CHAPTER 26: Fred

I drop my pen and quickly retrieve it from the hard wood floor before I draw attention to the fact I'm no longer writing but eves dropping to the conversation going on in the recording booth. I was so intrigued what they could be saying to each other I had turned up the microphones in the booth so I could hear, and now I couldn't believe my ears.

I can't believe what I have just heard, 'never stop hoping.' Does she ... could she mean? She still loves me. I begin pacing up and down trying to think, it always worked for Annie. I have my fingers laced behind my head. What else could she mean? She's told me its over with her and Elliot, she's not engaged. She's just said women never stop hoping, never stop loving. She has to mean me, surely? But I need to know. I need to know once and for all, how can either of us truly move on with all this between us. We're supposed to be working together. We need to clear the air. I need to know where I stand. If I have any chance. I have to do something, now! I immediately put down the lyrics I've been messing about with for James.

I look back at the booth. Harry still has her in deep conversation. I could just barge in there and kiss her. No, not in front of Harry. Some sort of big romantic gesture maybe? No, that wasn't Anne's style, despite being a celebrity, I knew she hated being the centre of attention, something like that would mortify her. I knew that, I knew her. She was a thinker, organised, conscientious and responsible. I'd need to give her options and time to decide. I know it wasn't the most romantic thing to do, but I knew Anne, my Annie, would appreciate it. I look at the scrunched up bits of paper littering the desk and I have an idea.

I grab a clean sheet of paper, checking she's still in conversation with Harry and begin…

Annie,

I cant hold this in any more, I need to speak to you by any means I can. You pierce my soul. I'm in agony here, is there any hope for me? Please tell me I'm not too late, that you still have feelings for me. My heart still belongs to you, even after you almost broke it all those years ago. Please don't say that a man gets over this sooner than a woman, that he moves on more quickly. I have loved none but you. I know it may have appeared otherwise, with all the mistakes I've made, the way I acted towards you, the Louisa stuff, but it was nothing. I was always with you in my heart. The song I wrote, I wrote it for you! It was all for you, I do everything for you, for us. Did you really not see that? If I had known sooner about Elliot, I wouldn't have waited this long. I can hardly write. I heard everything you and Harry said. I always listened to you, when no one else took notice. You're so incredible. You haven't changed a bit. To me you're that same 17 year old girl I fell in love with. What you said about people who love staying that way, never forgetting, you were right. I'm the perfect example!

I'm going to try and give you some space now, chance to think about what you want, but I shall be here waiting. All you need to do, if you want me too, is give me some sort of sign. A word, a look, will be enough.

Freddie.

I re read the letter smiling to myself. Being a song writer I'm good with words, and when I'm good, I'm great! Its like the words just tumble out of me. Now was no exception, just hearing that confession coming from Annie had opened a door to somewhere deep inside my heart that was bursting at the seams with sentiments I had kept hidden for so long. Even from myself.

I hope to God no one other than her ever reads this, as I would never live it down. Then I laugh to myself, who am I kidding? I'd shout it from the roof tops if it meant I had her back in my life.

I manage to fold it over and mark it for her attention, hopefully everyone else would think it was just changes to her song we were supposed to be rehearsing, But wait, what if it did fall in to someone else's hands and she never saw it? Panic hits, how can I make sure she receives it? As if answering my silent prayers, she comes out of the recording booth, followed closely by Harry.

"Oh sorry, I didn't realise you were still working, hope we didn't disturb you?"

I stand quiet, shaking my head, trying to find my voice "No, its nothing I was just ..."

"Harry says you're working on a song for James and Louisa? That's really nice ..." Then she lowers her voice looking sideways at Harry, "... considering."

I seize my chance. "Yeah, actually Annie ..." God I love saying her name, "would you mind taking a look? I don't like to ask Harry ... considering."

"Sure." She shrugs and smiles.

I hand her the supposed lyrics and tell Harry I'll take him down to the dance studio ready for the rehearsal. Leaving Annie to either make everything okay, or else break my heart indefinitely this time.

For my sake I hope its the former.

Mary seems intent on coming with us, secretly I'm glad. I'd like Annie to be alone, however, it would seem Charlie is staying. He's hovering in the back, not watching her like me. Forget that night of the mugging in LA, right now I have now been so scared in my entire life. I keep watching her as I close the gap of the door, the last thing I see is her sitting down, her small hands opening the letter and the recognition on her face as she realises it isn't song lyrics. Then I finally gave in and closed the door entirely.

Once we reach the dance studio and Mary has scuttled off to find something to stick her nose in, I begin pacing up and down. Sitting would be useless right now. I can't think straight. I don't know how long to leave it. Should I stay here, should I go to her? This is driving me insane, its like the weekend I asked her to marry me all over again. Something catches my eye and I look up. Harry is staring at me, chin in hand, like he doesn't even know me right now, and to be honest neither do I.

"Fred, what's going on?"

"What?"

"You know what, you've been acting strange since this morning in your office, well to be honest, you've not been yourself for weeks! Ever since Soph's wedding, ever since…"

Then suddenly I can see it hit him, like a smack in the face, he's on his feet and coming at me.

"It's her isn't it?" He thumbs towards the door "Annie Elliot?"

"DON'T! … Don't call her that."

I regret my outburst immediately. I may as well have confessed there and then. He's grinning, exactly like he did nearly ten years ago when I confessed having more than impure thoughts about Lizzie Elliot's little sister. He thought I was out of my mind then, thought I should be going for Lizzie and not Annie. How could I make him see to me she was perfection itself. I hear Harry blow out a sigh and see him shaking his head.

"What's the story then. You've been seeing her as well as Louisa or what?"

"NO! GOD NO! Harry what do you think I am?"

We both look over at Mary but luckily she is too involved with the fashion rack to react. I turn to leave but Harry grabs me by the shoulder.

"Ok, then calm down and explain it to me."

I step back towards the door and then sigh, he's my oldest friend and had always been there for me when I was down for reasons he didn't even know. Every Valentines day, anniversary or her birthday were always low points for me. Usually when I'd hook up with Louisa but on the times when even she wouldn't help, Harry was always a phone call away ready to meet me at the pub and put the world to rights or just to make sure I got home ok when I got stinking drunk! Its time he knew, he deserved that.

"You know the other week when you asked me what happened to us in Uni, did we just grow apart? Well I lied. We didn't. We were crazy about each other. Madly and deeply in love, so much so that I ... that I asked her to marry me." Harry's reaction is priceless, he practically falls off the chair. I quickly continue. "She said yes, we were happy."

"So? ... So what happened? Why aren't you married?"

"She changed her mind. She broke it off, gave me back my ring. I was devastated. I tried to hate her. Tried to make it work with Louisa, before James obviously. But I never stopped wanting Anne, I thought I had, but I was wrong. I still care, I still want her. I ... I still have feelings for her … I still love her."