As they lay trying to get their breath back, he lets out a small chuckle.

"I can't believe we are together." he says.

"I know." Kensi whispers, letting him pull her in a little closer. It's not long before they are falling into the most peaceful sleep either of them experienced in years.

She shot up in the dark, panic subsiding as she realised that she wasn't chained to a wall but her brain was still going at double speed trying to work out where she was. She pulls on the bedside table lamp and illuminates the room and she instantly remembers everything and hears Deeks stirring. She doesn't want him to think of her as weak and now she's just woke him up. 'Damn it' she thinks, struggling to control her breathing.

"Kensi are you okay?" he can see there is still fear clear in her eyes and he recognises the look as one he has worn himself a lot. "Did you have a nightmare?" her skin is pallid and he can see the beads of sweat around her hairline.

"Sorry I woke you, go back to sleep." She snaps off the light and walks from his room to the kitchen, grabbing herself a glass of water. Anger building as she struggles to stop her hand shaking as she lifts the glass to her mouth.

"My last nightmare was only a week ago." Deeks voice said, he had followed her to the sink. She could see in his eyes that he wasn't trying to say this to make her feel like she wasn't weak. He was sharing his demons with her.

"I'm sorry Deeks." she moved in to hug him, wrapping her arms as tightly around him as she could.

"How about we do story for story again?" she doesn't respond at first, but he feels her nodding her head and they make their way onto the couch, his leg placed on the table, her curled into him. Just like they had been only a few days before. "Do you want me to start princess?" he asks, knowing that the nightmare was so fresh for her that she would probably struggle to speak. He could never quiet get the words to his mouth after a nightmare. Her voice is small and not like the usual Kensi at all.

"Yes please. Tell me how you are feeling about Nicole." she feels him tense slightly but he makes no move to push her away. Taking a sip of his water before beginning,

"I'm sad, and angry, and guilty." he says honestly. There are more emotions bubbling inside of him but he cant quiet comprehend them all when they swirl together like they are now. Those three were the ones that were causing him issues.

"Why do you feel guilty?" he knew that's what she would ask, wanting to absolve him of all wrong doing, he didn't feel he deserved that but said what he felt anyway. "I should have helped her get out of that life. I should never have went any further than speaking to her when Ray was around. I should never have told her who I was, it got her killed and almost got you killed. So yeah, I feel guilty about her, and then angry at her for putting you in danger and then guilty about feeling angry and then sad that she lived a life I expected to live myself when I was a kid." It was as though a weight had lifted from his shoulders, just saying the words out loud.

"All your feelings are valid Marty." his heart gave a flip, she never called him Marty, and he knew she never would at work. It felt so personal.

"I know, and it was just a lot to process, it was unexpected. I'll be okay." his voice was stronger, and he turned to her before speaking once more. "Your turn." He waited, he could see out of the corner of his eye; her mismatched eyes were squeezed shut, and was balling her hands into fists. He placed his hand over hers, feeling them relax, but he didn't prompt her any further. Giving her the space she needed.

"They will think you are dead, and you will rot away with no hope of rescue." It was a full fifteen minutes after he had put his hands on hers that she had finally spoken those words. She gave him no space to respond before continuing. "That's what they said when they showed me the picture. It causes more nightmares than anything else." He didn't make any move to hug her tighter, eager for her to say as much as she wanted without distraction. Her voice was casual, as though she was telling him about the weather but he knew it was a way for her to cope and didn't mention it. "I could cope with whatever they threw at me, because in the back of my head I was thinking I have a Navy Seal, an ex – CIA operative, and the greatest man, the one I can trust the most in the world, on my team. And do you know what I thought whenever they smacked me around?" he placed a kiss on her head as a response. "I told them I couldn't wait to watch as you put a bullet in their brains. That might have been why they went all dramatic with the goats blood and fake killing." He knew she was trying to make a joke and lighten the mood, but Deeks felt shaken to his core. He hid it well though, knowing she wouldn't share again if she felt she hindered his recovery in anyway. They were both done exorcising their demons for another night. "Let's head back to bed" she whispered, helping him find his balance, she fell asleep as soon as her head hit her pillow and she slept through to the next morning. Stretching out to find Deeks, instead finding a piece of paper.

"Princess,

You managed to sleep right through, so I didn't want to wake you.

I had to take care of some stuff.

Hopefully I will get back before you wake up.

Marty xx"

Kensi smiled as she read his note for her, unsure what he had to take care of but giving him space. She got up, showered, made herself breakfast and started a fresh pot of coffee. It was now noon and Deeks still wasn't back. With the state of his leg she was starting to worry and she pulled out her now charged phone to message him. She was staring at it trying to work out the words to use when she heard the key turn in the door and it swung open. He looked tired, and as though he had been crying.

"Deeks, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, It's okay. I'm going to go shower." he gave her a small kiss on the cheek and pushed by her towards his bathroom. Giving him some space she flicked on the tv, searching for something to distract her mind, hoping he would come to her when he was ready.

"I was planning Nicole's funeral." she jumped, she hadn't heard him getting out of the shower, she had been too engrossed in the stupid show she was watching. The shock of what he was saying stunned her for a moment and she didn't know how to respond. He sat next to her, hair still damp from his shower.

"You didn't have to do that on your own." she told him, honestly. She would have gladly went with him to make it easier.

"I did. Not for my sake, but it felt more honourable." he took a moment. "Probably stupid idea."

"It was not stupid, it was beautiful and you are so thoughtful." she wrapped her arms around him, ignoring that he was still a little damp. She was being sappy.

"You have been hanging out with me too long, you are getting soft Kensi." she gave him a light punch to the shoulder, his features seemed less strained than when he had come home. They both felt a little lighter.