Severus stirred from his sleep covered in cold sweat. He could still feel the pull of the nightmare from which he had woken up, but he could not remember what he had been dreaming about. Whatever it was, it had left him with a queasy, unsettling feeling that struck instant fear in his heart, like something had gone terribly wrong while he had slept.

He rubbed his sore neck and wondered when he had dozed off. A quick glance at the clock reassured him that everything was in order; he had not been asleep for more than an hour. Still, when he resumed his book he found himself unable to shake the unsavory feeling that had possessed him in his dream. He could not help but feel like something was amiss, like he was sensing an oncoming storm, even though the room was perfectly quiet.

And there, he realized, was the problem. It was too quiet. Lily was too quiet. He could no longer hear her turning or sighing or even breathing in her sleep.

Alarmed, Severus sprang up from his seat and went to the bed. He still couldn't hear anything, and the chill he felt in his bones spread all over his body. He brought his hand to the curtains and held it there. He hesitated; maybe he was mistaken and was about to disturb Lily's privacy over nothing. Still, his fear defeated his sense of decency, and he drew back the curtains with one swift pull. His heart gave a jolt: there was only a bundle of abandoned sheets and covers where Lily should have been.

"Lily?" he called out, in case he'd simply missed her going to the bathroom, but she gave no reply. She was gone.

He paced back and forth, painfully unsure what to do next. Think, he told himself. What could have happened to her? He quickly ruled out abduction as a possible explanation – she couldn't have been stolen away from right beneath his nose. He figured that she must have snuck out by herself – it was, after all, exactly the sort of stupid, dangerous thing she would do. But why, where to, and to what end? Why hadn't she told him what she was about to do?

He spent a few agonizing minutes trying to figure out where she might have been compelled to wander off to in the middle of the night, but he could not come to any conclusion. Still, he had no other choice than to go after her, even if he had to turn the whole castle inside out to find her.

And then, just when Severus was about to leave, Lily came back.

She came in through the door quietly without greeting him, without apologizing or explaining herself, without even reacting to the devastating worry that was written all over his face. She simply walked past him and sat on the bed, like she hadn't even noticed him standing there.

Relief swept over him like a tidal wave, but the feeling faded away quickly, leaving a throbbing, tempestuous anger in its wake. He glowered at her in wordless fury and expected her to say something, but she just sat there in silence.

"What is wrong with you?" he said eventually, spitting out each word like a curse. "Do you have a death wish? Do you want to get caught? You know very well what could have happened to you out there!"

"I'm sorry," Lily replied. She still wouldn't look at him. Her voice sounded coarse, as though she had spent the past few hours screaming her throat sore.

"Where have you been?" he shouted. "What madness possessed you to leave this room without telling me? Merlin, Lily, you cannot be this stupid! Should I chain you up to make sure that you won't run away and get yourself killed the next time I blink? Should I put bars on the windows and locks on the door to protect you from your own recklessness? How can you not understand that -"

She finally raised her chin and looked at him, silencing him with a single pitiful look. Her face, as Severus could now see, was completely white, and there were traces of tears in her eyes. The sight of her made the rest of his words die on his lips, but his anger did not subside just yet. He was not done chiding her, no matter how wounded she looked.

"I went to see Dumbledore's portrait," she said. "I knew you didn't want me to go, so I didn't wake you up. I thought I could make it there and back without being seen."

Severus grimaced.

"I see. So this is the extent of the trust and respect you have for me," he said sourly. "I would have thought that you'd understand by now that following my instructions is in your best interest. What more must I do for you before you finally start listening to me?"

"Sev, I didn't -"

"And Dumbledore?" he spoke the name in disgust. "Why? What business did you have with him? If you had something to tell him, you could have just asked me to deliver a message instead of scheming behind my back. I've had enough of this, Lily! You can't keep acting like a careless little girl, because I can't keep watching you every second of my time! If you -"

"STOP IT!" she screamed. Her face was suddenly wet with tears. "You're wasting our time," she whispered, closing her eyes tightly.

"What do you mean?" he asked, and his anger became tinted with fear. He had never seen Lily looking this broken and defeated before – not even back in December when he had found her standing outside her childhood home wearing nothing but a summer dress. She looked like hope had abandoned her for good. Without the fire in her eyes, she hardly resembled the Lily he knew.

"Time is running out," she continued. "The time we have left. I'm sorry, but I don't want to spend any of it fighting. There's too little of it."

"Lily, what happened?" asked Severus, softening his voice. He stepped closer to her, but kept within an arm's length of her. He wanted to touch her, just to comfort her, but his mind told him not to. She didn't need his hands all over her on a moment like this.

She told him what had happened: she had gone to Dumbledore for guidance, only to learn that she would not be able to escape her destiny after all.

"You cannot be serious," Severus said when Lily was finished. "You can't go back in time and just die."

She just shook her head.

"I was blinded by my will to set things right," she said, "I wanted everything to turn out good so desperately that I refused to see the truth. It was stupid and childish of me to think that I could be the hero the world needed. I can't make a change. I can't save anybody."

A thick silence landed between them, while Severus sat down to digest the terrible news. The only reason he had been able to tolerate the thought of eventually losing her was because he had thought that she could change her fate. As long as he knew that somewhere, in another time and place, Lily would survive and thrive, he was all right with not having her by his side. Her happiness was worth the cost of his suffering, always.

Now it seemed like all his efforts to save and protect her were going to waste. He saw the past fifteen years of his life and all the pain they stored flashing before his eyes. Her death, his guilt, the tears on her grave, and the grief that never went away... it could not happen all over again, not while he lived to prevent it.

"No, no, no!" he shouted. He stood up and went to her, towering over her like a storm. "Dumbledore told you to believe this, didn't he? I warned you! I told you not to let him play you like a pawn!"

"He didn't tell me to do anything," she replied wearily. "He just helped me see the truth. Think about it, Sev. If I'm dead here in this future, it means I must have gone back and died in the past. There can't be two of me, have you ever thought of that?"

"Of course I've thought about that!" yelled Severus. "I thought about it the day you came to me. Why do you think I never wanted you to go back?"

Lily's eyed widened, but then she sighed and closed her eyes again, like it hurt her to look at him. "Then you should know that I'm destined to die for Harry. I always was."

"No!" Severus insisted. He grabbed her arms, and forced her to stand up and face him. "You don't have to do anything! You don't have to live like a puppet, and you don't have to listen to Dumbledore! Make your own choice! You can still make everything better!"

"I couldn't do that even if I tried!" she yelled back at him. "I ruin everything, every time! If you think I really have it in me to save the fucking day, then you're just as foolish as I was. Sacrificing myself for Harry is the only good thing I'll ever do in my life. I'm not fit to do anything better than that."

Severus squeezed Lily's arms, and he knew he was hurting her. It made no difference – she was slipping through his fingers no matter how hard he held on to her.

"I haven't kept you safe for this long just to see you throw your life away," he hissed. "Where's your spirit, Lily? Why are you giving up now?"

"Because I've seen my son," she said through her tears. "I don't even know how, but I can already feel him," she placed her hand on her heart, "I have to protect him, at any cost. Don't you understand?"

"I don't care about him!" Severus roared. "He may be your son, but he's also a Potter, and he's just as worthless as his father was!"

Lily narrowed her eyes.

"Watch it, Sev. I'll have none of that. Not even from you, not even now," she said sharply.

"It's truth! I hate and loathe that useless, arrogant boy with every inch of my being! I've always hated him!"

"Don't you dare -!"

"I hate him, and I don't give a damn whether he lives or dies! He can rot in hell for all I care!"

"Severus!"

"If it wasn't for that stupid little child, you would have never died! It was all his fault, and now it's happening again! I won't allow it!"

He expected her to slap him. Instead, the furious look on her face melted away, and she dropped down on the bed, as if her feet could no longer support her weight. He waited for her reply through a moment of silence and sat down next to her. He never wanted to stand up again.

"He's just a little baby," she said quietly. "He can't help who he is. I can't help who I am. He has to live, and I have to die."

"You don't understand", Severus said, running his hands roughly through his hair. It was time for him to play his final card. "He is not going to live. In order to take down the Dark Lord, Harry has to die. It's all a part of Dumbledore's big plan."

Lily gazed at him in shock, but then she shook the look off her face and frowned.

"Don't lie to me," she spat. "You're just saying that to change my mind."

"I never lie to you," said Severus, holding her gaze. "But I've kept this from you, because I knew it would upset you, and I feared it might inspire you to do something reckless. It's true nonetheless. Dumbledore insists that Harry must give up his life to end this war. Don't ask me why, because he refuses to tell me. Whether we win or lose, he is going to die, and your sacrifice will amount to nothing."

Lily stopped breathing for a moment. She stared at him like she was begging for mercy, until she finally seemed to accept that he was telling the truth.

"So... that's it," she said, leaning back and falling down on the bed. "We've lost. We lost long before we even started fighting."

"Not if you stay here!" said Severus, pulling her back up. "No power on earth can force you to go back. Just stay with me, and let me protect you!"

Lily gave him a weak smile, but he could see in her eyes that she had already chosen death.

"Don't do this, Lily!" he pleaded, and held her against him. "Don't let Dumbledore poison your mind! He's using your love for your son against you, just like he has been using my love for you against me!"

"Please don't love me, Sev!" Lily said, and pressed her face against his shoulder. She was crying again. "I wish you wouldn't. I wish you loved somebody better than me. I still don't know what you think you see in me, but it can't possibly be there. I'm unkind, stupid, and careless, and I've brought you nothing but misery. I'm sorry, but I'm not the perfect woman you want."

He pushed her back so that he could cup her face and look her straight in the eyes.

"I don't want perfection" he said. "I want you."

It didn't serve any purpose, really, what he had just said. He knew that she already knew how he felt. He knew that it meant nothing to her. But like all fundamental truths in life, it needed to be said out loud. It demanded to be heard – if not by her, then by him. He needed the strength of that simple manifestation to declare that he would not, could not, let this magnificent, imperfect creature walk out of his life and into her death. Not again, not ever again.

Lily's eyes grew softer under his fiery gaze, although they were still filled with tears. She gave him a broken smile, and tenderly stroked the hands that held her face.

"And were it up to me, you could have me, all of me. Every piece of this doomed wreck," she said. She leaned in and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Her lips burned his skin like hot iron.

He wondered whether she had meant what he thought she had meant, and suddenly became aware of her proximity again – how her breasts were pressed against his chest, how near her lips were, how her flowery-fruity scent surrounded him. He could feel the warmth of her skin through the layers of clothes between their bodies. It all irritated him. He felt like a fool again, always falling into the same trap and crawling out of it with fresh scars.

"Stop that," he said bluntly. He stood up and walked to the other side of the room, hoping that the distance would help him cool down. "Don't pretend that you care just because you pity me. I've never asked for anything more from you than that you'd choose life over death. If you refuse my only wish, I want nothing more to do with you."

"I am sorry. I am," Lily replied. She seemed unshaken by his harsh words, and she still looked at him with that deceitful softness in her gaze. "I wish things could be different. I wish I could go back and take back every cruel thing I've ever done to you. I wish I didn't have to die. More than anything, I wish I could stay with you, and be yours."

Words. Severus clenched his fists and tried to contain the storm of contradicting emotions her words evoked in him. There was no point in getting worked up over mere theatrics. He knew she was just humouring him to make herself feel better about betraying him all over again. She didn't care about him. She never had.

"You don't believe me?" she asked, and her emerald green eyes glimmered in the candlelight, and he could not stand her beauty. He turned away from her and tried to summon all the strength he had left to hold himself together. He would not let her have his last shreds of dignity.

"No, I really don't," he replied. The words barely made it out of his throat, but he stood behind them. If she wasn't going to save herself, he would cut her out of his heart for good. He was done needing her and wanting her, done hurting because of her, done grieving her. This is the last stop, he thought. This is the end of us.

He heard the sound of some fabric being tossed around and thrown on the floor behind his back, but he paid no attention to it until Lily spoke to him again:

"Severus. Look at me."

He did.

Lily was standing in the middle of the room stark naked, her clothes discarded at her feet. Her face was flushed, and she looked ravishing, heated, ready.

Severus's gaze moved quickly from her firm breasts to the curve of her hips and then all the way back up to her misty eyes. There was hunger in them – a mix of desire and determination targeted straight at him. The look burned away his anger and almost reduced him into an animal. He tore his eyes off her, and tried to ignore the twitching in his groin.

"No, don't turn away", said Lily. She came closer, demanding his full attention. "Look at me," she repeated.

And then several things happened almost at the same time: Severus looked at Lily, Lily guided his hand to her breast, their lips crashed together with the force of many months of thirst and longing, and before he knew it, Severus's mind had gone somewhere beyond the reach of his reason.

It was a messy kiss, full of spit and teeth and clashing jawbones, but Severus's ability to worry about his technique had vanished, along with his doubts about the morality of the situation. All he cared about was the taste of her skin and the smell of her hair and the feel of her soft body against his hardness. This needed to happen, and it needed to happen now.

Whatever was going through Lily's mind, she seemed to be driven by the same desire. She tugged on his clothes in a vague attempt to undress him, and impatiently felt him up through his trousers when she failed to get his clothes off as fast as she would have liked. Her forwardness made his last threads self-control snap off and unleash the furious urges within him. He swept her up in his arms and carried her to his bed.

There, he momentarily regained a smidgen of sense, as he loosened the buttons of his shirt and allowed Lily to strip him down to his trousers. He observed the situation through the haze of lust while his body kept doing all the things he had dreamed of doing to her for so long. He could not fully comprehend that this was really happening. Was this even real life? Was that really Lily leaving a trail of wet kisses on his chest, pulling his body on top of hers, moaning when he captured her earlobe between his teeth? How did they even end up here, wasn't she supposed to be repulsed by him?

"I've been wanting this... for a very long time," Lily said breathlessly, as if she had heard the questions Severus was asking in his mind. He stopped what he was doing right then, looked deep into her eyes, and somehow sensed that she was telling the truth. He kissed her long and hard at that, and continued the kiss down her neck, her breasts, her abdomen. It slowly began to dawn on him that he might have been entirely wrong thinking that she felt nothing for him, and the revelation made his heart swell with ineffable joy.

And of course, because the cosmos hated Severus, it was on this precise moment when the alarm bells went off.

"Merlin's bollocks!" they shouted in unison.

Severus pulled his face away from Lily's lap and sat up, and for a moment neither of them moved. They were both reciting more curses inside their minds and thinking of excuses to ignore the alarm. Severus closed his eyes and winced, deeply regretting his decision to protect the students of Hogwarts. He had a passing thought about just abandoning his duties and burying his face between Lily's legs, but he shrugged it off almost instantly. He could not take the risk and leave the children in peril.

"I have to go," he croaked, getting very, very reluctantly back on his feet

"I know," came her clipped reply.

"Someone could be in danger."

"I know."

He put his shirt back on, adjusted his tented trousers, and threw his cloak on to cover up his disheveled state. He took in one more look at her glorious, sweaty, naked body, and then turned away from the bed before he changed his mind.

"Sev?" Lily said, just when he was about to leave the room.

"Yes?"

"Come back soon."

He stopped and nodded, but couldn't allow himself to look at her again. Right now, the sight of her had a deteriorating effect on his sanity.

Outside in the corridor, Severus drew a quick breath and fixed his ruffled hair, but his thoughts and emotions remained a mess. What in hell had just happened? It all felt like an excerpt from a crude fantasy, and he still wasn't entirely convinved that he hadn't just imagined it. How had his life gone from bad to worse to unreal within such a short span of time? He wasn't sure whether he was supposed to feel thrilled or panicked by the escalation of the situation, and so he felt both. His heart fluttered like a frightened little bird inside his ribcage.

He shook his head and pushed all the unanswered questions at the back of his mind. It would all have to wait until he returned.

"If it's just Peeves again, I'm going to murder him," he grumbled under his breath as he made his way further down the dark corridor.