Notes: This story is coming to end, there will be 1 more chapter. See further author's notes at the end.
CH 26: Pthalocyanine
…already dead. No! Bang. Jane's eyelids twitched. A falling body, but not her own. Panic. Maura!
Jane awoke with a gasp, her arms constricting around the form that was still nestled in her lap where they had fallen back asleep. Still here. She let her cheek rest against Maura's face, her hand stroking through unruly honey brown hair and down a bare back before repeating the motion. With each caress the nightmare slipped further and further away, the chest-gripping panic from the bad dreams that usually overtook her for hours dissipated.
Jane fought the chuckle that wanted to distract her from her reminiscing and felt tears replace it as her face began to burn. She buried her fingers in Maura's hair.
"I remember the first time you touched me," Jane whispered. Well, shaking your hand when we first met aside. "It was during that case, like the third or fourth one we'd worked together. Rape homicide of that little 10 year old girl. Case was going to hell and I was so frustrated, so angry. You put your hand on my arm…" Jane let her fingers lightly stroke up and down Maura's arm, from her shoulder all the way to her wrist and back up. "…and suddenly I wasn't so angry anymore. You always do that; give me that peace. You make me a better person, Maura. And soon…soon I'll have the courage to tell you that when you're awake."
Broken silence. Jane reached for her ringing cell on the bedside table as Maura stirred, humming her displeasure at the jarring noise into Jane's neck.
"Rizzoli…yeah, thank God," she hugged Maura tightly, kissing her temple. "How long? Ok, yeah, I'll get dressed and meet you down there."
"Who was that?" Maura asked, kissing Jane's neck and shoulder but making no further move to get up.
"Dean…they found the girls. They're en route to the hospital; he said their condition is decent. They've called in translators. I said I'd meet him down there."
Maura sat up, her hand mapping the warm and flushed part of Jane's chest where they had been pressed together, "I need to go too."
Jane nodded.
"Jane?" Maura's hands cupped her face as she leaned in to press their lips together, "You make me a better person too."
For someone with a medical degree she was growing to hate hospitals. The only pleasant memory of a hospital in recent time she could conjure recollection of was holding that baby in the NICU. Tragic circumstances aside, the baby represented life and new beginnings. Every other time, there was only pain. The pain of those she cared about, her own pain. Her wound throbbed as she thought about it.
The familiar blip of vital sign monitors gave her pause as she entered the room. Deep breath. She willed herself forward.
"Can I help you?" the seated man stood. Maura took him in, his strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. Her eyes. They have the same eyes.
"I came by to see Chris," Maura slowly walked towards the bed.
He had a pleasant smile as he stepped forward and extended his hand, "Cael Kelly, Chris' brother."
"Maura Isles…" she wasn't sure how much to say. Chris hadn't spoken of her brother much and when she did it wasn't with any degree of closeness or particular affection.
"You'll have to forgive me, Chris…she doesn't really…we don't talk a lot. I don't really know her friends." Cael looked at his sister, and then eyed the ventilator, listening to the steady hiss of its rhythm. "I…I'd like that to be different. I hope…"
Maura smiled at him reassuringly as her hand reached for Chris' fingers; she lifted the limp limb and let her other hand stroke lightly up and down the underside of Chris' forearm. You always liked it when I did this. It's me. I'm here.
Cael watched. Oh. "Are you her…? Sorry, that's probably none of my business…"
"It's ok," Maura lifted Chris' hand and placed a light kiss to the back of her palm, "We were…involved; but, not anymore. I was there when this happened. She…" Tears welled up behind her eyes as she sniffled, "…she saved my life."
"Would you like some time alone? I'd actually really like to run grab some coffee…if you wouldn't mind staying with her?"
Maura nodded as she managed a smile. "Cael? Has she woken up at all?"
He walked to the side of the bed and placed his hand on Chris' shoulder, "For a few minutes, early this morning…but, she…I don't know it was like she didn't know where she was and she was trying to pull out the breathing tube. The nurses came in and sedated her. The doctors hadn't expected she would regain consciousness so soon. But, that's my sister I guess." Cael laughed, "She's never been one to abide by expectations."
"Waking up from anesthesia, particularly after trauma can be very disorienting. I'll be happy to stay with her, take as long as you need." Maura waited until he left and then sat on the bed.
She closed her eyes. Let her go and put the gun down…Still Maura. More tears. Her thumb ghosted across Chris' cheek as she leaned forward, her lips finding the same spot on Chris' forehead that she had kissed when she thought it was the last time. "I knew…I knew you wouldn't let him hurt me."
Chris' body jerked as Maura leaned back. Her head tossed back and forth a few times, muscles trembling as her eyelids fought the leaden weight of the drugs coursing through her veins. Her eyes flashed open suddenly, slow to adjust to the light, the hand held firmly in Maura's grasp clamped down and pulled as her other hand flew instinctively to the frightening sensation of the ventilator taped to her face.
Maura stopped her before she could get a hold on the tube and pulled both of Chris' hands to her chest as she leaned forward again, "Shhh. Shhh."
Chris continued to struggle, the monitor to her right growing more erratic as her heart rate accelerated.
"Still Chris. Shhh," Maura soothed. "Listen to my voice. Trust me. Still. You're ok." Maura felt the vice grip of Chris' clenched and curling fingers begin to relax. "You're ok. Look at me. You're ok."
Their eyes met. Maura released one of Chris' hands, watching confused blue eyes track the movement of her hand as she again reached to stroke her face. Her hand free, Chris let her fingertips wander carefully over the breathing tube.
"You're in the hospital. You're on a ventilator. Do you remember...?"
Chris nodded as she reached for the spot on Maura she remembered seeing blood. He was going to kill them. He was going to shoot her first and then Maura. If she got shot first…that was what raced through her mind in the seconds before she pulled the trigger. There won't be enough time for someone to get here before he kills her. Still Maura. Bang.
Maura's lips were soft and comforting at the corner of her eye. But for every tear that Maura kissed away, one of her own fell to Chris' cheek. "I know," she whispered, "I know."
"Hey…"
Maura turned as she felt Jane's hand come to rest on her back.
Everything felt heavy. Chris tried to fight it. That same sensation of drowning, the horrible feeling of being pulled under. She didn't want to be dragged back into the abyss: the dark, blue inky abyss of unconsciousness. Awake…stay awake. Her body was betraying her, again. This was the worst part, slipping away, the powerlessness of biology over mind and the uncertainty of waking back up.
Maura's voice was calm, her fingers tranquilizing as they combed through her hair, "Just sleep. You're going to be ok."
Still.
Chris' eyes closed but before she let go she could feel Jane's presence leaning down closer to her, the actual touch was light on her chest but it felt eerily like the same amount of pressure that Jane had applied in the warehouse, "I told you that you were stronger than that bullet."
Maura circled her hand through the water, listened to the warm waves lap against the side of the tub. She was tired of crying and yet there seemed to be no end to it. The puzzle of the job was what drew her to the field: the challenge the mystery. That was all well and good until it was no longer possible to compartmentalize: emotions locked away and tied up nicely in one box, cases – the connectionless body puzzles that sat on her slab in the morgue in another. Now, an aspect of the cases had emotional substance, actual relationships with living people were involved. That was new, and terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. And therein lay the rub; it was impossible to disentangle the fear from the emotional satisfaction of closeness that nurtured her in a way theretofore unknown. She couldn't go back, forsake the friendships and abandon love. Abandon love. That thought, above all else was patently unacceptable.
There was a soft rap at the door as Jane called out to her from the other side. Hearing Maura grant her the ok, she entered slowly, making her way to the tub and sitting down in the floor as she propped her elbow on the slick and steamy porcelain edge.
"You're going to get all pruney," Jane smiled as she reached out and ran her fingers along the still damp tear trails on Maura's cheek. "What are you doing?"
"Thinking," Maura replied, taking Jane's hand and pulling it to her lips for a quick kiss before holding it to her cheek for support.
"About?"
"Everything," Maura let out with a gust of breath and a slight laugh, "everything that my life has become since I came to BPD. All of these relationships and feelings I never thought I would have. All of the ways it frustrates me because of how it has completely altered my approach to work. And yet, all of the reasons why I could never go back to how I lived or the person I was before."
Jane stood and held open a towel as Maura stepped out of the bath and into her embrace.
"Chief amongst those reasons, the recognition of how much I love you. And how much hearing you say those words in return means. That is worth everything to me. Every trial, every unknown, every sleepless night and every potential one when you're working. All worth it, all worth a moment like this…standing here, in your arms."
Maura kept her eyes closed but let Jane's soft touch lift her chin until she felt their lips melt together. The soothing warmth of the kiss quieted the dissonance Maura had been battling in her head. Jane was with her, all around her, the essence of her inside her.
"I'm sorry…" Maura whispered as they pulled apart, "I'm sorry if I hurried you into making love to me earlier…I…I just…I didn't want to go another minute without feeling what it was like to have all of you."
Maura gave herself over to the strength of Jane's arms as they wrapped more firmly around her and hoisted her up, legs wrapping around Jane's waist, her face nuzzling through dark hair to kiss a slender neck.
She didn't open them again until she had been laid gently on the bed, the towel stripped away and the assault initiated by Jane's lips had paused.
"Is this ok?" Jane looked down at her sincerely, brushing her hair back and running her thumb over Maura's flushed lower lip.
Maura nodded as she pulled Jane back down, submitting to the dominance of the kiss, she waited patiently, chest heaving as Jane pulled away to strip off her own clothes. Jane's ministrations with lips and hands were passionate but deliberate. Moans were uncontrollable as teeth and tongue mapped their way down her body to lavish attention on each breast. Jane teased and licked a pert nipple before placing suckling kisses all around as her hand stroked and caressed the opposite nipple until it strained for similar attention. Maura arched her back to Jane's touch as she wrapped her fingers through unruly brunette tresses, her skin tingling every time errant strands tickled along her chest.
Intimacy. The word rolled through Jane's mind. Their first time earlier that day – the emotion behind Maura's need made it intimate. But the physical intimacy, what Jane had craved had not been satisfied by that quick and rushed introduction into their physical relationship. She settled between Maura's legs, fingers pushing the boundaries of sensitivity as they dragged lightly down the inside of Maura's thighs. Jane watched and felt Maura's skin quiver at the sensation.
"Mmm," Maura jerked as Jane's tongue made contact with her core.
Intimacy. This was what Jane wanted. The confusion of her own awakening seemed so silly when she finally realized that the end she truly sought was not the physical release she wanted Maura to give her, but the pleasure she wanted to give Maura. She gave herself over to it. With every swipe of her tongue between Maura's legs, with every kiss she relished the opportunity to express that longing, that desire, that gift of pleasure.
Muscles tensed under roaming hands and Maura's vocalizations grew louder, Jane finally ceased her relentless build and let her tongue stroke momentarily over Maura's swollen clit before her lips encircled it and sucked gently. Jane was in that moment absolutely sure that nothing in her life had ever been as arousing or as pleasurable as hearing Maura, the woman she loved, scream her name as she climaxed.
She curled into Maura's side, long arms snaking around her breathless form as she pulled their bodies together. Satisfaction. Jane kissed every inch of Maura's face she could reach until Maura giggled, pulling back to look into content brown eyes.
Jane smiled, "Remember when I said I was confused about what I was feeling, because I needed to know that what I was feeling wasn't just about sex?" Maura nodded. "In a way, it turns out…it was about sex. When I said that I loved you that night, and that I just knew it, it was because I realized that it wasn't about sex in the sense of wanting that pleasure for myself. It was that I finally understood that what I really wanted was to give that to you. And then, all the feelings behind that want were so clear that I can't believe they were ever clouded to begin with."
Maura kissed her, a long burning kiss that lingered and ignited every part of her body.
"I love you Maura, I love you so much, and I wasted so many opportunities…"
Maura cut her of with the light press of her fingers over Jane's mouth as she shook her head, "There is no wasted past, there is only now and tomorrow. I love you too, Jane."
Author's Note: So, just about everyone pretty much assumed Chris was dead. I'll be honest I tried to keep it vague in those last two chapters because I was uncertain if I was going to go that route or not. When I started this story my original plan from Chapter 1 was that Chris would die. Then, her character just sort of took on a life of her own and as I contemplated it further I decided it just didn't feel right. I know some of you felt like her death was fitting, so you may be disappointed that she did not die. But, I felt like ultimately killing her did not do justice to either the character or to the story. So, Chris lives on to fight another day so to speak.
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