A/N: Not very sure about this chapter... I hope it sounds okay xD My head is on fire and has been off and on for 2 days now, so that sucks. Ugh. Wish they could find out what's wrong with me . Until then I suffer. Anyway - I have to catch up to this point in the game so it might be a bit, as I have family over right now. We'll see how it goes :) Thoughts?

Chapter length: 4726

Onward!

Chapter Twenty-Five: Clouds on the Horizon

Hands reached, grabbed, pried. Fingers tugged, pulled, yanked. Mouths bit and sucked and pulled.

The feel of Callum so close to him left Dorian's mind a haze. The fact this was not a dream seemed all the more breathtaking. This was not a dream; this was reality and Callum was very real, their bodies pressed together so tightly the lightest wrinkle in Dorian's shirt was beginning to chaff against his skin, but he didn't care.

This is… amazing…

"Amatus," he found himself whispering against the rogue's mouth, feeling the rumble it earned him in return, a deep throaty sound escaping Callum's lips, either a laugh or a grunt, but he felt it all the same. Felt it vibrate through his own mouth, setting his nerves ablaze in all the right ways.

Amatus…

The word felt so very foreign, and yet so right. How had he not seen it earlier?

But he knew what it meant now. What this was. What he felt.

Every so often, even a blind man can see.

He could see, and feel.

He held tight to Callum as the rogue carefully led him toward the bedroom. His mind was a fog, but clarity seeped in when Callum pushed him down onto the bed. Instantly this felt wrong – unwanted, terrible…

Any minute now he thought his father would come storming in, telling him how he suffered from this affliction and that he needed to fix it and get it under control. This brought with it memories of finding out his parents wished to use a blood ritual on him, to change him enough that he no longer had this affliction.

Dorian had quick, meaningless sex in the past.

This…

This felt different.

This was wrong.

It's not supposed to be this quick.

Instantly he was pushing Callum away, unable to stop himself from looking around just in case his father happened to materialize right in front of him, already yelling before his body fully formed.

Callum frowned at him even as he quickly moved away. Before Dorian could open his mouth, a shutter came down over Callum's face, giving him this blank, void expression and a flat smile. "Sorry," the rogue said. "I didn't… I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

Dorian shook his head. "You did absolutely nothing wrong."

You did everything right. That's the problem.

Callum shrugged, stepping away from the bed, shoulders slumped and head bowed, carefully avoiding Dorian's gaze. "I should probably take my bath now… or you will have wasted the water."

"Callum," Dorian said, frowning as the rogue moved to step away. His hand shot out and caught Callum's wrist, keeping him in place for at least a moment longer. "Do not misunderstand me – I liked it. I just… need…"

"Time."

"Something like that," Dorian said regretfully.

He'd wasted so much time already it hurt to think about. It hurt even more to realize his father was still controlling his life, even though he'd been away from Tevinter for three years. No matter what he couldn't get out of his father's shadow, and Halward Pavus had wide shoulders. His shadow was quite large. And possibly filled with demons, since he thought blood magic was the way to go about 'fixing' his son.

Father ruined me…

Here he was, pushing Callum away when he was finally getting what he hadn't known he wanted for so long…

And he couldn't do it. Not yet.

"That's okay," Callum said. "I understand."

"Look at me, please."

Callum sighed and dragged his gaze from the floor to Dorian's eyes.

He was happy to see the flat expression was gone, replaced with a pensive one. That was something, at least. Hopefully he knew Dorian was not rejecting him, but was just trying to slow things down a little. He knew Callum was under a lot of stress, and-

He swallowed thickly.

Something must have given him away because Callum frowned. "Dorian? What's wrong? You look like someone stole your favorite puppy."

"Dogs are mangy creatures," Dorian replied, looking away.

"Insulting dogs now? What will the Fereldans think?"

Dorian shrugged.

"Dorian – what's wrong?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

Silence was his response.

Callum sighed. "I… don't know. I just… felt… like it…"

"I see."

So you did this because you are stressed. Perhaps it has been a while for you, too. A heat of the moment occurrence, and nothing more.

But of course that was what happened. Just because he realized, finally, what Callum meant to him, did not mean the rogue felt the same.

I am a fool.

"Dorian…"

"Say no more."

"I hope…"

"It is fine."

"It's not," Callum said quietly. "I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry. I just… with the flirting, and… and your questions… it was on my mind."

"I understand."

You were stressed and knew I was at least attracted to you due to the flirting. You needed an outlet. I'm flattered you chose me, I suppose.

But somehow, he just felt so – empty, right now.

Empty because he called Callum amatus and the rogue had absolutely no idea what that meant. Empty because it didn't mean the same thing to Callum as it did to Dorian. Empty because his father ruined him.

I am empty – a box without the items.

"Are we… okay?" Callum asked tentatively.

"Yes," Dorian said, getting to his feet. "I am tired. I am going to bed."

"Oh," Callum said. "Okay… I'm sorry, Dorian. I… I don't want to ruin things between us. It's been going so well."

Yes, it has. Too well.

"We are fine," Dorian said as he passed Callum to walk out of the room. "Perhaps you should take your bath."

"Yeah," Callum said quietly, voice trailing after Dorian as he rounded the corner into the other room. "You're right."

He lay down on his makeshift bed on the floor – which was a little more comfortable than it had been previously, with the new blankets – and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the fire crackle and pop.

Listening as, a few minutes later, he heard water splash and knew Callum was in the tub. Naked.

Naked, and he just kissed Dorian.

Because of stress, tension.

It means nothing.

And that was the worst of all.

xXx

What were you thinking?

Callum lay awake that night in his bed, thinking about what he did. He wasn't sure what possessed him to kiss Dorian, but the urge had been there for a while, he would admit. He just didn't recognize the feeling because his sexual encounters had always been quick, and used to relieve stress before high risk jobs. Emry frowned upon his activities – but he wasn't here, was he? He couldn't frown at anything.

The urge had kicked in naturally, as he knew he would soon be walking into a trap. Perhaps that was why he kissed Dorian; he was the only one around he could even think about doing anything with, but that felt wrong, too. He didn't want to use Dorian. He liked Dorian. He would admit that now; he liked his personality and friendship more than his looks, though those were nice as well.

He probably hates me now.

He really messed up this time. It was just so easy with Dorian that he forgot himself for just a moment, just a second, and gave into a more primal urge. He wasn't sure why he did it; to relieve stress, because he wanted to…

I did want to.

He wanted to kiss Dorian.

Which was wrong, because there had been no real indication Dorian was even interested in him, save for the friendship and the flirting. But friends cared about each other; that was just friendship. The flirting… was for fun. It didn't mean anything. If it meant something Dorian wouldn't have pushed him away.

I really messed up…

He didn't get sleep that night; instead he lay awake contemplating, and got up early. He dressed quietly in the barest light seeping through the window, the sun only just beginning to rise. Then he carefully crept out of his room, not wishing to wake Dorian, but the mage was already awake, sitting in the chair by the ashes of the fire which had once burned brightly and warmly.

Dorian glanced at him before quickly looking away, a muscle jumping in his jaw. Callum took in a slow breath and stepped a little further into the room.

"We need to talk," he said quietly.

"What do you wish to discuss?" Dorian asked, voice as it had been last night – flat.

Yeah… I really fucked up.

But that was what he did – he messed up. He always messed up. He was messed up. He didn't know how to have a functioning friendship or anything. Even Emry moved on after he disappeared. Did the elf even look for him, or was he happy to be rid of him? Callum couldn't blame him if it was the latter; he probably messed up with Emry, too.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, before he could lose his nerve and just flee the cabin. That was what he did, after all; he ran away. Ran away from his past life, all his troubles, everything…

"Whatever for?"

"For kissing you," he said, wincing even as he said the words. Dorian nodded, still not looking at him. "I… I don't… I don't want things to be awkward."

"I have already told you, everything is fine."

"That's a lie and you know it."

Finally, Dorian glanced at him. "You made a mistake; I forgive you."

Oh… right… a mistake… that's what I did.

"I…"

"You regret it."

"I… don't know."

Now Dorian frowned, gaze clearing somewhat from that flat, dull look he'd been giving him. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know."

"Elaborate."

"I can't."

"Do you regret it or not?"

"I…"

"Was it only to relieve stress?"

"That's what you think?"

Dorian shrugged.

Callum took in a slow breath. No wonder Dorian kept looking at him like that; he thought Callum was using him. The sad truth was Callum wasn't entirely sure he was wrong. He was a little emotionally stunted; he never did anything with friends. It got awkward if he tried. He'd gotten used to ignoring whatever he felt for someone he worked with or knew as a friend or associate. Why, then, did he kiss Dorian, having this very specific set of rules?

"I don't know why I kissed you," he finally settled on saying, shoulders slumping somewhat. "I don't know what to tell you. I… like you."

"You like me," Dorian repeated.

"Yes."

"As a friend."

Callum shrugged. "I don't know. It's… confusing."

"What do you wish to happen?"

"I don't know," Callum said, frowning. "I just… wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have forced myself on you."

"You did not force yourself on me," Dorian said with a scowl. It was the most normal expression he'd worn since last night.

"I did. You didn't want it."

"I wanted it," Dorian said quietly, and then quickly lowered his gaze, frowning.

"You… did?" Callum asked, frown deepening. "But you…"

"I thought you did it because you were stressed – as an outlet."

Oh...

"I won't lie and say that's not part of it," Callum said, watching Dorian nod and lower his gaze further, looking wounded. Callum hated that expression and wished to wipe it away. "But I do like you. I don't… I don't usually get with friends, you know? Not even if I'm stressed. But with you… I couldn't resist."

"So… you like me?"

"Of course I do," Callum sighed, shaking his head as he looked away. "How could I not? But I… if… I mean, I would want it to mean more. If we did do anything. I mean."

It was silent for a moment, then he heard movement. When he looked back at the mage, Dorian was standing in front of him with a soft smile playing on his lips, accentuated by the mustache. The mustache which, according to last night, was rather soft.

"I would like that," Dorian said quietly.

"Like what?" Callum asked.

"For it to mean more."

Callum smiled weakly. "Oh?"

"Yes," Dorian said. "I don't want to rush things, if… if you want to do something."

"Me neither," Callum admitted. "So you like me?"

"Of course," Dorian echoed. "How could I not?"

All thoughts of friendship fled his mind when Dorian leaned forward and closed the distance between them.

xXx

It was decided they would wait a little longer to go to Redcliffe Castle; Leliana needed to brief her scouts and get them into position safely before they could move forward. This was all just a precaution, of course; Alexius might not have anything planned and only wished to speak with the Herald of Andraste.

Yeah… like that's going to happen.

In the meantime, Hawke, Fenris, Varric and Cassandra went to the Storm Coast to search for the Bull's Chargers. With the trip to Redcliffe delayed for at least a few days, it left Dorian and Callum with spare time on their hands.

Callum had never been in a meaningful relationship in his life; he had no idea what he was supposed to do if it wasn't about sex. He wasn't even all that familiar with friendship, as his only real friend other than Dorian had been Emry. Ever since kissing Dorian, and then having Dorian kiss him the following morning, things seemed less tense between them, and yet still awkward. Awkward because he'd never in a relationship before; he had no idea how he was supposed to act.

But Dorian was just as lost, it seemed, so perhaps he wasn't alone in that regard.

The two shared a bed last night – purely for sleeping. Callum found he slept better when he wasn't alone, surrounded by only his thoughts and the mark on his hand. They woke this morning content and well rested, but neither were certain what to do. They shared a hesitant kiss before getting ready for the day, and then went about their daily activities since they'd been back in Haven.

Callum trained with Cullen's troops, though he was better than a lot of them, having trained since he was very young to use a blade and avoid enemy attacks. Dorian, meanwhile, worked with Solas to discover what he could about the mark on Callum's hand, though the rogue doubted there would be any progress in that regard. He doubted he'd ever know where this mark came from, or reclaim those memories he lost at the Conclave.

They didn't see each other for most of the day. Callum had mixed feelings about this. He liked spending time with Dorian, but now he had to worry about how to act because he'd never even come close to having a relationship before. A relationship that started out as friendship. If this fell apart it could ruin their friendship.

The knot which formed in his stomach at the thought remained there for the second half of the day, and he missed dinner with Dorian, throwing himself into his training and giving others tips on what they were doing wrong and how to fix it. After that he sharpened his daggers and caught a quick bite to eat in the tavern, chatting briefly with Sera. He didn't know much about Sera but he liked her; she was usually joking around and was rather blunt about everything. He could see himself getting along with her easily enough.

After that he finally returned to his cabin and found Dorian sitting in the first room next to the fire, reading a book. Callum smiled at the scene; Dorian was such a bookworm, but then that was part of what he loved about him.

Love.

He frowned, smile slipping away just as Dorian looked over at him.

"Is something amiss?" Dorian asked, carefully marking his place in the book before closing it.

Callum shook his head. "No, just thinking. It's been a long day."

"So it has," Dorian said.

Callum took in a slow breath, fighting the urge to wipe his palms on his pants.

You are not nervous; this is only Dorian.

Except that didn't help and only made it worse, because this was Dorian, and he was going to mess everything up because that was what he always did.

And he didn't want to ruin this.

"I've never been in a relationship," he blurted, and then his eyes widened once he realized what he said. Dorian quirked a brow but otherwise remained silent, letting him speak, except Callum wasn't sure what to say. "I just, um… I've never been in one, so… I don't… I've never been with a friend before. How does this work?"

"What, exactly, makes you think I know?" Dorian asked with a hint of a smirk on his face.

Callum scowled. "Surely you got around in Tevinter."

"I did not 'get around' much, as you say. I have never been in a relationship either."

"Oh. So we're both running blind, then." He took in a breath. "Good to know."

By this point Dorian had abandoned his book and gotten to his feet. Slowly the mage approached him, and Callum noticed the apprehension in Dorian's gaze for the first time. He wasn't sure how to do this either, so at least he wasn't alone in that regard, but he still worried.

"I don't want to ruin this," he said quietly.

"Then you won't," Dorian told him.

Callum shook his head, sighing. "I'm not… good, at stuff like this."

"So we shall learn."

He made it sound so easy, with all that formal wording of his.

Callum smirked. "So we'll take it one step at a time."

"That is generally how one learns to walk, yes."

Callum rolled his eyes even as Dorian smirked at him. "Glad I amuse you."

"You always amuse me."

The words were sincere rather than joking, and Callum swallowed thickly. He had no real reason for his heart to be racing as it was, pulse pounding loudly in his ears, but that was what happened nevertheless. He wasn't under attack; he should have been fine. And yet he was nervous and he wasn't used to being nervous.

Things were easier when he hadn't kissed Dorian; it was much easier to pretend everything was normal then. Now, though…

But that's okay.

He wouldn't trade it for anything. He didn't regret his actions. It only brought them closer together.

"I do hope you intend to kiss me," Dorian said, taking him from his thoughts, "since you keep staring at me so intently."

Callum looked away. "Sorry."

"There is no need to apologize, amatus."

His gaze snapped back to Dorian. "You keep saying that," he said. "Calling me that. What's it mean?"

Dorian's face darkened. "Nothing. It is merely a word, like friend."

"So you're still calling me that? 'My friend'?"

Dorian shrugged though his cheeks were still red. "Something like that, yes."

Callum shook his head. "I don't believe you."

"Would I lie to you?"

"I don't know," he said, smirking, "would you?"

Dorian looked back at him, scowling. "Are you going to kiss me or not?"

Callum laughed; Dorian sounded like a petulant child not getting his way. He took pity on the mage and reached out for his wrist, carefully pulling Dorian closer. His pulse raced further; he wouldn't be surprised if Dorian could hear it, how close they were. Dorian's eyes met his own, and their lips connected in a light touch.

Callum had never been one for kissing; it was too intimate for him. Sex was fine, but there was never any reason to kiss someone. He did it to get into the mood as his bedmates liked it sometimes, but it never meant anything to him.

Now, though…

It's different.

It was so much different. So different with Dorian.

There was a knock on the door then. Callum scowled and was intent on ignoring it until the knocking became more persistent.

"One bloody day," he muttered, reluctantly pulling away from Dorian and his warmth, before rounding toward the door. "One blood day, that's all I ask for."

He grabbed the knob and yanked the door open, glaring at whoever stood there. Then he took in a breath and frowned when he realized it was Cassandra. She looked troubled, a frown of her own on her face, though that might have been her normal expression. He doubted he'd ever really seen her smile.

"What is it?" he asked, a knot in his stomach. No one ever stopped by for good news. They stopped by just to chat.

Dorian approached behind him. A chill crawled up Callum's spine. Dorian was so close and yet so far and right now all he could taste was the mage's sweet mouth.

"There are reports that Alexius is threatening to back out of our deal if you do not meet with him immediately," she said reluctantly.

Callum frowned. "Back out how?"

"He will not negotiate the mages' release with us if you do not speak to him within the next few days. As it takes a few days to get there, we need to leave as soon as possible."

"But… I thought we were waiting?" Callum asked, confused.

They were supposed to be waiting for Hawke to return, and for Leliana's scouts to get into position.

"Leliana's scouts are in position, though not securely," Cassandra said as though reading his thoughts. "If they are found out, this meeting will be compromised."

"Will they be found out?"

Cassandra hesitated. "Leliana is uncertain, but believes her scouts will do what's needed to stay where they are until we arrive. But we must leave immediately."

"No," Dorian said from behind him, and Callum glanced over his shoulder to find the mage scowling at them.

"Dorian," he started.

"No," Dorian repeated firmly. "The scouts are not ready and Hawke is not here. Anything could go wrong."

That was very true, but they needed the mages, and Alexius seemed like the type who would follow through on his word of backing out if Callum did not do as asked. He would do it out of spite alone; he knew they wanted the mages, and he knew how to use them as leverage.

"We need the mages," Callum said.

"We can get the Templars."

Callum frowned. "Dorian, you hate Templars," he said slowly.

"I do not hate them; I don't care for them. As Cullen and Fenris said, they could be conscripted just as easily, it just might take a little longer."

Dorian did have a point, but really even if they didn't use the mages, they still needed to be set free. They only went to Alexius because they didn't think they had any other option, and Alexius used time travel, or time manipulation, to his advantage to make Fiona forget speaking with them.

"We need the mages," Callum repeated before glancing back at Cassandra, feeling the heat of Dorian's glare on the back of his neck. "When do we leave?"

"Within the hour," Cassandra told him. "I am sorry to inform you so late, but the news only arrived a short time ago."

"Let me get ready."

Cassandra nodded, bid him farewell, and then took her leave. Callum sighed and closed the door, slowly turning to face Dorian.

"This is crazy," Dorian told him instantly, standing there with his arms folded across his chest, eyes narrowed into an angry glare.

"I know," he said.

"You're crazy."

"I know."

"Why do this?"

"Even if we can't get the mages to join us, they should at least be free from Alexius. He wants them only as slaves. And if he's working for the Venatori… you know that's not good, Dorian," he tried to reason, but already Dorian was shaking his head.

"This is a trap."

"I know."

"He will kill you," Dorian said softly, glare dying away as he carefully lowered his gaze toward the ground.

Callum took in a slow breath. "He'll try, but he won't succeed."

"You do not know that."

"That's what you're here for, right? To be my back-up?"

Dorian nodded slowly. "I don't like this."

"I know you don't; I don't either. But what other choice do we have, really? We need this mark working as quickly as possible."

Things were worsening every day, not only with the mage-templar war but with the demons as well. Combined they were so much worse. This needed to end as quickly as possible – with the demons, at least – and the only way to make that happen was to close the Breach for good, and that required a lot of magic.

Magic he wasn't even supposed to be able to harness, as he was not a mage, and yet this mark thought otherwise. It needed the power, the focus.

What have I become…

"At the first sign of trouble, we are leaving," Dorian finally relented. "The first sign. Do you understand?"

Callum nodded.

Dorian released a slow breath, shoulders drooping in defeat. "We will have to be careful."

"We will be," Callum assured him quietly.

"Do not take any chances."

"I won't as long as you don't."

Dorian scowled, looking at him. "You are the one who attracts trouble, not me."

"Yes, but you'll be there with me, so you might get sucked into the trouble vortex."

"I suppose that's always a possibility."

"So we'll both be careful, and watch each other's backs," Callum said, smiling. "What could go wrong?"

xXx

Apparently a lot could go wrong.

Idiot. Why did you ask that?

Callum knew it was going to be a bad day when, the day they arrived at Redcliffe Castle, it was storming, rain pouring heavily onto the ground in thick drops. With the chill in the air, and the hidden sunlight, he just knew this was going to be a bad day before they even stepped foot near the castle.

The guards let him and Dorian in through the main gate, but stopped them before they could enter the castle.

"He stays here," the guard said, gesturing at Dorian. "Alexius only wants to speak with the Herald."

"If he goes, I go," Dorian said firmly. "Or we can take our business elsewhere."

"Alexius won't be pleased."

"He's not a happy person anyway," Callum said. "Dorian has assigned himself my bodyguard, you see; he can be a bit too good at the job sometimes. He comes with me everywhere, like a little puppy."

Dorian shot him a scowl and Callum fought the urge to smirk at the thought of Dorian as a puppy. His puppy.

The guard eyed them briefly, and then sighed and nodded, moving aside to allow them entrance. "Very well."

"Thank you," Callum said as cheerfully as he could, walking up the steps and through the large doors, into the castle with Dorian right behind him.

They were lead through a few rooms and into a long hallway. At the end of it sat Alexius on a throne of sorts. He peered down at them and frowned before he rose to his feet.

"Dorian?" he asked, confused.

"Hello," Dorian said with a small wave. "It's been a while, Alexius."

"I should have known you would be with the Herald."

Callum clapped his hands together. "Alright! So, let's discuss the mages. Although, I must warn you, I am not the Inquisitor. You should be speaking with Hawke."

"I have spoken with your Hawke. Now I want to speak with you."

"Why the Herald?" Fiona asked, standing off to the side and wringing her hands nervously, watching the scene unfold. There was a long line of guards on either side of the hallway, too. Callum kept a close eye on them.

"Answer the nice lady," Callum said. "Why speak to me when I don't have any authority?"

"You are the Herald of Andraste," Alexius said. "You have plenty of authority."

"Father," came a voice from behind Alexius' chair, in the shadows. Felix entered the light and stood at his father's side, frowning down at him. "Perhaps this would be more productive with Hawke."

"I wish to speak with the Herald," Alexius said firmly.

Yeah… not a good sign.

"Well, I'm here," Callum said. "I rushed all the way here because that's what you wanted. Now – talk."

A/N: And there's that chapter :) Hope it sounds okay! Again, have to catch up to this point in the game, so xD Thanks for reading and please review!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~