Chapter 26

"What do you mean, you don't know if it was his?" Angel very calmly asked her. She could see his thoughts racing through his eyes.

"I mean, the night that he raped me, we had had sex that night." Seeing he needed more information, she elaborated. "When I found out I was pregnant, at first, I was excited. I thought maybe this is what Angel will need to turn his life around."

It struck him deep. If he was truly being honest with himself, back then, a child with Buffy was the last thing he wanted. He was so selfish, so angry, so messed up in his own life he couldn't have handled being a parent.

"The more I thought about it and when the doctor told me I was two months along, I knew. I had this sinking feeling throughout my whole body that it wasn't yours."

"But it could have been." He argued. He felt so angry at her for a split second. But then, considering everything in their past, how the hell was he kidding if he was going to be angry at her over this?

"You're right. It could have. I will wonder about that the rest of my life. But, Angel? You have to know that I couldn't bear the thought or the possibility that the baby inside me was his. It made me visibly sick." She argued her predicament.

"Shh. Buffy." He consoled her. "It's really okay. I have no right to judge or be angry at you when I've done so many more hurtful things to you in our past."

She couldn't believe it. She was so sure that he would have been furious with her. Raged against her for killing his unborn child. His kind words and actions made her think perhaps he really had changed. She was taking a huge leap in trusting him this soon.

"Angel… he can't find me. If he finds me, I don't know what he'll do." She was scared. He had never seen her like this. This was his ultimate test, he thought. He needed to be there for her. If they could get through this together, she would be able to trust him completely.

The sound of the phone ringing interrupted their intense emotional moment together. Breaking her hand from his, she got up to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Ford's voice was on the other end of the line.

"Hey," Buffy sounded surprised and relived at the same time.

"Listen Buffy," he started to say.

"Ford please don't do this. Don't throw away what we have!" She pleaded.

"Can I ask you something?" he inquired.

"Sure," she agreed.

"Are you going to let him back into your life? And I need an honest answer Buffy," Ford said sternly. It was important.

"Yes, I have to for right now." she replied as though that answer sealed the coffin shut on her and Ford's relationship.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I don't know if I could handle him being around all the time and you just being okay with it. I guess the bigger question you might have to ask yourself is, why are you okay with it?"

"Ford please," she pleaded.

"I love you, but I'm sorry. I can't sit around and watch you self destruct with this guy." Ford replied as he hung up with phone.

As the line went dead Buffy couldn't hold back the tears any longer. Her knees felt like jello and all she could do was flop to the floor hanging onto the phone for dear life. Angel, not knowing what to say exactly went over to her and simply sat next to her. He tried to console her but she wanted nothing to do with it. He was after all, the reason she was in such terrible pain to begin with.

After so long Buffy finally stopped crying, only to have passed out on Angel's shoulder. Carefully he picked her tiny frame up in his arms and carried her upstairs. Laying her on her bed, he tucked her into her covers and sat on the edge of the bed, just looking at her. Gently caressing her cheek with his palm he vowed, "I love you Buffy. No matter how long it takes for you to believe that, I will spend every day trying to prove it to you." Cautiously brushing the hair out of her eyes, he lightly kissed her forehead and whispered, "goodnight love".