Wow. Just wow. I cannot believe that we are really at fifty-four reviews, eighteen favorites, twenty-seven follows, and eight thousand, eight hundred and fifty-four hits! *squeals* We're almost at nine thousand! Un-freaking-believable. Talk about boosting my stats through the roof. Kudos to all of you.

Thanks to makorra4evs for the favorite and follow, along with Bolinlover123 and karanathefirebender for their reviews. You guys rock!

It's hard to believe that there are only a few chapters left to go, counting this one. It's been one hell of a ride, but there are still loose ends to tie up…and a last minute chance to instill fear in your hearts for the sequel.

Prepare yourselves for angst. Lots and lots of angst, and denial, and HC, and PTSD, and…well, you still love me, don't you?

Hope you enjoy. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Korra, or any of its trademarked characters. I only own my OC's.

The Other Side of Me by boasamishipper

Chapter Twenty-Four

Present Day

"The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic of psychological trauma."
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery

He wanted to die.

Bolin wished he'd just hurry up and be dead, because he was more than ready for his life to be over. Midori was dead, and Ash was dead, and Xin was dead—and they had all died because of him. His existence, no matter how meager and worthless it was, had robbed three innocent people of their lives: lives that could've been wonderful, and significant to the world around him.

More than his own, anyway.

Xin. His morals had been skewed, but then, whose weren't? He and Liao had been such good friends, almost brothers, really. He'd been funny, and caring, and more of a man than Bolin could've ever dreamed to be in his lifetime.

"I…I c-choose…I choose Xin."

"It is as you wish," Gainika said simply. Her hand flickered to her pocket.

Then all hell broke loose as Gainika shot Xin right between the eyes, killing him before he even hit the ground.

"NO!" Liao screamed, shooting Jiktun in the abdomen before running to his partner and never letting him go, tears pouring down his face. "Xin…I'm so sorry. Oh, Spirits, oh my Spirits…Xin!"

Ash had had the biggest heart. His love for Mai Zhen had stretched across every continent in the United Republic. Pain shot through Bolin's heart at the very thought of having to be the one to inform Ash's brother, Hikaru, and Mai of the seventeen-year-old's untimely demise. Oh, Spirits, Ash. His stomach roiled and he almost vomited.

"Let's throw some action into this shit."

Reaching into his pocket, Zolt took out a heater, waving it around in the air like a magician doing his best trick. Bolin's heart leapt into his throat. "You can kill people with heaters, Zolt!" he found himself shouting, trying desperately to get Zolt's attention off of his friend.

Zolt leered hideously, showing stained teeth from many cigarettes that he'd looted off of the streets of Republic City. "Oh, I'm quite aware of that, punk," he said evenly. He clicked the safety off and pointed it straight at Bolin.

Bolin took a deep breath and let it out slowly, meeting Zolt's eyes with resolute. This was it.

Satoshi stared at Zolt with wide eyes. "NO!" he yelled, somehow leaping in front of Bolin right as the trigger was pulled with a bang.

"Ash!"

And then there was Midori, sweet, sweet Midori. The sixteen-year-old whom he'd thought of for the last four years as his little sister. She had been smart, so smart. She could've gone to college, like he had done a lifetime ago, and could've done anything she wanted. The world was her stage, as Asami had liked to say.

"Thank you," she whispers. "My n-name is Midori."

He finds himself smiling. "Well, Miss Midori," he says, shaking her hand, "if you ever need any help, come on by to the Probending Arena and ask for Bolin, okay?"

"R-really?" Her voice is full of wonder. Her tears have vanished.

"Really, really," he confirms with another quick grin and pats her on the head. "Go on back to your Poppa and give him the money. You'll be eating good tonight."

Midori leaps to her feet and gives him a hug. He returns it. "Thank you, Bolin," she says, gazing up at him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Midori. Just remember, if you need me, I'll always be there," he promises. "I'll be here until you're sick and tired of seeing me."

He'd kept his promise to her, even after so many years—Bolin had kept sticking around until it was like a second nature, because even if the circumstances were bleak, at least he knew that there was someone relying on him. It had kept him going even with the Teishi suru ravaging his system.

And then he'd woken up, and Asami had been there, and they'd shared a mind-blowing first (and second, Bolin noted with pride) kiss before his best friend had let it slip that the other reason he'd kept himself alive was dead.

So he cried, burying his face in his hands, wheezing in between heartbreaking sobs because Midori Sato, his little sister, was dead.

And it was his fault.

It was his fault.

Asami's hand, pale and slender, touched his, and he didn't flinch or gasp or even breathe. Bolin willed himself to be dead, so he wouldn't have to accept Asami's pity, when he should be the one hugging her and offering condolences, because she was really the one to lose a sibling.

He'd been the one to cause the curly-haired teenager's death, after all.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, looking up at his best friend. His eyes were burning and hot tears tricked down his face. "I'm sorry, oh Spirits, I'm so sorry." I'm so sorry, I killed your sister, she's dead because of me, it's all my fault Asami, please, please forgive me, it's all my fault, I'm a murderer…

"Hey." Her voice was soft and comforting, enveloping him like a security blanket. Bolin sniffled, his nose running. "Listen to me, Bolin. It's not your fault. M-Midori…she knew what she was getting into. She was brave. She wouldn't have blamed you. And I don't blame you either."

"Asami, how can you stand to look at me?" He blinked furiously, his vision blurring through his tears. "I'm a monster—"

"You're not a monster!" Asami snapped, and immediately felt guilty as Bolin flinched, looking terrified. Damnit, if I ever see Gainika again I will rip that bitch in half with my bare hands. "You're not a monster," she repeated, her voice quiet and solemn. "You're my best friend. I trust you, and I'm not mad at you, Bolin. I could never be mad at you. Midori's…" she swallowed a lump in her throat, trying not to cry. "Midori's death was not your fault, Bo. It never was your fault. I promise."

Her friend was silent and Asami was terrified that he would start lamenting about how the death of their sister was his fault. Why didn't he understand that he'd had nothing to do with it? It was not his fault. "It's not your fault, Bolin," she whispered, unsure if Bolin was listening to her or not.

Bolin stared at her, his face painfully blank, and Asami almost began sobbing right there on the spot, because her best friend wasn't supposed to look like that. He was supposed to smile and make sarcastic quips and say bad jokes about platypus bears walking into bars, not…

Not like this.

He couldn't be this broken, bloody and depressed shell of a man.

This wasn't the Bolin that she once knew.

And that terrified her.

"I'm going to take a nap," Bolin announced calmly, averting his eyes from Asami, who looked exhausted and saddened and shocked all at once. It was a joke. It was all just some cruel joke. That had to be it, because Midori couldn't be dead. If he went to sleep, everything would be fine when he woke up, and he'd see his little sister standing before him.

Asami was still talking, saying lies about how it was not his fault, and words of comfort that he knew should have meaning, but he didn't want to listen. He lay back down on his hospital bed, his best friend's voice oddly calming as he drifted away into sleep.

It's just a really bad dream.

(*) (*)

He's awake.

The words echoed in the back of Mako's mind like a mantra, both thrilling him and terrifying him all at once. Dr. Yamaki had found him in the cafeteria while nursing a cup of bad coffee that Bolin had recovered, and Mako, after quickly thanking the doctor, had run away like his hair was on fire.

He was awake. His brother was okay. He's okay. Oh, praise the Spirits, he's okay. Mako wanted to throw his hands up in the air and shout in exuberance. He's okay! Praise the Spirits, praise the Spirits.

He sprinted as quickly as he could down the labyrinth-like hallways, his legs feeling aching as he tore around a corner, slowing to an awkward sort of jog as he entered the waiting room and saw Liao, Korra, Vanek and Tukka surrounding Asami, who was sitting in a chair, her face buried in her hands as her shoulder shook.

Mako's heart leapt into his throat as he stopped in his tracks. Liao was the first one to notice him and took a step closer to him, even as the detective began sweating. Oh Spirits, what happened? What happened? "Bolin?" He was taken aback by how calm and collected he sounded, even though he was trembling inside. "What…" his voice trailed off and his fists clenched reflexively, praying to every Spirit that nothing horrible had happened to his little brother.

Asami, however, was the first to speak. "He's asleep right now," she said, her voice cracking with emotion that he couldn't decipher as joy or sadness. But it had to be joy, didn't it? Oh, Spirits, what if he went back under? He can't have! Not without me seeing him… His chest felt tight, and his breathing sped up. "Just asleep," Asami quickly clarified. "He's…he didn't g-go back under. He's just sleeping."

"I should've been here," he instantly snapped, clenching his teeth. "Damnit, I should've been here. I should've—"

"You've been here every day, kid," Liao refuted, putting a comforting hand on Mako's shoulder. He didn't shrug it off. "Mako, look, Doc says it was bound to happen at some point. No one's explained anything yet to him."

"Is…is he…" Mako started before trailing off in fear, then blurted the rest of it out. "Is Bolin still himself? Because I've been hearing these stories about how people wake up and they're different and I don't think—I don't know if I can—is he just, you know, the same?"

Liao sent a questioning look to Asami, who looked unsure and tired all at once. She bit her lip nervously and picked at her nails, not wanting to meet Mako's eyes. "Um…"

That cinched the deal. Sleeping or not, Mako was going to go and see his brother. Every vision flashing in the back of his mind involved running into Bolin's room and pulling him into a fierce bear hug, telling him how much he loved him and holding him until his arms were sore. "I'm going to go and see him," he announced, turning away and jogged towards the room.

Liao yelled something after him that he didn't bother to comprehend to as he turned a corner and stopped, determined and inappropriately nervous as he opened the door.

Mako froze, his heart pounding so loud he was sure that Asami and the others could probably hear it back in the waiting room. His vision tunneled as the world around him narrowed down to Bolin, whose hands were clasped over his stomach as he snored, sounding like a motor engine, just like he had when he was little. Tears shot to his eyes. "Oh, Spirits," he murmured. "Oh, Bolin."

As if on cue, Bolin twitched, his eyes opening slowly and squinting in the harsh lighting of the hospital room. His brother looked surprised and disoriented, like he was waking from a long nap. "…M-Mako?" slurred Bolin, his voice strange and much lower than he remembered.

For a moment, Mako was all of eight years old again, and he was kneeling over the bodies of their parents, and Bolin was whispering "M-Mako? What's w-wrong? What's wrong with Momma and Poppa?" And then he snapped back to the present, where his brother (Oh Spirits he's really okay, oh my Spirits) was staring at him like he didn't quite believe what he saw.

"Hey, brother," he answered quietly, blinking away tears as he fidgeted with his scarf. Oh, Dad, if only you could see this. "You…you're awake."

Bolin let out a huffy sort of sigh, and propped himself up on one elbow. "Yeah," he said, his voice raspy and underused. "Sorry to…keep you waitin', b-bro."

His tears flooded forward without abandon as his vision blurred. He shut the door gently behind him and collapsed onto a chair by Bolin's bed, frantically wiping his face and nearly choking on a fourth sob.

Bolin was pretty sure that he'd lost it completely. Mako couldn't be here, and definitely couldn't be crying. He hadn't seen him cry since they were kids. More so, of course, that meant that Midori wasn't dead either. His heart swelled at the fact that maybe there was a chance that he'd hallucinated Asami visiting him and maybe—maybe, please, Spirits, please, maybe—his sister was still alive. "Don't cry," he urged his brother. "Come on, you sh-shouldn't be crying."

Mako glared at him, but there was no anger behind it. "I've been waiting for…a long time," he admitted, wiping his eyes with his left wrist.

"A week, right?" Bolin asked, wrinkling his nose.

Four years. "Yeah. I w-wanted to—to be here," he mumbled, crossing his legs. "And I—I was getting coffee when you woke up for the first time in a whole w-week. I mean, well…"

"It's fine." Bolin was bemused now more than ever. He hated it when Mako cried, mainly because it just didn't look right. For the longest time growing up he wasn't even sure that Mako had had tear ducts. "H-honestly, Mako, it is. You're n-not Superman, y-you couldn't have been in here a-all the time…" He felt awkward reassuring his older brother. My, oh my, how the tables have turned.

"Dr. Yamaki said you might be a little groggy once you woke up," Mako said instead, switching the subject. "Are you feeling okay?"

Bolin snorted. "I feel fine when I don't move. Or think. Or breathe." He coughed violently into the crook of his elbow, and Mako flinched. "But y-yeah. Groggy is an understatement." It really was an understatement. His head didn't feel right, and in the back of his mind he could see small flashes of the compound and the swarm of Agni Kais. Bolin wasn't entirely sure if he'd hallucinated Asami being there with him when he'd awoken the first time—especially since their kisses had to have been too good to be true—and now his estranged brother stood in front of him for the first time in nearly half a decade.

But he wasn't about to tell Mako that.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Mako asked, and Spirits, he just wanted to tell Bolin right now how much he loved him, and how sorry he was for everything, in a confident and assured voice. But what if it was too much?

Bolin's face was scrunched up and his hands trembled on his lap. "I, uh, I remember G-Gainika," his voice twisted upwards at the mere mention of the Section Leader's name. "Well, I remember her injecting me. With the, um, heart-stopping thing. And before that, Xin died and I was so angry that I learned to metal-bend. Before that, Ash—" his voice cracked. "Ash d-died—"

"Wait," Mako interrupted, feeling horrible for doing so, but he couldn't just let the mention of someone named 'Ash' slide. Not if it was the same Ash that he was thinking of. "Do you mean Ash Daichi?"

Bolin's eyes widened in surprise. "Yeah," he stated, his voice much more suspicious. "H-how did you know?"

"…It's like he just v-vanished off the face of the earth, Detective. If I just had—if I'd just kept my control and hadn't passed out, he'd still be here! It should've been me," he said, punching a throw pillow with every word. "It. Should've. Been. Me," he cried. "Ash doesn't…deserve this."

Bemused, Mako patted the teenager's shoulder awkwardly. He hated this part of the job because he really did not know what to do in these situations at all. Consoling people that weren't his brother was more Bolin's speed than his. "It's okay," he said.

Hikaru looked up at him. His eyes were swollen to slits, his face streaked with tears and hideously contorted into an expression of agony that was literally painful to look at. Had he looked like this when Bolin died? wondered Mako. Sadly, he thought, probablynot.

"It's not okay," Hikaru retorted through his tears. "I practically killed him…"

"You haven't killed anyone," Mako said fiercely. "Him getting kidnapped is not your fault, Hikaru, alright? Repeat after me, okay? It's not your fault."

"It's…" his voice hitched. "N-not my fault."

"Again."

"It's not my f-fault. It's not my fault," he repeated miserably, burying his face in his hands and sobbing. "It is my fault, Detective, no matter what you say, I'm still gonna f-feel guilty…" he trailed off. "Oh, Ash, I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Mako flinched. Oh, no, he thought desperately. Spirits, what will I tell Hikaru? I promised him I'd find Satoshi and…and he's dead. Oh, no… "I talked to his brother," Mako explained. "Hikaru."

Nodding, Bolin continued. "Y-yeah. Ash told me about Hikaru, and about Mai. They were dating, and Ash had a crush on her."

"How did A—Satoshi die?" Mako asked, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer. Knowing both Gainika and the Triple Threat Triads, he knew that Ash Daichi would not have gone gently.

Bolin's entire countenance changed, and Mako fought the urge to recoil. "Bastards killed him." His voice was hard and cruel—Mako had never heard anything like it. "Zolt was going to shoot me and Ash—Ash jumped right in front of me. The bullet went through his body and scraped my arm up a little. I held him in my arms when he died, and he made me promise to tell Mai Zhen that he loved her. It was his dying wish." The earthbender paused, and then admitted in a smaller voice, "he—he died on my birthday."

"I'm sorry," Mako said, unable to think of what else to say. Oh, Bolin.

"He was seventeen, Mako. Fucking seventeen," snapped Bolin, still thinking of Ash's cruel death. What's going to happen now? I don't even know where they buried Ash's body, or if they cremated him on the spot. And I have to tell Mai and Hikaru Ash's last wishes. Sweet Spirits, what am I going to do? He sighed. "Mako?"

"Yeah, Bo?"

Bolin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What exactly happened on the night that you guys broke in and got me out of the compound? Can you t-tell me?"

His own heart rate was picking up just thinking of what had happened in the compound a week ago—Mako couldn't imagine telling his brother about what had occurred that night, especially what with Midori's death. Wouldn't that be a cruel twist of fate, if he had to be the one to tell his brother that his surrogate sister was dead? Mako steeled himself and exhaled. "Okay," he said. "I'll tell you."

Bolin nodded. "Thank you."

"S-so…" Mako was having trouble figuring out where to begin. "Okay. On the day that Xin was, well, murdered," he winced, "he called Asami's house, and Midori picked up the phone. Xin told Midori that he and Liao were breaking you out early—"

"Yeah, because I had a pulmonary embolism and a tracheotomy," Bolin interrupted, nodding fervently and gesturing for Mako to continue. Mako found it strange beyond all reason that his brother had just waved off having a pulmonary embolism like it was nothing. "The Agni Kai meddies treated it." Thank the Spirits. "Okay. Go on."

"Well, during the call, these guys kidnapped him—"

"Chan and Jiktun," Bolin automatically corrected.

"Yes, Chan and Jiktun kidnapped him, and they took him away, and I'm not entirely sure of what happened next other than the fact that Xin was killed and your escape attempt failed." Well then. It's the same Chan who Asami shot. Talk about your comeuppance.

Bolin winced, thinking of Xin getting shot between the eyes and Liao's horrified scream. "Yeah, that's going to have to be an anecdote for another time, Mako," he said quietly.

Mako nodded. "Anyways, so Midori, Asami, Korra and I made plans to come and rescue you all—I snuck in as a Recruit, and the girls were going to wait in the car, but then I got into trouble and they snuck in as prostitutes."

If Bolin had been drinking anything, he would've spat it out at that revelation. "They snuck in as hookers?!" he said incredulously, his eyes as wide as yuans. "No freaking way."

"Yeah, they did," Mako chuckled. "But in any case, we knew where your cell was, but once we got there we found Liao there instead." And Asami kissed him senseless. "Once we freed Liao, we found you in this room overlooking the compound. Liao had the idea to shut off the lights so the radio would stop transmitting before Gainika had the chance to inject you so we could sneak you out, but then Asami ran in, trying to save you and get the Recruits' attention off of you…and…" his voice trailed off.

Bolin rubbed the side of his neck, feeling the small lump where Gainika had injected the Teishi suru into his carotid artery. "She injected me."

The room was silent except for the occasional whoosh and beep from the plethora of machines surrounding Bolin's bed. Mako chewed on his lower lip. "We can, uh, finish this some other time—"

"No," Bolin said immediately. "No. Just—keep going, Mako. Please."

Mako exhaled shakily. "Now, well, we're at the parts that you really don't remember much." Spirits, it all felt like it had happened a million years ago, yet he could recall every detail with ease. "We rushed you out of the room as fast as we could, and then the Agni Kais, Triple Threats and Gainika were all chasing us. Korra went into the Avatar State and, er, blew them all back into a wall."

Bolin fought the urge to shout in panic as the young woman—Was it really Korra?—started to scream, a wave of fire coming from her mouth and hands as she spun around to face the Agni Kais. "YOU BASTARDS!" she howled. "YOU ABSOLUTE PIECES OF FILTH!"

As she continued to hurl insults and flames at the now-quivering Agni Kais and Triple Threats and even Gainika, Bolin couldn't help but wonder why the air seemed colder.

Why were Korra's eyes bright blue?

Why was she floating?

She's the Avatar you absolute imbecile—

Screams were everywhere. Bolin saw the woman flick her wrist and a plethora of Triple Threats and Agni Kais were thrown back into a wall with a crash…

"Yeah," Bolin said hoarsely. "I—I remember that."

The detective bobbed his head up and down slowly. "Right. Well, uh, then, Gainika—she said something about priding herself on being a woman of fairness, so she gave us a one minute head start. And we were dragging you away, and then Korra tried to bring up an earth wall but she couldn't do it—and then y-you metal-bent up this huge wall that had to be, like, six feet tall."

Bolin couldn't recall that bit. Was it true? Had he really metal-bent even with the Teishi suru in his system? Damn. "Go on," Bolin said, beckoning his brother to continue.

"You, uh, kind of fell unconscious after that, so I guess this is really the part where I fill you in," Mako said awkwardly. "Okay. So we're running and then Liao takes us to the opposite end of the building from where our car is because Asami accidently told him that she'd parked in the garage. So Liao took us into a small room, rigged a grenade that blew up half of the compound and shoved all of us out of a window. I swear, Bo, he saved all of our lives.

"But then just as we're getting to the garage," he continued, "apparently Gainika had constructed an electric fence all around it, and the Triads were gaining on us so Korra earthbent up two staircases and airbent us over one at a time—me first, then you. When she airbent you over, her concentration broke because Liao had coughed or something, and as a result, we both ended up falling and I ended up breaking my leg—once we got here, of course, Yamaki splinted it. So it's fine now, I guess.

"Korra bent Liao and Asami over and ran to help me, but she—she'd forgotten about Midori, Bolin. And when she tried to airbend her over the fence, the Triads started shooting at us, so Midori decided to go around the other side."

Bolin's brows furrowed and his fists clenched at the bed sheets. "And…and then what happened?" he inquired, his voice low. Please let everything have been okay. Please. Please, please, please, let everything have gone well, Spirits, please have Midori be okay…

"She died." Mako instantly wanted to slap himself for saying the truth so bluntly. What the hell was wrong with him? "Midori—they shot her, Bolin. There were three gunshots, and a thud, and silence, and we couldn't go back and get her because you were dying too," he rambled. "So we rushed you here and you got into surgery and the doctors didn't think you'd last the night but now you're okay. You're okay, Bolin."

Bolin's chest tightened and panic flooded his system as he tried to remember how to breathe. His heart thudded in his ribcage like the beat of a drum, which seemed weird, because he was positive that it had to be too broken by now to work at all.

He felt his body begin to tremble as the haze of impossible hope suddenly vanished. "M-Midori…she's r-really dead?" he asked, his hands shaking.

"Yeah, Bolin. She…she's gone."

No, she's not. She's not. She isn't.

How do you know?

She's—she's not.

But she is. Mako said so, and so did Asami. Would they lie to you? Midori's dead, you idiot. D-E-A-D, dead. Suck it up.

No, she isn't! She can't be dead. I—I promised her that I'd be around for her forever.

Maybe she got sick and tired of seeing you.

Shut up! She isn't dead.

"…O-okay."

Don't freak out, Bolin, and don't freak Mako out either, okay? You'll be fine. It's okay.

Will it be, really?

Mako was well and thoroughly taken aback—out of every response he'd anticipated, that hadn't been one of them. "What do you mean, 'okay'?" He felt confused for a moment before realizing the obvious: his brother needed time to heal and to think. Bolin needed to be alone for a while. Even though it went against everything he believed in, Mako stood up. "Never mind. I—I should probably let you sleep, Bolin."

Right, Bolin wanted to say scathingly, because I haven't slept in minutes. But then he understood that Mako was giving him time to grieve Midori. "Oh. Um. Yeah." He paused. "Thank you. For—for telling me what happened. I appreciate it."

"Anytime, brother." Pausing just for a second, Mako took off his father's scarf, looking at it for the briefest of seconds before wrapping the torn, dingy fabric over his little brother's scarred shoulders. "Here. You—you can have this."

For a moment, Bolin looked confused as he fingered the torn, frayed ends of the scarf that had been so important to both of them growing up. "I—Mako, I can't—I…" Just thank him, Bolin, said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Midori's, and he almost began sobbing. Say thank you. "…th-thank you."

Mako's smile widened, and Bolin felt happy for the first time in what seemed like forever. "You're welcome. I'll be back later, okay?"

Bolin nodded mutely, still gazing wondrously at the scarf that he hadn't seen or worn in years. Wow. It…it even smells just like I remembered it. That's amazing.

"Do you need anything else?" the firebender asked, his hand on the doorknob. Bolin shook his head no as he lay back down, curling onto his side away from his brother. Mako sighed. "Okay. I'll, uh, see you later."

Bolin nodded briefly as Mako left the room and shut the door, leaving him alone with nothing but the scarf wrapped around his neck and the beeping of the machines around his bed. "Midori," he whispered, fighting the heavy lull of his eyelids as he tried not to fall asleep. "I'm so sorry, honey. Please forgive me."

Despite himself, Bolin drifted off into a fitful sleep, haunted by visions of light blue eyes, sarcastic quips, bad limps, ruthless beatings, and psychotic screams.

Why am I here?

Why did I survive when so many others didn't?

…

Why am I still alive?

(*) (*)

Asami's head shot up as Mako walked back into the waiting room, his shoulders slumped and his face crumpled, a few tears leaking down his cheeks. "Hey," she whispered, coming over to her friend and placing an arm around his shoulder. "Hey, Mako, are you alright?"

"Bolin," he mumbled, collapsing into a chair. "Oh, Spirits…he's n-not the same, Asami." His voice grew louder. "My Spirits, he's so different."

"Different how?" Korra inquired, walking over to Asami and Mako with Liao, Vanek, and Tukka behind her. "Mako, what—what happened? What's wrong with Bolin?"

"Liao," Mako said desperately, looking over at the former Agni Kai who was leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his chest. "Liao, he wasn't like this in the compound, was he? So miserable and brokenhearted and…"

Liao looked sad as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Mako, you have to remember that he was tortured a lot, for two months. Pardon my language, but he's bound to be fucked up after that. Not everything is going to be alright just because he woke up."

"But—but he…" Mako seemed at a loss for words. "I—I told him about Midori's death and he was silent for a little bit. I thought he was going to cry or something, anything, but—but he just whispered, 'okay', and that was it. I—I j-just gave him my scarf and left the room because I figured he needed time to grieve or something." He inhaled shakily. "W-why didn't he seem sad wh-when I told him that M-Midori was dead?"

"Uh," Asami began slowly, her voice soft, "maybe because I—I already told him. W-when he woke up earlier."

Mako did a double-take. "What?"

Liao, however, nodded and asked a different question. "How did he…react, 'Sami?"

"He—he cried," she said, her voice cracking as she remembered Bolin's heartbroken sobs. "But then again, so did I. Then he kept saying that it was all his fault and he mumbled something about…about Ash and Xin before just…kind of snapping out of it and going practically catatonic before telling me that he was going to take a nap. It—it was almost like he believed if he went to sleep, he could wake up and Mi—she would be there."

Tukka was next to speak up, his voice low and his fists clenched at his sides. "It's survivor's guilt," he said, "mixed in with a metric fuckload of PTSD."

"Sounds like the recipe for a bad joke," commented Vanek, no humor in his voice.

Asami recalled all of the torture that her best friend had gone through. Yamaki's report had dredged up bullet wounds, broken ribs, internal bleeding, bruises, whipping, beating, punching and kicking, broken jaws, lost teeth, lacerations, and hints of peroxide in unhealed cuts. A recipe for a bad joke indeed, she thought. "But he survived," she said. Why was she playing the optimist to their pessimist? "He survived; he lived through enough torture that would've driven anyone else completely insane—"

"That's not to say that he didn't lose his mind in there at least a little bit," Liao interrupted. "Spirits knows I would've if I'd been tortured like he had…"

Asami tilted her head to the side in confusion, but Korra was the first one to ask the question that they were all thinking. "What do you mean, Liao?"

Liao hesitated. "Okay. I'm not entirely sure if this is true, because, well, who knows if half the stuff that Gainika said was true…but here goes—Gainika put Bolin in isolation for about a week right after Satoshi Daichi's death, and this Recruit, Haru, he gave Bolin food once a day and reported to the rest of us after TS's that Bolin was drawing stick figures of people and talking to them." He paused and looked over at Asami, his expression pained and sympathetic all at once. "The—the main ones were you and Midori."

The heiress felt as though all of the breath had vanished from her lungs. She'd always known that Bolin had gone through hell during his stay in the Agni Kai compound, but she hoped foolishly that a solution would present itself and her best friend would soon become the Bolin that she once knew again.

But listening to Liao's tales, thinking of Yamaki's report, Mako and her conversations with Bolin, Asami felt like she was going to become violently sick. How could we possibly help him? He's been through hell and back, what're we going to do? "I think…I think that we all knew it was going to be bad," Asami spoke up. "I just…I didn't know how bad it was going to be. I figured a solution would present itself immediately, but…"

She steeled herself, taking a long look at her friends, who looked just as determined as she felt. "But where there's a will, there's a way. He's home now, and we're going to find a way to help him, no matter how long it takes."

I'll be here for you, Bolin. No matter how long it takes, I'm here.

Well, um… *sighs* What did you think? Was the boys' reunion fluffy and nice and angsty? I really, really hope that this lived up to your expectations. Please, please, don't hesitate to tell me what you guys think of this fic so far.

In somewhat related news, I'm going to release another oneshot in this 'verse soon, highlighting Xin's escapades with Liao and the Agni Kais. It'll be entitled Hamartia, and should be published within the next couple of weeks, so keep your eyes peeled for that, alright?

Hope you enjoyed enough to leave me a favorite, follow, or a review!

Yours in Fanfiction,

-Boa :)