The darkness clung around me like a coat. Only a small sparkle in the distance broke the darkness. Curious, I walked toward the small light. Before I knew it, I was walking on water and each step made the water ripple. The ripples made a sound like small, chiming, bells and each chime made a tear run down my face.

"How could you?" The voice was as smooth as silk but sharp as a blade. Looking up, I saw myself but in my full vampire state. She was not smiling like the last time I had encountered her. Only a thin line was made up if her lips now and her eyes shone red.

"How could I what?" I asked back, completely confused.

"How could you just have abandoned your Edward like that? Abandoned you love, family, friends; how could you?"

"Your one to talk! You abandoned me when I needed you most! And I couldn't help it! I had no memories of anything prior to waking up at the Volturi." I was still crying and my cheeks were drenched with the tears.

"I never left you Bella. I was always here for you; you just forgot that I was here at all."

"I…I…wanted to remember. I tried my best; I wanted that emptiness in my soul and heart to fill. I felt so alone and so…so…forsaken." I admitted what I had been feeling since I woke up at the Volturi headquarters in the very beginning.

Her eyes softened and she came towards me. Her hair fell long down her back onto the water below. The ribbons that wrapped her body swayed with her movements and the bells at the end rang. She came to me and pulled me close into a hug.

"I'm sorry Bella. I shouldn't be so hard on you. I know you are doing your best and you are trying to be everything you were meant to be." I sobbed against her and she comforted me.

"I let you down. I let everyone I held close down and worse of all, I let myself down." I choked out.

"Bella, I am you. Stop thinking we are different beings. That's what got you in this mess to begin with." She let go and looked me straight into my eyes. "You have to accept what you have become and accept me being apart of you. You have to understand that."

"I am trying but everything around is pulling me down. They want me to be either human or vampire. They are making me choose."

She grabbed my hands in hers. "What do you want Bella? What do you want to be?"

"I want to be both; I want to be human for my family and friends. But I also want to be a vampire for Edward and his family, also protecting what is most precious to me."

She smiled. "Then no one is stopping you. You can't use other people as an excuse for who you are. You have to decide that yourself, in your soul and your heart. Nothing and no one can make you into something, only you can. And you should do what you want because you have to live with yourself for eternity."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes. She was right and I knew it. I had been trying to please my family, Jacob, and sometimes Edward by being a full human and then trying to be a full vampire for the Volturi. Each situation I had felt empty and like I was missing half of me.

"I want to be vampire and human. I want to be both, not just have the mark or the title. I want to understand what it means and understand how to control it."

My vampire self smiled even wider and pulled me into another hug. "I knew you would say that. Last time we made the gesture but never actually combined. So we will do that now, since you are ready." I felt sadness and some regret.

"Will I see you again?" I had to ask.

"Bella, once we combine, I will be you and you will be me. Only you will be in your mind."

I stared at the water below. "That's a no right?"

She nodded her head.

"I will miss these talks we have." I smiled, still clinging to her. She understood what I needed to be able to push forward. That may have been because she was me, but, it felt like she was a big sister.

"Are you ready Bella?" She let go of me and grabbed both of my hands. Above us, our symbol of the crescent moon connected to the star shone brightly against the darkness and reflected off the surface of the water.

"Yes, I'm ready. Truly and wholeheartedly ready to become who I want to be."

"Good, I will miss you too Bella but I will always be you. Hold on."

With that, the still waters underneath us gave way and be both sank into the water. I struggled a little bit but my other self gave my hands a reassuring squeeze and I just calmed down. The water around lit up, not from the symbol above us, but the scar tattoo on my neck. She pulled me to her and she looked at with a smile and I knew this was it.

I braced myself as she moved head to my left side, where the scar was. Her teeth fell into my skin and I could feel the water around us start to shift. Suddenly, the water was like a turbulent storm, whipping around us. I could feel its sting even under water and finally, my vampire self pressed deeper into my skin and I felt myself jerk awake.

Ok! here we go! So...I don't know...I thought it would be good to understand a little more about Bella. She is just like every other girl...a victim of peer pressure and not knowing who she is. I showed this earlyer but...now she has to truly understand it in order to survive. Hahaha...another peak into whats going to happen.

Review! Review Please! I know all you are waiting patiently...well...some of you anyway. But Im writing as fast as i can. And tomorrow is a holiday. So expect a couple tomorrow night. Fair warning.

Gina