A?N: After sleeping most of the day and with the help of a friend with editing (the cold is really messing up my thought process), I bring you the letter!

Chapter 26

Nico and Dani had a relatively quiet night with Alexander. He did fidget a little through the night but otherwise his vitals were normal and he continued to hold on. Nurse Karen came in to check on him a few times. She didn't make them leave every time she did her checks, just when she was changing his bandages and diapers. She and another nurse came in once to check the sores on his back from the road rash. She told them both they could stay if they wanted but she wouldn't advise it. Nico stayed but Dani was sure she didn't want to see them. She was standing in the hall for about five minutes when Nico came out a little shaken, "Yeah, I didn't need to see that. I'm glad he's unconscious because I know how much that would hurt."

After that, most of the night was fairly quiet. Nico checked his email through his phone and sent a few suggestions to Xeno for the weekly schedule. Training Camp will be starting up soon and background checks and other security details will need to be implemented. Not to mention hiring more people for the summer and fall sessions. He has a list of usual guys but sometimes during the off season, they find better jobs so he can't always get the same people. Dani found a book in one of the waiting rooms to occupy her time. Every once in a while she would find something funny in the book and laugh out loud. Nico found it amusing and would look over at her and raise his eyebrows in question. She never went into detail because she would have to explain half the story line but he still couldn't help but wonder what was so funny. He didn't tell her but her laugh was calming, it made him feel things would somehow return to normal.

It was about eight when Marshall and Elizabeth arrived back at the room. They both looked upset and Dani couldn't get a read as to what was going on. Elizabeth went in to see Alex. Dani decided Nico needed some time with Elizabeth so she left to join Marshall in the waiting room. She approached Marshall who was busy going through the bags of food looking for a napkin.

"Good Morning?"

He stopped and looked over at her, "Uhh, sure."

She put a hand on his shoulder and made him stop moving. "Are you ok?"

He turned to face her and let out a sigh, "Yes I think so, Lizzy had a bad night and I was up late helping her. That was fine, but on the way here a song came on the radio and…." He turned away from Dani. She stood waiting for him to continue. He turned back to her, "Why does music have such an impact on emotions?"

She thinks for a minute, "I don't know, but I can look it up. I do know that certain music can stimulate a dopamine response in the brain and cause the person to have a physical response like getting chills, but an emotional attachment to the lyrics of a song, I'm not sure. What song was it?"

"Never mind, it's not important. I am fine, really." He goes back to looking through the bags. She isn't going to push him, but she knows something is going on.

Nico comes out a few minutes later. "You ready to go?" Dani nods her head and reaches for her purse. He looks over to Marshall, "Is Elizabeth ok? She looks really tired."

Marshall nods his head, "She had a really bad night, but I think she's going to be ok. She and I talked this morning and she seems better. She finally got to sleep last night so I'm sure she is feeling better today."

Nico nods his head, "Call if you need anything."

When they get to the car, Nico says to Dani. "I think Marshall had a bad night too, but he'll tell us when he's ready." Dani and Nico get in the car to leave. When Nico starts the car, the radio is loud playing a Taylor Swift song. Nico looks at the radio, and then back at Dani, "Is it ok if I turn that off? I don't care if she's never, ever, ever getting back together with him." Dani laughs and turns the radio off.

They make it back to the house and both of them are too tired to think. They quietly walk through the house to their rooms and get ready for bed. Dani takes a shower and checks her phone one last time before dozing off.

Nico gets out of the shower and lies across the bed looking around. He's tired but also wide awake. This room is so comfortable to him. He just wishes Natalia was here to share it with him. He's looking around at the pictures and all of her things. She has a few books on the nightstand and her vanity in the corner has all the "face paint" as he used to call it. He would tell her all the time that she was prettier without it, but he also loved to see her in it as well. Her perfume was sitting on the top of her jewelry box. He walks over and picks up the bottle. He remembers buying her two bottles of it for her first birthday they were dating because he couldn't think of anything else to get her. He removes the top and inhales the scent. The smell floods his mind with memories of different events, of their past, of her. He replaces the top and sets the bottle back down. He picks up a necklace made with shells and random beads. It looks handmade possibly by a child. Maybe Alexander made it for her. He looks at some of the pictures stuck to the mirror. One is of Alexander and the puppy playing in the grass. He has the biggest smile on his face. He has her deep blue eyes and brown curly hair. He's also missing his two front teeth. The puppy is licking him on the face and Alexander is laughing. It makes Nico smile to see him like that.

He turns to look around some more and notices his jacket draped across the chair in the corner. The white envelope is sticking out of his inside pocket. He walks over to the chair and pulls the letter from his pocket. He holds the envelope in his hand for a minute trying to convince himself to read it. Walking slowly over to the bed he can't take his eyes off of her hand writing. He lies down and absent mindedly pulls the teddy bears out from behind the pillow; tucks it under his arm, carefully holds the envelope and runs his finger behind the seam.

He opens the pages and begins to read:

My Dearest Nico,

If you are reading this letter, then it means two things, one-I'm not there and two-we never spoke face to face. I firmly believe that if you want to see eye to eye on an issue, then you need to speak face to face. I'm truly sorry you are sitting here reading this without me there to hear your side. Your side was always important to me, but here is my side. You can be angry, upset and sad and all of that is ok, but eventually, I want you to be happy. Please get back to happy.

There are so many things I want to tell you. The first being how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You changed my life for the best and you gave me the best thing I could have ever hoped for, unconditional love. We had our days when we would fight, but we both knew what we were fighting for and in the end, the important things always won out. I want you to know that I never gave up fighting for you. You were the one thing that remained constant for me. Even when we were not together, I kept that constant.

Next, I really need to explain my reasoning behind why I never told you about Alexander. I never told you, because I didn't want you to come back if YOU weren't ready. I know I wrote you a letter every month, but as sure as I am sitting here writing this letter, I know you never read any of them. I'm very certain that you would've come the moment you read the first one. I also know that you would not read them until you were ready. I wanted you to come home because you were ready to face me and what happened; not out of some misguided feeling of responsibility. I believe the biggest fear that you have; is that it will happen again. I am so sure that if you knew I was pregnant, that you would come even if you were not ready. I didn't want that. You can be mad at me for making that decision. I know it was probably selfish but I felt that if you came back before this, then it would've been a bad situation.

There are a few things I want to tell you about me and how I have really been. I have sent you countless letters and countless videos but they have all had the good stuff. I wanted you to know that I was not broken and not going to give up because you were not there. The truth is I wanted to so badly. The first few days in the hospital after you were gone, I wanted to give up. If you were not there, I didn't want to live, but I had to. I didn't want to move, but I had to. The first few days home from the hospital, I thought I was going to go insane. I was in so much physical pain, but the emotional pain was overwhelming. It took a lot of time and effort for me to move around from the broken and bruised ribs and the broken arm. I would walk around the house in a haze. The pain medicine took the edge off, but did nothing for my heart. It took a long time for me to go back into our bedroom. Most nights, I slept on the couch, but even that was hard because of all of the memories of us laying around on lazy Saturdays. Everything smelled like you, looked like you and felt like you.

Marshall and Lizzy saved me. Marshall made sure that the holes in the walls were fixed and the blood was gone before I came home, and Elizabeth made sure everything looked good, but neither could fix how I felt about that place. It was our home, but it didn't feel like home without you. They both took turns staying with me for the first few weeks. They would sit up talking with me and telling me everything was going to be fine. They would wake me from my nightmares and hold me until I calmed down. They were the reason I made it through.

Both of them wanted to tell you about the baby so badly. They both were so sure you would come back, and they were both right, you would have. But I don't think it would have been better. If you would have come home then, it would not have been for me or us. It would have been for the baby. I think that would've torn us apart. I wanted to give you time to deal with the issue and work on yourself. I also think that at that time, I wouldn't have trusted you and that wouldn't have helped either of us. I was angry at you for leaving. I know it wasn't your fault what happened, but when I needed you the most, you weren't there. You just left like a coward. Every time I called, you ignored me and when I wrote, you ignored me. I thought that meant you didn't want me or love me anymore. I needed you to stay gone but it took a while for me to realize that.

I never lied to you. Those letters I mailed to you were the good truth, in my closet; I have books of the bad truth. Writing has always been my outlet and I would sit and write for hours at a time. I would also cry and scream and throw things. I am happy you never saw those times and that is why I needed you to be gone. I know the pregnancy hormones added to my tantrums and so did the fear of raising a child.

About three months after you left, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I couldn't go back to sleep and I laid on the couch thinking. That was the first time I felt the baby move. That was the moment everything became real for me. You could say it was the kick I needed to get me back on my feet. The physical pain was all gone and the emotional scars were starting to heal. That was the night I decided I am going to be happy again. I started looking for happy things. I started a journal and I carried it with me everywhere. I wanted to write down all of my happy things. This was a long process. The first few entries were hard. I was so depressed that I had a hard time finding something to be happy about. Seriously, my first entry was an orange. I was happy that my orange was easy to peel and it didn't have seeds. The next few things were: 'I am happy it didn't rain today' and 'I am happy I remembered where I left my keys'. It was a long road back to happy, but I made it. These journals are in my closet as well.

I truly want you to make it there. So, now that I'm not there for you to come home to; I want you to move on with your life. I want you to find someone to love and someone who loves you. You have amazing passion and I want you to find someone to share that with. I never looked for someone else to fill that gap in my life because I was waiting for you. The harsh reality for you is I'm never coming back. If you are reading this, then I am never coming home. I want you to find someone to come home to. I miss your love, laugh, touch, taste and smell. You filled me completely and I never wanted anyone else. I want you to show your son how to truly love a woman. He will follow your example. This world needs more men like you. You need to train him to be a good man and a great husband. You have a beautiful soul and I hope there's someone out there who can appreciate the secrets of your heart. You may have a hard time with this, but I truly want you to find peace of mind and a love that will keep you safe from yourself.

When Alex was two, one of his favorite books was Winnie the Pooh. There was a quote that I read one night, it stuck with me and I want to pass it to you, "If there's ever a tomorrow when we're not together, there's something you must remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." ~ Christopher Robin

Nico, I will love you forever. L'amore non finsce mai.

He lays there unable to move. So many emotions are flooding through him. He starts sobbing, the physical pain of her loss is too much. Soon his body gives into the exhaustion and he passes out holding on her teddy bear for dear life.