaki rubbed off on him. Kid is just as terrible. Though it's better to listen to his crappy jokes than wait for him to make the perfect sunny-side up eggs for ya. Don't know how he managed to feed the kid for five years with an OCD like that." Kisame laughed as Itachi send the blue-skinned man a glare.

"Naruto cooked for himself. There was no need to waste my culinary talents when all he would eat was ramen."

The man started to laugh as memories began to pour in. "Haha, culinary talent right. If there was one thing you couldn't do, it was cook. I remember going hungry for days at a time because you still hadn't made rabbit stew just the right way!" The man turned abruptly, his black eyes bleeding into red. Despite the sudden movement the other two men remained in place, only heightening their guard. "Do you really think the two of you can stop me?"

0o0o0 Train to Magnolia 0o0o0

"Blargh!"

"Ew!" Lucy cried out as Natsu vomited out the window again as the train continued down its path to Magnolia. Despite her disgust, she continued to rub his back to help calm him.

"...Is he always like this?" Naruto asked, subtly edging away from the pink haired mage.

"Aye! Natsu can't handle riding anything!" Happy saluted as he informed the blond about his friend's motion sickness.

"... right." Naruto eyed the blue cat before turning his gaze to Lucy. "My condolences."

"AND JUST WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" the blonde yelled as she flushed.

"As far as we can tell, it seems to be tied to Dragon Slayer magic," Erza offered.

"Hmm," Naruto wondered for a second how someone's magic could trigger such a response, but put it off when he noticed a familiar chakra signature approaching. "She wouldn't…"

"Goshujin-sama!"

"She would…" Naruto buried his face in his hands, before glaring at the brunette from between his fingers.

"Damnit Haku how many times do I have to tell you?! I am NOT your master!" He sighed as he noticed all eyes were on him. "Great, they're going to think I'm some kind of pervert or something."

"Y-Yuki-san?"

Naruto's head snapped to Lucy. "You know her?" He turned back to Haku. "They know you?!"

"Hai Goshujin-sama, your party stayed at the Fiorella's Hot Spring where I was employed." Haku's beaming face was setting off alarms in the back of Naruto's head.

"Haku… what did you do?"

"Lucy-san, Erza-sama it's so good to see the both of you again," the brunette said as she turned to the Fairy Tail mages.

"Don't ignore me!"

"Gomen Goshujin-sama, but I do believe you ordered me to do as I please," Haku smiled at him before once again directing her attention to the Fairy Tail mages, "Gray-san, Sasuke-san, Happy-san, and Natsu-san," Natsu continued to vomit out the window, "It's a pleasure to remake your acquaintance."

"Dobe, the hell is this all about?" Sasuke glared at the sputtering blond. "What the hell is she doing here? I know she's obsessed with the usuratonkachi but this is ridiculous."

"I would like to know as well, Naruto." Erza, who had been quiet until now, spoke up, causing Naruto to sweat profusely.

"Er… well you see… Haku is… she's-" He was cut off as Haku decided to answer for him.

"There's no need to worry mistress, I live to serve both Goshujin-sama and you!" Haku smiled as Erza's face blended into her hair.

"What?" the entire group of mages blanched at the girl.

Naruto just started banging his head on the door to their cabin, muttering "I hate my life," over and over again.

0o0o0 Fairy Tail Guild Hall 0o0o0

"Do you know how worried I've been!" Mira scolded the returning fairies plus two, hands on her hips. "You've been gone much longer than you were supposed to!" She turned her head, before glancing back at Sasuke. "And besides, we missed your birthday," she mumbled.

Sasuke rolled his shoulders. "Hn, it's just a birthday, you don't have to…" He trailed off as Mira's magic shot up, her Satan Soul Takeover activating. Before he could react, her hand shot out, latching onto his collar, and she began to drag him away.

Elfman sidled up to the group, saying a short prayer for Sasuke. "Sis was really worried. She'd also made a bunch of plans that got cancelled, so she hasn't been in the best of moods."

"Tell me about it. I haven't seen her this depressed since…" Sakura side glanced at Elfman before continuing, "Well, it's been a long time. Anyway, welcome back everyone. I'm glad you're all… ok?" she said as she took a second glance, noting the bandages still present on a few of the group.

"Sakura! It feels like it's been forever since we've seen each other!" Lucy smiled, giving the pinkette a small wave. Seeing the medic's roving gaze, she laughed nervously.

"Lucy, what happened to you guys? I thought you were going to a resort?" Sakura asked, eyes narrowed.

"W-Well, a couple of things..." the blonde started stuttering, looking anywhere but at the woman in front of her. Thankfully, Natsu, being his blunt self, stepped in.

"It was awesome, sis! There was this tower, and this weird owl guy who could eat people, and this super strong lady who fought with crystals, and-"

Sakura just sighed as her pseudo brother rambled on. Of course Fairy Tail mages would run into trouble on vacation.

"Well I'm glad that you dunderheads made it back safely. It seems you lot had quite the adventure while you were away." The group turned to see Makarov approaching with Juvia, Anko and the twins in tow. "I'd like you all to meet Fairy Tail's newest mage Juvia, isn't she a cutie?" Makarov gave a perverted grin which earned him a smack on the back of the head.

"She's still underage," Anko glared at the whimpering form of the guild master before turning to Juvia, "You'll have to forgive him, he forgets the law at times. Now then why don't you introduce yourself."

"Right," Juvia smiled as she saw Gray looking at her, "I can't wait to work with all of you!"

Gray chuckled a bit before addressing her, "So you actually made it in huh?"

Erza stepped forward, "Thank you for helping us in Akane."

"No! I should be thanking you. Because now I found a new guild!" Juvia grinned, elated at her acceptance.

"Erza-sama also helped me find where I belong," all attention turned to Haku who had yet to be introduced, as well as Naruto who was firmly in the clutches of Erza being dragged behind her.

"Haku, I've told you that you don't have to call me as such. We're friends-" Erza was cut off as Haku bowed before her.

"But I must Erza-sama! You are Goshujin-sama's intended and must be given the same respect as-"

"Dammit woman! Enough is enough!" Naruto easily escaped Erza's grasp, who blushed profusely as Haku once more called her Naruto's intended, and leapt at the brunette, only to have her effortlessly evade him, before freezing him in a large block of ice.

"Oh dear. That wasn't very nice, Goshujin-sama."

Anko smirked. "Ooh, I like her, Makky. Can we keep her?"

"Er… yes, well, who are you?" Makarov asked, his brows stretched in confusion.

Haku turned to the diminutive guild master and bowed to him in greeting. "I am Naruto-sama and Erza-sama's ever loyal servant. And I have come here to ask permission to join Fairy Tail to better serve them."

The ice surrounding Naruto broke and the blond fell to his feet before he stood up, a glare directed at Haku. "No. Just no. No. I don't need you. I don't know how many times it's going to take to get through to you, but I. Don't. Need. You!"

Haku merely smiled, undaunted by the hurtful words. "Of course you do, Naruto-sama. Otherwise, you wouldn't think that you don't need me. Now, how do I join the guild Makarov-dono?"

"I got it, Makky! Besides, you have some business with Red and Whiskers don't you?" Anko reminded the guildmaster. "If you'll follow me we'll get you all signed up so you can better serve Red-sama and Whiskers-sama!" Anko couldn't help but laugh at the entire situation, her children clutching onto her as their mother led them and Haku to the guild registration office.

"What the hell just happened?" Sakura asked, voicing the question many of the guild members had at the moment.

"We've been asking that since this morning," Lucy answered the exasperated medic.

"Gajeel?! What the hell are you doing here!" Natsu's shout came from the other side of the guild.

"Huh?! Ya got a problem, Salamander!" The Iron Dragon Slayer yelled back.

"These youngin's are going to be the death of me," Makarov ran a hand over his face before pointing at Erza and Naruto. "You two, my office, now."

Naruto and Erza shared a glance, catching the other's eye. Their faces heated as many of Haku's comments raced through their heads and turned from the other.

"I ain't got all day! C'mon, let's get this over with!" Makarov shouted, already covering the majority of the distance to his office.

The two silently walked together and entered, the closing door behind them shutting out all the noise of the guild.

As they entered, the sight of Kakashi standing behind Makarov's desk with a small pug sitting on his shoulder caught their attention. Clearing his throat as he sat down, Makarov gestured for the two to take a seat.

"Master, what is this about?" Erza asked as she took the offered seat whilst Naruto opted to remain standing, keeping a keen eye on the dog.

"I'd like to hear about the last couple of weeks. From what little I've already been told it was an interesting time, especially for the two of you," Makarov said with a leer, wiggling his eyebrows at the two.

Blushing at the insinuation, the two refused to look in each others' direction, before the redhead spoke up, trying to get back on track. "Ahem, I don't see how that's any of your business Master."

Raising an eyebrow, the guild master leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. "Oh? Being worried for the safety of my children isn't any of my business?" Seeing the flustered look on Erza's face, the old man waved her off. "Bah, don't worry about it. Just an old man having some fun."

"Master," Kakashi cut in as Pakkun jumped down onto the desk, "If we could get back on track?"

"Yes, yes." Sobering up, Makarov turned a serious look at the blond and redhead. "Now, tell me everything that happened since you left the guild."

"And don't leave anything out," Kakashi cut in. "Pakkun here was following you from a distance, so we pretty much know the basics, but we'd like a little more detail in what happened."

"You had us followed Kakashi?" Naruto asked, internally beginning to panic. "What, you can't trust them to even go on a vacation without parental supervision?"

Eyes crinkling up in a smile, the shinobi turned mage shrugged. "Well, seeing how this vacation turned out, I'd think it was pretty warranted, wouldn't you?"

Unable to argue that point, Naruto backed off, mind running a mile a minute, wondering if Kakashi knew everything. "Heh, see? They don't trust you. How many times have you been followed and not known?"

Sitting up straight in the chair, Erza cleared her throat as she began her report. "Well, truth be told, the trip down was fairly uneventful. We stayed at a hotspring for one night, and the next day made it to the Akane resort."

"Mm, yes, about that hotspring. Pakkun?"

"I lost track of both Naruto and Sasuke that night."

Naruto glared at the pug as he tried to come up with some kind of lie. "Already they suspect you of trying to turn Sasuke against them." There was no way he could tell them that he got into a fight with Sasuke and threatened to kill Mirajane, only to try and cover it up as training.

"Naruto and Sasuke had a fight," Erza offered.

Naruto's mind ground to a halt.

The redhead thumped a hand against her breastplate. "Just like Natsu and Grey, Naruto and Sasuke are the best of friends. Sometimes, they can't control their boundless energy and have to blow off some steam in a sparring match. They probably made sure to get far enough away from the hotspring to avoid damaging it and waking us up." Erza's eyes teared up. "Finally, we have members who don't cause collateral damage all the time."

Makarov too began to tear up, thinking about all the complaints he gets from the council about the damages caused by his children.

Kakashi, Pakkun, and Naruto all watched on in apprehension, making sure that no sunset began to appear in the background.

Snapping out of it, Makarov coughed into his fist before settling back into his chair. "Yes, well, that's that then. Continue on."

"Well, we arrived at the resort and spent the day settling in and having fun." Erza frowned as she remembered the next day. "Actually, the second day, Naruto was gone. He'd promised to go to dinner with me, but he never showed up."

"Shit." Naruto looked away with a guilty look on his face. "I never meant to stand her up." "I think you have other things to worry about."

Pakkun raised a paw, gaining everyone's attention. "That's because he wasn't in the resort anymore. He'd left the night before, sometime around midnight. Sasuke went after him, but I lost both their trails in the forest."

"Kakashi's suspicious of you, he knows something. And Makarov, that doddering old fool, he's pitying you."

"Naruto, what happened that night?" Kakashi asked after a moment of silence. If the Master wasn't going to push it, fine. He was used to being the bad guy.

"...I have nothing to say." The blond turned away, unable to bear the look he was getting from Erza.

Makarov frowned as another blond superimposed himself on Naruto. "Just like Minato. He's going to try to keep everything to himself." "My boy, I know it may be hard, but-"

Naruto cut him off. "I have nothing. To. Say. Especially to you."

The room fell into silence with Naruto's harsh denial. Erza looked on, confused and feeling left out of the loop. It's like they were having two different conversations.

"Brilliant plan. Now they know something happened." "Shut up."

Pakkun looked up to Kakashi, who sighed and nodded his head. Keeping a wary eye on the blond, the pug began speaking again. "In the process of looking for the boys, I managed to find something else. Several hours later, I ran into a large group of people heading through the forest. They were malnourished, and many of them injured. Tracking their trail back led me to a destroyed compound."

All eyes turned to Naruto, who hadn't moved since his refusal to speak.

"Oh yeah, they know. I wonder what your precious Erza will think when she knows you're a cold blooded murderer?" "Shut up!"

"Among the the wreckage, I found dozens of dead bodies, along with both Naruto and Sasuke's scents."

Makarov seemed to age several years at the revelation, while Kakashi had gone stone faced. Erza's gaze shot between the the pug, Naruto, and the two adults.

"Hihi, he said it! Your little mission is blown!"

"Surely, there has to be an explanation…" the redhead began, only to trail off as Makarov shook his head.

"Unless he comes out and tells us what happened, I'm afraid we'll have to assume the worst."

"Erza knows now! Murderer!" "SHUT UP!"

Naruto's yell set everyone edge. The blond spun around, hands grasping his head as his left eye bled crimson. "Shut up shut up shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!"

Kakashi took a step forward, hands raised and open. "Naruto, what's wrong-"

"You!" The blond's left hand shot out, finger stabbing accusingly at the gray haired man. "You were supposed to be on my side, you were supposed to understand!" The warp in his voice sent chills down their spines. "Instead, you look at me like you don't know what it's like! Why do you get to be happy?!" The abrupt change in topic threw Kakashi for a loop.

Spinning, Naruto's finger stabbed out at Makarov next. "Your idealistic bullshit is less than worthless! People are good, and want to get along?! What world do you live in? People are filth, unrepentant, traitorous pieces of trash that don't give a damn about anything unless they get something out of it! Your family is just a bunch of lies!"

"Naruto!" Erza's shout was accompanied by a slap that threw the blond's head to the side. The only sound following that was the blond panting, as if he'd run a marathon. Suddenly, his head shot up, revealing two blue eyes full of panic.

"What...what did I?" Naruto's head snapped around, taking in the wounded looks on Kakashi and Makarov's faces, before settling on Erza's teary, worried look. Before anyone could stop him, he crashed through the window and was gone.

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Ending - God Knows - The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

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...Hi. Yes, we didn't live up to our promise of getting back into a regular schedule. But we're trying.

Life is a thing people. Life is a thing.

A very troublesome, irresponsible thing.

Anyway that isn't the Fairy Tail you were all expecting to read now was it?

We want to get on with the plot, but character development keeps getting in the way.

We promise the Laxus arc is coming. Both of us have been talking about it, sadly, for years now.

It will come, and it will be awesome...eventually.

Oh god, we're still in the first 50 eps of Fairy Tail!

...We're going to be old men by the time we finish.

Probably.

...yay…

In response to several reviews: Soon. Things will happen. Many things.

All of the things coming soon!

And the thing with Sasuke? All I'll say is that things aren't always what they appear.

SOON!

But on a serious note there was more written but we've decided to split it, hence "pt 1." As we were writing it looked better to split it all up. So that means expect "pt 2" soon - ish. The hard parts have been written out it's just small scenes remaining now.