"Help

"Help. Help. Help." Tony whispered as he and Angela realized that the carnival was now closed. "We tried," he said as he leaned in for another kiss.

As the minutes passed, with their eyes still closed, they spent the next few minutes completely breathless. With their new found warmth in each others arms, lack of oxygen was a small price to pay. Tony's hand made its way from her chin down through the strands of her long blonde hair. His other hand found its way to the small of her back and her hand found its way to the nape of his neck. Somehow breathing and kissing became second nature to the new couple.

As if knowing what the other was thinking, they simultaneously pulled a few millimeters away to take a look into each other's eyes. In the silence, their eyes were now somehow different. It was as if they were seeing each other for the first time, through the eyes of their newly confessed love. Even though the lights were dim in the Tunnel of Love, Tony found that shine in her eyes he'd noticed the day he'd rejected Frankie's proposal. In that instant he knew, he knew how long she'd love him. He closed his eyes as he took her hand and kissed the top of each of her delicate knuckles. With each kiss, he prayed for the forgiveness of not having realized it before.

In his eyes she found relief, relief of pressure, of confusion, of the torture of carrying their secret for so long. She saw how calm his eyes looked now. His whole face had a peace to it that she hadn't seen in years. It was like happiness was spreading over every line and curve of his face. She realized that he was finally allowing himself to be happy.

As he kissed her pinkie's knuckle, she took her hand from his and placed it where his cheek and chin met. The five o'clock shadow was pretty evident and she brushed her thumb over the stubble, the way she dreamed she could have for at least the last four years.

There were no more words, just "the look" and the warmth between them. Tony knelt down inside the swan and leaned out of the boat to grab the ledge on the side of the ride. With very little effort, he pulled the boat back toward the tunnel's entrance. When they reached the dock, Tony got out first and then extended his arm to help Angela step out of the boat.

It was all so much like a fairy tale. She could almost imagine him helping her out of her horse drawn carriage. Her knight in shining armor finally allowing himself to don his uniform and come to her rescue.

As they made their way hand in hand down the empty boardwalk, she found herself giggling.

"What?" He said finally allowing himself to speak.

"I love you." She smiled up at him with the realization that she'd finally let herself say it out loud for the first time. "I love you. I can't believe how easy it is to say. What have I been so afraid of?"

"Hey, you're preaching to the choir here." He said raising their hands up to his lips and kissing the back of hers. "But by the way, I love you too."

It was all so awkward and yet, so wonderful all at the same time. Their mixed feelings of elation, guilt, embarrassment and happiness all rolled into one. As they continued to stroll down passed the closed carnival tents and discarded wrappers and cups on the ground, off in the distance someone in a nearby apartment building had their radio sitting in their window. Through the autumn air, The Stylistics "You Make Me Feel Brand New" was playing. At first it was very faint but somehow the song seemed to grow louder in their hearts.

"Shall we?" Tony said bowing in front of his beloved.

"But, of course." She said taking his hand.

Slowly, he pulled her close to him until they were mere millimeters apart. Within no time they were swaying back and forth to the music.

Taught me how to live again
Only you
Came when I needed a friend
Believed in me through thick and thin
This song is for you
Filled with gratitude and love

Tony wanted to spin her around and try every poetic move that he could think of, but in that instant just holding her close was enough. He brushed his cheek against hers and she dropped her head onto his shoulder.

When others made me insecure
You built me up and made me sure
You gave my pride back to me
Precious friend
In you I always have a friend
You're one on whom I can depend
To walk a path that sometimes bends

As they both continued swaying to the music, Angela draped both her arms around his neck. He in turn moved his hand down to her waist. They leaned into each other sharing another breathless kiss. It was as if the words to the song had been written just for them.

Without you
Life has no meaning or rhyme
Like notes to a song out of time
How can I repay
You for having faith in me
God bless you,
You make me feel brand new
I sing this song for you.

As the kiss ended, she rested her head on his shoulder. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath. She wanted so much to take in the smell of his cologne, but quickly realized it wasn't there. She lifted her head to look into his eyes.

"I'll always love you, Angela." Tony said taking a small step backwards. As he did, her left hand dropped onto the front of his right shoulder. On her hand, she saw her engagement ring.

"Tony?" she said as she took her left hand in her right to look at the ring. "It's so beau--" Looking up, she saw she was alone. "Tony? Tony!" She yelled in a panic. The dim light in the night sky around her grew brighter and brighter until it was almost as bright as at noon day. As the lighting calmed, she found herself standing in the field of tall grass from her dream of two years before. No longer was she wearing the flowered strapless dress from the night of the carnival. Tony's Wells College sweatshirt that she'd been wearing for last fifty-nine nights hung on her slim frame. Just like in her previous dream, she found Lena walking towards her.

The realization of the nightmare she was living caused Angela to crumple like a heap onto the ground. Just as she had every solitary moment since leaving Iowa two months before, she found herself crying. This time the pain wasn't sorrow like it had been with Billy. This time it was deeper. A remorse for the loss of true happiness. Lena kneeled down and took her sweet Angela in her arms. Angela, who in the years previous to Tony had always tried to keep her tears to herself, now found herself actually sobbing into Lena's shoulder.

She uttered no words. She just let herself melt into this kind woman's arms. Unable to control the flood of tears, Angela gave into the painful sobs tearing at her soul.

"Go a head, Bella Angela." Lena said caressing her in her arms. "It tis alright tu cry."

Angela's aching chest burned as the sobs grew louder and louder. With every breath she took, she felt more and more of a release as Lena's arms held her tighter and tighter.

With Angela in her arms, Lena found tears coming to her own eyes. Softly, she began rocking back and forth, at first slowly, then in a smooth rhythmic pattern. To the time of her rocking she began to recite a poem in Italian, but to Angela the meaning flowed as though it was spoken in English.

"Two shall be born, the whole wide world apart,
And speak in different tongues and have no thought
Each of the other's being, and no heed.
And these, o'er unknown seas, to unknown lands
Shall cross, escaping wreck, defying death;
And all unconsciously shape every act
And bend each wandering step to this one end -
That, one day, out of darkness they shall meet
And read life's meaning in each other's eyes".

As the beauty of the poem began to take hold of Angela's heart, she found the courage to finally look up into Lena's loving face. Still sniffing into the arm of the sweatshirt, Angela began to apologize.

"I'm so sorry, Lena. I don't mean to do this. . .it's just that it hurts--"

"Tu much? Angela, I have cried vith jou before. This is not my first time around, Bella Angela."

"I know, I just hate crying in front of people."

"But Angela, it's a like I've told jou before. Dis is a my job. I am supposed tu help a jou. Comfort jou and let jou know dat every ting is going tu be o-k."

Angela pulled away and turned to look out at the horizon. "But it can't be. I've messed everything up. He's gone. And he's never coming back."

"How can jou be so sure?"

"He's gotten on with his life. He's doing what he's meant to do."

"Bella Angela, those are Tony's words talking." Lena reached over and placed her hand on Angela's shoulder. "Jou know and I know and everyone else in Heaven knows dat dat is not true."

"How can you be so sure, Lena?"

"Remember when I spoke wit jou last, I told jou dat jour fawder, and grandfawder and I were keeping an eye on jou?"

"Yes." Angela said purposely looking down.

"Well, we are not the only ones."

"What? Who. . .else?"

"Well, me telling jou "who" is not important. What is important is dat we have been working for de last thirty-someting years tu help jou and Tony tu get tugether. Jou don't think dat we would have gone through all of dis work just for jou both tu come dis close only tu be satisfied with dis "doing what jou are meant tu do" answer, do jou?

Angela kept her eyes away from Lena. The doubts and fears of the last two months turning cartwheels in her head again.

"Angela, I know jou. I know dat more dan anyting else in dis world, jou want a child . . .a family with Tony. You need Tony."

Without even thinking, Angela quickly turned and looked straight into Lena's eyes. "How did you..."

Noticing the look of surprise on Angela's face, Lena simply explained, "I told jou dat I know jou well." Lena knew she was getting close to giving Angela too much information about her future, but deep down she knew the time for restraint had ended. "I need tu tell jou someting and I need jou tu believe me. Can jou do dat?"

"I don't know, Lena." Angela took her Kleenex and blew her nose. "I think I left my faith back in Iowa."

"I know deep down, jou have faith enough for dis. I want jou tu know dat someday jou will have all dos tings jou dream of with Tony.

"But how Lena? He's never coming back Lena. I have to learn to accept that now," the tears welling up in her eyes again.

"Of all de dreams dat jou have ever wanted in jour life, why are jou giving up de dream dat will make jou happiest of all?"

"Because I can't live like that." Referring to the month she tried to live as a stay-at-home fiancée.

"Jou call dis living, Angela? Mona was a right, what she said a down dere after dinner. Jou can't hide up here in jour room for de rest of jour life. Jou had tu find de courage tu tell him how jou felt didn't jou?"

"Well, yes."

"Well, now jou have tu find de courage tu admit dat jou were wrong. Jou need him in jour life and he needs jou."

"Lena, I can't. . "

"And why not?"

"Because it's not that simple."

"What did Tony tell a jou when jou asked him if jou should a marry dat Geffry wit a "G" persun?"

"He said that you don't think . . ." She paused for a second as the light bulb came on in her head. "these things. . .you feel them." All of a sudden, it was like the sun was shining after a hurricane. She realized what Lena had been trying to make her see for years.

"Do jou believe me now?"

Angela wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took in a deep breath. With every ounce of courage in her soul, she whispered a simple "Yes."

Lena took her "Bella Angela" in her arms one last time.

"So what do you have in mind, Lena?" Angela asked.

As the two women stood together wiping each other's tear stained cheeks, Lena replied, "I suggest dat when jou wake up, jou go take a shower."

"What?" Angela said laughing through new happy tears. "Do I smell?"

"No, I just a think afterwards, you'll start tu see de world a lot more clearly."

Sometimes I wonder why I spend
The lonely nights
Dreaming of a song.
The melody haunts my reverie
And I am once again with you.
When our love was new, and each kiss an inspiration.
But that was long ago, and now my consolation
Is in the stardust of a song.
Beside the garden wall, when stars are bright
You are in my arms
The nightingale tells his fairy tale
Of paradise where roses grew.
Though I dream in vain, in my heart you will remain
My stardust melody
The memory of loves refrain.

--"Stardust" Written by Hoag Carmichael,

Sung by Frank Sinatra

FATE

Two shall be born, the whole wide world apart,
And speak in different tongues and have no thought
Each of the other's being, and no heed.
And these, o'er unknown seas, to unknown lands
Shall cross, escaping wreck, defying death;
And all unconsciously shape every act
And bend each wandering step to this one end -
That, one day, out of darkness they shall meet
And read life's meaning in each other's eyes.

And two shall walk some narrow way of life
So nearly side by side that, should one turn
Ever so little space to left or right,
They needs must stand acknowledged, face to face.
And, yet, with wistful eyes that never meet
And groping hands that never clasp and lips
Calling in vain to ears that never hear,
They seek each other all their weary days
And die unsatisfied - and this is Fate!

Susan Marr Spalding 1841-1908