A Day in the Life

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AN: Way back when, fiore777 left me a review, reminding me about Sasuke's love for cats. You will soon see why this was important.

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December 25th

As of now, it is round about four o'clock in the morning. I don't know exactly what time it is because my eyes appear to be protesting against being put to work at stupid am. I don't blame them. I do blame Naruto, however, as it is all his bone-headed, retarded fault that I am awake. Despite the boss explicitly warning him last night, even going so far as to draw him into another room and have a quiet word, he still managed to wake us up because he was, and I quote, "too excited to sleep".

I first knew something wasn't quite right when, ensconced in a pile of duvets and drooling gently, my inner paranoid self detected the faintest of creaks. It could have been the sound of a door opening in a tentative fashion, I thought. As no further strange noises made themselves manifest, however, I chose to classify the previous noise under the category of "no threat to my health and well-being" and therefore decided that rolling over and getting back to what was really important was the best action to take.

An indeterminate amount of time later, I became aware of a foreign presence – foreign in that there was something in my bed that really should not have been there – but I couldn't put my finger on it. Vaguely troubled, my mind still blurred from the blissful ignorance of sleep, I lifted the boss's arm and made to turn over to the cold side of the bed.

I did so, and Naruto's face was an inch from mine, so close our noses were almost touching. His wide, blue eyes were boring into mine and he was grinning a rictus grin, his hands tucked under his chin. Fervour radiated from him in waves. He said, "Hee..."

I shrieked like a 1970s B-movie murder victim and vaulted from my recumbent position in bed, banging my leg on the bedpost as I went (resulting in an unsightly, hamster-sized bruise at the top of my right leg). In the commotion, the boss woke up with a snort, followed by a characteristic, agitated flail as he realised something was wrong and fought to extricate himself from his duvet cocoon.

"Naruto!" I hissed, my eyes watering with throbbing, bruise-induced pain. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I can't sleep, Sasuke," he whined, bouncing up and down on his knees. "I'm too excited!"

The boss's head suddenly poked out of the pile of duvets. It was not a happy head. His hair was dishevelled, his make-up smeared and his eyes were all puffy from sleep-deprivation.

"Naruto!" he snapped. "What did I tell you last night?"

Naruto looked disconsolately at the mattress. "You said not to wake anyone before nine. But I can't sleep anymore! I'm too excited about presents!"

He then paused for a moment to observe the boss, screwing his face up in that way of his when he's puzzled about something, before saying, "Are you naked in there?"

"OUT!" the boss roared, stabbing a finger in the direction of the door.

And so order has been restored. The boss managed to get back to sleep pretty quickly after Naruto the Overenthusiastic Intruder broke into our bedroom, but, alas, I cannot. Hence the entry.

I'm so tired and jealous of the boss. He's cocooned himself in the duvets again, and he's making those contented, little noises he tends to make when indulging in a spot of REM sleep (totally different from the running dream commentaries and the limb-flailing). It's not fair. I want to go back to sleep!

I know Naruto is my best friend, but sometimes I really want to smash his face in.

LATER:

It's thirty-seven minutes past seven. Kisame has just chapped on the door and has informed us, in a bleary-eyed and distinctly grumpy manner, that there won't be any more trouble from Naruto, as he has locked him out of the house and does not plan to let him in until nine sharp. Thank god. Sleep beckons with a cosy finger.

CHRISTMAS DAY

(11:48am):

Yes, I thought today's entry deserved a special 'later' heading, seeing as it's Christmas and all. I think today will have to be documented in dribs and drabs, as there's no way in hell I'm going to get a moment to myself otherwise. I'm in the kitchen right now and everyone else is here, nursing mugs of coffee with grumpy, tired looks on their faces.

Despite Kisame having made a passable attempt at damage control, I am afraid to say it turned out as having only made Naruto worse. You see, with him out of the house, everyone ended up sleeping in till eleven, and by the time Jiraiya let him in, the enthusiasm had built up so much that Naruto battered through the front doors like a whirlwind, foaming at the mouth to get at the presents. At the moment, he's standing behind me next to the fridge, jigging agitatedly from one foot to another and whining "Come on, guys! Come onnnnn..."

I must say (and this is a rare thing, indeed) but I am inclined to agree with Naruto. I can't wait to see the reaction on the boss's face when he sees Snakey.

Actually, to tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous. I really hope he likes it.

CHRISTMAS DAY

(2:58pm):

It is official.

I am the King of Christmas. The Duke of Generosity. The Grand High Celestial Emperor of Gift-Giving. Oh yes. Due to my superior skills in present-picking, I am now by far the most popular person in the house. I have had more grateful grins and more festive hugs than I can count on both hands (including a wink and a nudge from Mr Sarutobi. He's up in Kabuto's room right now using the computer). Ergo, it should come as no surprise that I'm feeling rather smug at the moment. I am also feeling all sorts of tingling, warm, fuzzy happiness. This is because, courtesy of the boss, I am now the proud owner of a mind-bendingly gorgeous, pure-bred Himalayan kitten.

Yes. You heard right.

THE BOSS GOT ME A KITTEN FOR CHRISTMAS!! asdkfjaslkfjawkejf;oawefhj;o uawvnawhr!!!

No, that was not the kitten crawling over my keyboard – that was me indicating my extreme enthusiasm via a randomly generated string of text!! The kitten is, at this precise moment, gouging great gleeful chunks out of the piles of discarded gift wrap under the tree with its tiny, tiny claws.

It's the best present in the world. Seriously. I cannot get over it. And the boss was so sneaky about it, too. I had absolutely no idea.

When we finally gave in to Naruto's incessant whining this morning, the boss was almost too keen that I opened his present before anyone else opened anything. When he entered the room, he made a beeline for the tree. Elbowing Naruto out of the way, he gently picked up the gift-wrapped box and held it out to me, sporting an uncharacteristically eager grin. He said, "Don't drop it, Sasuke-kun."

Suspicious, and all-too-aware that everyone had stopped what they were doing to watch me, I lifted the lid and peeked inside. I shrieked with delight, I kid you not. The kitten, in its haste to vacate the box (at the bottom of which it had done a little widdle) upturned the thing, waddled into my lap and mewled piteously. My heart melted. Almost everyone said "Aww." Itachi did not. He just stared at it with disinterest for a moment and then started opening his presents. Jerk. He didn't deserve the humungous Lush hatbox – which he loved, by the way. Oh yes, a cute kitten will not elicit even the slightest emotion in his crabbed, frozen, excuse for a heart, but a box full of bath products will make him open his mouth slightly, stare and say, "Thank you, Sasuke," in a sincere manner. He could have at least pretended to like my kitten, but then that would have been too much effort for him. Even at Christmas.

Oh, but the kitten... it's so incredibly soft! I must say that I have never felt a softer kitten in my life. I rather suspect the boss secretly conducted preliminary softness trials in order to ensure I received the softest possible kitten. And he is a Himalayan! A HIMALAYAN!! The boss knows that I love them with a ridiculous passion (after all, over the course of our relationship I must have forced him to look at countless pictures of sweet, Himalayan kittens online)! He is only eight weeks old, but he is so cute and fuzzy, that whenever I look at him capering around on the floor, my brain is invaded by the power of his supreme cuteness and general fuzziness, thus reducing me to a cooing, giggling, pliable owner only too willing to spoil with treats and scratch toys. I am certain he shall grow up to resemble the cat on a keyboard in space cat – he has that look about him. The boss said he purchased him from the Daimyo's wife in Konoha (apparently, she breeds Himalayans) and that its pedigree name (he has the papers) is Falstaff Dalrymple Carruthers-Twerpington the Third. The most touching thing about the whole affair, however, was that everyone else must have been in on the surprise, because my presents mainly consisted of kitten-related accessories (which I have listed below).

I received:

an assortment of wildly-coloured cat toys dangling from string and a wind-up mouse (from Naruto)

set of first vaccinations (from Sakura)

a specially commissioned diamond collar (from my brother, who has far too much money)

a scratching post and a piece of paper to say he's been micro-chipped (from Kabuto)

two big, blue velvet cushions for him to sit on and a pretty, blue collar (from Tsunade and Dan)

vouchers for the feline grooming studio in Konoha (from Mr and Mrs Sarutobi)

solid silver food and water bowls (from Jiraiya and Kiku)

two litter trays and a big bag of kitty-litter (from Konohamaru)

a suede, designer cat bed and a jingly shark (from Kisame)

The cat is perhaps the best present I have ever been given for Christmas, and after I had stopped screaming and flailing, I lunged at the boss, locked my legs round his waist and gave him the biggest, squeeziest hug he has yet received from me. I didn't even slap his hand away when he took advantage of my happiness and groped my arse in front of everyone – that is a measure of how grateful I was.

At that point, I felt like I had to repay the boss for such an awesome present, so I detached myself from him and, with a spring in my step, fetched the lovingly gift-wrapped Snakey and photo-album. On the way back to the sofa, I saw Jiraiya nudge Kiku and they both stopped unwrapping to watch. Obviously, he had told her what I had got for the boss. That was fine. I always enjoy having witnesses around when I display my general superiority. When I sat down, I placed the present in his lap and grinned inanely at him.

"Go on, open it," I said, giving him a nudge.

The boss shrugged and tore off the wrapper. He found the photo album first, which was probably just as well, now that I look back on it. Flipping it open at the first page, he clocked the photos we took in the booth the other day, and he laughed and said wryly, "So that's what you wanted them for. Remind me never to trust you an inch again, Sasuke-kun." Secretly, though, he was pleased with my deviousness, and also with my thoughtfulness when I told him Jiraiya and I had spent a night in the attic looking through boxes of old photos.

"Did you do that for me? Really?" he said, looking at me with his head tilted to one side.

I nodded, and I felt the boss's arm snaking round my waist, pulling me into a hug. Success. When I felt his hand heading for R-rated territory again, however (seriously, what's with the fascination with my arse?), I pulled away and said slyly, "Wait, there was another thing under the album you haven't looked at yet."

"Yes," the boss said absently, rustling through the paper, "it was soft. Some sort of stuffed toy, I should think—"

His voice cut off abruptly.

"Sasuke-kun," he breathed, his eyes wide as saucers as he beheld the form of his beloved, childhood Snakey for the first time in decades. "Is this...? No. It can't be. But it is. It definitely is. The baked bean stain above his right eye is still there..."

As he sat there gazing at Snakey, Jiraiaya nudged Kiku and they both began to giggle and point. I could see why they would do that, because something rather odd started happening to the boss. With Snakey held up at his face, he stared into its amber, glass eyes for a good few minutes, totally heedless of everyone else in the room. They stopped giggling and pointing, however, when the boss suddenly clutched the plush menace to his chest and, whispering "Snakey?", stood up and walked over to a corner of the room, where he proceeded to curl up on the carpet with his back to us and nuzzle Snakey. He is still there, nuzzling away in the corner. I am not quite sure what has happened, but I consulted with Tsunade and she thinks he has momentarily regressed back into childhood. I asked her how long it would be before he snapped out of it and she shrugged and replied, "Hopefully before dinner."

I am slightly worried. Naruto and Konohamaru have been nudging him with the remote control mouse and pelting him with Nerf gun arrows, and he hasn't noticed. The kitten went over to sniff him, to no avail. He did not even protest when Kabuto offered to set up Kiku's super deluxe (super retarded) home karaoke equipment she received from Jiraiya (to celebrate the memory of their first date, apparently. Yes, I gagged.) I hope the supreme amazingness of my gift has not actually made the boss mental. Itachi, too, for that matter, as he has now occupied the opposite corner of the room and has laid out all his bath products in rows, pending a thorough inspection. Kisame appears to be helping by opening the caps of the shower gel bottles and holding them up to Itachi's nose, for ease of sniffing. Is it possible to be too good at giving presents?

Honestly. I'm glad they're grateful and all, but couldn't they show it in a more... well... a more normal way? Gah. At least I'm not responsible for Jiraiya's current attire. That dubious honour belongs to Kiku. She bought him a pair of white pyjamas and slippers from The White Company, and Jiraiya has decided that they are his favourite present this year, so much so that he went through to the bathroom right away to change and is insisting on wearing them to dinner. He's lucky the boss is non compus mentis right now, as I know exactly what he would say. And I'd be inclined to agree. He looks like a hairy, middle-aged angel...

One second. I have just been whacked on the back of the head by a Nerf arrow. This is too much. I'm going to have to have a word with Sakura about her choice of gift after I deal with Naruto. Who on earth would willingly arm him with a Nerf gun? I ask you!

CHRISTMAS DAY

(6:12pm)

Everyone is in the TV room right now, having just come back from dinner. I have to say that the meal was quite delicious and that I would willingly spend Christmas at the boss's house for the rest of eternity if I could – even if I received an invite from Gen'yumaru, and that's saying something. Christmas last year was spent in River Country with Itachi and the Akatsuki mob, and my brother was left to cook everything, since he is the only one who can. Unfortunately, he asked Deidara to keep an eye on the turkey. This was a mistake. To cut a long story short, the bird and the oven caught fire, resulting in no luscious, golden turkey at the table. Hidan laughed and said it was Jashin's punishment for celebrating a heathen festival. After raking around, the only thing Itachi could find in the freezer was a packet of beef burgers. Dinner was a rather frosty affair that year.

Not so this time, for it was absolute paradise. This, you see, is what you get when your significant other has enough money to hire a Michelin-starred chef to cook for him. Now I know why Jiraiya, Tsunade and the Sarutobis come every year. The turkey was not a black, charred lump, but was, I feel, as Itachi's was originally intended to be (organic, free-range, stuffed, glazed and cooked to perfection). There was freshly made cranberry sauce, delicious gravy, tureens of roasted root vegetables with chestnuts, chipolata sausages (made from wild boar meat and wrapped in pancetta) and a bewildering array of potatoes (croquettes, roast, boiled with parsley butter, mashed, mashed with spring onions and chives, pureed and gratin). I felt it necessary to help myself to a liberal portion of each, so that I could gain the full Christmas experience. By the time dessert was served, I was feeling a little full, but I could not resist the poached pears in red wine sauce (or the fruit cake, or the chocolate cheesecake, or the tiramisu, for that matter). Unfortunately, I am now being crippled by horrendous waves of indigestion, and it is not entirely down to overeating. Tsunade has helpfully supplied me with some antacids, and, thankfully, the boss and Itachi appeared to have called a temporary ceasefire.

Yes, the boss eventually tore himself away from Snakey (he left it sitting on a cushion on the sofa) and showed up just as we were about to start on the turkey. Itachi was sitting on my right and Naruto on my left, but the boss swanned in and demanded that Naruto move so he could sit next to me. Glad to oblige, since there was an empty seat next to Sakura, Naruto jumped up and let the boss have his. This did not seem to please my brother, however, and he said, "You don't have to move if you don't want to, Naruto. Sit down."

The boss folded his arms and gazed coolly at my brother. "He is moving, Itachi. I wish to sit next to Sasuke. Do you have a problem with that?"

It was plain as day that Itachi did, in fact, have a problem with that, but it was equally plain that there was no way in hell my brother would admit it.

"No, Oro, I do not," he intoned. "However, I do not feel it is appropriate that you demand your guest move to satisfy your capricious whim."

By this time, I was caught in the middle, sitting there with my head in my hands trying to ignore them as I was certain another argument was brewing (thankfully, I was wrong). Naruto was looking agitatedly from Itachi, to the boss, and to the empty seat next to Sakura and back. He began to jig and make sad, urgent noises. Not that Itachi or the boss cared a jot. As far as they were concerned, he was but a pawn in their festive power game.

"Would you like to move then, Itachi?" I heard the boss counter in his silkiest, deadliest voice. "Because the way I see it, is that while I am in my house I can do whatever I damn well like."

I couldn't see my brother's face because I was determinedly staring at the silver gravy boat at the other side of the table, but I can imagine what it might have looked like at that point. The adjective 'ominous' comes to mind.

No answer was forthcoming from Itachi, so with a smug smile, the boss sat down on Naruto's vacated seat and helped himself to some vegetables. Naruto ran off to sit with Sakura and I was left there, stuck in the middle between the two of them, absorbing all the subsequent bad vibes. For the next hour or so, the boss delighted in tormenting Itachi with such innocent, yet incredibly loaded requests as, "Could you pass the gravy, Itachi, if you would be so kind?" In fact, he was so intent on pushing my brother's buttons that he didn't even say anything to Jiraiya about his pyjamas (and I know he noticed).

At first, Itachi did remarkably well in not rising to the boss's bait, but, sure as the world spins on its axis, before long, a chink appeared in his normally impenetrable armour. As I was happily munching my way through dinner (admittedly with gusto) Itachi rather snidely remarked that it seemed I was making up for lost time. This double-edged sword of an insult ensured that I was subtly punished for – heaven forbid! – being upset during my brief break-up with the boss, and that the boss was reminded that it was he who had put me into such a state in the first place.

In an instant the boss countered, infuriating Itachi by wrapping his arm around my waist possessively and saying that I merely appreciated Jean-Michel's excellent cooking and that perhaps Itachi was referring to the disastrous meal he was in charge of last year when he spoke of 'lost time' (I told the boss about it when we were sitting up talking in bed a few weeks ago – it was funny at the time, but I never thought he would use it as ammo in a smarm-off with my brother. I lament my lack of foresight.) The boss then rounded off his rebuttal by applying a kiss to the top of my head while I was in the process of shovelling another forkful of gratin potatoes into my mouth. I dropped them on my lap and I now have a greasy, potato-shaped stain on my nice grey kimono because my brother and my significant other cannot be in the same room for an hour without trying to get one over on each other.

Needless to say, Itachi was not pleased and he went in a huff and said nothing for the rest of the meal. I tried to cheer him up, but the boss deliberately made constant demands upon my attention. They're both so manipulative. It is literally making me sick.

Right now, Itachi is sitting over on the opposite sofa, sandwiched in between Kisame and Dan. He is glowering darkly at the boss, who is too concerned about the imminent unveiling of the karaoke machine to care. My stomach is aching and there are faint mutterings concerning the playing of charades. Perhaps some good will come of my horrendous indigestion. I have the perfect excuse to sit here and pet the kitten and think up a good name for him while Dan forces everyone to play inane Christmas games.

CHRISTMAS DAY

(8:12pm):

Okay, I'm in the boss's study right now because I urgently need some privacy. The boss is here too, pondering over recent developments with a glass of wine in hand. He looks thoughtful, and it's no wonder, because only a few hours ago, my uncle Madara turned up at the door completely out of the blue.

I have not seen the man since I was eight years old - at my parents' funeral, to be precise. Memories of that time remain a little sketchy, alas. I can vaguely remember the smell of the incense, the candles and the chanting of the monks at the funeral. I can vividly remember standing next to Itachi and crying as the coffins rolled away - mainly because it was the only time he has ever let me hold his hand. I remember snapping at Naruto and Sakura later on in the reception room, telling them to go away because I didn't feel like playing. I remember hiding under the buffet table, crying again, because Itachi had locked himself in a cubicle in the gents' toilets and wouldn't speak to me. And I remember my uncle Madara.

He was odd, my uncle Madara; that is what stands out most clearly in my mind when I think about him. He smiled, joked, was charming, and was given to goofing around a tad, but the laughter never quite reached his eyes. Everyone else was wearing black, but my uncle Madara wore a bright red kimono. While I was hiding under the table, crying over Itachi, thinking I was safe there, he lifted the tablecloth and peeked in at me. Tempted by the slice of juicy watermelon he offered me, I emerged from my hiding place and ended up sitting next to him for a while. I cannot recall what we talked about – nothing of consequence, I imagine, I was only eight - but I do know that he was the first ever person to buy me an alcoholic beverage (since my father would not be able to, he said). It was a Tequila Sunrise, chosen specially because he knew my childish palate would not tolerate a glass of fine, tawny Port, such as he appeared to be fond of. I liked it, because it tasted of orange juice. When I had finished, he stood up, ruffled my hair, flashed me one of his strange almost-smiles and left, although not before once more expressing his condolences.

It was strange to see him again. Very strange. Mostly because I was in the middle of something so mundane as charades when he materialised at the front door (yes, I was bullied into playing by Mrs Sarutobi, despite my crippling stomach problem – she has no heart). When in the middle of an infuriating attempt to get the idiots assembled to guess Bridge over the River Kwai (they had bridge and river and I was pointing madly at the kitten - a play on words: kawaii) the doorbell rang. I was surprised anyone could hear it over Naruto shouting, "KITTEN RIVER BRIDGE! KITTEN RIVER BRIDGE!" but Kiku did, and she jumped up and volunteered to answer the door.

A few moments later, she came back inside, sporting a perplexed expression. She hovered upon the threshold of the TV room for a while, looking at a loss as to what to do. She said, "Errr... guys. There's, like, some dude at the door who says he's Itachi and Sasuke's uncle. I let him in. Is that okay?"

And so it was that for the first time in god knows how long, I saw my uncle Madara. He hadn't aged a day. He must go to the same plastic surgeon as the boss. His hair was still big and choppy (a silky-black version of Jiraiya's), his eyes the same colour as, and very much like my brother's and my own. He wore red and black, and he smiled when he saw me – the same almost-but-not-quite smile I remembered that did not reach his eyes.

He said, "That's Bridge over the River Kwai, Sasuke. An excellent novel. Good choice. Is it my turn now?"

Thus it was that I ended up sitting on the sofa chatting away to a relative I did not know and had not seen in years with Naruto, Sakura, Konohamaru and Kabuto. The older members of our party did not come to join us. Tsunade, in particular, remained hostile, throwing uncle Madara filthy looks from the other side of the room. At the time, I must confess, I was a little wary of my uncle (what had he done to merit such a frosty reception, I wondered?) but I also wanted to know why he was here – and the only way of doing so would be to speak to the man.

Once again, he was as I remembered. Charming and genial, he regaled us with tales of his recent exploits, during which I found out the rather interesting fact that he has just become the majority shareholder in the Akatsuki Group, holding fifty-four percent of the company shares. Seeing as how he effectively owns the company, I found it strange that Itachi did not come over to speak to him. In fact, uncle Madara's spontaneous appearance had a profound effect on my brother, though only I, having known him all my life, could have spotted it.

Being reserved and taciturn at the best of times, and since Itachi was already in a foul mood with the boss having directed all his spiteful smarm at him over dinner, one would have been forgiven for missing it. But when uncle Madara turned up, far from wanting to speak to him, Itachi instead withdrew completely. All the while when we were conversing and laughing ourselves silly at Madara's stories ("Yes, Sasuke, it's perfectly true. I swear on my life. He has five brothers, all called Nagato! His parents did not have much imagination, I suppose. Or I suppose they might have possessed a terrible fondness for the name. Either way, I say it's grounds for child-abuse charges.") Itachi sat there on the sofa on his own, hunched over and staring at the wall. He didn't even roll his eyes when Kisame could no longer resist and got up to sing Karma Chameleon with Jiraiya.

Something was wrong with my brother, but at first I simply thought he was being unreasonable (as usual). Uncle Madara was behaving in a perfectly polite and civil fashion. He was intelligent, funny and good company. Perhaps Itachi was jealous, I thought. However, when everyone else gradually began to gravitate towards the karaoke machine, leaving me alone with the man, a glimmer of insight was provided into why the others were avoiding him like the plague...

"So, Sasuke-kun," he said, turning round to face me directly when Sakura had stormed off in a vain attempt to stop Naruto from hogging the mic, "you've landed on your feet, haven't you?"

"What do you mean?" I said, genuinely puzzled.

Uncle Madara then smiled another of his ambiguous smiles and replied, with a sweeping gesture, "Well, you're here, aren't you? Only a few months and already you're screwing the company director? You are an Uchiha, aren't you..."

My insides went cold.

"Excuse me?" I said, in disbelief that a relative stranger would suddenly turn round and blithely say something so personal and offensive to my face.

Instead of backing down, however, uncle Madara observed me for a moment before carrying on regardless, as though he were saying something as innocuous as wishing me a happy Christmas.

"Orochimaru is infatuated with you, Sasuke," he said. "It is plain as the fact that your little, blonde friend, Naruto, is blessed with few brain cells. Do you know he is now the richest man on the continent? No, I don't suppose you do. Orochimaru does like to keep those sorts of things under-wraps. Only his agoraphobic accountant would know the full details, most likely." He paused to allow himself a small, cynical laugh, then said with a frankness that astounded me, "He would give you anything you ask for, Sasuke-kun. Anything. And all you would have to do to get it is dangle yourself in front of him like a carrot. I rather envy the ease with which you have come to be so influential..."

"What, you think I planned this?" I hissed, making a half decent attempt at staring him down. "You think I intentionally seduced him in order to get my hands on his cash?" I laughed a hollow laugh. "You clearly know nothing about me, or about Orochimaru-sama for that matter, as he was the one who came on to me – not the other way around."

"Oh, and you simply went along with it?" he scoffed. "I don't believe you. Would you still be with him if he was not fantastically wealthy? If he became bankrupt tomorrow, would you stand by him then?"

In the background, the dulcet tones of Naruto singing a rousing rendition of Ding Dong Merrily on High rang out over the speakers. Despite its grating tunelessness and the irritating fact that Naruto could not remember most of the words, neither my uncle nor I paid any attention. It was background, and it provided a perfect cover for our frosty exchange.

"Ding, dong merrily on high... La la la la la laaaaaaaa la. Ding, dong merrily on high... La la la la la laaaaa la."

"I might..." I said coolly, folding my arms, "... though I wouldn't know for sure what I'd do until it happened."

"I am surprised at you, Sasuke," he retorted wryly. "Here I was labouring under the impression that you were a true Uchiha – never one to miss an opportunity to take what you can get. Your brother is a much cleverer opportunist than you are, it seems."

"Glo- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh- ohhh- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh- ohhh- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh- ohhh- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh- ohhh- oh- oh- oh- oh- oh- ohhh –ria. La la la la la laaaa la!"

"Leave my brother out of this," I said viciously, my eyes flashing. "This is nothing to do with him. But it just so happens that he does not approve of my relationship with Orochimaru-sama, so it seems that not every Uchiha under the sun is of the same mindset as yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, the kitten that Orochimaru-sama gave me out of genuine affection appears to be inspecting rather too closely the stuffed snake I gave him out of genuine affection."

"Ding dong merrily on high, la la la la la laaaaa la..."

With that I stood up, turned my back on uncle Madara and went over to the sofa just in time to rescue Snakey from a mauling from my adorable, little, fluffy one. Deprived of me to insult, uncle Madara shrugged and decided to try his luck with Itachi. For a few minutes, I sat and petted the kitten, watching them. If anything, Itachi was even less responsive. He stared straight ahead, and if he answered at all, it was in monosyllables. Uncle Madara, however, was chatting away quite the thing, nudging and prompting my brother. That Itachi did not wrench my uncle's arm from his socket settled the matter...

Something is going on. I am certain of it.

That's why the boss, Snakey, the kitten and I are hiding away in his study. I needed a sounding board, to talk to someone about what was going on; someone sensible, someone shrewd, someone as paranoid and suspicious as I am. My significant other was a perfect candidate for the job.

We've been sitting on the rug by the fireplace for about an hour now, doing nothing much but chatting and dangling toys in front of the kitten. The boss was very keen to hear what uncle Madara had said to me during our little chat. I had to lie. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him. I don't know why, but I found it incredibly insulting... on the boss's behalf, of course. I suppose I could compare it to the time the boss said that Itachi was the centre of my world and that I would do silly things just to keep him happy, and I didn't think he would have reacted well to the truth. Instead, I dredged up my memory of the red kimono he wore to my parents funeral, stressing that I found it incredibly disrespectful (and I have just realised that I do, in fact, feel that way).

Interestingly, this lead to a whole new avenue of conversation in which I learned rather a lot about my uncle Madara - and the boss.

As I sat in front of the fire reminiscing, I began telling the boss the story as to how my brother and I ended up in care of the state. It was simple enough, really. My parents died in a car crash. They were driving round a blind bend and did not see the oncoming truck. The truck driver was lucky and escaped with minor injures. Itachi was also in the car and only survived because he was in the back seat. They had to cut him out with sheet metal cutters. Luckily, I wasn't there, as Sakura's mum and dad had agreed to take me out for the afternoon while Itachi went to the doctor's. The phone call came when I was still there. Sarutobi came over and everything. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, but when the adults wouldn't let me see Itachi, I started crying and throwing things. Itachi was discharged two days later with a clean bill of health, and from then until the funeral, we sat in our room and never spoke to anyone. Then I told boss all about what happened at the funeral and about uncle Madara.

While I was spilling my guts to the boss, he sat there looking thoughtful. Snakey was wrapped around his neck, and he was stroking its plush skin with a faraway look in his eyes. I asked him, in a slightly indignant way, whether he had listened to a word I'd said. When he did not respond, I punched him in the shoulder. This caused him to snap, "For heaven's sake, Sasuke-kun, I heard you. I was merely thinking about my own parents."

"Why, what happened?" I asked, suddenly curious.

A bitter smile made the corners of the boss's mouth curl. "They died in a car accident, Sasuke-kun. When you found me at Ryuzu Falls - the lantern was for them."

"Oh..." I said, somewhat inadequately, feeling embarrassed because I'dknown I had walked in on something private then, I'd just known. My tingling spider-senses told me. "I'm sorry I, well, you know, interrupted you and started shouting at you and... and things."

"You had every reason to, Sasuke-kun," the boss replied with a dismissive wave, "and you were not to know."

"When did they die?" I asked, after a pause.

"I was eight, the same age as you. It was a head on collision with another vehicle on the road to Suna. Both my parents died instantly, or so I was told. I had no other relatives. Of course, I remained in my parents' home – I had inherited everything, you see, the money, the house-staff, the property, all assets – but I was too young to appreciate the gravity of the situation. Fortunately, Sarutobi-sensei agreed to be my legal guardian, and I was placed under his care."

"Ahhh..." I said. "Everything is making a little more sense now."

"What do you mean?"

"I guess I wasn't really all that sure where Mr and Mrs Sarutobi fitted in to the whole Christmas thing," I mused. "I mean, I get Jiraiya and Tsunade. Just not them. I guess you sort of see them as family."

"Something like that," the boss said, smiling a little as he picked up the photo album and turned it to the pages which featured photos of his mother and father. "Perhaps I should have a rake around in the attic and find some of Sarutobi-sensei— good gracious! Did I really look like that when I was little? All those crumbs round my mouth. You would think, with all the money they had, that my mother and father could have invested in a good face-cloth. Ha! And look at Tsunade. To look at her now, you would never believe she was ever flat-chested. Though she was only seven..."

The mention of Tsunade rang a bell in my mind and I told the boss that I saw her glaring daggers at uncle Madara and asked him what it was all about. The boss said, "Hmmm..." before launching into a rather complicated explanation which involved betrayal, familial grudges, corporate intrigue and corruption. As it was a shade complicated, I had to concentrate rather hard to keep up (that I was on my third glass of wine did not help matters along). I feel I may be able to summarise events however:

Basically, uncle Madara did a dirty deal and sold his shares in Konoha Corp. (as one of its founders) behind Tsunade's grandpa's back. The company was on the up, and Madara made an absolute fortune. However, the very next day, word got out that one of the Konoha Corp. founders had sold all his shares. Stock prices plummeted and the company almost went under. Had it not been for Sarutobi, the whole operation would have come crashing down – and the boss would have been left penniless, as the sole source of his income when he was a minor were the shares his parents owned in the company.

Needless to say, there are a lot of people in Konoha after my uncle's blood.

Considering how incredibly rude he was to me today, this does not surprise me. What does surprise me, though, is that he showed up here today at all – knowing that Mr Sarutobi and Tsunade would be here. And the way he was acting with Itachi. I asked the boss if he knew anything about it, but he said he never noticed.

What on earth is going on?

CHRISTMAS DAY

(11:13pm):

Christmas day is almost over (thank god) and against all odds, we have somehow managed to get by without any major domestic incidents. Yes, I know forty-seven minutes remain and that that is a sufficient interval of time in which a decent argument could, theoretically, build up considering the people I am sharing breathing space with, but what can I say - I'm feeling positive.

A few minutes after I rounded up my last entry, Naruto poked his head round the study door to say that uncle Madara had gone and that it was safe to come out. He then asked me whether I wanted to be part of the official unveiling of his mysterious room. I didn't have the heart to refuse him, he looked so eager. He said that Konohamaru, Kabuto, Kiku and Itachi were coming too, so I said "okay then", gently lifted the boss's head from my lap and laid it down on the couch so as not to wake him up. Then I left him a note to say where I was going and left him to the tender mercy of the kitten (it has discovered that the ends of the boss's hair are wonderful, natural cat toys and has taken advantage at every given opportunity. It seems the kitten is a true Uchiha.)

When we arrived at the room, Naruto had arranged things so that a strip of red ribbon was stretched over the doorway. You've got to admire his enthusiasm, really you do. Itachi was solemnly handed a pair of scissors, and, with the gravity the situation commanded (translation: with the gravity Naruto demanded), he snipped the ribbon in two. Everyone cheered and clapped. With a flourish, Naruto then opened the door.

If you've ever been to laser tag, you'll have a good idea of what Naruto had done to the room. Scattered haphazardly around the place were old wooden tun beer barrels, and it appeared that Naruto had been heavy-handed with the ol' glow paint, as he had done his best to daub scary monsters on the walls (which were now pitch black). True to form, though, there was a random tyre swing in the middle of the room. When I asked Naruto why on earth there was a random tyre swing in the middle of the room he shrugged and said, "I guess I've just always wanted one," before grabbing me by the collar and bellowing, "NOW LET'S PLAY LASER TAG!! YOU'RE IN MY TEAM, SASUKE!!"

For the next hour or so, I was ducking and diving behind barrels, trying to snipe at my brother from the safe spot I had found. My team mate, however, was more gung-ho, and was content to hurl himself around the room, yodelling wildly and tackling the others to the ground, which is completely missing the point of laser tag, if you ask me. Now, I know I had my doubts initially about the boss donating this room to Naruto to decorate as he wished, but I must confess that I had a lot of fun running around like a hyena on crack and trying to assassinate Itachi. I daresay Itachi had fun too. God knows he managed to shoot me in the back enough times. Alas, our giddy hi-jinks were cut short when Kiku accidentally swung her gun into Kabuto's face and burst his nose. Konohamaru, Kiku and Naruto had to help him to the nearest bathroom because blue flashing lights were swimming in front of his eyes and he couldn't see properly. After that, Itachi and I decided to call it a night and we headed back to our rooms.

On the walk back, Itachi began to withdraw into himself again (it's amazing how the killing urge brings everything out into the open) and we never said much of anything to one another. But just as I stretched out my hand to open the boss's study door, Itachi spoke up.

"Sasuke?" he said hesitantly, fixing me with an odd, intense look.

"What is it, onii-chan?" I said, taking care to be encouraging in case I broke whatever spell had been cast over the moment.

For a heartbeat, Itachi looked like he wanted desperately to tell me something and I stood there, willing him to open up for once in his goddamn life. As I was under the impression there was going to be some sort of breakthrough, naturally, I was disappointed when Itachi just stood there and stared at me. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, ruing the fact that I would have to do all the emotional legwork once again.

"Look," I said, "when you're ready to tell me, Itachi, I'm all ears. And if it comes to it, whatever you've done, I'll lie for you in court. Okay?"

True to form, my brother showed his gratefulness by extending one arm, followed by a middle finger, which he curled back, rested against his thumb to provide the required amount of potential energy before releasing and flicking it with some force against my forehead.

"Oww! Itachi, you prat! That's going to bruise!" I yelled angrily, massaging my poor forehead with the heel of my hand.

My protests fell upon deaf ears, however, as my idiot brother was already halfway down the corridor. For someone who is clearly keeping a dark secret from his dearest, most concerned sibling, he is a downright brazen, cheeky git. Some things will never change, I suppose.

Grumbling and ruing the day Itachi had acquired that stupid personality quirk of his, I turned doorknob and stomped into the boss's study. This action directly preceded my second, surprise, quasi-confrontation of the day. Being utterly unprepared to see Sarutobi sitting there quite the thing on the brown leather sofa, smoking his pipe, I yelled with surprise and managed to knock over a small, plastic tub of paperclips and startle the kitten.

"Oh hello there, Sasuke-kun," Sarutobi said, greeting me in his deep, rumbling voice. "Did you have fun with Naruto in his Laser Room?"

"Errr... yes," I said, pretending I was not amused by Sarutobi's calling it a 'Laser Room'. Austin Powers, anyone? "But how did you know?"

Sarutobi chuckled and two great plumes of smoke curled out from his hairy, old man nostrils. "Orochimaru told me," he said, casting a fond look at the boss, who was lying, stretched out, on the rug in front of the fire (it looked as though the kitten had been chewing the ends of his hair again, because they were all tangled and slightly moist. I hope for the kitten's sake he does not notice). "He was beginning to worry about how much damage Naruto would do, particularly if he happened to destroy a supporting wall or drill into an electric cable."

I smiled. So the boss had been worrying. He is an excellent actor. I had been thoroughly taken in by his blasé, laid-back attitude towards the whole thing.

"He needn't have worried," I said in what I hoped was a reassuring manner. "It's mostly a paint job – though he might be restricted to wallpaper for the next decorating job. There's a lot of black paint, heh heh..."

Now, the reason I rounded off that sentence with a spate of nervous, tittering laughter was because I was suddenly burdened with the profound weight of epiphany. My mind flashed back to the boss's words as we sat earlier in this very room:

"I guess you sort of see them as family?"

"Something like that..."

Family.

Family.

Family. The word slipped insidiously into my mind and threatened to shut down my faculties of eloquence and charm and turn me into a gormless, spineless, sickeningly agreeable, potential son-in-law candidate. Not that I'm saying I have any aspirations whatsoever to get hitched (in fact I am certain I shall never marry and I am settled on the matter), but you know what I mean. It began to feel like Meet the Parents, where Sarutobi was playing Robert de Niro to my Ben Stiller.

Sarutobi surveyed me along the length of his pipe with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. For a prolonged moment, the only sounds were that of the boss muttering in his sleep and that of the cracking fire. Despite willing myself not to, my eyes found themselves riveted to the floor and I began to fidget with my fingers.

"Um... so," I began, desperate to break the silence, before Sarutobi interrupted me, raising his hand.

"Come over here, Sasuke, and sit down," he rumbled, patting the seat next to him. "I'd like to have a chat with you."

Oh dear god...

Here it comes, I thought. He's going to whip out the lie detector, strap me in, and ask me probing questions about my past.

"Sure thing!" I squeaked, sealing my doom as I sat down, being extra careful to ensure no part of my unworthy clothing brushed that of Mr Sarutobi's in case it angered him. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"Oh, nothing much," he replied all-too-casually, taking another puff from his pipe. "I just want to ask you a few questions."

Please... I beg of you, whatever deity is looking down upon me at this moment... have pity upon my soul...

"Then ask away!"

Sarutobi paused for a moment and fixed his knowing, searching, geriatric gaze upon me. I felt a shiver run down my spine despite the warmth of the fire, and wanted nothing more than to sprint out of the room and scream for Itachi to come and get rid of the socially observant old man who was tormenting me. But I knew in my heart of hearts I could not do that. If I was to stand any chance with the boss, I had to pass the Sarutobi test. Failing was not an option.

After a tense minute or so, Sarutobi exhaled a noxious cloud of pipe smoke and said frankly, "I want to know what your intentions are towards Orochimaru."

And suddenly, it was like a great weight had lifted from my shoulders. I knew the answer to this one, I said to myself, astonished at my good fortune. I could do this blindfolded at knifepoint. Here was me thinking I was going to be grilled on my ex-partners, my dodgy family, or whether I'd been unfaithful. This was good, and I knew exactly what I was going to say.

I smiled wryly and replied, "I'm afraid I've already had this talk with my uncle Madara today, so you'll forgive me if I sound a little exasperated, as I do dislike re-treading already familiar ground..."

"Go on."

"You may have observed me walking away in disgust from my dear uncle Madara earlier on in the day. This is because he congratulated me on having successfully managed to screw the boss after only four months of working here. He encouraged me to take everything I could get because he informed me, and I quote, that Orochimaru-sama is 'infatuated with me'. Now, I was rather offended by his remarks because they were so far-off it is ridiculous. I informed him, in no uncertain terms, that he was not qualified to speak for me because he knows nothing about me.

"If I was a cold, calculating gold-digging piece of scum, I would certainly not be able to put up with Orochimaru-sama's horrendous temper tantrums. He has thrown china at me, and I cannot begin to count how many times he has started fights with me over intensely trivial matters. He has physically attacked my best friend, he lives to insult my brother, he is a terrible sleeper and frequently keeps me up at night, and he makes his employees cry. He is spoiled, vindictive, vain, jealous and stiflingly authoritarian. Would you put up with all that if you didn't really like someone?"

Mr Sarutobi appeared to deliberate for a moment, before saying slowly, "I might if I were intent upon 'taking everything I could' from that someone."

I sighed deeply. This was not going well. What would it take to convince the old codger of the truth?

Turning to face Mr Sarutobi, I decided to address him frankness and honesty. It worked with most people, after all (except Itachi). "Look," I said, "I don't know what it will take to convince you. I didn't plan on coming here to Otogakure to hop into bed with the boss. He was the one who got me drunk and dragged me into bed. If Orochimaru-sama has told you anything at all about the shit we've been through in the name of our relationship, then you'll know I'm telling the truth. I'm sorry I can't be any more explicit than that, but it's true. I really do like him, Mr Sarutobi, I swear. Though, if I'm being completely honest, I want to strangle him a lot of the time, too..."

I trailed off under the weight of Sarutobi's gaze. It felt like his freakishly bright blue eyes were boring into my very soul, weighing it, sizing it up, to see whether it was found wanting. In the end, I suppose, I passed the test, as Mr Sarutobi's craggy, serious face broke into a wide smile. He began to chuckle and patted me on the back.

"As much truth as I have ever heard from one of Orochimaru's inamoratos," he said, his eyes glimmering with secret mirth as though sharing a private joke. "He has always been a handful," Sarutobi said, casting a fond look at the boss, who was being abused by the kitten once again. I don't know what it is. Perhaps the boss was the first person the kitten imprinted on, or maybe he exudes comforting kitten vibes – I do not know. I nudged it gently away with my foot, but it began clawing at my shoes.

"Even though he is no longer legally under my care, Sasuke, you must understand that I still take an interest in his well-being," Sarutobi went on. "Even though it pains me to say it, I must agree with your uncle on one matter. Orochimaru is rather fond of you, and if I thought for one moment that you were taking advantage, I would have to do terrible things to you. Do you understand me, Sasuke-kun?"

As my throat had tightened up somewhat, I uttered a sound that resembled 'meep' by way of affirmation, and followed this up with a fervent nod.

"Good boy," Sarutobi said, pushing himself to his feet with a grunt. "Now, I'll leave you two to it. I'm going down to see if those lot are still butchering old classics with that singing machine of Kiku's."

As he closed the door behind him, I wondered vaguely whether he'd had the same talk with Kiku, since the boss, Tsunade and I all originally had our doubts about her intentions, but I guess not. She's a girl. It's different for them. They can get pregnant.

Anyway, a few minutes later, I got bored sitting around the study with no one to talk to, so I deliberately set the kitten on the boss. He screamed when it licked his hand, and said he had no idea cats had such rough tongues. I made a smutty joke and we both laughed. That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening, as the boss locked the study door, sat the kitten outside, and things went on from there. We've just had a nice Christmas shag and the kitten has been let back in. He is playing with my shoelaces (god only knows why, he has screeds of silly cat toys, yet he appears to favour the boss's hair and my shoes).

Speaking of the sweet, fluffy one, after much deliberation, I have finally decided to name him Mallory. The boss approved of that name, saying that it lends him the gravitas his breed commands. I don't know about gravitas just yet (he skidded across a wet patch on the floor where the boss knocked over his wine glass and crashed into the wall – so cute), but I certainly think Mallory suits. Naruto has also supplied him with a secret name, known only to Naruto, Mallory and myself. It is "Mr Cuddles". I shall call him that in private, as per the tradition of secret names in which Naruto instructed me over the phone. He is playing Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles with Kabuto and Konohamaru and thanked me again for the present. I could hear the sounds of zombies being shot in the background and a triumphant "HA! GOT YOU, YOU WALKING SACK OF SHIT!" from Kabuto. Naruto has also informed me that he is intent on using his I.O.U. x1 Fun Day voucher, but that he will save it up for 'something really amazing, Sasuke, just you wait and see!"

I am dreading it already.

Ahhh...

Well, I suppose I should make an attempt to go downstairs and let everyone know I'm settled for the night, but, to be honest, I cannot be arsed. The fire is still warm and crackly, the kitten has fallen asleep on my lap and is purring away like a little, fluffy machine, and the boss is reading Essays and Aphorisms (a gift from Tsunade) by Arthur Schopenhauer with one hand and is absently stroking my hair with the other. I don't know how he can read anything by that man without becoming horribly depressed. After being made to read his works for our philosophy class at the Academy, I stayed in bed for a week, unable to face the corrupt, irrational universe I apparently lived in. So much for Christmas cheer. But then again, if that's what makes the boss tick, who am I to argue?

I suppose it's been a good day overall, saving the unannounced arrival of my charming uncle Madara, of course. I will definitely have to talk to Itachi about that, but I guess it can wait until morning, because I intend to fall asleep on the boss and drool heavily upon his kimono. He'll be so furious - it'll be fantastic!

Night!

Author's Notes and stuff:

Y hello thar, guyz. Long time no see. Writer's block descended on this chapter, big style. Luckily, I managed to get round it (and in time for Christmas, too) and now I have a new story arc into the bargain. I hope it was worth the wait...

In other news, for those of you who are reading the manga: where the hell is it going? Seriously. I hate it when authors use that tired old prophecy crap - the deus ex machina that ensures everything they've written before becomes obsolete, the one that covers their sorry arse when they realise they're not quite as good at character development as they thought. Ahem. Sorry about that. I really do like Naruto as a character, but - and listen to this, Kishi - you do not have to include a prophecy for your hero to have a turnaround in the ability stakes. Oh, and I really do not like Pain as a villain, either. Completely underdeveloped. Bah... Madara had better be good, otherwise all I will have to hope for is the return of Orochimaru. Did you see the anime? Gads, he's so creepy with his face torn off and Gen'yumaru's peeking out from underneath. Genius. I'm also looking forward to finally seeing the Epic Uchiha Bust-Up. I wonder who'll be opening the can of whoop ass in that one?

Anyway, I'd better stop jabbering away and get on with the thanks for the last chapter. I hope you guys are still reading, lol:

Nozomi-sama (Yes, Sakura was definitely the most sane person in the last chapter. She's is kind of like the rock that keeps Naruto and Sasuke tied to the ground. And you've got to have a bit of drama. Hence the intrigue that's going on with Madara...), eerabbit (Hee, I'm glad you agree. I'm always up for moar Sasuke torture! And yes, that was a typo. It originally read 'I was grateful to him for being a charitable bitch', but I changed it to 'charitably bitchy'. Well, that was my intention. I guess I only ended up half changing it. XD), danniquinn (I hope your nasal troubles have fixed themselves now, though it's been a while, so I guess you're all better now.I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I'm always worried in case new ones aren't funny enough, because I look back on the old ones and think, "Man, how did I do that!?" XD ), Niver (Oh, verily did I snort with laughter when I wrote the sexy dream scene - and Deidara's card. I'm so tempted just to offend someone so I can send them such a card. I loled at your response to Kimi. I love him too, but it seems like you're channeling Sasuke. And there will be more of Kimi in future, oh yes. He does not give up just like that), Anilmathiel Greenleaf (Ahhh... the drama, indeed. Sasuke's life is full of it. He is an Uchiha, after all, his chakra is cursed, so he will never be free of it. XD), NaruGuru (Oh, your reviews do make me smile! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while and I hope this makes up for it. Lol, I'm glad you were all tense when Oro and Sasuke broke up - it's so what I was going for. And Nagato, too! Yes, he is a scary Mafiosa type. He has six brothers, all called Nagato, dontcha know? XD), fiore777 (Yep. Good dream for Sasuke. Bet you wish you had a Being John Malkovitch style window into his filthy little mind:-P I'm so glad Oro is back in the anime, even though I know what's coming. I missed his creepy, death-defying ways. And my comments were far too long. I don't want to do a word count because I will shame myself. I'm supposed to be doing uni work, after all. Oh, and I've have written the Sasori spin-off. Still wondering what to do with it to make it actually good though, lol). ArilianaFireQueen (Yay! Hello there! Glad you liked Nagato and his mysteriousness. It's totally what I was going for, oh yes. Butterfingers sound rather lovely. Methinks I should order them online from a store that sells American stuff. I love peanut butter. Mmmm...), hieilover135 (Yeah, it was pretty intense, that last chapter. Glad you still liked it, though. I figured that if it was absurd enough in places, people would still get a few laughs from it. Sasuke's reaction to the break up was pretty OTT, but I did it on purpose, honest. XD I think this is shaping up to be pretty long. At least forty chapters, so we're sort of just over the halfway point.) natwel (Hi again! Glad to see you're still reading and haven't lost all interest, lol. By grind, I mean 'the daily grind'. You know, just the usual working routine at uni: go into library, look at old manuscripts, take back books, pay fines, maybe go to a class, that sort of thing. I would love to publish an original novel one day. I have an epic idea, but I know it'll be years in the making, so I guess there's no rush. I have this in the meantime.), SasukexXxSakura (Hee, glad the random kiss did it for you. Cheers for the review, I really appreciate them. And I hope this chapter was okay:-) ) zangatsubankai (Yar! Thankye for the review! I loves a good swear in the right place, I does. Oh yes. Glad you like the story and hope you weren't waiting too long for this chapter.) Juju138 (Yay! Another new reviewer! Oh, it doesn't matter whether you can advertise the fic at all. I'm not about that. I'm just really glad you took the time to review, is all. It rocks muchly when people do that. Cheers very much!) missyserena214 (Hi again! Nice to see you around. My sympathies with the no internetz. It sucks when your connection is down. I never know what to do with myself, lol. Where would I be without random wikipedia adventures? XD) Patrick (Oh, I do so love your reviews. As for your fear that this fic will end in sweetness and light, all I can tell you is that you definitely don't have to worry on that score. Remember what happened in canon. And everything happens for a reason in this fic, too. When it matters most, things will come back to bite people, you may bet your life savings on it. Lol, Yoshimitsu's door-knocker punch is really irritating, isn't it? It's the move I always use when I'm feeling evil. Unless I'm playing a real Tekken expert, it never fails. And that would, indeed, be an awesome name for a band!) chibibaka1 (Yay! Another new reviewer! Glad you found the story and decided to stick with it and review. The whole concept of the fic (i.e. putting the Naruto characters in a thoroughly modern context) was a bit of a worry for me at first, but it seems people have grown to like it, or see past it at least, so it's turned out all right in the end. Cheers for the review. They always make me smile. :-))

So... yup. A happy Christmas to those who celebrate it. I should wish a happy Hannukah and a wonderful Eid to those who celebrate those festivals, too.

Thanks for reading!