Chapter Twenty Six:
People came and went in the park but she was content to sit there.
It was the first time she had really thought about the situation.
She felt her hands protectively wrap around the small bulge.
She could not imagine losing one of them or worse both of them.
"Penny for your thoughts," said Grissom as he sat down beside her.
She said nothing but continued to sit there and watch the children play.
"I was worried when you didn't come back in an hour," he said.
She glanced down at her watch and frowned.
She had been gone for three hours.
"I've been sitting over there watching you," he said pointing to the Denali.
He handed her a bottled water and she took it.
"Thanks," she murmured.
"You're uhm not happy about the twins, are you?" he asked.
"No, I'm not," she said standing.
"Ride with me," he said. "Please."
She sat there and finished the rest of the water.
"Were you happy about the pregnancy?" he asked.
"Yes, I was…after the initial shock and fear that I might miscarry because I'd been shot," she said.
He remembered how scared he was that night when he saw her standing there in her own blood.
"I'm sorry. I wish you had told me."
"Not like I didn't try," she said. "Things were not right between us but then they never were."
"Sara…"
"Griss, I don't want to keep rehashing this."
"Then let's not. Let's put it behind us and focus on the twins."
"There's not going to be twins...just like there is no us," she said as she jumped out once they arrived.
"What do you mean…"
She was already inside.
He didn't bother knocking but used the key he had.
"What do you mean no twins?" he asked.
"I need to shower before shift," she said.
"Answer me!"
"Stop! Stop pushing me! Both of you come in here as if nothing has happened but it did. Do you have any idea what the two of you put me through? I tried Grissom. I really tried to get
through to you while trying to deal with the pregnancy and you just kept pushing me away. That hurt. That hurt worse than anything that you have ever done!"
"Sara…"
"I want to shower in peace and get ready for work," she said as she tried to catch her breath.
"I'm sorry," he said. "We can talk about this later."
Small steps Grissom…
Small steps…
You're pushing her away…
She's scared…
She turned and started to walk away when she stopped. "I need some space. I need it now more than ever…if you don't give it to me…please," she said as she left the room.
He was scared at that moment.
He had no idea what she meant by the statement and he didn't like leaving her but he did.
He did not want to risk alienating her anymore.
He waited anxiously for her to come to the lab.
She walked in just before the shift began.
He had already gone through the assignments and found a case in which both of them could work together.
He stood and gathered his things and was surprised when he found her in his doorway.
"I would appreciate it if we didn't work together," she said.
He stared at her as she turned and walked away.
His shoulders slumped but he sat back down and began redistributing the cases once more.
Once the assignments were handed out he watched as she disappeared to work solo on a case.
His stomach knotted.
He picked up the phone and called Brass.
"She's solo," he said.
"Are you nuts?" asked Brass.
"I'll explain later. She's on your watch tonight. I would suggest getting someone else to keep an eye on her. If you show, she's liable to get upset. She asked me to give her some space. I
think we better do it," he said.
He tried to keep his mind focused on his work but he couldn't.
"Something wrong?" asked Catherine.
"No…yes. What do you know about multiple births?" he asked.
"Multiple births? You mean twins or triplets or…"
"Twins."
"Does this have anything to do with Sara?"
"Ultrasound revealed twins," he said.
"How did she take it?"
"I don't think she's happy."
"It was bad enough with just Lindsey. I couldn't imagine twins."
"Well, that's what she has…she'll just need to adjust to…" began Grissom.
"You know there is such a thing as birth reduction…"
Grissom's heart pounded heavily in his chest. "You mean eliminate one? They only do that in multiple births where…"
"They do that any time there is a desire…partial abortion but it works," said Catherine.
"Kill one but keep the other?" he yelled.
"Yes…why are you so upset?" she asked.
"That's wrong," he said.
"Well, I could never see Sara doing anything like that…she's too prolife."
"There's not going to be twins."
"You think you could finish this up?" he asked.
"Yeah, we're about done. Are you okay?" she asked.
"No, I'm not!"
He checked and found her still working the solo. He knew she would be angry to see him but he could not wait any longer. He had to know what she meant.
"I've got to ask you something," he said coming to stand behind her.
She cursed but sat down on the floor and looked up.
He looked around to make sure they were alone.
"Are you considering a partial abortion?" he asked.
"What?"
"You said there wasn't going to be twins. Are you planning to get rid of one?"
She threw down her gloves and struggled to get up.
He tried to help but she slapped his hand away.
"What kind of person do you think I am?" she yelled.
He realized she had no intention of doing anything like that and relief washed over him.
"Sara…"
"Get away from me!"
"I'm sorry. What you said has been running around in my head and I was concerned…no scared. Sara, what did you mean?"
"I can't deal with this. I just can't," she sat back down and hid her face in her knees.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm worried…I'm worried about you and the twins."
"I was happy about being pregnant. I thought I could handle it but twins," she choked out.
"Sara, you're not in this alone. You have me and Brass and the others," he said softly.
"I was a twin," she said. "I lived and he died. Twins don't survive in my family. One lives and one dies…it's what my mother told me…how am I supposed to deal with this knowing that I'm
going to lose one while the other lives? Which one? What happens if I lose them both? I uhm was sick…very sick. My mom said I wasn't expected to survive but I did. I was lucky. What
happens if I lose them both? I don't think I can handle that much of a loss. I lost us and now I stand to lose…"
"You didn't lose us. I'm right here!"
"Like you reminded me over and over, there is no 'us'."
"You know that's not true. Sara, I love you…"
She pulled herself up and returned to work.
"I need to work. I need to get this done."
"Let me help. I'm here already."
"I don't want your help."
"Just this once…let me help," he said.
"I can finish this," she said as she held back the tears.
She told herself it was no time for a pity party.
She was not at home and she was sure that once she started, she would not stop for some time.
She reached for the swab and began working even though her shoulders shook and she could not seem to focus for the tears that dropped.
She swiped at her eyes with her sleeve.
With each tear she lost more control until she sat there slowly falling apart.
He sat down behind her and pulled her into his arms.
"I've got you Sara," he whispered into her ear as he kissed her. "I've got you."
The officer stepped inside but Grissom motioned for him to leave.
He was content to sit there in the middle of a crime scene and hold her while she cried.
Minutes passed and she slowed the steady flow of tears.
"I'm good," she said as she slowly pulled away. "I'll finish now."
He let go and let her return to work.
He picked up a pair of gloves but she whispered, "Please" and he dropped them.
He stood and made his way outside.
Brass had arrived.
No doubt, the officer had alerted him.
"Is she okay?" asked Brass.
"We should leave her alone," said Grissom as he headed toward the Denali.
"Jason called and said she was crying," he said.
"She's okay. She won't be if she comes out here and finds both of us here," said Grissom.
Brass was reluctant to leave.
"Follow me to the office. I have some things to tell you," he said.
They sat in Grissom's office as he told Brass about her admission.
"I had no idea. She never said anything…I mean we talked about everything but her birth," he said.
"She was probably trying to spare you with the knowledge that there had been two instead of one. Sometimes, twins carry guilt. She doesn't understand why she survived and he didn't,"
said Grissom.
"You think there is a possibility that this is going to happen with the twins?" asked Brass.
"They're fine but then in another month, things could change. I'll contact her OB and talk with her. Sara was too shocked to say anything during the appointment," said Grissom.
"I should go. She shouldn't see us together," said Brass.
She returned to the lab and logged in the evidence.
She pulled up her caseload and began going through the cases.
He said nothing as she passed in the hallway while he stood talking with Warrick.
It had been a long shift and soon it would be time to leave.
He had placed a note on her computer screen indicating there was food in the fridge.
He glanced in the break room and was glad to see her eating at the table.
He said nothing as he slipped in and poured a cup of coffee and headed back out.
She was reluctant to go home after shift since she expected to find them there but to her surprise no one was there.
She skipped the pity party in the shower and took a soothing bath instead.
Once she was done, she crawled into bed.
She expected the phone to ring or a knock on the door but there was none.
When she woke, she crawled out of bed and headed for the kitchen for a glass of milk.
She opened the fridge and then glanced around.
It had been fully stocked.
There was milk and juice and fresh vegetables.
She turned and noticed the fruit bowl was full.
Next to the milk was a vegetarian stir fry that was still warm to the touch.
She pulled it out and breathed in.
It smelled wonderful.
She grabbed a fork and ate out of the container.
Once she was finished, she jumped into the shower and got ready for shift.
She seemed better as she sat there waiting for assignments.
Catherine handed them out and she glanced around to see if Grissom was around.
He was nowhere to be seen.
"If you need Grissom, reach him by phone," she said as she headed out of the room.
She grabbed her assignment and noticed she was solo again.
He was back in the office when she returned.
He was sitting at the table going through a file while drinking a cup of coffee.
He handed the file back to Greg and they continued discussing the case while she pulled out the remaining stir fry from the fridge in the break room and sat down at the table.
"None for us?" asked Greg.
"Sorry," she said as she continued to eat.
She waited until Greg left to glance at Grissom.
"You uhm stocked the fridge?" she asked.
"Brass did that. I cooked the stir fry," he said as he got up.
"Thanks," she said.
"You look better," he said.
"I feel better," she said.
He started to leave when she called out to him.
"Griss?"
He turned and looked at her.
"Thanks for the space," she said.
"I'm here when you're ready to talk," he said.
Weeks passed and they kept their distance but continued to leave dinners or drop off groceries.
She stepped into his office one evening right before shift and he smiled.
"I did the shopping" she said. "No need to leave anything."
"Anemia better?" he asked.
"Yes. It is," she said as she turned and walked away.
"Hey Sara?" he called.
She returned to the doorway.
"Does that mean no more dinners? I was going to drop off…"
"Yeah, it does," she said.
He nodded.
She could tell he was disappointed.
She started to leave again but stopped.
"What was it?" she asked.
"Vegetarian lasagna," he said.
"You could bring it by," she said.
He grinned. "I'm flattered. I think."
She grinned as she walked away.
Small steps…
Note from author:
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Take care,
Penny