Disclaimer; I do not own Criminal Minds and no profit is made in any way from this story. It is written for fun and to practice the craft of writing only.

Thanks to all for your continued reviews, alerts and favourites.

A/N - Nebula2, thank you for your kind and supportive review. I know you said slow and steady wins the race but I doubt you meant this slow.

Chapter Twenty Six

The Consultant

When Spencer woke up his body felt heavy. Not unpleasantly so, but the comforting heaviness of a deep sleep and retreating sickness.

He remembered feeling nauseous and his skin burning. He remembered his head hurting and the irrational fear that his brains were going to split his skull in two. He remembered dreaming about his mom, feeling her cool hand on his brow, hearing her voice and how it both comforted and panicked him.

Now though he felt rested. With his eyes closed he was aware of the sounds and sensations that surrounded him. The sheet covering him felt intensely soft, as if all the tiny hairs on his skin were amplifying its touch. It was then that he realised that he was naked beneath the sheet. His fingers curled involuntarily and he searched for the covering and tried to pull it further up his body. He stopped when he felt a hand cover his and warm lips pressing against his mouth.

'You're awake.' Emily murmured.

Spencer opened his eyes and blinked to clear his vision. Emily was leaning over him. She looked tired. Her eyes were red and her skin was scrubbed free of makeup but Spencer thought that she looked more beautiful than any woman he had ever seen before.

'Em...' Spencer started to speak and then winced and swallowed as the pain in his throat roared into life. 'Oh...' He gasped as his eyes started to water.

'Slow down. You had a tube down your throat. You'll be really sore for a while, but that's ok, you don't need to speak, just listen.' Emily said as she stroked his hair lovingly. 'You had an infection and your fever spiked. They tried to bring it down with ice packs but ultimately they had to do a gastric lavage. Do you understand?'

Spencer nodded and swallowed again, closing his eyes against the pain in his throat.

'Your throat and stomach will be sore for a while but it worked. The fever's down and the antibiotics have started to clear the infection.' Emily reached for a cup of ice chips, dug in with the spoon and held one to his lips.

Spencer thought it tasted like heaven.

'Thank you.' He whispered.

'That's ok. You can have more if you want.' Emily said as she reached back for the cup.

Spencer sluggishly reached for her hand to stop her. 'No...' he shook his head, 'thank you for not leaving me.'

Emily closed her eyes and pulled his hand up to her lips, pressing a firm kiss to the back of his fingers.

'Where else was I going to go?' She said. 'Besides I wasn't alone, everyone else was with me.'

Spencer glanced around the room.

'They're in the waiting area. Since you started to respond we've been taking it in turns to sit with you and catch some sleep at the hotel.' She said.

Spencer cleared his throat again and accepted another chip of ice. 'How long have I been out?' He rasped his voice a little stronger.

'Two days.' Emily said.

Spencer's brow shot up. 'Two days? They should have gone home. What about Jack, and Morgan needs to be back for his tenants and Rossi...' He rasped.

Emily leaned forward in her chair and made a show of thinking over what he had said. 'Yeah, I guess you're right. We all have better things to do than sit around and make sure you're not going to die.'

'That's not...' Spencer tried to reply.

'Sure it's not what you meant.' She said as she brushed his hair away from his eyes. 'Do you really think any of those guys out there would leave their friend alone when he's hurt? Do you really think I would leave you alone when you're hurt?' She said as she leaned over to kiss him again.

The distinctly non hospital appropriate kiss made him forget to keep still. He tried to twist his body into hers and ended up pulling back sharply with a hiss as his spine flared into a spiteful flash of pain. When he opened his eyes again Emily was pressing the call button for the nurse.

'I'm fine it's...' Spencer stopped as Emily fixed him with a frustrated glare.

'Stop right there.' She snapped. 'Before the twelve year old boy in you starts running around making excuses, just stop. I know you're in pain and I know it isn't just your stomach wound. You're already scheduled for an MRI this afternoon and as soon as the nurse gets here and sees that you're awake she's going to page Dr Stanley and we're going to talk about your back.'

'My injury was to my stomach not my back!' He argued. 'I don't need any more doctors poking around and saying the same thing.'

'Reid, a blind man could see that you are in pain, you only managed to half hide it before the fever and when you weren't lucid you admitted to it. You have to let the doctor take a look.' She argued.

'Emily, I don't need an MRI and you had no right to speak about this with my physician.' Reid tried to push himself up the bed but residual weakness from the fever and the pain in his back stopped him with a groan. 'Tell the doctor I don't want it.' Reid said querulously.

'I can't.' Emily said, her chin lifting defiantly.

'Then I will.' Reid said as he squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his fingers in the sheet.

The feel of her fingers pulling his free from the sheet made him open his eyes. She was standing now with a look on her face that he had never seen before. She looked ferocious.

'I can't.' She said as she blinked away a stray tear and blotted her face with the cuff of her sweater. 'I can't because I refuse to watch the man I'm in love with in pain anymore.' She said as Reid stared up at her.

Suddenly she sat heavily on the edge of the bed and laid her hand on his chest.

'That night, when Hotch called and you left, I meant to tell you then and I didn't and I nearly lost you so I'm not going to hide it or deny it or be scared of saying it any more. I'm in love with you Dr Spencer Reid. I'm in love with you and even if you aren't in love with me it doesn't matter, I just... I need you to know and I need you to understand that this is the reason I can't stand by and watch you hurting so don't...so don't make me. I know I don't understand what it's like for you but don't make me watch you suffer Spencer, please.'

The silence of the room was overwhelming as Spencer looked away from her. After a moment he cleared his aching throat and spoke.

'I...they won't fix it, you know that don't you, and I can't...the thought of trying...no, the thoughtof hoping for a better outcome and going through all that again for nothing...I... I can't be fixed Emily, I can't be made normal however much you want or need me to be.' He said.

Emily pulled her hand away from his and stood up. 'I don't care about normal Spencer; I don't even know what normal is! I don't care if you use a cane or a wheelchair but I care that you hurt. Every day I watch you and I can see how much pain you're in, even on good days, I can see you trying to hide it and it hurts, in here!' She grabbed his hand and pulled it to her chest just above her heart. 'If there is anything that can be done to alleviate some of that pain then I want to try it and if that's selfish or me wanting to change you then yes, I'm selfish and yes, I want you to change.' She took a deep breath as she tried to squash down the anger burning in the stomach.

Spencer set his jaw and looked at her defiantly.

Emily let out the breath she was holding. 'But you don't care do you, because Dr Reid always knows better. For all your logic and understanding you're going to ignore the situation and push away anyone who tries to get you to act like the goddamn genius you are the one time you really need to!' Emily grabbed her purse from the floor and headed for the door. 'MRI's scheduled for three O'clock. Have it, don't have it. It's your choice.' She flung the door open and stepped out.

'So, what did you do?' Morgan asked as Rossi set the cup of take out coffee on to Reid's table.

Reid looked away from them but couldn't stop his eyes sliding hungrily back to the coffee cup.

'I would like to say that my amazing profiling skills alerted me to you having messed up but really kiddo, when ALL the women in one area gather around another and spirit her away for a conference it's usually to talk about the monumental mess up a man has made.' Rossi said. 'So, to repeat Morgan's question, what did you do?'

'Can I have the coffee, please?' Reid said petulantly.

Morgan sighed. 'Let him have it Rossi. When he's part way through we'll take it offa him and make him tell us.'

Reid scowled and lifted his head as much as he could to take a small sip. Sighing he proffered the cup back to Morgan and laid his head back down. 'Thank you!' He said.

'So Emily's upset and you're not talking. Is it because she spoke with the doctor about your back injury?' Rossi said.

'She doesn't understand.' Reid said.

'To be honest kid, neither do I.' Morgan replied. 'But can you talk it through with us because she was really upset out there.'

'I don't know why! It doesn't have to affect her!' Reid cried.

'It doesn't have to affect her?' Rossi sighed. 'Son, how can it not affect her? She's in love with you.'

Reid grabbed at Morgan's hand for the coffee again as he smiled sarcastically. 'Sure Rossi, she's in love with me. We've been dating for a short period of time how can she possibly...' Reid stopped mid sentence.

'What, Reid, man are you alright?' Morgan pulled the cup back as Reid's face paled.

"That night, when Hotch called and you left, I meant to tell you then and I didn't and I nearly lost you so I'm not going to hide it or deny it or be scared of saying it any more. I'm in love with you Dr Spencer Reid. I'm in love with you and even if you aren't in love with me it doesn't matter."

When he finished repeating what Emily had said earlier he stared up at his friends faces, his eyes wide and his mouth open in a surprised little 'O'.

'There ya' go.' Rossi quipped as he handed the coffee back to him.

Emily sat at the small cafeteria table and continued to shred the side of the take out coffee cup. 'He's the stupidest person I ever met!' She stated.

'I kinda' doubt that.' Garcia said quietly, snapping her mouth shut when Emily stared at her angrily.

'I told him how I felt and nothing, nothing!' She said.

JJ leaned across the table and pulled her hand into hers. 'He's scared Emily. He's facing something he doesn't want to think about but when his super brain re-sets itself he'll remember what you said and he'll say all the right things back.'

'You can't know that!' Emily said.

'I know that under pressure a lot can get said but a lot more can be left unsaid.' She said softly.

'Rossi.' Garcia said as she nodded toward the man heading to their table. 'Hey, is everything ok?' She asked.

'Reid's fine.' He replied. 'They've just taken him down for the MRI.' He said.

Emily stopped shredding and looked up. 'He agreed to the test?'

'He did and he asked if you could be in his room when he gets back. He said he needs you there when he speaks with the doctor.' He said as he smiled and held his hand out toward Emily. 'Come on bella, let's get this done.'

When Spencer was wheeled back into his room his face was white and he kept his eyes tightly shut until the brakes were applied to the bed.

'Do you need an emesis basin Spencer?' Dr Stanley asked.

He shook his head and swallowed convulsively.

'How's the pain?' Dr Stanley asked.

Spencer nodded. 'It'll pass.' He said tightly. 'It usually does.'

'He takes Morphine when it's particularly bad.' Emily said as she shifted against the window ledge where she was leaning.

Spencer opened his eyes when he heard her voice and couldn't help the half sob that came from his throat.

'I can give you some now.' Dr Stanley offered.

Spencer shook his head.

'Alright, just press the nurse's button if you need something. I'll be back shortly with the MRI results and we can talk then. Try to get some rest.' Dr Stanley said as she left the room.

'You could take the pain killers, you know, but heaven forbid that you actually rely on something.' Emily said her voice tight.

Reid blinked and fought the urge to remain silent. He glanced over at Emily and his chest constricted at the hurt look she was trying to hide. 'I know I could take them.' He said quietly. The silence between them stretched for a few moments until he spoke again. 'After it first happened, when they...when the football team did what they did ...I was in more pain that I knew could even be possible and because I was a minor the hospital just gave me whatever drugs they thought I should have and I had no control.'

'You were just a little boy Spencer...' Emily started.

Reid waved his hand dismissively. 'That's not it. They frighten me, Emily.'

'They frighten you?' Emily asked.

'When my father left and my mom got worse I worked really hard to be in control of everything and I was! I did it all, took care of my mom, looked after the house and the bills and myself but to do that I had to think all the time. When I was in the hospital full of drugs I was panicked at how out of control I felt and how I couldn't think, but at the same time I didn't care.' He took a deep breath and fixed his eyes on the ceiling. 'It was as if something woke up inside of me and it was greedy for this feeling of nothingness. I wanted it all the time, an eleven year old boy and I wanted this drug Emily.' He stopped and looked at her. 'The feeling terrified me and ever since I've been really careful about how much I allow myself to take. I'd rather have the pain than the temptation.'

She gave him a quick nod and wiped at her eyes. 'You were a little boy.' Emily repeated. 'One, whom I could imagine, needed a break. Did you talk to anyone?' She asked.

Reid stared at her. 'You.' Suddenly he held his hand out toward her. 'I'm really sorry Emily, really sorry for not hearing what you were saying earlier. I didn't even realise that you'd said you...that you...' He let his hand drop and stared up at the ceiling.

'That I said I love you?' She said as she took his hand. 'Well I did say it and yes you did behave like an ass.' She gave him a watery smile.

'I know, that's why I went.' He replied.

Emily frowned. 'Went...?

'You'd left and Morgan and Rossi came in to grill me on what I'd done wrong and Rossi said that you were in love with me and that's when it came back...what you said, it came back to me but by then you'd left and I didn't know if Morgan would be able to persuade you to come back so I though what would show Emily that I feel the same, what would prove it, more than saying it, so...I... I went...for the MRI, I told Dr Stanley how much pain I was in and I went for the test.'

'And how was it?' Emily asked as she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his hand into her lap.

'Loud. Painful.' He said with a weak smile.

Emily pulled his fingers to her lips and kissed them. 'Thank you.' She whispered.

Reid pulled her hand back and kissed it in return. 'I'm scared Emily.'

'I know.' She replied.

'A full house I see.' Dr Stanley said when she returned to find the whole team in Reid's room.

'We've been doing our duty as friends and making him laugh.' Garcia said proudly.

'That's great, now if you could just go and work that magic on a couple of my other patients...' Dr Stanley smiled as she manoeuvred the screen she'd wheeled in to sit by Reid's bed.

'I'm not sure they'd be strong enough for a dose of Garcia doc.' Morgan said, dodging back as Garcia smacked at his arm playfully.

'You have the MRI scans?' Reid asked, nodding his head toward the monitor.

'Yes'. Dr Stanley said. 'If we can go though them in private...'

'Can they stay?' Reid asked.

'Ah, it's a pretty full room Spence.' JJ said as she grabbed her purse. 'Why don't we go get some fresh coffee and you can fill us in when we get back?' She said nodding toward Hotch and Garcia.

Reid nodded and ran his fingers through his hair.

'We'll be back soon.' JJ said as she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

The screen came to life displaying a perfect sectional view of Reid's lower spine. The image wasn't clear for Emily, Morgan or Rossi to translate but Spencer had seen it before and his eidetic memory put old and new together and spotted the deterioration easily.

'Your original injury was stabilised using Kyphoplasty?' Dr Stanley said as she flicked through the notes in her hand.

'Yes.' Reid said.

'And it was successful?' She asked.

'Yes.' Reid replied.

'But your doctors did advise that it could degrade over time?'

'They did and it has.' Reid sighed. 'The pain I experience has been getting more frequent since the age of twenty. It's not bad...' Reid glanced at Morgan as he made an incredulous noise. 'It's not bad.' He repeated.

'What's kyphoplasty?' Emily asked the doctor.

'It's a procedure used to stabilise damaged vertebrae. A biopsy needle is inserted into the fractured or collapsed area and a small balloon is inflated to create a void. Cement is then inserted into the void. In some cases it works well, in others less so.' Dr Stanley said as she turned her attention back to Reid. 'The original procedure has started to degrade and I suspect the blow you received to your back when you were attacked worsened the situation. '

'Can you fix it?' Rossi asked.

'The original damage, not completely, but we do have a couple of options that'll help you get back on your feet.' Dr Stanley replied as she smiled at Spencer.

'Options?' Emily said.

'We can go in, clean up the area.' The doctor pointed to the screen and a cluster of small white shards framing one of the lower vertebrae of Reid's spine. 'Get rid of these fractured slivers of bone, recreate the void and fill it with more cement.'

Spencer shoved his hand through his hair and looked away from the screen. 'When can you carry out the procedure?' He asked.

'I thought you said there were options, plural?' Rossi said.

'Yeah, this Kyphoplasty hasn't done such a great job so far, so why opt for it again?' Morgan added.

'Well the other option is to use pedicle screws.' Dr Stanley started.

'What?' Emily said.

'Spinal fusion.' Spencer said. 'I want the Kyphoplasty.' He finished bluntly.

'Wait, would this fusion be more successful in alleviating the pain he's been experiencing?' Emily asked.

'It's definitely the better option and it might even give better overall mobility and certainly a long term reduction in pain. We'd use a bone graft to fuse the damaged vertebrae to the neighbouring vertebrae and support it with pedicle screws.' Dr Stanley said. 'The screws are literally that, screws that fix the two vertebrae together to inhibit movement which allows the bone graft to grow and create the fusion. Sometimes the screws are removed once the graft takes, but it's more usual to leave them in place. Spencer, looking at your history, how the Kyphoplasty has worked for you so far, and your age I'd recommend the spinal fusion.' Dr Stanley said.

'My HMO won't cover it.' Reid said flatly. 'When can you do the Kyphoplasty?' He asked.

'Hold on,' Morgan interrupted, 'Reid, you were injured in the line of duty. The bureau should cover this, shouldn't they?' He looked at Rossi.

Emily shrugged. 'I would have thought so. I'll speak to Hotch.'

'Wait,' Reid began.

'Garcia'll be able to find out.' Morgan said as he flipped his cell open and pushed his way out of the room.

Emily made to follow him but Rossi's hand on her wrist as she passed him made her stop. When she looked at him he nodded toward Reid. He was laid back on the pillows his hand pressed over his eyes.

'Spencer? Are you ok?' She asked.

'I think I should speak with Spencer alone.' Dr Stanley said as she gestured Rossi out of the room.

'Do you want me to wait outside?' Emily asked Reid.

Spencer shook his head but didn't move the hand covering his eyes.

'I'm sorry. We were rushing you. I'll tell Morgan not to call Garcia...' Emily said.

'Can you tell me why you're upset Spencer? Dr Stanley asked.

'I'm not upset, I...' Reid took a deep breath and scrubbed at his eyes. 'I'm not upset I just need...I just need a minute to think!'

Dr Stanley sat on the edge of Reid's bed and closed his file. 'What do you need to know?' She asked.

'I don't need to know anything,' Reid exclaimed, 'I know all about both procedures I just...'He sighed and closed his eyes.

'The stabilisation would be the best way to go but either procedure is viable and if your HMO isn't an obstacle then you simply need to decide which route you want to go down.' Dr Stanley said. 'If you have any questions just have the nursing staff page me, otherwise I'll come back tomorrow and we'll talk about what you've decided then. Get some rest.' She patted his leg gently and left.

Emily waited for the door to close fully before sitting on the bed and taking one of Spencer's hands in her own. 'Tell me.' She said.

He shook his head to avoid her gaze. 'There's nothing to tell.'

Emily moved her hand to cup his chin and bring his eyes back to hers. She raised her eyebrows and stared at him. 'Tell me.'

'I don't want to do anything.' He whispered.

'You can't stay like this Reid.' Emily said.

'I know, I know...I don't mean I won't do anything I just don't want to, I don't want to be back in this position again...you wouldn't understand.'

'So tell me, make me understand.' She said.

'I resent it.' He said suddenly. 'Every time something happens with my back I feel... interrupted!'

'Interrupted?' Emily said.

'Yes! I... I get everything under control and I know what I'm doing and what my life is and then something happens and I'm either back in the hospital or taking a week's leave so I can stay in bed swimming in Morphine and it's not fair!' He snapped.

'It's not fair?' Emily repeated.

'That's right. It's not fair, any of it, and every time something sets me back it gets harder and harder to ignore it and pretend I'm alright.' He shouted.

Emily leaned forward and gently pulled him into her arms, holding him as he cried.

'I'm sorry.' He sniffed into her shoulder.

'I'm glad.' Emily replied. 'I'm glad that you've finally gotten angry, it's more understandable than you fatalistically accepting whatever happens, what has happened! I'm glad because now you're angry you can fight, you can do something about it.'

Spencer nodded. 'I will.'

Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose and fought the urge to throw his cell phone against the sidewalk. 'You're arguing the difference between a single paragraph within the same sets of paperwork. If you wanted to do something you could.' He said tersely.

'Agent Hotchner this is out of my control and I resent your inference that I'm indifferent to Dr Reid's plight. I do have feelings.' Strauss said.

'The bureau has the resource to fund this. It shouldn't even require debate. A member of our team has been grievously injured pursuing his line of work. We should be doing all we can to make this right.' Hotch said.

'Aaron, this isn't a lifetime movie, it's reality and what you're trying to dig into is the public purse. It's not a bottomless pit. The standard HMO applies.'

Hotch clutched the phone tightly as he heard the line go dead.

'I take it from the look on your face that you didn't hear what you wanted to hear?' Rossi stepped out of the hospital doorway and squeezed Hotch's shoulder, feeling the tension radiating from his friend. 'Can you please try to remember that you took a blow to the head only a couple of days ago? You look like hell.'

'I'm sure I feel better than Reid.' Hotch said.

'What happened?' Rossi asked.

'Morgan had Garcia run the hospital fees against Reid's Bureau HMO package.' Hotch said.

'It doesn't cover what he needs?' Rossi asked.

'It might get him a fruit cup.' Hotch replied dryly.

'And Strauss couldn't help?' Rossi said.

'Wouldn't.' Hotch replied.

'Her reach isn't as far as you might think Hotch. She can only go so far.' Rossi said.

'So what? Reid doesn't get the treatment he needs and we all sit back and just accept it?' Hotch said. 'This job that we do Dave, it takes everything we have and we can't even get decent medical?'

'The Man doesn't care Aaron.' Rossi called as Hotch shoved his cell into his pocket and strode back into the hospital. 'But I do.' He said to himself as he pulled out his own cell phone and placed a call to an old friend.

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