FIFTY
Sarah did not come down to eat for lunch an hour later. Nor did she venture downstairs again later when I was sure she'd be hungry.
But how does one approach an upset teenage girl? I've seen people who have been able to succeed; most have been parents who knew what to say.
Myself, I have no experience with dealing with teenage girls.
None of us do.
Except maybe Sam.
Many times that day, I thought I ought to go upstairs and try to speak to her. But each time, I shook it off.
Just another few minutes. She'll come down, I kept telling myself. By four o'clock came, I finally ascended the steps and knocked on Sarah's door.
"Sarah? May I come in?"
No one answered, so I turned the door knob and opened the door slowly.
Sarah's gone, her window left open. I approach the window and look outside. There are no signs of anyone around, save Sam and Dean enjoying an afternoon beer. Wherever she's gone, it was hours ago.
I run down the stairs, muttering every kind of profanity I knew.
I grab my coat from the rack and run outside. Dean and Sam look at me with mild surprise. "What's up?" Sam asked.
"Sarah's run away."
"What? When?" Dean asked, getting up. They followed me to my car.
"I don't know," I snap, climbing into the Galaxie. I turn the car on and head out of Bobby's. We don't know where to look. We try the school, but it's locked and empty. Maybe she'd be at the library, but there was no one there. She couldn't have gone far if she didn't take any money.
"Try the school again," Dean suggested. "Maybe she snuck in."
"The park," Sam added. "She could be at the park."
"The bridge," a third voice said.
I slam on the brakes and the car skids to a halt. Dean and I turn around to face Caleb.
Pale and shaking, Caleb was the image of a man afraid.
"What happened?" Dean demanded.
"Sarah…did something," he said breathlessly. "It cast me out of her. Almost like…an exorcism. I don't have time to explain. She's at a bridge with a man… I couldn't tell. Whatever it is she did, it's not goo—"
The car was engulfed in blinding light. When it died, Caleb was gone.
Exorcism. A man. And a bridge. Perhaps it happened just a minute or two ago.
"Is there a bridge in Sioux Falls?" I ask.
"Covell Lake bridge," Sam said. "We're ten minutes away, but it's behind us a few streets at North Covell and West Madison."
I turn the car around in a reckless u-turn back onto Russell Street.
"West Bailey," Dean shouted. "West Bailey! Turn now!" I turned the car left sharply, ignoring the angry honking cars I almost crashed into.
"Cas, we needed to take the left fork!"
"Should have told me that sooner!"
"It's fine! It's fine," Sam said. "Take North Walts Avenue, then left on West Brookings, right on Menlo, left on Madison."
I followed Sam's instructions.
"Brakes!" Dean shouted. "Cas, the brakes!" I slammed on them. The car skidded to a halt. We lurched forward. As soon as the car was in a complete stop, Dean and Sam jumped out of the car while I put it in park and turned the engine off.
"Sarah!" Sam shouted. I ran after them. Sarah had passed out on the bridge. Dean pulled out the EMF. Sam picked Sarah up.
"Someone was definitely here," Dean said, pocketing the EMF. "How is she?"
"Sleeping," Sam said.
"What the hell did she do?" Dean muttered.
Perhaps, I can provide, gentlemen."
Crowley appeared, looking a bit more himself opposed to this morning. He seemed particularly pleased with himself.
"What did you do to her?" I demanded.
"Don't be like that," he said. "Sarah asked me for a favor and had something worth offering. That was all.
"She doesn't have a soul for you."
"She has the next best thing: her psyche."
FIFTY-ONE
She has the next best thing: her psyche.
Is that even possible? What demon would settle for the mind rather than the soul?
"It's actually quite a good offer," Crowley said, smirking. "I collect her mind in fifty years; let her live a long and fulfilling life, a better deal than any other Emere has been promised. She must have heard her friend Caleb talking about how long she can expect to live at some point during her sleeping state."
She did…perhaps that morning.
"You can relax," Crowley added, smiling at us mockingly. "Under my regime, Sarah's mind will be magnificently preserved. Perhaps. No one's dared take someone's mind to hell before. It usually dies with the body or lives on in the soul. Minds are, I believe, far more fragile than souls."
Sarah's eyes opened. She squirmed out of Sam's arms and he set her down.
Had she ever been conscious when Caleb was gone? I doubted it. Until Sam, I didn't think it was possible for one to be away when one's soul was missing.
Sarah glanced at us one by one.
"Hi guys," she said, blinking at us. It was subtle, but after Sam, it was easier to see the signs of a body missing her soul:
The lack of emotion, the blank stare…
How long will we have to wait until the ruthless nature comes out?
Sarah turned around to face Crowley. "Has it been done?"
"Caleb is gone, I assure you," Crowley said, smirking wider. "He won't kill you now."
"Kill?" Sam said.
I make Sarah face me. "Sarah, Caleb wasn't going to kill you."
"Yes he was," Sarah said calmly. "He wanted to return to Heaven. He didn't want to stay here with me. Caleb has always been my best friend. And he was going to betray me."
How does one convince someone that history isn't set in stone? There wasn't any guarantee that she'd die young like the other Emere. Perhaps there have been exceptions to the norm, some who have found a way to live long lives.
"At least with Caleb you were human," Dean snarled.
Sarah glared at him.
"Caleb made me a freak. I couldn't live a normal life. Not as long as he was around!"
"And what about now? Are you any less of a freak?"
"Dean!" Sam shouted.
"Tell her what happened to you, Sam. Tell her what it means to live without a soul."
Sam glanced from his brother to Sarah. He sighed.
"Sarah, you're going to stop being able to sleep. You won't feel tired…ever. You won't be able to discern right and wrong, only what is logical and you'll always take the logical path, even when it's the wrong thing to do. You'll kill innocent people you are sworn to protect and you won't care in the least. If it gets bad enough, you'll hurt someone you love and won't care. Without the soul, you are disconnected from emotion."
"How would you know?"
"I lived without my soul for a year. For the longest time I had amnesia of what happened that year. When I got it back, for a while, I was allowed to live without knowing, though I really wanted to. Sarah, you need Caleb to be your soul. You know that."
"He doesn't even want to be me. I heard him complain time and time again about being in a girl's body."
"I don't think he realized you were listening. You were grieving."
"Grief? Useless. Everyone dies eventually. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up over my parents' death."
"Crowley," I say, "Let her out of this deal."
Crowley hissed, sucking his teeth. "I'd love to, but I can't. You know the rules, angel."
"Sarah," I say, "Are you aware of what you did?"
"Yes."
"How sure?"
"Very."
"So you know and accept that you will never go to heaven for this act?"
Sarah said nothing. Her hands rose and covered her ears, as though what I said had caused some sort disturbance in whatever she thought was balanced.
"I just wanted to live."
"We all want to live, Sarah," Sam said. "But like you said, we all have to die eventually, but where we go after we die is up to us."
"As long as you remained an Emere, you would have been able to go to heaven," I said. "All Emere eventually go to heaven, though their lives are short. That doesn't mean those lives were ever unfulfilling. But when you sell yourself to a demon, whatever you have sold is doomed to Hell. I thought you knew."
Sarah backed away from us, shaking her head. She turned around and ran toward the lake.
"Sarah!"
"Where are you going? Get back here!"
I heard a loud humming. "COVER YOUR EARS AND CLOSE YOUR EYES!" I bellow, following my words exactly. I make sure Sam and Dean have done as I instructed as the humming grew louder, intensified. My ear drums felt like they were about to shatter when it stopped.