Hey everyone!

First of all, I would like to sincerely apologise for such the delay on this chapter. School is really crazy right now and I'm struggling to find a moment to myself, let alone write. But I promise you that I'm trying. I would like to thank you all for sticking by me and this story, and I hope you continue to enjoy reading as I do writing.

Secondly, Chicago Fire is back! And unfortunately, we lost Shay. A beloved character. I knew it was coming, but to watch it... it just hurt. The first and second episodes were amazing! I loved every single of moment of them. The scenes of Kelly are brilliant and the Dawsey scenes, well just gah! The proposal last night was unreal. And the celebration afterwards;) ohmygosh hot! And I really loved the morning scene where they talked on the bed. It's pretty clear how much they love each other!

I hope you guys are enjoying the new season too!

But even though we lost Shay on the show, I can't bare to ever lose her in my stories. So I will not be losing Shay in this story. I am thinking to do a story based on Shay's death and the aftermath, but that will be a completely different story. However, whenever I picture my stories, I picture Shay in them. So unless my stories are directly related to Shay's death, I will not be writing her out of any of them.

Thank you guys, for everything!

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

oxoxoxo

Dawson

"We have to get pizza tonight girl, I would kill for a pepperoni and sausage pizza right now," Shay says with the utmost of seriousness as we pull into 51 after being out on a call. Truck, Squad and Ambo had all been called out to an apartment block with four tenants in four separate apartments. Shay and I had left the scene pretty early, taking a seriously injured man to Lakeshore, but when we pulled up at the station Truck and Squad and the Chief's car were all parked in their usual spaces.

We jump out of the ambo and I come around to Shay's side, "Then we'll get pizza. Erin's a sucker for pizza too," I comment as we walk into the breakroom. Shay, Erin and I were having a 'girls night' at our place tonight while Matt and Kelly went to Otis' poker night with the guys.

Shay grins, "It's a done deal then."

The breakroom was quiet as we entered it, the guys sitting there but not really talking. The tv was on pretty loud but no one seemed to move to turn it down. Mills stood at the kitchen with half of his mind focused on the food and the other half focused on something else. Mouch and Otis sat on the couch staring at the tv but not really watching it. Herrmann, Cruz and Kelly sat on the table with Capp and Clarke with distant or sad looks in their eyes. Kelly looked especially worried. Matt was missing.

Something happened at our last call.

"What happened?" Shay asks with a tentative voice with her hands stuffed in her pockets, scanning the room with her blue eyes. A pit of dread filled my stomach as I worried more and more for Matt. They'd had a bad call, when this happened Matt would be here, with his men, supporting them. So what did this mean that he wasn't here? Was it bad for him?

What happened after we'd left?

Herrmann let out a long breath as Kelly rubbed his face, "Chief called it," Kelly said quietly, "Chief called it and Matt had seen someone in the basement. Chief wouldn't let him go back inside, so we had to stop him running back in."

Oh no, Matt...

"Where is he?" I ask with a small voice and Herrmann answers, "He's out back. He's really pissed with us."

I found him out back hunched over in a worn plastic chair, hands tangled fiercely in his blonde hair as his shoulders shook. I kneel beside the chair, resting a hand on his knee. It was cold out, the Chicago winter setting in, and my body shivered. I was at a loss of what to say at first, what could I say? What could I say that he didn't already know?

"Matt, it's not your fault..." I say quietly but strongly, he doesn't look up. He barely acknowledges that I'm there. I sigh, my breath visible as a mist in the crisp air, and move my hand to his shoulder, "Matt, look at me, please."

Dark angry sad eyes stared up at me, "It's not your fault..." I repeat once more, pushing a forcefulness into my voice to make him listen to me. But Matt only responds by shrugging my hand off his shoulder and rising from the chair. Pushing me away.

"Matt, please... You did everything-" I say to his back.

Then he spins quickly on his toes, anger burning in his blue eyes, "What the hell would you know about any of this?" He yelled, throwing his arms up angrily.

My mouth drops open before I quickly compose myself. I'd never seen him like this. And I'd certainly never seen him shout at me without reason.

A moment's pause happened between us before I said, "You know where to find me when you want to talk," with a sharp tone. I then turned and headed back inside, hearing the plastic chair split as Matt kicked it.

Shay sips her wine with a smile before giggling, "I'm so glad we kicked the guys out. I love girls night," she said as I hunched over her toes, attempting to paint them but struggling with how much she moved. Erin sat on the sofa beside her with a bowl of popcorn on her lap as I sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa, holding Shay's toes in my hand.

"We didn't kick them out. They have poker night at Cruz's," Erin answers before throwing a handful of popcorn in her mouth.

I slap Shay's wiggling toes which earns me a yelp, "What the hell was that for?"

"Stop moving your damn toes!" I yell back at her with glaring eyes, daring her to test me again.

To be frank, I was enjoying girls night, but I could hardly stop myself from constantly thinking of Matt. Sure, I was upset that he'd yelled at me, but I was more worried about him than that. We hadn't really spoken since he'd yelled at me and I was beginning to get more worried than I was earlier. I wondered what he was like at boys night. I wondered what he was thinking.

Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Erin raise her brows to Shay, who responded with a nod of the head, "Oh yes, she's in the midst of a lovers' tiff so she's grouchy."

"It wasn't a lovers tiff," I correct before turning to Erin to explain properly, "He lost someone at a call and he's angry because Boden called it. He got angry at me so I'm letting him cool off and talk when he's ready."

Erin hadn't a chance to answer before Shay blurted out, "No, she's waiting for him to come back grovelling with some amazing make-up sex."

Erin bursts out laughing and I feel my face burn red with embarrassment, "Shay, this is serious!"

"Okay okay," she giggles, holding up her hands, "Or maybe you'll get lucky and it'll be oral instead!"

I bury my face in my hands.

Erin inspects Shay's wine glass, "How much have you drunk?"

"Drunk?" She says with a raised brow, "This is just me, Erin. The 'au natural' Leslie Shay. I'm pretty open when it comes to all things sexual."

Erin rolls her eyes with a grin playing on her thin lips, "We've noticed."

Then my phone rings. Matt. Erin and Shay watch as I stare at the buzzing phone, letting it go to voicemail. When I look back up at them, their confused faces were asking for an explanation, "What?" I smirked, "Who doesn't love make-up sex?"

"Hey, Gabby... I just, uh yeah, I don't know. It's poker night with the guys and all I want to do is cash in my chips and go home to you, except you're pissed with me. And you have every right to be. I wasn't pissed off with you, I wasn't even pissed off with Chief, it was just the situation... I'm sorry... I hope you pick up or I'll guess I'll just have to stay here and take all of Cruz's money. Anyway, I hope you guys are having a great time and are not drinking all our alcohol... I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. Anyway, I love you... Okay, bye..."

"Awh hunny, you're definitely getting the biggest hump thrown into you when he gets home," Shay said with obvious amusement for my evermore embarrassment. After finishing her toes, which turned out better than I'd expected, I'd squished myself between them on the sofa and collected a wine glass of my own.

Matt had left me a voicemail and after playing it to myself in the bathroom, Shay and Erin had demanded that I play it aloud to them too. They'd both 'awh-ed.'

"He's totally smitten for you," Erin smiled whilst nudging my side. I hide my eyes with my hands as Shay catcalled and then thankfully, before they could continue teasing me, the door knocked.

After quickly paying the pizza guy I headed back to the sofa and now with pizza in sight, Erin and Shay finally left me alone. They fought over their 'meat feast' while I sat in the armchair with my Hawaiian pizza, content with watching them argue over pieces. Shay slapped Erin's hand away from a piece she'd been eyeing up. Erin rolled her eyes, rushed off to the kitchen to grab a plate, and then scooped up a few pieces onto the plate to quit their arguing before Shay got really defensive over her food.

"Hopefully the pizza will stop the alcohol from going to your head, though I'm not sure if it hasn't already," I comment playfully as I watch Shay take a sip of wine between her pizza bites.

She narrows her bright blue eyes at me, "Carry on with that mocking tone and I'll really step up the sex jokes."

Not wanting a repeat of the last hour I rolled my eyes and kept my mouth shut. Erin smirks, but not wanting Shay to turn the jokes on her she doesn't say anything. Instead, a few moments later she suggests, "You wanna put on a movie?"

Shay smiles, "I just rented 'The Vow?"

I scoff, "A gushy romance Shay? Really?"

"You're one to talk!" Shay laughs, "Did you see the scene I woke up to yesterday? You and Matt cuddled on the sofa, as he tickled you relentlessly and you kissed him passionately to make him stop!" She sings in a dramatic and soppy tone, wiping a fake tear from her humorous eyes.

Erin tried to ignore this as she moved to put the DVD on but she bursts out with laughter and I'm left feeling tempted to throw a bottle at Shay's head. She sits there giggling to herself for a while before the movie starts and instead we focus on that, rather than try to annoy each other.

But my mind can't focus on the movie. I keep thinking about Matt, about the call, about his anger at losing someone. I thought about his voicemail and I wondered if he was okay. If the anger had subsided, leaving him to think clearly about what happened. Because in reality, Matt knew that Chief was right in calling it. Matt, if it were his own men, he would have told them the same thing. It's just the thought of leaving someone inside, it kills you. But Matt knows that if Chief let him back in that building, more than one life would be lost and Chief couldn't let that happen. It's why he's there.

When 11pm rolls around, we're only half way through the movie and I haven't processed a second of it. Then I hear a car pull up outside and I try to move with a casual demeanor towards the window, but I rush too much to be conspicuous.

It's Kelly's car and I don't care if I'm gonna get stick from Shay, I need to hold Matt and tell him that I love him. I rush out the door to Erin's whistle and Shay's exclamation of, "Go get 'em tiger!" hearing the door shut as I slip into the elevator.

I open the front door to our apartment block before Matt and Kelly made it close, after grabbing their bags from the backseat and Kelly taking a minute to make sure his baby was still in pristine condition. He looked calm as he approached with Matt, so I was sure that nothing happened to his precious car.

Kelly smirks as he slips past me, kissing my head whilst chuckling, "Make him grovel Gabs," before he moves to the elevator.

Matt approaches me slowly, a cautious and apologetic look in his eye. I hold out my arms, "Come here," I murmur softly, as Matt steps forwards and engulfs me in his warm and strong arms. I bury my face in his chest, breathing in his addictable and comforting scent that I'd missed all day, and I hear Matt shut the front door, shutting out the cold Chicago air.

"You got my voicemail," he says as I pull my face out of his chest, staring up at his blue eyes instead. I nod in reply.

"I'm sorry for getting angry with you, it's just..." Matt says, but I press my lips against his to silence him.

"Ssh," I whisper as I pull away, "It's hard, I get that... but you can talk to me Matt. When stuff like this happens, you need to talk to me baby."

He nods his head slowly, allowing a moment to process my words before he says, "You're amazing, you know that?"

I smile widely, "Well yeah, this hot guy that I work with, he keeps telling me that," I tease playfully, watching as a grin of his own spreads on Matt's face. He starts moving us towards the elevator and he presses the button.

"Oh really, well I hope he never sees you dressed like this, because you're looking pretty damn irresistable right now," Matt growls quietly as he pushes me into the elevator and flicks the switch to halt it in place.

As he presses me against the cool metal wall I feel my breath hitch. I look down, I was only wearing a pair of old pyjama shorts, pig slippers and a sweater of Matt's, which I'm pretty sure had an ice-cream stain on it.

"Oh," I roll my eyes, "He sees me dressed like this all the time. Sometimes naked too."

"I can't even think like that. I want you all to myself," Matt husks and the tone of jealously I heard in his voice sent shivers down my spine and turned me on completely.

"Then it's a good job that you have me, forever," I whisper as I press my lips against his desperately, pulling his body as close as physically possible to mine.

We'd definitely have to try elevator sex one day.

After a few minutes of relentless make-up kissing Matt decided that we couldn't let Shay's imagination run away with her for too much longer, so we headed back to the apartment. We settled onto the sofa beside Shay as Kelly sat on the armchair with Erin in his lap, and they then proceeded to tell us about boys night and how Matt did indeed take all of Cruz's money.

"See," Shay started, "Us girls could never play poker. Our winnings would be in food and trust me, there's no way, winning or not, I'm giving someone else my meat feast pizza. Not even to the hottest chick on this planet."

I burst out laughing and so does everyone else. I'd come to the conclusion that this had nothing to do with the wine and it was the just the typical 'Shay-ness' we all know and love. Kelly said something in reply and eventually the conversation moved on again. As it neared midnight, Erin looked up at me and said, "Gabs, if you're planning to go to your parents' grave on Friday, do you mind if I come with?"

Friday. It'll be six years Friday. 6 days until Friday rolls around.

There was a silence and I felt all eyes on me as I replied, "Yeah, of course... six years..." I trailed off, as I felt the memories of that night slip into my the forefront of my mind again. They were as crisp and clear as if it had happened yesterday, every little detail burned into my mind forever.

"So what's going on with you and Jeremy?" I ask Erin as she drives me home. She'd asked me sneak out so she could go see Jeremy, this guy that had caught her attention recently. In all honestly, I'd been completely bored all night, but it was Erin. I couldn't let her meet some random guys alone.

Erin shrugs, "What you do mean?"

"You make me sneak out and you're driving me home at 2am, the least you can do is give me some info!" I yelp and slap the seat, hoping to make her cave into telling me something.

Erin laughs and shakes her head, "Well in all honesty, I think he's an arrogant jackass."

I rolled my eyes, "Good. No more sneaking out at hours when I'm supposed to be sleeping. I need my sleep Erin."

"As I've been told many times Gabs..."

I narrow my eyes at her, "And you still don't listen."

She tells me more about how cocky and snobby this Jeremy was as we near my house. We pull onto the street and the first thing that greets me is blue flashing lights. So many lights. As we drive closer, there's at least six cops cars and two ambulances parked around my house. People are everywhere. Neighbours are out in their dressing gowns and slippers.

But it can't be my house. It can't.

But it is.

Susan, a neighbour from across the street, she's pointing at my house with teary eyes.

"Gabby..." Erin murmurs with shock as the car pulls to a stop. My heart is pounding and I feel frozen, but before I know it I'm out of the car and I'm racing towards my house.

I push past a police officer and duck underneath the yellow tape. There was so much noise but I could hardly hear anything except for my pulse in my ears. I'm screaming, I think. I can't be sure.

I feel hands try to grab me, but I'm moving too fast for anyone to get a good grip. I push through the door. There's blood.

I hear someone call my name, it's somewhat familiar but my hearing is compromised because I'm screaming 'Mom' and 'Dad' over and over.

There's blood.

A long line of it is smudged along the wooden floor and I'm following it before I can stop myself. I turn into the dining room, where people in white suits stare at me with bewilderment. There's a few officers around, a few detectives.

But I can't look at anything other than the two white sheets on the ground. Two white sheets, small patches of blood staining them, covering two perfectly still bodies.

I'm screaming.

I lunge at the white cloth, but before I can grab a hold of them hands clasp around my waist and I'm pulled away. I'm fighting against the arms. There's four in total. Four strong arms keeping me still, pulling myeaway from the white cloth. I scream at them. They don't let me go.

I'm carried outside. I'm taken to the swing. One set of arms pulls me down into their lap. The other stands in front of us, ensuring that I don't run off again.

My throat hurts. I'm still screaming.

"Gabby," the arms say. I recognise the voice. It's Antonio. The newly promoted detective. My brother. Antonio.

I recognise the other pair of arms too. Detective Voight. Antonio's boss.

"Gabby," Antonio says once more as he tries and calms me down. I'm not screaming anymore, but I'm crying. He is too. He's holding onto me for dear life.

"Get off me Antonio!" I wail desperately. I want to see the white cloth. I want to see what's underneath. It can't...

He secures my fighting arms against his chest, "Gabby, listen to me... They're gone, mom and dad are gone..."

"No!" I scream and I lunge out of his arms. Voight catches me and I fall to the floor. My legs can't hold me up - they're shaking. I curl up into a ball, my hands pull tightly at my hair and I'm crying, screaming.

I finally let Antonio hold me. Through his tears he murmurs, "I'm glad you weren't here too..." he says mostly to himself, because in his mind, I could have died too.

I wish I had.

"Gabby... baby," the voice was coaxing me out of my daydream, it was Matt. He was rubbing my arm, trying to get my attention. I shake my head and look up at him.

"Yeah?" I murmur, my voice quiet.

Matt looks down at me with concern in his blue eyes, "You were somewhere else then," he says, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

I hum, "Yeah, daydreaming... I'm tired... I'm gonna go to bed," I can feel their eyes on me as I speak. Matt sighs. He helps me shuffle off the sofa and he walks with me towards the stairs.

"Goodnight guys, I had fun tonight," I call back at Erin, Shay and Kelly, who each murmur a 'goodnight' in return. I didn't hear if anything was said after that.

I use the bathroom and brush my teeth and head into Matt's room, curling under his sheets and breathing in his scent. Matt came in a few moments later, after repeating the same process as I had, and he climbs into bed beside me.

Matt pulls my body to his chest and I rest my head against it, placing my hand on his waist as Matt's arms curled around me. He kisses my head, "I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too," I reply back, pressing a kiss to his chest.

"So I want you to know that I'm here too... I know these next few days are gonna be rough, but I'm here with you, and I'm not going anywhere," Matt says honestly and I nod slowly.

"Thank you," I murmur.

Soon after his breathing evens out and he falls asleep, but I lay awake. I can't sleep.

Memories haunt me once more.