- XXVI -

"Hey mom."

"Hi."

Yoshino came over to hug her child, that now was taller than her and day after day was getting more and more like his father. The child that has always fought her ways of greeting him, always retorting that she was too cold and cruel to be casually hugging everyone, but finally giving up to her habit. Or maybe he finally understood that she prefered physical communication rather than verbal, and that she too, just like her late husband, didn't feel comfortable speaking about her feelings.

Having raised a son that was almost a copy of his dad, she instantly knew something was wrong. She saw he was a little different than always, he seemed confused - and here was the fact that he came here on his own rather than with her invitation. And alone, which was something new, as he would always take Mina with him. Something was troubling him, and whether it was her intuition or simply maternal instincts, she suspected it was a relationship problem - a thing he never discussed with her.

She fixed some food and they ate in silence. Yoshino knew he was not planning to speak first, and he would avoid answering her questions if she asked directly. He came here for a shelter of mind, a step back to his childhood in search of some peace, and she was glad he still thought of this place as a home. But just staying silent, despite how badly he wanted, will not ease anything. As a mother she felt he came here to be subtly interrogated by her so afterwards he could blame her for prying into his business, but oh he needed that. Mentally she smiled.

"How's work?"

Shikamaru raised his eyes, not surprised at the usual question. "Same as always, mom..."

"You seem to be having a hard time getting back to it after the camp. Some vacation, wasn't it?"

"Well yeah, it feels like I still live there and have no urgent matters."

"You seem to have lost some weight, or is it just me?"

"Emm, I didn't notice that actually."

"Have you been cooking for yourself lately? Meaning you don't eat anything?"

Her son furrowed his eyebrows, and from his expression she could see she poured some salt on the wounds.

"Not at all… I mean I would, but since Mina practically moved in, she takes care of the cooking all by herself…"

Yoshino didn't know if he was aware or not of how much he gave away with his answer. Some time ago he would have joyfully exclaimed how glad he is to have such a caring girl, and the fact that she cooks everything all by herself wouldn't have sounded like a complaint. Now one may say he simply didn't sound excited, and most would probably think that this was expected of a hardly-excitable Nara, but something in his voice betrayed he wasn't too happy Mina practically moved in. It took one sentence for him to reveal his problem without compromising his fiancee or saying anything openly, it was a simple, meaningless conversation about food. Words that did not make him or her feel uncomfortable, especially since they never really talked about how things are going between Shikamaru and his girl. The vibe she got from her son was that he is in doubt of where he is and what to do next.

Yoshino never liked Mina. She prefered women like herself, strong and independant, and radiating such qualities. But she respected her son's choice, and not even once did she give away any disapproval of his fiancee. She was always polite to Mina, trying to have some small talk, never provoking or interrogating her. She never criticized Shikamaru's choice but neither did she praise it, and she suspected her son knows her true thoughts. Maybe that was the reason he was seated in front of her right now.

"Then I guess you were wise in choosing a future wife, unlike your dad!" Pretending she didn't catch the tone of his answer, she laughed. Her unsuccessful attempts at cooking was an inner joke of their family, and countless times Shikaku got reminded that he proposed to her himself whenever he would silently complain of her routine culinary disaster.

"Speaking of that, how did dad propose to you? Did you see that coming?"

Yoshino smiled.

"Surely I knew. Being such a genius, he could have put more effort into it, but I guess the nervousness kind of blunted his mind. I understood what was coming almost a week before it happened, because he was so unlike himself, all confused. But when the thought actually came into my mind - that he was planning to propose - I swear I couldn't believe it. I knew, but couldn't wrap my mind around it. Knowing him, I expected he would do that years later or not do that at all and I'd have to kind of talk him into it, you know? But noup, there he was, with his shaking hands and a ring between his fingers, kneeling in front of me. So the proposal wasn't a surprise. But the fact he dared to do that - was. And I never really found out the source of his resolve." She smiled at her son.

"Yeah, knowing dad this actually sounds weird."

"Mhm. But I guess you have more guts than your dad did, since you were so fast with your girlfriend. I was surprised you knew so well what you want and seemingly didn't have a problem in getting into such commitment. I'm taking credits here." Yoshino smirked, testing her son's reaction.

She always hoped he would inherit more of her determination and fighting spirit rather than his dad's acceptance and go-with-the-flow attitude. Up until today she had a feeling her hopes were somewhat futile, even though he did propose to Mina so fast, but Yoshino didn't actually give him much credit for that. Mina was an easy girl to propose to - it was obvious she would agree, it was a safe move, and he didn't need too much courage to take such a step. Shikamaru always claimed he would find a good, caring girl for his future, and having found one it was only natural he wouldn't over think his decision.

But right now she had a feeling he feels stuck. However, the fact that he came to her with his troubled thoughts made her change her mind about Shikamaru's lack of resolution. She began to see the traces of it growing like seeds inside him, and she hoped with all her heart that her little manipulation would do the trick. If his mother was convinced he has some guts, then it means he does - especially such a scary mother that always seemed to know everything about him despite his tries to hide it.

Shikamaru stayed silent, simply nodded his head, but it didn't seem much of an agreement, rather an unconscious mean of holding a conversation while your thoughts wander elsewhere.

Yoshino did not know what his real problem were or what would this conversation give to that, but she simply knew her son needed some encouragement, subtly hidden into a conversation so he doesn't start feeling like a child again - and she gave it a shot.

Shikamaru stood by his father's grave. He had gotten himself into such cliche situation - when you wish someone was not dead so you could ask him something you thought was not interesting a while back.

He kept thinking about his mother's words - how she thought he was so much more determined and decisive than his dad - but was he, really? He doubted himself more than ever. Despite how his dad was, he was able to choose the right woman for himself. And his reasons, as he has stated a long time ago - was that even the cruelest woman will show you her softer side if she loves you. That was it. But if his woman was a complete opposite, gentle, good, caring, fragile? Does that make her an unmistakably right choice, as he thought previously when he was kneeling in front of her? Why on earth then he started feeling this way - distant, cold, annoyed, ungrateful, unhappy? He found what he wanted, he made a decision, he proposed - but if everything is falling apart now, then it means he made a mistake in his rationalisation. But where? And he had no father to tell him that, no teacher to give an advice. Only a mother who was convinced he will do the right thing. Did that mean, just like Choji said, that he already has an answer and a decision inside him, but maybe he simply can't see it?

Or more like - doesn't want to see it?

He strode towards the exit in a lazy pace, not having found any solace among the living nor the dead. He glanced at Asuma grave - the hieroglyphs of his name graved into the cold stone, a bouquet of fresh flowers resting on top of it - and one sentence popped up in his mind unexpectedly, just like the last time. We all lie to ourselves to be happy.

Shikamaru closed his eyes and took a heavy breath, filling his lungs full of crispy winter weather. He reluctantly turned towards a direction to his flat, knowing his fiancee is waiting for him there. His footsteps showed on the dirt, blackened spots surrounded by few white grains. Soon his traces faded, as the snowflakes landed on the cold ground, slowly but inevitably covering the village with pure whiteness, masking the dark, ugly hues of late autumn, hiding rotting leaves, forgotten trash, dead plants and animals. Shikamaru wished, for once, not to be a cloud, but the earth, and let the sky snow all over him and cover everything he wanted to forget and run away from, allowing him to become nothing more than a blank page.

Hey!

I'm sorry I'm lagging behind my schedule, but since the main drama I had planned already happened, I found continuing this a little more tricky. This time I experimented with something I have never did before - writing a chapter from someone else's POV (not my two main characters) - so I'm rather nervous of what you will think. It was rather challenging and I am not sure if it was good - probably only Masashi knows what would Yoshino think in a situation like this, but this is how I picture her - and I didn't make her such a witch everyone thinks she is on purpose. Maybe Shikamaru will look really easily manipulated by her in this chapter, but taking into consideration his current condition - I don't see why that couldn't have happened. Also, I am not stating he didn't see right through her. Maybe he did.

I am thinking about writing a small filler chapter afterwards - concerning mostly my side characters. So if you have any unresolved issues and unanswered questions (for example Choji's arranged marriage deal - wtf, right?) - PM or review me, I will try and create the next chapter with some answers.

And also, type some words about this one! Looking forward to some feedback.

Love,

Cafe