Weak in the Knees
Chapter 26
This chapter rated "R".
Greenlee was just getting out of the shower when the phone rang. She picked it up on the second ring, dripping water all over the bedroom carpet.
"Are you done already, Mags?" She asked, knowing before she answered who it was. "I just got out of the shower; it'll take me a few minutes to get ready for dinner."
"Forget dinner," Maggie said, voice flat and barely audible.
"What's wrong, baby?" Greenlee sat down on the end of the bed, worried.
"It didn't go well. I don't know how much longer I can hold it together. Can you just--"
"Don't move, I'm on my way," Greenlee said and hung up.
- - - - - - - - - -
What seemed like only a few minutes later, Greenlee pulled into the small parking lot at the lake.
She was surprised to see Bianca's Porsche Cayenne just pulling out and was that Babe sitting next to her? Oh god, she said to herself, this is worse than I thought.
She quickly threw the car in park and got out before it even stopped moving. She made her way to the boathouse while pulling on a coat from the backseat, no thought to her wet hair or the slippers she now realized she still had on; forgotten in her haste to get to Maggie.
She approached the boathouse taking the steps two at a time, panic hastening her steps until she saw Maggie sitting there as if frozen in place; a statue of sadness. She sat gingerly on the bench next to her lover immediately pulling the younger woman's body into her arms. Maggie was trembling violently, in an effort to hold back tears or from the cold Greenlee didn't know which. Guessing the former she murmured softly in a delicate ear, "It's ok honey, I'm here now. Let it go, I've got you."
Upon hearing the words and the voice attached to them the dam burst releasing a torrent of bitter tears. Greenlee gently rubbed Maggie's back, her other hand running through brunette hair, as agonizing sobs racked the tiny body and a murderous rage built up in her own. The sound of her girlfriend's pain ripped into Greenlee's own heart like a million tiny shards of broken glass.
- - - - - - - - - -
Babe and Bianca walked into CONFusion for a drink and were surprised to find Kendall sitting with Silvain at the bar. Kendall got up to hug her sister.
"What are you doing here?" She asked. "I talked to Greenlee a little while ago and she said Maggie had gone to meet you at the boathouse."
"Does everyone know my business now?" Bianca huffed, stiffening in Kendall's embrace.
"It's just a question, Binx. Did Maggie change her mind or something?"
"We just came from there actually," Babe interjected.
"We?" Kendall asked. "What do you mean we? Is Maggie here too?" she asked, looking around for the short brunette.
"Of course not," Babe scoffed, as if the question had been ridiculous.
Kendall's eyes almost popped out of her head as the realization dawned on her.
"You took Babe with you?!"
"Someone had to make sure Bianca didn't get hurt again," Babe said. "Since the rest of you are too busy helping Greenlee and Maggie play house."
"Oh my god!" Kendall exclaimed, grabbing Bianca's arm. "Can you excuse me for a moment, Silvain? I need to have a chat with my sister. I'll be right back."
"By all means. Someone certainly needs to," he said, nodding at Kendall.
After they left, Babe sidled up to the bar, her body close to Silvain's as she looked at him through her eye lashes.
"Don't even bother, my dear," he said to her with a disdainful, dismissive look. "I may be rich but I'm also gay. Your gold digging ass can move right along."
Babe gasped indignantly.
"Oh yea, I've heard all about you."
She turned on her heel and headed for Amanda on the other side of the bar, Silvain's laughter ringing in her ears.
- - - - - - - - - -
When Maggie's sobs had finally subsided she sat up, looking at Greenlee almost shyly.
"I'm sure I look like a train wreck right now." She sniffed, lipstick smeared, eyes lick raccoon's.
"You look beautiful, as always," Greenlee said, wiping Maggie's face and nose with the sleeve of her coat, ignoring the tears falling silently down her own cheeks.
"Don't cry, Greens," Maggie said hugging her. "I'm sorry if this upset you."
"You hurt, I hurt. I can't help it," Greenlee replied with a shrug.
"We're quite a pair aren't we?"
"That we are, sweet cheeks." Greenlee turned serious and looked at Maggie sympathetically. "Can you tell me what happened? I saw Babe in the car with Bianca when I got here. Why in the hell was she here?"
"Moral support if you can believe it." Maggie sniffed again, trying to stop her nose from running. "I didn't take it well as you can see."
"I bet, and who could blame you? That skank had no business being here."
"She eventually sent Babe to wait in the car but the damage was done," Maggie laughed without a sound. "Bianca won't even entertain the idea that she might have been wrong about what happened."
"Did you explain?"
"I tried, she didn't want to hear it. She was barely ready to consider me adopting Miranda, even going so far as to accuse me of trying to steal her family." Maggie left out the part about Greenlee and children, no need to rub salt in her lover's wound.
"I wonder what it's going to take to get her to listen? Do you want me to talk to her?" Greenlee asked.
"No!" Maggie shook her head emphatically. "I doubt she would listen to you anyway. She hates you, by the way. To be completely honest I'm starting to wonder why I keep trying so hard to reason with her. Why should I tell her the truth when she keeps making it clear she doesn't want to know?"
"It's not for her alone, Maggie. You need to unburden yourself, it's killing you. You two were best friends once, surely that's still there somewhere?"
"I thought so, before today. Of course I also thought this was a place where we could always be ourselves with each other, where the outside world never touched us. I was really happy when she said she wanted to meet here, rather than at the park. But she ruined that by bringing Babe. Hell, maybe it was all my own illusion anyway. Did you know she kissed Zoë here the first time? Or should I say Zarf, because apparently she didn't know Zoë existed at the time. I can't believe she lied to me and said there was nothing going on when there clearly was. This is just a place now, Greenlee. She took anything special about it away from me today," Maggie said, feeling as if a very large part of her life had ended.
"Don't say that, Maggie. Don't ever say that. This is a special place, magical even."
"It might have been, at one time, Maggie said, leaning into Greenlee's shoulder then sitting up straight. "Not anymore."
Greenlee wondered, and not for the first time, what it would feel like to cause Bianca the same kind of pain Maggie was in right now. She felt a wave of satisfaction course through her body at just imagining the look on Bianca's face when she found out that Maggie had never slept with Cecelia and felt some of the irrational, though not undeserved, hatred towards her cousin ebb; flowing away on a changing tide, leaving her for the moment with a clear head. She knew she shouldn't be so hard on Bianca, she was surely hurting too but, damn, did she have to lash out like this; time and time again?
Greenlee took another deep breath and let it our slowly. There would be time to deal with Bianca later, and she would, there was no doubt about that in her mind now; but for the moment, Maggie was her focus. She needed to help Maggie see, as she had in Paris, that life did not begin and end with Bianca. Just because their relationship had ended badly didn't mean that every thing and every place it had touched would be forever tainted by it.
Maggie watched Greenlee's internal struggle from the corner of her eye. She knew her lover was trying to figure out a way to salvage this day, this place, for her and she loved her all the more for the effort.
Their relationship had strengthened and deepened since coming to Pine Valley; though she had avoided it with every breathe she took, the intensity had snuck up on her and it was too late to fight it now. As exhilarating as it was it scared her just as much, if not more.
This romance had started during a low point in both their lives, rising up like a phoenix from the ashes of two failed relationships. Maggie couldn't help but wonder if there would even be a relationship without all the conflict and external interference. If everything fell away and left them in peace, Greenlee might see there was nothing of substance to Maggie; there would be too little feeling, too much truth and it would all fall apart. Her fear whispered those words constantly to her subconscious, fear of who she truly was. That's why that one final wall still remained between them and she firmly believed they both knew it somewhere deep inside. Maggie didn't want it to end, didn't want Greenlee to go away, even though the fear kept her from freely falling headlong into the love she felt.
Once that last barrier crumbled, once you gave everything of yourself, that's when they owned you; took possession of a little piece of your soul. She had surrendered some small measure of that to Bianca and now her ex was beating her to death with it. Greenlee was her refuge from that; her body, her beautiful smile, her unwavering acceptance of Maggie, scars and all. Maggie was petrified of losing it so she held back that last, vital piece of herself, coiled tightly in her grip.
Greenlee smiled at her then, the smile that was only for her, and she felt some of the bitterness corkscrewed in her gut from the earlier fight with Bianca loosen; she felt her heart skip a beat at that look, all the while telling herself how stupid it was to let anyone ever mean this much to her again.
The smile dimmed slightly when Greenlee took in the look on Maggie's face but it didn't disappear. Small blessings, Maggie thought, mean so much.
Greenlee reached out her hand and Maggie took it tentatively, their fingers entwining almost without thought; the comforting touch warming Maggie from the inside out. I'm stronger than this, Maggie thought, why can't I embrace the strength instead of the fear? She was lost in thought until a slight tug on her fingers brought her back.
"How many times have you and Bianca been here?" Greenlee asked.
"Too many to count."
"Mostly happy memories?"
Maggie scanned through her internal video banks. "Mostly, yes."
"Leo and I spent a lot of time here too. We even got married here, remember?" Greenlee's voice had gone soft and gentle, Maggie loved her voice like that; loved even more that the tone was reserved almost entirely for her.
"I remember," Maggie answered around the lump that had formed in her throat.
Greenlee drew Maggie into her arms. "Do you think for one moment that those memories are lessened for me just because he's gone?"
"No," Maggie answered, holding tighter to the solidness of her lover. "I would never think that."
Greenlee pulled back just enough to look into Maggie's eyes. When she spoke again calm, loving assurance dripped like honey from every syllable.
"I'll always have my memories of this place and so will you. You feel safe here, so do I. We'll come here to talk again and you'll come here to think. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you, from us. We can make our own magic here," she finished, kissing Maggie sweetly.
"We already are," Maggie replied before burying her face in Greenlee's neck.
"We've been making magic for a long time, Baby," Greenlee whispered into the top of the brunette's head. And we'll be doing it for the rest of our lives if I have anything to say about it, she added silently.
As Maggie nuzzled further into her lover's body, she noticed Greenlee's wet hair for the first time. She pulled back to take a good look at her girlfriend's current state of dress.
"Ummm…Greens?"
"Yea?"
"You have your bedroom slippers on," Maggie noted, smirking at the well worn, pink bunny ears on her feet. "And you came out here with wet hair. Are you trying to get sick?"
"I was trying to get to you, nothing else mattered. What? You don't like my chosen footwear?" she asked in mock outrage.
"I love your footwear and I think you are unbearably cute," Maggie chuckled. "But let's get you home and into a warm bed before you catch your death out here."
"A warm bed sounds good, but I'm not tired," Greenlee said, standing and presenting her hand to help Maggie up. "Perhaps we can find another way to pass the time," her wiggly eyebrows made Maggie laugh out loud.
"You, my love, have a one track mind."
"You know I do when it comes to you."
"What about dinner?" Maggie asked sheepishly. "I'm sorry I ruined our plans."
"Stop apologizing. I bought munchies on the way home earlier, just in case. We are set to veg until Monday if you want," Greenlee smiled.
Maggie smiled back, she couldn't help herself.
"Let's go home then, our new bed awaits."
- - - - - - - - - -
Back at CONFusion, Kendall dragged Bianca to the club's small office, steam coming out of her ears as she stomped through the bar; never once turning to speak to her sister. She was too angry to talk, besides, no one needed to hear what she was about to tell Bianca.
"Let go of me, Kendall!" Bianca yelped, jerking her arm away from her sister's grasp. "What is wrong with you?"
"Me?!" Kendall shrieked, "What the hell is wrong with you? Have you taken some bad drugs again or are you just that stupid?!"
"I resent that, Kendall. I am not stupid!"
"Really? Then please tell me you did not take Babe with you to meet Maggie," Kendall stood waiting, anger radiating from every pore of her body.
Bianca's avoidance of her gaze was all the answer Kendall needed. She shook her head.
"You are bound and determined to destroy any chance you have left of even being Maggie's friend, aren't you?"
"You know nothing about it, Kendall," Bianca snapped.
"I know if you keep pushing Maggie away that eventually she'll stop trying, I would." Kendall tilted her head as she studied her sister's profile. "Or is that what you want?"
Bianca exploded.
"None of this is what I wanted. None of it! And I'm not pushing anyone away, no matter what you think you know!"
"I obviously know more than you think I do," Kendall started, though Bianca refused to look her in the eye. "Like the fact that you ran Greenlee out of Maggie's life when she needed her most? How am I doing now? Getting warm? Or how about that you tried to buy off Cecelia in some pathetic imitation of mom?"
Bianca's head snapped up at that, and she aimed an inquiring look at her sister.
"Oh yea," Kendall said in answer to Bianca's unspoken question. "Every sordid little detail."
Bianca averted her eyes once again, moving away from Kendall to stand behind the desk.
"You're deplorable attempt at a power play failed, by the way, Cecelia is still in their lives but you…I don't know what you are."
Bianca stared at the picture of the original Fusion four on the desk, taken aback by the vitriol in Kendall's voice. Kendall had obviously forgiven Greenlee. Why was she finding it so hard to give Maggie even the slightest benefit of the doubt, after all they had been through? Meanwhile, the elder Kane daughter was just getting started.
"When are you going to pull your head out of your ass and take responsibility for your part in all of this?" Kendall asked, standing in front of her sister so that Bianca could not look away. "For God's sake, Binx, you're a Kane! Be woman enough to ask Maggie what really happened. Trust me, you'll be glad you did."
"You've talked to her." It was a statement of fact, not a question and she knew the answer before Kendall even began to speak. Bianca suddenly felt small, petty.
"Of course I have, to both of them. Greenlee is not some monster out to destroy your life, Bianca. Things happen, you moved on and so did they. You would know all this if you bothered to ask."
"How could you take her side, Kendall? How could you even talk to them? She cheated on me! I saw her with my own eyes!" Bianca insisted, her voice becoming nothing more than a hysterical shriek, so shrill it hurt Kendall's ears.
"You saw a moment, out of context. It isn't as black and white as it seems," Kendall said calmly, not wanting the moment to get so out of control that Bianca stopped listening; if indeed she was listening at all.
"Now you sound just like Maggie," Bianca huffed.
"That should tell you something. Don't you think?" Kendall asked.
"It does." And the haughty tone returned to her sister's voice. God, how she hated that Bianca had picked up that trait, of all things, from their mother. "It tells me that perhaps Babe and Zoë care more about my feelings than my own family does."
"Babe and Zoë?! Do you even hear yourself?! The woman who stole your child and the woman, using the term very loosely, who is doing her dead level best to turn you into a drugged out, love struck groupie! Maybe mom's right, you have lost your mind!!" Kendall screamed.
"You and mom? Well, that's just great." Bianca looked around for her purse before she realized she had left it with Babe when Kendall drug her into the office. "I don't have to listen to this. Either tell me what happened, or what Maggie told you happened," Bianca said snidely. "Or leave me alone."
Kendall could not believe Bianca was taking that tone with her, but when she thought about it she wasn't really surprised. Bianca had been systematically choosing Zoë and Babe over her family for months, years even.
"It isn't my place to tell you. As far as leaving you alone, well you got it. I'm washing my hands of this as of right now. And do not come running to me when it all blows up in your face. Go run back to Babe and tell her how horrible we all are. I don't care anymore. I'm done!" Kendall clapped her hands together and placed her hands on her hips, waiting for a retort that never came.
When Bianca still didn't speak, choosing to stand there glaring at Kendall with self righteous fire in her eyes, Kendall added one parting shot.
"When you're alone with your regrets, and believe me you'll have them, remember this was your choice."
Duly chastised, Bianca hung her head in shame once again. She didn't even know if Kendall was going to walk out or not.
"I expected more from her, Kendall. I loved her so much," Bianca whispered and the brokenness in her tone made Kendall pause at the door, gave her hope. She turned back around; walking to Bianca then lifting her chin up so they could look into each other's eyes.
"Loved? Don't kid yourself, Bianca, you still love her. Look," Kendall said, putting her hands on Bianca's shoulders, "people make mistakes. Sometimes you have to give them the chance to make up for it. Especially if you love them. You taught me that." She smiled tremulously at her sister, tears welling in both their eyes.
Bianca looked at her so unsure. She shrugged, shaking her head she dissolved into anguished keening.
Kendall wrapped her arms around her sister in a fierce embrace. When the sobbing had subsided she placed a kiss on her forehead and turned to go, motioning for Bianca to stay in the office as long as she needed.
"Promise me you'll think about what I said?" Kendall asked in parting, her hand on the door.
"I promise," Bianca replied softly.
Kendall nodded. "Good," she whispered, smiling; then turned and walked out the door, leaving Bianca alone with her thoughts.
- - - - - - - - - -
Maggie kicked off her shoes at the door of the penthouse, dropped her purse on the couch and proceeded to the bedroom. Flipping on the light she saw a large, elegantly wrapped package in the middle of their enormous new bed. She turned around and found Greenlee looking at her sheepishly from the doorway.
"What's this?" she asked, indicating the gift.
"Just a little something I got for you. For us I should say."
"When did you find the time?"
"I've actually had it for awhile. I was just waiting for the right time to give it to you. Tonight seemed perfect, but if you don't want to open it after what happened, we can wait."
"Are you kidding? I love presents!" Maggie said. "Just let me get cleaned up and I'll--"
"You may want to wait until you open it to do that," Greenlee warned cryptically.
"What did you buy?" Maggie asked getting more curious by the minute.
"Open it and find out." Greenlee pushed Maggie towards the bed.
They sat with the package between them on the foot of the bed while Maggie tore into the gift. Discarding the paper, she opened the box, looking at the contents in wonder.
"I can't believe you remembered."
"You said it was something you always wanted to try."
"I did," Maggie agreed, still looking in the box. "But Bianca was adamant."
"Understandably so," Greenlee remarked. She had never thought less of Bianca for not wanting to try this particular toy, not with her history. She respected her cousin's choice and the strength it must have shown to take the stand in the face of Maggie's eager excitement.
"It's silicone, which the salesgirl assured me is the best. You can sterilize it so it can be shared between partners," she said with a heated look, her meaning clear.
"Sterilize?" Maggie asked. "How?"
"Boil it, she said, or put it in the dishwasher."
Maggie laughed out loud, "Oh yea, right next to the glasses!"
"Seems silly, I know," Greenlee chuckled shyly, suddenly very self-conscious. "But she said it works."
"Whatever works," Maggie murmured still looking in the box, the soft edges of awakening desire making her voice deeper, more sultry.
Maggie reached in to stroke the object.
"Purple?" she asked, looking at Greenlee with a raised eyebrow.
"We don't need realistic, I'm not trying to replace anything. I think it's pretty," Greenlee replied, her breathing becoming shallower as she watched Maggie's fingertips move over the smooth surface. Maggie picked up the dildo to cradle it in her hands and Greenlee's body flooded with wetness. She was suddenly aching with an urgent need.
"The girl said it warms to body heat and transmits vibrations very well," Greenlee explained trying to control the tremor in her voice. Seeing Maggie grip the other end she added, "That part is for the wearer, so you can feel--"
"I get it, Greens," her own breath now coming in deeper pants. Maggie laid it in her lap to retrieve the harness from the box, inspecting the burgundy leather with slightly shaking hands.
"We don't have to use it tonight though, unless you want to?" Greenlee asked hopefully.
"God…yes," Maggie said heatedly, desire turning her eyes the deepest color Greenlee had ever seen them.
Maggie captured Greenlee's lips in a scorching kiss, tongue plundering the deepest recesses of her mouth, leaving them both gasping for air.
"I'll be right back," she said standing. "I want you ready for me, Greenlee."
Greenlee gulped, unable to do anything more than nod.
- - - - - - - - - -
Maggie hesitated when she opened the ensuite door to allow her eyes to adjust to the flickering candlelight that now bathed the room. Searching the room her breath was stolen from her at the sight she found. There, sprawled wantonly in the middle of the bed, eyes dancing with promise was her beautiful girlfriend. The pearl white negligee stood in stunning contrast to the bronze of Greenlee's skin and the dark fall of her mahogany hair. The sight was awe-inspiring and made Maggie, in her oversized t-shirt that barely concealed the object protruding from her center, feel like a shlep in comparison.
"You look ravishing," Maggie breathed, fully intent on doing just that.
"Just a little something Kendall helped me pick out today when you were off with Erica"
"Remind me to thank Kendall the next time I see her then."
"How do you feel?" Greenlee asked pointedly.
"I feel powerful." Maggie gazed at her lover with blistering intensity. "Like I want to do unspeakable things to you that would make more righteous people cringe in horror," she said moving towards the bed.
Greenlee stopped her progress with a hushed "wait" when she was but a foot from her goal.
Meeting Maggie at the end of the bed she stood on her knees, coming face to face with her girlfriend.
"We won't be needing this," she husked, grasping the end of Maggie's t-shirt, gentle fingers trailing over the soft, quivering skin of Maggie belly, raising it over Maggie's head and dropping it to the floor.
Greenlee slowly caressed Maggie's shoulders, collar bone and breasts; goose bumps rising wherever she touched. She kissed Maggie with unbearable sweetness, lips quivering.
The kiss may have started sweet but it soon turned rough and demanding in its intent, teeth and tongues dueling until Maggie snatched her mouth away, panting.
"This is really lovely," Maggie said, caressing the silk negligee, enjoying the feel of it against Greenlee's heated and flushed skin. "Too bad it has to go."
Maggie grabbed the front with both hands and ripped the garment cleanly from Greenlee's body in one swift, commanding movement; tossing it to the side, forgotten. The sound of ripping fabric caused Greenlee's vision to blur at the edges.
"I'll buy you a new one," Maggie said as her hands closed over Greenlee's breasts. "I'll buy you a hundred of them."
"I don't care," Greenlee said looking into Maggie's eyes breathless. Maggie was teasing and pinching her nipples with a wicked grin and she arched her back in pleasure, offering herself to her lover.
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are to me?" Maggie asked, shaking fingertips making their way down Greenlee's neck "Do you?"
"Only if you tell me," Greenlee gasped, spreading her legs so Maggie could slip easily between them, her skin on fire as Maggie laid fully on top of her. "I only want to be beautiful for you. Only for you."
"You are. You take my breath away." Maggie's lips crashed down on Greenlee's in a torrent of need and possession.
Maggie pulled back from the kiss allowing Greenlee only a moment of air before stealing it once again as her mouth closed over a rigid peak; hungrily ravaging first one breast and then the other.
Maggie was like a wild woman and Greenlee was becoming light headed and disoriented. The brunette's hands were everywhere at once, leaving a painful, aching trail in their wake that seemed to come to an end in the relentless throbbing between her legs.
"Maggie…god…"
"What baby? What do you need?" Maggie asked, her words hot now against Greenlee's ear, biting down on the lobe.
"I need you."
Maggie allowed one hand to drift with agonizing slowness down her lover's body to dip into copious wetness, the other buried in Greenlee's silken hair as she continued to whisper in the brunette's ear.
"I'm going to take you Greenlee, long and hard, until the only thing you see is me," Maggie started, fingernails clawing Greenlee's scalp. "I'm going to split you wide open and pour myself inside so you never have to wonder, ever again, who you belong to."
Maggie slid her cheek against Greenlee's until their eyes met and held. The older brunette reached up to caress Maggie's lips before slipping two trembling fingers into her lover's mouth, transfixed at the sight of Maggie's glistening tongue swirling around them; desire poured over the couple, thick and sticky, like fresh, golden honey.
"Please…" was Greenlee's passionate, whispered plea.
They made love for hours, at times tender, at time fierce and unrelenting until all barriers crumbled in the face of the overwhelming feeling; until there was nothing left between them but sweat and skin, heat and love.
Maggie lay spent in the aftermath, images from their cataclysmic joining held her in their grip as surely as she held a boneless Greenlee in her arms.
--FLASH--
Greenlee on her knees before Maggie in an act so intimate it stole the young doctor's breath from her lungs.
--FLASH--
Greenlee holding her face in sure hands, begging Maggie to hold nothing back.
--FLASH--
The feel of her lovers heels digging into her ass as Maggie thrust impossibly deeper.
--FLASH--
Greenlee's nails raking down her back with abandon, tearing away flesh, to reveal a new woman underneath; a woman rising like a phoenix from the ashes of their passion.
--FLASH--
Finally coming apart in each other's arms as Maggie surrendered the last part of her soul to the only person who had ever had the courage to ask for it.
The toy they had jokingly nicknamed Jud had been cleaned and the deep scratches on Maggie's back had lovingly been seen to. They now lay quietly as heartbeats, racing only moments before, slowed to a matching rhythm.
"I never expected this," Maggie said, caressing Greenlee's naked back. "When you came crashing back into my life that night, I never once imagined I'd fall in love with you."
"No?" Greenlee burrowed further into Maggie's embrace.
"No," Maggie chuckled throatily. "I had given up, Greenlee. On love, on school, on me. My heart was a broken place. I felt tainted by my sin against Bianca and the sins of my family."
"Maggie, no--" Maggie placed her fingertips on Greenlee's lips.
"Let me finish, please."
At Greenlee's nod, she continued.
"I was tainted. But tonight…this…you…washed it away. I feel more like me than I ever have in my life. Clean, even if not exactly pure," she said with a patented crooked Stone grin.
Greenlee smiled settling into Maggie's arms once again.
"I feel hope for the future now, Greens, even though I still have fences to mend. You gave me that. Just you. Thank you."
Maggie could feel Greenlee softly crying and she eased closer to kiss the brunette's tears away, lingering for a moment in the bliss of their powerful connection.
"I didn't expect it either," Greenlee said when their kiss ended.
"But you came to Paris looking for me," Maggie pointed out.
"True, but not for this. I only knew that I needed you, that if anyone could help me, you could. I don't know why."
"I'm glad you did." Maggie hugged her tighter.
Greenlee perched her head on her elbow.
"You made me believe in love again, Maggie. Helped me see that I could be whole and happy by just being me. You saved me."
"You saved me right back."
Greenlee smiled at Maggie in the dying candlelight. They had both been lost and now were found; stronger for being together. A comfortable silence embraced them as they thought of how far they had each come and how much they had to be thankful for.
"So, what do we do now?" Maggie asked, only half kidding.
"We live," Greenlee answered simply. "We build a life and we live it. Together." Her eyes roamed the planes of Maggie's face with unending wonder as they shared and unbroken gaze of love and gratitude.
"I didn't think anyone would ever look at me the way you are now. I wasn't even sure I wanted anyone to," Maggie whispered.
"What do you see?"
"Love. And the total absence of fear or doubt."
"That's because I have none," Greenlee said, kissing Maggie thoroughly, hands beginning to wander the playground of her lover's body. Desire had long since returned, humming just under the surface every glance and touch.
"Are you tired?" Greenlee asked, tearing her mouth away, breathless once more, her hand skimming through luscious folds.
"Not even a little bit," Maggie replied with a moan of arousal, body throbbing once again.
Reaching to retrieve "Jud" from the bedside table with a wicked grin, Greenlee rolled Maggie onto her stomach. She ran her fingertips lightly over the deep gouges on Maggie's back, wounds of passion, and delighted in the slight hitch of breath it drew from Maggie's throat. Spreading Maggie's legs and settling between them, dipping her hands over and under the glorious body she thought, This is where my life begins and ends. In Maggie heart, in Maggie's bed.
"Good, because it's my turn now."
- - - - - - - - - -
Bianca had finally ventured out of the office and back into the club. Silvain and Kendall were gone. A part of Bianca hoped that Babe had left as well but she soon saw her waiting patiently, nursing the same drink at the bar.
"Are you ok?" Babe asked as she approached, putting an arm around her.
"I'm fine," Bianca answered quickly, brushing Babe's touch aside. "I really just want to go home."
"Then home it is! I'll cook you and Zoë dinner. JR still has Little A so I am free again tonight."
That thought did little to comfort Bianca's frazzled nerves but she handed her keys to Babe anyway. Maybe it was for the best. They needed to talk, the three of them, set some ground rules and clear the air about what this was and was not. It would be easy to do over dinner and drinks. Sadly, it was not meant to be.
When Bianca and Babe had arrived back at the apartment, after a painfully silent car ride, Zoë was waiting for them; well on her way to the same condition as the night before.
"My lovely companions have finally returned to me," Zoë exclaimed as they walked in, handing them both a drink before they scarcely had gotten the door closed.
Bianca was in no mood for a repeat performance, however, and she made that fact abundantly clear.
Instead of being understanding though, Zoë accused her of trying to ruin her evening and by extension, her holidays. While Bianca may have been shocked, she was also not spoiling for a fight the way Zoë seemed to be. She simply informed them that they could do as they pleased, she would not be offended or angry, she just needed some time to herself and some rest.
Zoë's eyes had lit up and she scooped Babe up in a ferocious kiss, all teeth and tongue, the blonde responding in kind. Bianca felt sick to her stomach.
Now she stood watching them get more alcohol and retreat to the bedroom.
Babe walked over to place a sloppy kiss on Bianca's lips.
"I'll take care of your needs later, after we're done. Ok?"
"Don't worry about me, you couldn't' possibly give me what I need right now," Bianca said, thinking the only way Babe could satisfy her needs was if she could roll back time and turn herself into a tiny brunette.
When they had finally disappeared into the master bedroom, Bianca poured herself a glass of wine and went to the bathroom to change for bed. She had gotten her things when they were dancing and pouring drinks a few moments ago. She pictured the activity in the master bedroom as she heard Zoë's music engulf the apartment, remembered being a part of that depravity the night before; suddenly she felt sick and quite disgusted with herself, more so than ever before.
That's not really true now is it, Bianca? the little voice inside her head asked her. No, it wasn't, she had to agree. Purposely avoiding the mirror, she sat down on the edge of the tub and put her head in her hands. There was one other time when she had found herself so vile that her own reflection had sickened her.
Maggie had not so subtly brought up the incident twice now in as many days; not to throw it in her face, Maggie had long since forgiven her even if she couldn't forgive herself, but to remind Bianca that her own role in the unravelling of their relationship was far from passive.
Bianca had succeeded in banishing the memory of that evening to the darkest corners of her mind. Shrouded, light blotted out, allowing her to proceed through life as if it had never happened; neither dealing with it nor apologizing for it.
With a heavy sigh, she rose to finally stare into the empty eyes of her reflection. As she did so, the barest hint of light pushed back the oppressive black sheets, just slightly, like a curtain billowing from a ghostly breeze in a long forgotten room, freeing part of the memory to claw at her soul.
August, 2006
Paris, France
Cambias Penthouse
Bianca jerked back and leapt off Maggie, running for the bathroom, horrified. She immediately turned on scalding water in the sink and shoved her hands into it without a thought to the temperature; the evidence of her sin against Maggie all over her hands, stinging her skin far more than the water ever could.
She needed to wash the brunette's essence away along with other things that could be felt but not seen and she scrubbed her hands furiously through blinding tears. When she had finished she angrily wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of a wet, raw, hand. It was then that she caught a glimpse of her own reflection in the mirror and was frozen, aghast at what she saw. She hardly recognized the woman looking back at her.
Gone were the kind eyes she had always believed reflected the goodness of her soul, replaced instead with bitterness and the lingering traces of righteous anger; her cheeks were ruddy, her hair dishevelled, but it was the sight of her own mouth that nearly stopped her heart. Her own spit, tears and snot had combined with Maggie's blood still dripping from her lips to form macabre tableau that stole her breath with abhorrence.
Suddenly she was furious with Maggie for what she had driven Bianca to and with herself for what she had allowed herself to become, even if only for a moment.
The whispers of accusation and condemnation in her head were becoming deafening, creating a ghastly soundtrack for the last few minutes accompanied only by the sounds of Maggie's muffled sobbing coming from the bedroom. It was all too much. Bianca needed peace, quiet; she needed to run far away from what just happened but there would be no escape. Her reflection mocked her, mimicking Maggie's crying.
"I hate you!" Bianca screamed, at herself or Maggie she didn't know which, maybe both. Pulling back her arm she smashed her closed fist into that mocking image in the mirror, shattering the glass and cutting her knuckles wide open.
Maggie came running out of concern, tattered and torn clothes hanging from her now mostly naked body. Bianca couldn't see any bruises but she was sure they were there, forming just under the skin of those creamy white thighs.
"Are you ok?" Maggie asked. Taking Bianca's hand gently in both of her own she looked up at her lover with tortured eyes.
Seeing the blood on Maggie's bitten, swollen lip and the unconditional forgiveness in those warm, brown eyes was the last straw. How could I have done that to her? She shook the thought away as quickly as it came. Maggie was the villain here, not her. How dare she forgive me?! Bianca's thoughts ricocheted in her head, a part of her knowing that no matter what Maggie had done, or how she had pushed Bianca, she didn't deserve what Bianca had just put her through.
She wanted to get away, run, flee, but she couldn't. So she did the next best thing, at least in her mind.
"Don't touch me!" Bianca growled, snatching her hand out of Maggie's tender grip.
"Bianca, you're bleeding, let me help you," Maggie said, the blood on her own lip now caked, changing her speech pattern slightly.
"I said don't touch me!" Bianca repeated, then shoved Maggie out of the bathroom and slammed the door in her partner's devastated and disbelieving face, the only sound in the room being the hollow echo door closing violently.
Present Day
Pine Valley
Not one of my finer moments, Bianca thought ruefully as she washed her face and readied for bed. She stubbornly refused to let any more of the memory escape from the shadows. Nor would she admit, even to herself, the part her reaction to the events had played in the destruction of everything she had held dear. It was much easier, then as now, to lay the blame entirely at Maggie's feet.
After all, Maggie had reached physical release, she reasoned, and Maggie acknowledged it was an aberration. Maggie had said so again that very afternoon. Though they had never, ever discussed what happened, Bianca suspected they both knew why.
She turned off the bathroom light uncomfortable with that last thought. She certainly hoped they both knew why. She padded the last few steps in anguished silence to her daughter's room and closed the door.
Silver moonlight streamed in the window casting the room, with its little girl toys and little girl dreams, in shimmering, iridescent light. Bianca missed Miranda terribly but in a rare moment of clarity she knew this was no place for Miranda right now.
She needed to start acting like an adult. Stop being so selfish, stop wallowing in her own angst, stop kowtowing to Zoë's wilder side and once again put her daughter first. She would have a talk with her fiancé this weekend; let her know that the rock star antics and sexual games had to stop. If Zoë wants to be with me and be a parent to Miranda then she has to start acting like one too. That means I also have to talk to Babe, she thought, and Maggie. Time to do what was in her daughter's best interests for a change.
Bianca downed the last of her wine and placed the glass on the bedside table. She took off her robe amid flashes of Maggie slipping it from her shoulders on many heated occasions. She could almost feel the brunette's fingers, her breath, on the back of her neck. She shook her head, banishing those useless thought fro her head. Perhaps Kendall is right, she thought, maybe it is time to try and move past the cheating, sit down with Maggie and let her try and explain, even if the young heiress knew she could never forgive Maggie for what she had done. Bianca wondered if she could do that or if her heart had hardened too much where Maggie was concerned to even talk about what happened.
Not bothering to turn on the light she climbed into her daughter's bed and pulled the blankets around herself. She kicked all the stuffed toys to the bottom of the bed except for one; scooping up, into her arms, Miranda's favorite, a pink bunny Maggie had bought her last year. She held the bunny tight and closed her eyes.
A soul shattering sob suddenly wracked Bianca's body as she was surrounded by the sent of Maggie. Alone in her daughter's room, holding the toy that had so often lain between Maggie and Miranda as they slept, Bianca could no longer hold back her grief. She sobbed for her lost innocence, for her best friend, for the love that she thought would last forever; she sobbed for the mess her life had become and for the fact that she could see no way out; the sounds of enthusiastic sex from the other room magnifying her grief tenfold.
Finally, when there were no more tears left she started to fall asleep, wondering if at that very moment Maggie's arms were as achingly empty as her own. Probably not, she thought, as exhaustion finally claimed her, she has Greenlee.