Chapter 30: Life Lessons

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy

RPOV

To say that things had been strained between Dimitri and I for the past two days would be an understatement. He barely spoke two words to me during dinner that night and agreed to take two overnight shifts in effort to avoid me as much as possible before I left for my trip with Lissa.

I glanced at my watch for the umpteenth time. I had to leave in five minutes and Dimitri still wasn't back.

"Mommy where's Daddy?" Lexie asked. I could tell that she felt the tension between us these past two days and I didn't like putting her in the middle.

"He's still at work baby. He'll be home soon," I promised. I knew he would never do anything to hurt her and like clockwork he came through the door just as I was ready to head over to Lissa's.

"Daddy," Lexie squealed running at him like she hadn't seen him in ages. He smiled a tired smile and lifted her up into his arms kissing her little cheeks.

"I have to go," I said breaking them apart as Lexie jumped out of Dimitri's arms to come and kiss me goodbye.

"Be good for Daddy okay," I told her. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too Mommy," she said biting her lip. I had to go now because if I didn't I knew the waterworks were going to start.

"Run upstairs and get you helmet and knee pads," Dimitri told her. Her face lit up and she forgot all about me leaving as she charged upstairs to get her stuff, a much needed distraction. She really enjoyed it when he took her out on her bike.

"I guess I'll see you next Sunday then," I told him. I hated how strained things had become. It was like we were right back where we started four months ago. Just as I was turning to head through the door to Lissa's I felt his arms snake around my waist and him bury his face in the side of my neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I love you." I turned around hot tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry too," I cried throwing my arms around him. He held me so tight, I thought I'd lose consciousness, but it felt good to be in his warm embrace after two days of being shut out.

"Promise you'll come back to us," he said holding my face in his hands. I nodded.

"I will, I promise," I told him as brought his lips down to mine. The kiss conveyed all of the love and passion that we'd been bottling up the past two days. Words could never describe what we shared in that moment. We broke away breathless.

"Liss I think I really fucked up," I told her. It was a long plane ride on the court's private jet and I felt the need to share.

"Rose I hate it when you use that word," she hissed. I looked around.

"Liss you, me, the pilot and Mikhail are the only people on the plane.

"Still do you always have to be so crass?"

"Okay okay, Liss I screwed up. Is that better?"

"Much."

"What did you screw up?" I sighed as I launched into a detailed explanation of the past few days.

"He thought you were pregnant?" she gasped. I nodded.

"Why did he think that?"

I shrugged. "I didn't tell him I was on the pill. I figured he'd know that I wasn't taking any chances after last time."

"So he thought you guys were just leaving it up to fate?"

"More like he was trying his hardest to knock me up." She glared at me again.

"Okay okay. He was trying to create life with me. Are you satisfied your highness?" She ignored my sarcasm.

"He really said he was trying?" I nodded again.

"Wow so are you guys going to start trying now?" she asked. I could feel the hopefulness she had. She was really excited at the thought of me having another baby. Now it was my turn to glare at her.

"That's the problem Liss. I don't think I want to have another child."

She gasped. "What? Why not? What did he say? You didn't tell him that did you?" She was beginning to get worked up.

"Not in so many words, but I did tell him not right now."

"So he thinks that you'll be up for it later?"

"I guess, I don't know. Thinking about it makes my head hurt," I groaned.

"If you really don't want to have a baby with him, it's better that you tell him now."

"I know, I just don't know how to say it without destroying him." I slumped a little in my seat.

"Can I ask why?"

"Why what?"

"Why you don't want to have a baby with him?"

I sighed. "I don't know Liss, there are a lot of reasons." She folded her arms across her chest and I knew I wasn't going to get away with such a generic response.

"Okay for one I'd have to take at least a year off from guarding if not more. Two I don't really know if I'm up for the whole two am feedings and three, I'm never around. I have shifts and stuff and a baby needs a lot of attention. Attention that neither Dimitri nor I can provide. We both have duties. Not to mention the life span of the average guardian is not long.

"But you had Lexie and you always made time for her," she argued.

"No, Adrian made time for her. He was a royal moroi with nothing to do but sit around and watch his bank account grow. He did the two am feedings, he dropped her off and picked her up at play group and preschool and took her to the park. He was there to comfort her nightmares. All the while I was at work guarding you and doing my court shifts and overnights.

I could feel that she recalled some of this when I mentioned it.

"I guess you're right. It is a lot of work. It's one of the reasons Christian and I haven't had a second child yet. Andree can be a handful and I just don't know if I could do it a second time."

"So what are you going to do?" she asked.

"I don't know. If I tell him that he might decide I'm not worth it and leave, but then again I don't want to force him to stay basing his life on a dream that will never happen.

"Never?" she asked. I knew she wanted me to change my mind.

I shook my head. "I don't know Liss, I just don't know. I'm so confused. We've only been together for three months. We were barely together the first time and I just feel like we need time to bond as a couple and get used to being a family the way we are before adding more chaos to the mix.

"That's true. I guess it wouldn't be wise to just jump into things. When did you get to be so level headed?" she asked with a smirk.

"About the time I realized I was eighteen and pregnant," I responded.

As promised Lissa dragged me to the royal dinner she had to go to. Since Christian wasn't here to be her escort it fell upon me. It did kind of remind me of the good old days.

"Little Dhampir, fancy meeting you at one of these things," Adrian greeted us. I figured he'd be here being the Queen's favorite nephew and all.

"I am so glad to see you. If I have to stand here all night and play nice at least I have some company," I told him truly grateful for his presence. He put his arm around my shoulder. Lissa had wandered off to talk to some royal I didn't know.

"What's the matter? Your aura is dark as ever." It figures he would notice that.

"Just a little disagreement with Dimitri," I told him.

"How little?" He eyed me skeptically as we walked out onto the balcony.

"You know Russia?" He nodded.

"Well about the size of that."

"Ouch, can I ask what it was about or would that be prying?"

I shook my head as we sat down on a bench.

"He wants a baby," I stated.

"And you want a monkey?" he asked teasing.

I laughed a little.

"I'm not sure if I want to have another child," I admitted.

He let out a breath of air.

"Wow, that's definitely a big disagreement."
"I know."

"You're afraid he'll leave if you don't." It was like he read my mind.

I nodded letting a tear roll down my cheek. He brushed it away gently with his thumb.

"I can't tell you what to do, but I can give you my take on the situation. Talk to him. I don't think he will leave leave. He loves you too much and he'd never give Lexie up." I nodded. I agreed with what he said, but I still felt the fear of losing him.

"Just for a minute let's play a game," he said. "I know just hear me out okay?" he said.

" I want you to imagine your life in ten years. Where do you see yourself?"

I tried doing what he asked, but it wasn't as easy as I thought. Of course I saw Lexie all grown up and graduating from St. Vladimirs. I saw Dimitri and I sitting at her graduation along side my parents, Lissa and Christian with Andree and several other little moroi children.

"I see Lexie graduating from St. Vladimir's," I told him.

"Yes, but what do you see for you?" I shook my head.

"I don't know," I whispered.

"Now imagine it's two years from now. Imagine Belikov sitting in the nursery rocking a newborn baby to sleep singing softy to him in Russian. Lexie is sitting on the floor playing with her toys. How does that picture make you feel?"

I sighed pausing for a moment. Being a family with Dimitri had once been my dream. Why was I fighting this so hard?

"Well?" he coaxed.

"Like I want to be a part of it," I told him realizing that I really did want to be a part of it. Maybe not right now, but someday I wanted that.

"I think you have your answer. I know you're scared Little Dhampir, and I'm not telling you to rush into anything, but deep down I know you want more for your life than just guarding."

"How do you know that?" I asked indignantly.

"I cheated of course," he said with a smirk. "When I asked you to think of Belikov rocking a baby to sleep your aura lit up bright pink. That thought made you happy even if you don't see it now."

"You're a sneaky bastard," I grumbled. He smiled.

"Don't I know it?"

The rest of the week passed in a blur. I didn't have too much down time and was only able to talk to Dimitri twice for a few minutes on the phone.

"So what are you going to do Rose?" Lissa asked as we disembarked the plane.

"I guess we're going to have to have a talk," I groaned.

DPOV
I'd had a lot of time to think with Rose gone the entire week and I realized that whether or not we ever had another child I couldn't live without her in my life. She and Lexie were my world and I needed to stop focusing on what could be and appreciate what I had right in front of me. I had a beautiful daughter and a woman who loves me. My life before I came back here was lonely and full of self loathing, but now I had more than I ever imagined and I realized that I shouldn't take things for granted. Every day I had with them was a gift and every minute I spent being upset at Rose was a minute of our life together that I wasted.

I had to do something to show her that she was enough for me. I had a feeling I'd made her feel inadequate for not wanting to have a baby right now and that was never my intention. I'd wanted her long before I knew we could have children and nothing would ever change that. She was the only woman I would ever truly give my heart to and I wasn't going to sit around and screw it up.

I was sitting at the kitchen counter after dropping Lexie off at school when there was a knock at the door. Tasha was on the other side.

"Long time no see," she said with a grin. She had bagels and two cups of coffee.

"Rose is out of town and I've had my hands full with Lexie all week," I said with a shrug. "How are things with you?"

"That's what I came to tell you. I've met someone. His name is Luc." She was so ecstatic.

"That's wonderful news," I told her. It had been a long time since she'd had a man in her life.

"Tell me about him," I said putting on a pot of coffee.

"He's a moroi, non royal, but a distant descendent of the Tarus line on one side. He's a lawyer here at court. He's a little younger than me," she said blushing.

"How much?"

"He's around your age and very handsome."

"I'm very happy for you Tash," I told her.

"So what's going on with you? I know Christian isn't too happy that Lissa's away for the week. I was over there earlier and he didn't seem to be in such a great mood. How are you holding up without Rose?"

I sighed heavily. "She and I are not in the best place right now. It was probably a good idea for us to spend a few days apart."

"Oh Dimka, I thought you were getting along so well. What happened?"

The look of pity on her face after I finished explaining our debacle was not what I wanted to see.

"You two really need to start communicating," she said shaking her head. I knew she was right.

"You men really think that women don't take precautions when we have sex?" she asked.

"No, I just thought she'd tell me about it if she was," I muttered.

"The same way you told her you were hoping to have a baby with her?"

"I know. I should have talked to her about it. I just figured since we already had one that she would want another."

"You shouldn't assume Dimka. What are you going to do? Do you think she'll change her mind?"

"I don't know," I responded warily. "I hope so."

"And if she doesn't?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well would you leave her?"

I nearly jumped out of my chair. "Of course not! Why would you think I'd just up and abandon my family? Why does everyone think that of me?" Was I that bad of a person? I would never leave her again. I'd told her that more times that I could count.

"Calm down Dimka. I didn't mean to imply that I think you would leave them. I'm just trying to put myself in Rose's shoes."

"She can't honestly think I'd leave her and Lexie? Do you really think she thinks that?" I put my head in my hands.

"I don't know Dimka. Your track record isn't really in favor of you staying." She was absolutely right. Rose had no reason to think that if she didn't give me what I wanted that I'd bail on them.

"What can I do to show her that I'm in this for life?" I asked sitting back down.

"I think I have an idea," she said with a grin.

Uh oh, what do you think her idea is? Please Review=)