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Chapter authors: transitory07

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Chapter 26

I think I'll be brave, starting with you
But I'll fall away if you tell me to
I'd rather be wrong than hope that I'm right
Because I can't go on with this all inside
"Brave" - Tawgs Salter

"Bella, Jake's here!"

I was spraying my neck with a light lavender scent and braiding my hair in the bathroom when Charlie shouted from downstairs. "I'll be right there!"

Jacob and I were going to see a movie in Port Angeles. It was the first time I'd gone out in a long time. For weeks, my time had been occupied by work and household chores, though Charlie had gotten into the habit of doing his own laundry since I had gotten a job. He even tried to cook one night, with disastrous results. If I hadn't come down the stairs when I had, the ravioli would have burned to a crisp.

My phone vibrated in my purse as I ran out the door to Jacob's Rabbit, but I ignored it until we were already on the road.

"Hopefully this one won't end with the bad guy still alive and planning another killing," I muttered, pulling out my phone and glancing at the name on the screen.

Alice.

My heart sank a little. It had been so long since Edward had called me.

"Umm, I think this movie has ghosts in it," Jacob said as he drove.

"Great. Ghosts are not as scary as live murderers."

"You think so?"

"Hmm..."

Alice's text made my eyebrows wrinkle in confusion.

Bella, big news! Something awesome is about to happen!

I sent her a reply, letting her know I was with a friend and couldn't call her at the moment. My apology didn't seem to alter the excitement pouring out of her message though. There were exclamation marks at the end of every sentence.

Okay but please text me tonight! Trust me, it will make you happy!

My stomach twisted in anticipation of Alice's "big" news.

Is it bad or good? I wondered nervously.

aDc

On the wide screen in front of us, a little boy was being sucked into a vortex that had materialized on the ceiling next to a shadowy demon with a gaping mouth Jacob and I, however, were only partially present while watching the film. He teased me once when I jumped in my seat. Mostly, his flint-colored eyes were far away, and his brows were crinkled in a worried kind of frown. My own thoughts kept jumping between Alice's unexpected text and the unmanageable longing I felt for Edward. Had something happened to him or to her again?

Oh my gosh! What if her old sire came back to claim her and Edward or another Cullen got hurt, trying to protect Alice? To keep myself calm and not allow my ludicrous ideas to rattle me, I brought a hand to my throat and started fidgeting with my charm necklace.

Jacob leaned toward me at that moment. "Don't worry, Bells," he whispered. "The kid's going to be all right. That priest dude's on his way?"

"What?" I gasped before realizing that he was referring to the movie. I sighed and sank back in my seat. "Oh right."

The rest of the film was a blur of screams and frightening images that would have been more frightening if I had been paying attention.

Afterwards, we stopped at Macdonald's for a late and unhealthy dinner.

"Jake, are you all right?" I asked as we sat down on one of the sticky booths with our food. He had ordered the double quarter pounder and was eagerly digging into it. Go figure.

"Great, Bells," he said between huge bites. "Why?"

I stirred my Sprite disinterestedly. "You just looked... distracted when we were watching the movie."

Jacob got quiet.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk-"

"It's Sharon," he blurted out, interrupting me.

My eyebrows shot up. "What do you mean? Is this is about Embry's father? But Sharon's gone back to Oregon, hasn't she?"

Jacob sighed, setting his burger down and wiping his hands with a napkin. "Yeah but something weird happened while she was still here."

I frowned. "What?"

An uncomfortable frown fell over Jacob's face. "I invited Sharon to come over for dinner one night. Everything was fine until Billy saw her."

"What do you mean?" I stopped stirring my drink and leaned forward.

"Sharon wanted to help set the table so that's what we were doing. My dad was in his room, okay. He wheeled himself into the kitchen, started saying hi to her, but then stopped and just stared like he was frozen or something. It was so weird."

I didn't know how to respond.

"Sharon was frozen too, just holding this plate and staring back at my dad."

"Do you think they know each other?" I asked finally.

Jacob scowled. "Things just got weirder after that. They were both so quiet while we ate. I was telling Billy about Sharon's hobbies and stuff to try to get her to say something but Billy just kept nodding and staring at his plate and Sharon never looked up either. When I gave up, Billy asked Sharon her mom's name. Sharon suddenly looked angry or something. 'Marina. That's my mother's name,' she said, 'You know that.' Then she excused herself and left. It was really awkward with me and Billy after that."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "She just got up and left?"

"Well, she said, 'Sorry, Jake, but I have to go home now. It's getting late.' She didn't even let me drive her back home. Just said she would catch a ride with Embry in the morning."

Jacob picked his up his burger. "Maybe I should've driven her anyway. That way I could've asked her what the hell was going on," he muttered before taking a bite.

I pondered Jacob's reasons for not asking his father about his strange reaction to Sharon's visit. Jacob wasn't really hesitant when it came to asking personal questions.

"Are you going to ask Billy...?" I prompted slowly.

"I did ask," Jacob mumbled, finishing the last of his burger. I took the opportunity to start nibbling on my chicken tenders and fries.

"I asked him why he asked about Sharon's mom. He said he used to know a girl from the Makah rez named Marina. He said Sharon looks a lot like her so he was curious. That's all."

"But then…" I mused. "Sharon's reaction? She looked angry?"

"Yeah," Jacob exhaled. "I don't know what it meant. I don't know if I should mention it to her when we talk again on the phone or if it will only make her mad and I kinda don't want that..." He trailed off and a tiny smile tugged at my lips.

"You're head over heels in 'lurrve'," I teased.

Jacob balled up his napkin, throwing it at my tray.

"Shut up, Swan."

But he didn't deny it.

aDc

As soon as Jacob dropped me off at Charlie's house, I rushed upstairs to my room to reply to Alice's confusing message.

What's going on, Alice?

My heartbeat raced as I sat cross-legged on top of my bed, holding my cell phone with clammy hands. Luckily, Alice's reply was swift.

We're coming home! For your birthday!

A soft gasp escaped my lips. They were coming back to Washington? Edward was coming back?

I didn't know how to answer her, so I just clamped my phone shut and lay down, letting my breathing and heartbeat slow gradually. My birthday was only two weeks away. In two weeks, I would see Edward's devastatingly handsome face.

Am I ready? I wondered. But in that moment, I knew it was all I'd ever want... forever. No matter how confusing, cryptic, and downright frustrating that angelic boy could be, I would always want to lay eyes on him. He drove me crazy and made me angry with myself as well as him. But when he was near me, I felt safe and even happy... as long as weren't fighting about something important or scary. It was strange.

Earlier I had teased Jacob about being head over heels in love. That was only because I now knew what it was like.

aDc

School began a week after I'd received Alice's message. Angela and I went shopping for notebooks, pens, binders, and even matching floral print backpacks that made Jessica's eyebrows rise enviously when we walked across the parking lot together. It might've been dorky but I thought it was cute too.

Mike and Jessica seemed to be going out but that didn't stop him from glaring when Tyler wished me a happy birthday at lunch. I smiled awkwardly, reminding Tyler that he was a little early – my birth date was actually September 19th not 13th.

"Oh, my bad," Tyler replied in an embarrassed tone, shrugging his shoulders and drawing Lauren's glance. "Well, that's even better 'cause now I have time to get you a present."

"Oh, no, Tyler," I protested quickly, feeling Lauren's fiery gaze on me. "You don't have to do that. That's what parents are for, right?" I giggled uncomfortably. "To give us unnecessary gifts?"

Angela rolled her eyes from her spot across from me. "C'mon, Bella. You have to expect presents on your birthday!"

"Yeah," Tyler chimed in. "Like I can get us tickets to this All Time Low concert in Seattle. What do you say, Bella? We could have dinner-"

Mercifully, my cell phone buzzed in my sweater pocket and I reached for it, apologizing to Tyler as I examined the text.

Edward.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest.

"Umm... excuse me," I said, rising from the table. "I have to go to the restroom."

Slinging my purse over my shoulder and picking up my tray to dump in the trash, I tried my best to keep the excitement from showing on my face as I moved away from my classmates.

In the girls' restroom, I leaned over the sink, to read Edward's message.

Bella, Alice, Jasper, and I are coming home tomorrow. We'll be in Port Angeles by sunset. I'll call you around seven o'clock, if that's okay. I hope you're smiling right now... I've missed you. Really.

I sighed, gazing at my reflection in the foggy mirror. My heart wouldn't stop racing. My fingers were moving to type a reply when I snapped my phone shut. Just because Edward was coming back didn't mean he was within my reach. Maybe he was just alerting me of his return out of courtesy.

Oh, don't be an idiot! A sickeningly optimistic voice shoutedin my head. Edward is letting you know he's coming back because he obviously wants to see you.

But why would he want to see me? So we could argue some more? Did he need another dose of pain? Both his and mine? He couldn't be so masochistic, surely! What sane person would want that? I was some piece of workand Edward knew it all too well. He shouldn't want to see me.

aDc

I was just coming out of the shower the next night when my phone buzzed from its place on my bedside table. Still in my towel, I sank down on the mattress.

Reaching for the phone, I murmured hesitantly, "Hello?"

"How are you, Bella?"

I swallowed. "Fine, Edward. How are you?"

He sounded a lot more relaxed than I felt, which was infuriating and yet intriguing because of the smile that I was almost certain was on his face as he spoke.

"Much better now that we're home. Being out in the wild gets tiring when all your clothes are ruined in just three hunting trips.

I smiled in spite of myself. It felt as if that same involuntary pull that drew me toward Edward's curious, magnetic personality was making a comeback after the months we had spent apart. The frightened part of me didn't want to like it, but the braver part wanted to fight a little harder to be deserving of his affection. I didn't quite know from where that strong Bella had emerged.

"Gee... haven't you heard of a washer and dryer, Edward?" I teased, touching the back of my neck where a blush was forming.

His throaty chuckle on the other line was surprisingly sensual.

"I'm afraid that wasn't enough. My favorite grey shirt was ripped to shreds by a particularly irritated grizzly, and there were more burrs in my hair than the best overpaid stylists in Seattle could get out."

I bit my lip, struggling to block the image of Edward in a torn button-down shirt, his arms exposed, and his strong chest muscles glinted in the dim forest sun. I imagined that his beautiful copper hair was more rebellious than usual, too.

Oh... Edward. I groaned internally, slipping beneath the quilt as my legs trembled slightly. Why do you do this to me?

I was aware that my free hand had begun a slow path down my stomach under the towel, and that was disconcerting and thrilling at the same time. Damned stupid, handsome vampire!

"Bella, did you hear me?" The source of my wandering mind asked in a concerned tone.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I asked how you're enjoying the work at the Newton's store."

"Oh!" I remembered that I had mentioned my new job to Edward during one of our occasional phone conversations. "It's fine. Nothing new. It's kind of boring, actually. But I need the money for college tuition, you know? Charlie's not getting any richer..." I wondered why I was babbling all of a sudden.

"Well, I could-" he began and stopped abruptly.

"You could what?" I prompted, writhing against the sensation between my legs that just kept getting warmer and weirder every time a new image of Edward's face popped in my head.

"Never mind. What I meant was I could suggest some colleges that aren't very pricey but that you might be interested in visiting."

Somehow, I thought he might have been about to lend me money. The idea was absurd but kind enough to fit his personality. My stomach twisted. He was too selfless, too good for me. At once, my body cooled.

"Th-that'd be nice," I stammered. "But I might just end up going to Seattle U."

"I see. And have you thought of a major yet?"

I rested my cheek on my pillow. "Hmm... maybe I'd like to study English Literature or journalism."

"Sounds like you." There was a definite smile in his voice, I was sure.

"You think?" I asked, a grin tugging at my lips.

"Sure! I can see you winning a Pulitzer, making it on the New York Times Bestseller list."

"I hope you can imagine me rolling my eyes right now."

"I can but you shouldn't. You're an intuitive, unique person, Bella. Others should get the chance to see what I see when I look at you."

My heart seemed to skip a beat and I asked nervously, "Which is what, exactly?"

His next words were tender and hesitant. "Someone that we don't come across every day. Someone who I'd wait a lifetime for, just to see smile, just to hold in my arms."

I couldn't respond due to the tightness in my throat.

"Bella, I know you might not believe me, though I think it's terribly obvious and you're obviously not stupid so-"

"Don't say it," I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek, wetting the pillowcase. I wanted to hear him say those three sweet, scary words more than anything else. But I couldn't bear it.

There was a pause. "Why not?" I could hear pain and resentment in his voice.

I told him the truth because it was the only thing I could say at that moment. At that moment in our rocky relationship, lying was pointless.

"Because I want it so badly, it makes me sick."

He exhaled loudly. "Believe me, I feel the same thing. It's like a grinding, isn't it? Inside?"

I gnawed on my bottom lip. "Hmm... yeah."

"Why don't we just give in, sweetheart?"

I swallowed a sob. "Don't... don't call me sweetheart."

"I've wanted to call you that for months!"

"Well, don't."

"You like it, Bella." He was sure of it.

Sighing, I slid further beneath my blankets. "Edward, the thought of us together is nothing short of a fairy tale, not reality... not my reality."

"Then don't think!" he insisted and I could envision him raking a hand through his hair in frustration. "Just let me see you. We'll go as slow as you want. I swear... whatever and however you want."

The idea still sounded ridiculous but I couldn't resist taunting him once more. "I don't recall you being comfortable going slow."

"For you, I'd do anything. I think I've proven that already." There was a tightness in his words that made my eyes narrow.

"Nothing was against your will, Edward."

"I beg to differ."

"What?" I sat up abruptly in my bed.

"I didn't have a choice," he murmured calmly. "Not when you dominated every one of my senses. Not when I couldn't turn off this... desire, this mating urge, even when I was furious at the things you did. And then you went behind my back, putting yourself in danger and I really had to-"

"Wait a second," I cut in. "I explained to you why I went to Jimmy's house. You knew from the very beginning, before we even left for Sacramento, why I wanted to kill him. So why are you have to bring it up?"

Edward actually growled. "Because you're acting like killing another person is no big deal! Like you just went rollerblading without a helmet or something."

My face burned but this time not from embarrassment. "It wasn't any old thing! It wasn't even about what happened to me, Edward, not entirely. I wanted to kill Jimmy because of that little girl you saw at his house too. He would've assaulted her, and then another little kid after that, and another, until that disgusting pervert breathed his last breath. So forgive me if I think a child's innocence is more important than whatever feelings we might or might not have for each another."

I was crying openly. "That little girl was more important than you and me, so don't act like I'm this selfish bitch for misleading you so I could protect her future."

I exhaled a shuddering breath and rubbed fiercely at the trails of tears cascading down my face.

Edward was silent for so long, I thought he had hung up. Then he whispered, "You're right. I apologize."

I struggled to contain my anger enough to reply in a steady tone. "And you can tell Rosalie that too."

Edward sighed softly. "I'm really sorry, Bella. I won't bring it up again. You can trust me."

I settled back beneath the quilt's warmth. "I know."

"You know what?"

"That I can trust you, Edward."

"Really?" He didn't believe me. I couldn't blame him.

"Yes. It boggles the mind but I do. With some things."

"And what, pray tell, are those special things?" He was teasing me gently.

"I... I just know you'll take care of me if I let you."

"I really wish you would. I enjoy taking care of you."

"Mmm…." And then a thousand scenes in which Edward 'took care of me' drifted into my thoughts, none of them exactly decent. It didn't help that I was lying in bed, naked.

"Bella."

"I want to see you," I blurted out before he said anything else.

"When?" I fumbled with the edge of the quilt. "Umm... I work every day except for Sunday. I get off work during the week at five-thirty."

"Want to make it Sunday, then? In the morning?"

My lips formed a small smile. "Just like old times?"

"Just like old times," he repeated kindly.

"All right."

"I'll pick you up then."

"Fine." I was too overcome with fatigue to argue.

"Good night, Bella."

I fell asleep with the phone still clutched in my hand, the memory of his voice playing in my ears like an old-fashioned record.

A/N

He's baaaaack.

Thank you for reading and your patience. This story is beginning to wind down.

The next chapter will be Edward's.

Hidden, the A Dove's Cry outtake that I wrote for the Fandom For No Kid Hungry compiliation has been posted. Details on my profile.

I've submitted an entry to the Twilight Mix 'N' Match Contest. The entries are all non-canon pairings, so if that's your thing, go read, there are some gems! Entries will be posted up until 8/18 and voting starts on 8/19. Details on my profile.

I've also been writing a lot of slash. Come Back To Me was named 2nd Place Judges Choice in the Pick a Pic Challenge 2012. Blue Notes was awarded 3rd Place in the SWW Christmas In My Hometown Contest. I about lost my mind. :) Details on my profile.