Chapter 26 – Hard Facade, Soft Core
Her body is just as soaked and I see her hands clinging to Joker's shirt softly but it doesn't seem like she's awake or anything close to it right now. Her body twitches in strong fits every few seconds and her face is scrunched up in a pained expression while it at the same time looks almost blankly. I narrow my eyes a little,
'' What happened? '' I ask clearly and slowly while watching how Joker almost clutches her against him. Maybe to keep her safe, maybe to keep her warm. Mostly to keep someone from taking her from him. From the look in his eyes he must be pumped full with medication, a wonder he still can stand. But on the other hand, Joker always managed to be tougher than normal people. His body can take so much more that it's almost laughable at how weak the people around him are. I take a step closer and take in the whole situation, he must have abandoned the car already a few blocks away, the legs of his pants are dirty and his back is completely soaked what makes me guess that he run through the rain end over to keep Selina from getting soaked too. The blood's already deep in his coat what stopped the rain from washing it out, means he was in the car for long, maybe to first shake everyone off their trail.
'' I said fix 'er! '' I look back up at his face to see his teeth bared and a growl coming out of his mouth. If Joker's actually getting to me to help Selina something bad must have happened but that one I already can tell by looking into her face. Muscles shouldn't twitch like that, not even through some overdose this could happen so... With a sigh I motion for him to follow me so that he can place her on the couch while I get my things.
'' She got the electroshock therapy? Why? '' I ask as soon as I get back into the room. He looks up at me and snarls,
'' How should I know, bloody bastards kept me away from 'er. ''
'' You expected anything else? ''
'' Shut up and work. '' I roll my eyes but don't argue any further. It wouldn't be of any use anyway, this man is more stubborn than an elephant and even them you can train if you hurt them enough. Him you can hurt and torture all you want and the only thing that happens is that he laughs at you for trying something silly like that. The Joker is a man of pure madness, rage and psychoses. He's so full with mental illnesses that I lost count years ago but I doubt that my toxin was the thing that pushed him off. I more presume it was something he's withdrawing, I'm not quite sure too that he told Selina the real truth about himself. If he still knows the real truth that means. I am by now sure that Joker merely makes up what he thinks could have happened. On the other hand, maybe he just told me a distorted version of his past life and Selina he told the truth. But could he really still lie while he was under the influence of the toxin? After all Joker's got a large split personality, Jack Napier and The Joker are like 2 different persons but I think Jack Napier lately gets through a little more since Selina is with him here in Gotham. Back then as he didn't knew about her he would never have got here to get my help, let alone be in one room with me without trying to kill me. I shake my head and focus back on Selina, testing her muscles and her brain functions, different reflexes and her veins. A few muscles are hard like bones, others feel like they're out of gummy. Her bones feel strained, some of her joints were hurts through what her bones are rubbing against each other. Normally this should be a reason to worry but thinking about Selina's change I would say that she's getting over that pretty soon. Her body should be able to heal faster than normal. Yet, something is strange about her. There's no way this sudden change was caused by the injections she got, this must have been inside of her already longer but if that's the case then how comes she never noticed before? She had parents, how come none of them ever noticed? Or did they notice and just hoped that it would eventually go away again? Maybe this hallucination of hers only was there to keep the different blood inside her veins down. Narrowing my eyes I look at her, if her body really is different through her DNA then there should be something in her blood. I shake my head mentally, I will do that later. I wrap her split bones up but other than that I leave her without the medication, I don't know how her body works. Maybe medications prevent her body from healing, I will need to keep an eye on her. I turn back to Joker as soon as I'm done to find him by now stitching his arm up,
'' I will not give her any medication. In her current state this could prevent her body from healing, I still don't know how she works and how her body reacts to medications. It could worsen the situation even more. If her body's not getting better in the next 2 days we need to try medications. '' He looks up at me and his eyes narrow,
'' What's wrong with 'er now? ''
'' I just can tell from what I felt but most of her muscles are in a bad shape, with a lot of bad luck she'll have problems with moving her body later. ''
The first thing I notice when I wake up is that I'm not in Arkham anymore. The bed is far too comfortable and the room doesn't smell like a mix of hospital, blood and piss any longer. The next thing I notice is that I can't move a single muscle in my body, it's like everything in me is numb. I try to force my eyes to open but it's like I have no body, like I have no bones or muscles. But at the same time my limbs feel strange, it's a mix of pain, a strange tingle and then it feels like all of my blood would simply flow out of my limbs and right into my head and my heart. While my head simply begins to pulsate and hurts like I have a migraine, my heart feels like it's going to burst but not because it beats that fast. The opposite to be honest, it feels like my heart would stop beating slowly while it fills itself with more and more blood. Breathing hurts. So many different kinds of pain flow through me but it's still nothing to the opposite of when I woke up after the kidnapping. Really, the pain could be worse, the thing that bothers me right now is that I can't move. It makes me feel trapped, helpless. I feel my heart beating a little faster when I feel fear running trough my veins. Then I hear something next to me, it's only faintly and through the slight pressure on my ears hard to identify but I would say it's someone moving, or something. I focus on the small bit of scent I can take in, the room I'm in smells after a lot of chemicals, maybe some herbs. There are small bits of blood and sweat in here but not strong that it would be much of a bother, especially for the people that work/live here. I know the smell, I'm sure of it. I wince mentally as I suddenly feel a pair of hands on my face that push open my eyes, like helping me to open them. Once they're open the hands leave again and I manage to keep them open. The lights in the room are dimmed so that I get used to seeing pretty soon. The first thing I see is Johnathan, next to me.
'' Selina, can you move? '' He asks and I try to shake my head but even the nerves in my neck are numb so that I narrow my eyes a little. He nods and looks down at a clipboard that's in is hand. What I suddenly realize is that I never came into contact with the Scarecrow, at least not fully. I know that Johnathan has sort of a split personality and that The Scarecrow's the aggressive, sadistic part of him but I never saw him really fully in that role. He told me that he has control over it but I wonder how long it'll take until I see the real Scarecrow. I saw him halfway as he protected me from these guys and every time he shows me his test subjects but there it only was to see in his eyes. I wonder how scary the Scarecrow really is but something in me tells me that I maybe shouldn't try to find out about that.
'' Okay, wink one time for yes and two times for no. Can you move anything? Even if it's just your pinky? '' He asks with a low voice and looks at my body while I try to move anything from my toe to head but nothing seems to work except from my eyes. I wink two times and Johnathan takes some more notes. I move my eyes a little more to look at Joker but he isn't in the room…
Where's Joker? Why isn't he here? He got away too right? I mean, after all he must have been the one that got me out so there's no way he didn't manage it.
'' Do you see clearly? '' Two winks.
'' Do your limbs feel weird? '' I wink one time and look then to the door again but there's still no sign of Joker being somewhere here and I can't smell him either, just the small bits that show he was here at some point. I lower my eyes a little and close them a moment,
'' He should be back any moment. I told him to get a few medications for you while I make sure you're fine. After he left the room I heard him barking at someone so I would say he's taking care of things. Do you remember that they used the electroshock therapy on you? '' One blink. Yes, this one is something I'll not forget anytime soon. I can deal with much but electroshock is none of those things. I almost broke my fingers as I clawed into the chair. Isn't this therapy normally used on the head? Why did they use it on my whole body except from the head then? I remember screaming which I couldn't put but I would say it was me that was screaming.
'' Joker told me that, as he broke into the room, one of the nurses turned the machine just on a stage higher because the lower stages obviously weren't enough for what they tried and to be honest, you are in bad shape…'' I narrow my eyes a little in question.
How bad? What's wrong with me?
Just in that moment the door opens and Joker comes into the room. There's fresh blood on his cloths, I can smell the fresh metallic scent and the smell of gunpowder. I can still smell the sweat on his, he must have been pretty angry at someone or something. His eyes are still narrowed and I see his back tensed, a small chuckle running through his throat. Whatever happened, it was a massacre.
'' How's she? '' He asks while he gets a small bottle of pills out of his pocket but stops as he sees me awake and looking at him. Tossing the bottle at Johnathan who easily catches it he walks to the couch and looks down at me but he's not doing anything.
'' She's not able to move anything except her eyes, if those medications don't work I really don't know what to do. '' His lips press into a thin line but Joker nods while I'm forced to listen motionless.
'' Selina there's a high possibility that you won't be able to walk again if those medications don't show an effect soon. '' Suddenly my heart drops and everything inside me becomes numb.
...What…
I keep my face blank, refusing to let any emotions slip into my expression. I blink one time.
- 4 days later –
The past days were a bother to say the least. To move my upper body wasn't the problem, I could already sit up again after 2 days but my legs were still numb no matter what I did. Johnathan looked up a few more formulas, Joker told Daniel and Anthony to get some neurologist but the guy couldn't do anything else than Johnathan could. Joker ended up with killing the 3 doctors that took a look on me. But to be honest I doubted it myself that they could do anything for me. After their stupid hand-grips didn't work I knew that they couldn't do anything. My muscles are out of order, that's what they wanted. They knew that Joker would get us out, they were confident bout me not listening to what they say. They were sure that I would start killing. Like Bruce. And through that they wanted to destroy my body because killing me wasn't an option. They would only get themselves into trouble with that. But if they just cause my body to go limp I'm no use for Joker anymore, Joker will maybe even be distracted and mistakes would happen. They try to use me against Joker. Even for them that's cold. This whole I'm-trying-to-help-you pretending from the talks we had was all just fake and I went right into his trap, I actually thought he would be naive enough to fall for my sweet-talking. But of course, the people that work there aren't all like that one woman, to work on such a place longer than just a few days needs a certain level on sneakiness.
Then suddenly, at the fourth day of Johnathan trying to harden my muscles with different medications and with special hand-grips I could feel a few muscles again. At the beginning barely noticeable so that I kept it to myself but then I actually could wiggle with my foot and with my legs. It was the first time in days I was really laughing again, my body filled with excitement as I called Jonathan who right now checks up on me, Joker behind him and waiting for any outcome.
'' I have no idea why your condition suddenly got better. Normally there should be no change in your condition...''
'' So who cares bout that? Most important she's gettin' betta. '' Johnathan looks at me skeptical another moment before sighing in defeat and nodding,
'' Yes, I guess you're right. Positive thinking never did any harm yet. '' I smile up at them but feel something in me aching. Even if both men don't show it openly but I see the large release in their eyes. I see the small glint of happiness in Joker's and I see the gladness in Johnathan's eyes. I feel bad for lying to them like this. I mean, yes I can walk but only a few steps and then it feels like my muscles cramp together but if I don't convince them that I'm getting better they won't sleep at the same time and especially not deep enough for me to sneak out of here. I don't want it to get worse again and I couldn't stand the thought of ending up as a burden for Joker and the others just because I suddenly end up in bed or as half a cripple. This would be one of the worst worst-case scenarios I can think up. I have an idea about who could maybe help but that special someone lives almost at the other end of Gotham, not to mention that I have to cross Two Face's area to get to him. And Mr. Freeze really hates Joker for always snatching away his wife and threatening to break and shatter her every time when he's bored. Really, I understand Freeze in that one, Joker can be such a prick at times that even I can just roll my eyes annoyed at that. But right now Dr. Victor Fries is the only one that can help me, he's specialized on nerves and muscles through that illness his wife has. If someone can fix me up then it's him but how the hell do I get over there? It's not like I can just walk and before I drive I'm better off with crawling. Maybe I find someone that gets me there. I would ask Johnathan or Joker to get me over there but as soon as Freeze's cameras just catch a glimpse of one of them I can forget it directly. He'll more likely shoot me or worse. I would ask Batman but I doubt he would care for me getting fine again, he would probably be happy when he finds out I've got no chance to kill. I wait patiently until Joker and Johnathan both are asleep and sneak then out of the apartment to wander along the streets until I find one of Joker's men walking around.
'' Hey! '' He turns to look at me but freezes as he recognizes me. Straightening his position his eyes widen a little and he walks up to me,
'' Uh, how can I help Boss? ''
'' Get me to Freeze. ''
'' What? Why? '' He gives me a look of confusion but I glare at him and take a step closer,
'' Now! ''
'' C-course Boss. I'll just go get some car. Just wait 'ere! '' Glaring after him I watch him running up to the next best car. This was almost too easy, really. There's still something big about to happen and I'm not sure if I like it. Well, I have to focus and use the opportunity I have right now so I wait for the guy to get a car over to me. He steals a smaller Mercedes, a white one. I title my head at that but get in nether less. The drive is more or less silent except from few ticks this guy has and the tensed breathing or moving he does. Really it's always again amazing to see how much they fear me just for being Joker's girlfriend. I mean, it's not like I've ever done something to them except reacting like I have to. In front of the building where Freeze must be hiding, an old and small hospital, I tell the guy to stop to what he abruptly obeys without any question. I give him a small 'thanks' and make then my way onto the grounds of the by now damaged building. But I know Freeze is here, since we got closer to this point it got colder and even if I'm just in front of the hospital I still feel how low the temperature is. I shiver slightly at the feeling of stinging running through my legs as the cold hits my muscles. I grit my teeth in pain but keep a straight position. Getting up to the door was easy, there was just one guy at the front and he was pretty easy to take out but the door is guarded and there are cameras everywhere. I think Freeze had had enough of Joker's games by now and hired some guys to keep intruders off the property.
'' Hey! What are you doin' here! '' I wince at the sudden bark and suddenly every eye is on me just like every camera. Cursing under my breathe I turn around to face the man that spotted me first. Well, let's see the positive side on this, at least no one was shooting at me yet. On the other hand every gun is pointed at me and that makes my situation not that much better.
'' Before you try anything... I need to talk to your Boss. It's... important ~ '' Without me really noticing my voice lowers again into a small purr while I narrow my eyes at them in a playful way,
'' You're the bitch of that Freak! Yer not passing- ''
'' Let her in. '' A sudden harsh but silky mechanic voice comes out of the radios that each of them have on their chests. With a smirk I blow a kiss at the camera,
'' Why, thank you sweetie. '' The men around me growl annoyed but lead, or rather push, me inside anyway. It's really freezing in here, I feel every bit of small hair on my body standing up straight at the shudder that comes over my skin.
Note to self, next time I get here I need to take a blanket with me or I'll freeze to death...
The 'tour' stops in front of two large doors behind there normally should be the reception and with another push I'm inside and the doors are shut close behind me again. Inside here it's even colder. The whole place is surrounded, covered from ice what gives everything a nice blue and white touch but right now I really wish I would have come in something thicker than just a thin shirt, jacket, pants and shoes.
'' I heard a lot about you, and most of the time nothing of it was good. You don't look like I expected you to though. '' I jump at the sudden mechanic voice behind me and spin around to have a tall man in front of me in a blue, freezing gear that comes close to one astronauts wear when they're in space. Just that this one here has a whole bunch of weapons and looks like it could freeze me with one touch.
'' And what do I look like in your imagination? '' I ask carefully, my stance showing defense. He's even taller than I imagined and right now I really wish that he wouldn't know who I am. His eyes are narrowed and his hands are curled to fists and the only reason why I'm still close up is that there is a small hit on interesting in his eyes,
'' More like your boyfriend. More insane. More slutty. Nothing like a normal person with just a few issues. But do tell me, what is it that you want here. ''
'' I need your help. You see, I was in Arkham lately and they were confirmed that they can't break my mind so they wanted to make me useless for Joker in another way and patched my whole body up with these patches for the electroshock therapy and they turned it high enough for my muscles to be destroyed. I need you to fix them... Please. '' He eyes me up and down a few times but I keep my back straight, I can't allow myself to show anything just similar to fear now. It wouldn't have helped as I met Joker and it won't help me now either.
'' And why should I help you? The Joker and I are enemies for a long time. I would do him a favor by helping you. What motivation should I have to help you? ''
'' Because I'm not Joker, it's not my beer in what fight you are with him. I wouldn't have come here if it wouldn't be important. I...''
I eye her carefully, there's nothing that tells me that she isn't trying to trick me right now. She could be send here by the Joker to knock me out so that he can try to hurt Nora again for his own sick amusement. I can't allow him to take her again. The Joker is smarter than I thought, he got Nora more often than I ever thought possible of but this will not be another time. Yet, I don't see the usual cockiness in her eyes that I saw as they were shown on the News. I see the wish to stand straight in her posture but her legs are trembling furiously and her face shows pain. This isn't played, I can tell.
'' I... I don't want to end up in a wheelchair...'' She admits silently after a few seconds pass. There's pain in her voice, and regret. Something I haven't heard in a long time, not in this city, not from anyone since Nora became ill. Nora...
'' You're the only one that can help, I know you can help. I read all your researches so I- ''
'' You read my researches? '' A small smile comes to her lips while she scratches her chin in an almost embarrassed manner,
'' I didn't get most of it, I admit that, but the parts that I understood where amazing. So... please help me? '' Her eyes move back up to meet mine and for a moment I see something flashing them that I can't put into words. Yet, if I help her now I would do the Joker a favor and this is not something I would like to do. On the other hand she seems to be different. I thought she would be insane, brutal and rude. Something close to what the Joker is but she seems to have manners, there's intelligence in her eyes. There's something in her eyes that no one in Gotham has, not even the Batman. Hope. If she's not like the Joker, would it be a reason to help her? I shouldn't even consider this! After everything the Joker did it is not my duty to help his girlfriend just because he isn't able to do so! He hurt my Nora, I refuse to do him a favor! My Nora...
'' I will help you. '' Her eyes lit up and suddenly a wide grin spreads on her face,
'' Oh my god really?! Thank you! '' Taking the lasting steps towards me she halfway stumbles against me but wraps her arms around the gear to give me a hug. It doesn't take long until she takes her distance again, shivering,
'' Damn cold that thing...''
'' That is purpose. '' She titles her head and puts her hands on her hips. Giving me almost a child-like look she grins,
'' Alrighty Captain Igloo, what do we start with? '' I feel my eye twitching a little at the nickname but decide to ignore it for now. I think that, considering that she's the Joker's lover, she is a very stubborn person.
'' I will take a scan of your muscles to find out how much damage there really is. '' With a small nod she follows me and takes her seat on a chair. I feel my lips twitching as she gives a loud yelp as she realizes how cold it is. Well, what did she expect? It's frozen, of course it's cold. As soon as I'm done with the tests I see her getting more tensed while I read over the results. They're not good, to say the least. I even have to say that I'm surprised that she managed to stand this whole time. Her legs must be hurting terribly, they should cramp every time there's too much pressure on the lasting muscles.
'' How it seems there is only little of your normal muscle mass still in tact. '' She nods silently and looks then at her entangled fingers in her lap. I wonder why her fate comes close to me, it surely never did before bother me when someone died or got hurt badly. Since my Nora is captured in her own body and I lived through my change there is only little that really comes close to me and almost everything that does has something to do with Nora. But right now there's nothing that connects this to Nora. Maybe I help her because she seems different than the other people here in Gotham, maybe because of the intelligence I see in her, maybe just because I like the challenge.
'' Is there then any chance to make this right again...? ''
'' I will do some researches and find then a way. Until then you should try to avoid any kind of trouble. The smallest training could cause a permanent damage. '' With a small nod she pushes her body off the chair and smiles at me,
'' You know, most so-called 'villains' here are a lot nicer than the people that are called good. I think it's almost ironic how the world differs between people like you... us, and them. ''
'' This is how the world works. You should accept it and learn to live with it. ''
'' Why should I? Because it makes things easier? I made always sure to be easier to handle to keep myself from hurting my family but now it's different so why should I still pretend to be ok with something I hate? ''
'' If you have a family I fail to see why you followed The Joker to Gotham. '' Her eyes narrow and she crosses her arms over her chest,
'' I didn't follow, I joined, just to clear that out. Well, I need to go back now or Joker and Johnathan find out that I snuck off. See you later Captain Igloo! '' Without leaving me the chance to say anything she already left through the door and I watch her leaving the grounds. This could be interesting after all...
'' Jack get up! She's gone! '' I crack one eye open as I hear the tossing noise of cloths flying around.
'' What 'cha want? What's gone? ''
'' My contacts, Jack, come help me find them. -Selena is gone of course! Who else could escape here?! Get up already! '' My eyes snap open and I jump upright just to find Angel's bed empty and her clothes gone while Johnathan seems to be looking for something. I growl at the empty bed and crack the bones in my hands.
That lil' brat… I swear to god as soon as I find her I'll lock her up somewhere and throw away the damn key! How hard is it to understand 'stay in bed'?!
'' Why did ya let 'er get away?! '' I ask while getting off the bed. Crane stops in his trashing to glare at me,
'' Excuse me, is she your girlfriend or mine? It's your job to keep an eye on her! ''
'' Yer the fuckin' doc right?! ''
'' That doesn't mean that I'm- '' He stops as my phone suddenly goes off. I grab it with a glare and grit my teeth at the name on the screen,
'' Angel I swear to godif ya don't get yer freakin' ass over hereI'll- ''
'' Joker? ''I narrow my eyes in confuse and check the name again but it's still the name 'Angel', not Bruce-fucking-Wayne! If he's calling me there must be something wrong. After all Angel told me he broke off contact to her and kicked her out so this must be fucking serious!
'' Where's she?! '' I ask and hear a small pause before a sigh comes,
'' She's with me but she's not awake. She got in a fight with Two Face's goon but... she's in bad shape- '' Before he can end what he wanted to say I already end the call and tuck the phone in my pocket before getting out of the apartment and into the car...
It doesn't take long after Joker ended the call that I hear a car pulling up in front of the house before coming to an sharp stop. I found Selina getting beaten up by a few of Two Face's men and I could just in time stop them from getting her into a van to get her to Two Face. What exactly it is that makes Two Face hate her this much I don't know but I know that he would have cut her into two pieces if he would have gotten a hold of her. I took her with me and noticed the huge damage her body has so I took some scans and the results made me swallow. There's no way that she got hurt this badly only from Two Face's men, so it must have been something else. But before there was nothing to find that told me that between her stay at Arkham and the fight now happened something. And there's no way something in Arkham could have done this to her. I shouldn't have avoided her by any cost, I surely would know about this if I wouldn't have kicked her out that day. Maybe I could have helped before it turned out this badly. There are only around 12% of her muscles in her legs that are still in function. And through the beating this number is increasing slowly, I don't know how long she'll still be able to move her legs. Right now I set her onto an heart monitor and patched her legs up so that there are small electromagnetic waves stimulating her muscles but I don't know if it works through I'm not sure how this happened. If this is not working I need to find something else but I only can do so if I find out what happened. But I doubt that she'll wake up anytime soon. Calling Joker was the only possible solution to me, as much as I don't like it. She doesn't deserve to end up in a wheelchair just because of Joker. I hear someone else close to him, maybe it was Crane. He took care of her once, surely he would do it again. I know about Crane's medical knowledge and I know that he has no idea how to work with broken muscles. Right now Alfred is in her room to keep an eye on her but he can't explain what happened either. I open the door just as Joker reached it and have him abruptly glaring at me,
'' Where's she! '' I feel my own eyes narrowing at this, alone being this close to him and not being able to punch him right here and now makes me feel uncomfortable. What he does to the people, what he did to those children, someone like him doesn't deserve to be free. I clench my teeth but nod then to the stairs. Not paying any more attention to me I watch him storming past me and disappearing up the stairs. I follow him closely and stop in the door to observe the situation. Alfred took his distance now so that he's close to the door while Joker looks down at Selina. And suddenly I feel the anger slowly leaving my body. I don't know if it's because I just calm down or if it's because of the look I see in Joker's eyes. The sudden look of pain, of self-blame, the look of caring. Something I never saw on his face before. It's barely visible but it's still there. By now everything I ever saw on his face was hate, anger, and this sadistic amusement he has when torturing and killing other people but never before I saw something so emotional. I see how his hands curl to fists so strong that I hear his knuckles cracking. Suddenly he turns around and in not even a second he stands in front of me and punches me hard into the face. Before I can fall back, his hand is in a vice grip around my throat to pull me close to him, his eyes burning with raw rage,
'' You bloody promised to keep an eye on her! You god damn bastard you promised to keep her out of there! '' His voice is a pure furious growl, I never saw him like this before. I feel his hands trembling from anger, I see how he's gritting his teeth at me in a snarl but then he turns and gets back to Selina to get the patches off her,
'' What are you doing? '' I ask as he lifts her off the bed almost carefully,
'' Gettin' her safe, what does it look like! ''
'' She is safe here- ''
'' If she would be safe with ya, Bats, she wouldn't be like this! That's none of yer business anymore and I bloody want ya to stop hurtin' her! '' I stop at that. When did I ever hurt Selina? I know I had a small mental set-out after the death of those children but I can't remember hurting her in any way. I didn't hit her, I punched Joker and his goons. Her I just pushed out of my way. Maybe she hit something while that but not hard enough to actually hurt her-
'' Bruce with all respect but right now, you're hurting the only person you can relate to out there. And while the Joker is no one to trust, she is not responsible for your anger. Punishing her because of what you feel is not fair to her. ''
I stop Joker by grabbing him on his shoulder as he wants to walk past me and turn him back around,
'' I can help her! ''
'' I don't wanna disappoint ya but ya missed that part! '' I feel my own eyes narrow again as anger crawls under my skin so that my voice raises,
'' I did what I promised, I kept her out of Arkham the first time and I made sure she's not getting hurt! What you do to her is not my fault but yours! '' In the blink of an eye my hand is shaken off of his shoulder and he settles Selina into another position so that he has one arm free to punch me another time. Normally I always can dodge those attacks but now it's like he's faster than normal,
'' What I do to her?! I?! Ya think I did that to 'er?! Ask yer frikkin' doctors before ya blame me! ''
'' What do you mean by that? ''
'' Arkham's the reason she's like that! Arkham and it's frikkin' wannabe-doctors! Ya think they treat their Patience nice there!? Ya think they make sure we all get 'betta' in there?! Lemme tell ya, Bruce, they don't! They made 'er like this! ''
'' What do you mean by that? '' I ask a little more careful, knowing that I'm repeating myself but right now I don't know how else to ask. Of course Joker's blaming everything that he can but blaming the doctors of Arkham for this? They don't treat most patients this friendly, I know about that, but they don't torture and they never before made sure that someone gets almost paralyzed. This is insane!
'' They're maybe not this friendly all the time but they're surely not- ''
'' Is it nice to think of it this dumb Bats? Do tell me the joker so that we can laugh together. '' With another glare he turns around once more to make a leave but as a small, tired moan reaches our ears he stops once more at the stairs to look down at the woman in his arms,
'' ...Where...'' She asks in a murmur, barely understandable. Joker's look softens just the tiniest bit as he looks down at her,
'' For now, at Bat's. '' He replays dryly but I see Selina moving a little in his arms, looking around,
'' ...Bruce...? '' I look next to me to find Alfred taking his position close up, observing the situation. He meets my glance for a moment but there's no advice, nothing that tells me what I should do now. I can tell Joker to take her away now that she's awake and go back to just fighting them and ignoring what could or could not happen. Go the easy way of being alone again. Or I could step forwards now and allow things to get maybe a lot more confusing and complicated but a lot more interesting and maybe happier too. But stepping forwards doesn't only being getting involved with Selina, it also means getting involved with Joker. And while I don't think of him as a monster but as a deeply disturbed man, I still don't feel the want to get any more involved with him than I already am. Curling my hands to fists I take a step in front so that Selina can look up to me weakly, her body still limp and only her eyes moving,
'' I'm tired...'' Her hand turns a little so that she can hide her face in Joker's chest. He looks down at her for a few moments blankly before giving a silent growling and getting her back into the bed in her room. Ignoring the bad feeling in the back of my head I focus on the current situation and get into the room too,
'' I go call Crane. '' Without another look at me he leaves the room and closes the door loud behind him. So that's it, I made my decision and now I have to live with that. If I want Selina in my life then I also have to accept Joker in it if I want to or not but she will not pretend like he's not existing and I cannot pretend like she's not involved with him in any way.
'' Why did you save me? '' I turn back to face Selina but she's not looking at me, more at the hands in her lap,
'' I shouldn't have made you responsible for what happened. I'm sorry. '' I answer after a few seconds. She was right, I thought of this as a little too easy for her. After all, as much as Joker may care for her, if she's going against him this could end ugly and I don't even mean the fact that he will hit her. I once grabbed a screaming and crying thug of Joker off the streets that told me the Joker is after him because he looked unappropriated at her. From what I heard Joker is very possessive of her, who knows what would happen if she goes against him because of me. It could not only mean her end but it could mean the end of Gotham. By now Joker never really tried to destroy Gotham, he just wanted his fun and killing people was part of the fun.
'' So when you gonna kick me out next time? When the pity leaves? '' Her voice suddenly sounds bitter and now she's looking at me with something between anger and frustration. I title my head a little and shrug my shoulders,
'' I don't plan on kicking you out again. ''
'' What? ''
'' Like I said, I shouldn't have made you responsible for what Joker did. You were right, I thought of this too easy. '' She's looking at me for some time in silence before smiling softly,
'' So that means you take me to Starbucks again? '' I give a small laugh and nod but before I can answer the door opens again and Joker gets back in. Glaring at me for only a moment he directly moves up to Selina to point a finger at her,
'' Listen up well kiddo, when I tell ya to stay in bed you fuckin' listen to what I tell ya! Where were ya? ''
'' I was at Freeze's. He's helping me setting my muscles back together. ''
'' Ah and why, uh, should he do that? ''
'' Because I'm good at talking? I dunno but to be honest I don't want to question it. '' He's looking at her for some time now, not moving much but simply glaring not amused. There most of the time are only two things on his face, anger or sadistic amusement. Seeing something like almost confuse is odd, to say the least. I decide after a long time of silence to step towards them again, Alfred still behind me,
'' What exactly are they doing in Arkham? '' While Selina looks back at her hands Joker turns to face me but before he can say anything Selina explains,
'' They're using electroshock therapy and other stuff there but I only had the electroshock therapy. I thought I could sweet-talk this doctor but he tricked me. They wanted to make me useless. So, instead of patching my head up, they put the patches all over my body and set the machine on a high level. I could feel my muscles almost blowing apart but I couldn't do anything against it... Just endure. '' Her hands grab the blanket tightly while Joker looks at her but he's not moving. I lower my head at that to think about this. I knew they were torturing in the beginning but...
'' They told me years ago that they stopped those methods, I didn't know they still do this. I'll need to inform Gordon about this so that- ''
'' And ya wanna tell 'im what? Ya can either tell 'im that ya got the whole place bugged or that ya know from us but I doubt any of it would be that great. '' I title my head with a small smirk and look at them with sharp eyes,
'' You know, being Batman offers you a lot of opportunities when it comes to things like these, I'll find something I can tell them. Until then we have to find out how to fix this thing with your legs, Selina, and we have to decide what happens. ''
'' What should happen? ''
'' He thinks about sending you back to Arkham or not. '' Selina speak up before I can, causing Joker to glare at me again,
'' Brucey if ya think I let ya- ''
'' You don't understand, this time I don't want to get you there because I want to see what happens. Getting into the Camera system of Arkham won't be hard through I am the one from who they got their security system but I need to find out in what they they treat you exactly and in what way it differs to the other patients. ''
'' So ya wanna use me as a labor rat, a hamster in it's impeller. '' He states and I nod without any hesitation.
'' But what would it change? If you know and saw it or not, they won't stop it and if you tell them to stop then it'll not stop forever either. '' I look back to the woman on the bed and nod before I feel my look becoming darker, it's not only about protecting the innocent citizens, it's about protecting whoever needs my help and I refuse to allow them to torture just because they think it's the right thing to do. Electroshock therapy, this shouldn't even exist anymore and to use it like this is nothing I will forgive.
'' I will find my ways. ''
It was only 2 days after that conversation where I put Joker into Arkham again, this time with small micros under patches that fit perfectly with his skin and with a full view on every camera. It didn't take long until I saw what they meant as they said it's not the nicest place on earth. As soon as I was gone there were insults screamed, punches set and Joker was put into a straight jacket before pumped so full with all kinds of medication that it should set his whole system off. Especially in the colorful mix they just injected him, like they don't care if he dies of the side effects or not. Probably they don't. To my surprise it didn't shut him down, he still seemed rather clear but it was visible that even he felt a few effects. I was able to communicate with him through I gave him an earplug too, his voice had a slight slur in it, barely understandable but it was still there. He told me to wait if I want to see what's going on here so I did. He said the real fun begins when they start the sessions, and it did. They not only use electroshock therapies, they also use ice baths on a dangerous level where patients are strapped down while they're kept inside a tube with ice water for hours. Joker said they do it to numb their minds to make them easier to talk with. They even use waterboarding, to show them what their victims feel like. Not every one of the doctors is like this, not every guard is a sadist but a lot of them are and that is nothing that can continue. They're not there to torture the patients, they're there to help. Only the patients that are under the influence of medications or that are strapped in a straight jacket are allowed to leave the cells and go into the sitting room. After 2 days I had seen and recorded more than enough to change a lot. It's now on Gordon to change what happens, I will help of course, but he'll have to make sure there are appropriated punishments for those who keep up the torture. To make it easier for Joker to break out, Selina caused a whole break down of the security on Joker's cell and on every floor he passes. It kept him from killing people around him through he got away without it, that was our deal. I help him out, he avoids to kill the guards that pass them. I picked him up in the forest and got back to Gotham before anyone could see my car after that. The last thing I need right now is the rumor that I'm helping the Joker or other inmates to escape from Arkham. Selina made sure to corrupt the cameras that I had to pass so that there's no hint on who helped. Right now we're back on our way to the Cave and by now the medications are almost out of his system again so that he stretches now,
'' Hope it was worth it. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the company they gimme there but I can't have Angel gettin' into those situations again. ''
'' I will make sure that they really do change their methods this time. I can't lock you up for torturing only to have the doctors that should help you getting back to sanity torturing you and every other inmate in the end. -Is Angel a nickname or is it a short form of her real name? ''
'' Short form. Use it and yer dead. ''
'' You're extremely possessive, has anyone ever told you that? '' He smirks and shrugs his shoulders,
'' Angel mentions it every day. '' I feel myself grinning a little at that what causes Joker to give a laugh,
'' Now what makes the big bad Bat smile? Tell me, tell me! ''
'' I'm sorry but I… I've to admit that I never thought of you as a… you know, as a long time guy. '' I admit before chuckling a little to myself, not loud though. I hear a 'pff' next to me and see him crossing his arms,
'' What, just 'cause I don't get a new woman every day yer betta than me? ''
'' Why are you two so damn rude about my made-up reputation? And clearly, I fucked more girls than you did, and that because of a reason. ''
'' Good to see that ya at least know that yer a slut. '' I look at him with my mouth slightly open and a 'fuck you' look,
'' I'm not a slut! ''
'' Yes you are. Ya lil' slut. ''
'' I'm not even a woman! ''
'' Doesn't proof anythin' darling. ''
'' You're an asshole do you know that? ''
'' Yes that one I hear every day too. Come up with somethin' new, slut. ''
'' Well, at least I now know who's wearing the pants in your relationship. '' Suddenly he turns to glare at me, like I just hit a nerve there,
'' Shut up and drive, slut. ''
To say it wasn't easy to have Alfred and Joker in the same mansion is an understatement. Every time they were in the same room Joker started teasing him and Alfred looked like he's going to shoot Joker any moment while Selina seemed highly amused at the whole situation. I think Alfred right now pretty much hates me for letting not only Selina but Joker too, stay in the mansion until Selina recovered completely. I think the only reason why he didn't try to do anything against Joker by now is because of his soft spot for Selina. As much as he hated her in the beginning the more he seems to adore her now, he almost treats her like a daughter. It's interesting to see how much his hate changed into care. But to be honest I think it's quit good to have him treat Selina the way he does. I don't even want to know what hell would be up here if Alfred would treat her in front of Joker like he treated her at the beginning. I know Selina didn't tell Joker about this because the only thing Joker does is teasing or playing rather harmless pranks instead of looking at him murderous. I think a big part of the ice that's still between Joker and Alfred broke as we walked into their room and Joker sat like always on the head of the bed with his back at the wall while Selina lay completely cuddles up against him instead of curled up to a ball in her normal position. I wouldn't swear on it but I think I actually saw Alfred smiling a little on that. Selina recovered a little again, the bruises are gone and she can stand again without breaking down abruptly again. And what I saw in those 3 days too was the way their relationship works, Selina was right, Joker's not loving. They both aren't and if there's the chance to fight about something they do fight until they throw things at each other. It's madness. And yet every time after this time they both seem a lot more relaxed, like they're on drugs when they fight and get then high while that. It was more than just interesting to witness this. Right now I drop Selina off in front of Two Face's area where one of Joker's goons picks her up to get her to Freeze. The only reason why Joker stayed behind is because Selina made it more than clear that Victor hates Joker and to be honest I understand why. Almost every month Joker's getting Nora to hide her somewhere in Gotham while Victor starts looking for her furiously, freezing random parts of Gotham on his way. Alone that always seems to amuse Joker what only causes the hate Freeze has on him to increase. If Joker would have gone with her, Freeze would more likely shut them out and refuse to help. And I wasn't allowed to go because Freeze also can't stand me. Well, luckily Freeze's a man of security and cameras, his whole lair is full with them through the place was full with cameras already before ge got there. Through them we now can see what happens and through a bug in Selina's collar we can also hear what is said. About the fact that I let Joker into my cave I'll not think about just now, maybe I'll never think about it. As soon as Selina gets onto the grounds of the former hospital, she's cornered by 3 men but instead of pointing their guns at her, they lead her into the room with a pissed look. Obviously they're not that happy about having her there.
'' Captain Igloo, where are you? '' She asks as soon as the door's closed behind her into the large room and a few seconds later Freeze steps into sight, looking at her rather annoyed while his voice sounds cold,
'' I asked you to stop with that name. '' She smiles sweetly at him and titles her head,
'' Aw but it's such a sweet name. ''
'' I will need to take a blood example of you to find out if what I made will work with your blood. If it does work, I will inject it into your heart, your wrists, you knee throats and your achilles Tendons. The potion will need about 2 hours to fully mix with your blood and as soon as it did, you muscles will set together. This should take another hour. But the process will be painful. '' Obviously he simply ignores her comment. Her shoulders sink a little and she takes a step back while Freeze already makes his way to a camp bed which is surrounded from a heart monitor, a bag with a green-red liquid and 10 long needles. I see Joker tensing a little next to me, his eyes narrowing as he grits his teeth. He seems everything but comfortable with the current situation.
'' How painful? '' She asks emotionless, carefully following while lifting her sleeve as she sees him preparing a needle.
'' As painful as it is when your bones gets pulled until they snap. After all you'll feel your muscles setting back into place after building up again. '' Her eyes widen a little but she keeps a straight face as she takes her seat on the camp bed and holds her arm out to allow him to take the example of her blood. He puts the bottle of the example into a holder and runs a scan over it, to make sure there's nothing else in her system probably. And then he suddenly stops for a second, his eyes narrow and his head turns to her,
'' Did you take anything before that changes your DNA? ''
'' Uh... not that I remember. Why? ''
'' Because your DNA shows traces of something not humanoid. '' Joker's own eyes now narrow at that too, like he was expecting that already. Selina said there's something wrong with her but neither her nor Crane or Joker knew what. Did they never take a look at her blood?
'' What does that mean. '' Her voice lowers a little, getting a more careful tone. Freeze now turns completely to her while the computer runs the tests if his potion works with Selina's blood. There's a look of interest in his blue eyes, an interest you only find if you see something that shouldn't exist on this world. Whatever it is in Selina's blood must be more than just a little odd.
'' That there is something inside your blood that has an influence on your whole body and your mind. I cannot say what it is though, I never saw something like this before. It is perfectly in peace with your blood, it must be in there already for years if it's not already in your system since you were born. Have you any special abilities? '' Her face by now took a blank look, like she's not even interested in this. Like she already knows about this. But Joker didn't and I doubt she did, so why is she looking so passive? What makes her be this disinterested in what is inside her blood? If there would be something in my blood since I'm born I would be more than just a little interested in knowing what it is. Joker's eyes are still narrowed but by now focused on Selina while she looks straight at Freeze,
'' My senses. They're stronger than normal and my instinct is sharper. ''
'' Interesting. -Well, from what it looks like the difference in your blood proves to even increase the healing process. If you're lucky, it will be over faster. '' Pressing her lips into a thin line she nods and lies then down. Her lips twitch in pain as the needles are pressed into her body but she keeps silent. Trying to look passive. While those 2 hours she has to lie completely still and except from shifting here and there she manages that pretty well, yet, her eyes never close longer as for a few seconds. As soon as the whole canister of liquid is inside her body Freeze pulls the needles out again. Her look is always on the ceiling above her or on the screen of Freeze's computer while Freeze makes sure everything goes according to plan. Joker and me wait, more or less, patiently for anything to change. While I just stand there with my arms crossed and an eye on both Selina and Joker, the psychopath next to me seems to be fighting with the urge to just do something. I know from own experience that Joker never was a person that could sit still for long time, most of the time we talk to each other he's either changing position the whole time or he makes wild moves but now he's cramping his fingers around the backrest of the chair in front of us while he keeps the same position over the time. The 2 hours tick by slowly, every minute seems to take hours. But then suddenly, Selina starts to give husky screams, her body cringing and her eyes shut close tightly. Joker's look darkens and his back tenses even more as his teeth grit. Freeze observes her silently while that time, not doing much else except from telling her to keep calm, that it will only pass slower if she's moving this much. But she's not listening, the veins in her neck stand out slightly as she throws her head back like she can't breathe any longer. Her nails dig deep into the material of the camp bed while she's biting her lip hard enough to draw blood. Her body is so tensed that everything on her is trembling furiously. Small screams and gasps of pain escape her here and there, otherwise everything that's to hear is her trashing and the hard breathing as she tries to calm herself. I look to my side as I hear Joker growling dangerously low. Narrowing my eyes in something like understanding I slowly place my hand on his shoulder,
'' She'll get through that. '' He tenses a little more on that at first but seems to relax just the tiniest bit then. Slowly he nods with a still outraged expression,
'' I know. '' It takes around half a hour until she calms and her breathing changes from halting here and then in pain to a released yet unsteady beat. Her body relaxes slowly, like the cramps first have to ease a little before she can move again. With a heavy breathing she keeps in her lying position for a few more minutes until she's calmed down, her eyes staying closed. Carefully she gets into a seating position and breathes out heavily again, her eyes now moving up to Freeze who's turning off the machines.
'' It's done. You will feel a small uneasiness in your body for a few more days but your muscles are back together, it's like you never had this incident at Arkham. '' He states as soon as he sees that he got her attention.
'' Thank you...'' She says silently, her voice quit raspy from the screaming. Suddenly she seems tired. Victor look silently at her a few moments before pointing to the door,
'' You can go now. '' She looks to the door and then back at him. Carefully Selina slides off the camp bed and moves up to him to place her hand on his chest, a small, tired smile coming up to her lips,
'' I mean it. Thank you. ''
'' I meant it too. Go. '' With a small, amused laugh and a last sweet smile at him she leaves the former hospital again so that all we can do is hear what happens. For a few minutes there only is silence, then suddenly a loud crash and the sound of a car making a sharp halt in front of her. Screams of male voices are heard before she seems to be running from someone and this someone is following her until there's the sound of her hitting the ground. The sound of kicking, punching, and screaming of pain and rage is heard. Joker and I exchange a look but while I want to rush to the Batmobil to help her, Joker simply stays in his position and even holds me back. He gives me a self-confident smirk and titles his head in a challenging manner. Only a few moments later the fighting noises stop and the only thing that's still to be heard is the heavy breathing of Selina,
'' I'm fine. '' She states shortly. That must have been at least 4 men, if not even up to 6, there's no way that she could beat them after the treatment she just had. On the other hand, who knows what this thing in her blood does to her, what it makes her. I need to find out what it is. Joker seems to have an idea, at least halfway of an idea. He's just looking like it. I wonder how much of an actual human being Joker really is. Is this whole insanity real or is it just there because he wants it to be there? Joker doesn't seem like a dumb person to me, in fact, considering all of what he's done by now, he's more than just a little intelligent. So is this insanity, this madness, is it really there or is he just playing this to give his actions a better touch? Sometimes it seems to like I suddenly know everything he is, everything he stands for and everything he wants. But then, at the same moment even, I realize that I know nothing. 4 Years ago, it's 4 years ago that Joker first appeared here and I still don't know who he was, where he came from and what he wants now exactly. Of course, I know he wants to have fun while causing as much chaos as he can. But who was he before he became the Joker? Has he still family somewhere or is everyone dead? Where they killed by someone and now he's trying to deal with his loss? Had he had a childhood or was he forced to be an adult as soon as possible? There's so much mystery around someone that never really seems to hide anything. What I ask him I get answered but by now there are so many tales of why he is who he is that I lost count and I doubt any of those were true. Mentally I shake my head and focus back on Selina who now gets out of the car that drove her to the point where I got her before she went to Freeze. Right now Alfred is the one that's picking her up because I refuse to leave Joker in my cave alone. As soon as she's inside the car I hear how she's taking the bug off her and how she switches it off. Joker rolls his eyes at that but I can see that he now looks a lot more relaxed. When Selina's in danger it's almost like he's switching off his brain, he looks then like a wild animal, a predator, ready to attack anything that dares crossing him. The time where I crashed her into this wall, he looked like he would murder me at any moment. By now Joker may have put my life into danger countless times but he never really tried to kill me.
'' You and I, we're destined to do this forever. ''
Maybe there's more truth in his words than one would think in the beginning. Maybe he's planning things more than he lets on. There's a lot of what he does pure improvisation but the beginning, the traps, those are all planned. And suddenly the room around me turns silent. Did Joker plan the captures too? Did he plan for me to get him into Arkham so that he can break out again? Was all of what happened part of his sick plan? The sudden feeling of nausea takes over inside me, my surroundings start spinning. This was all intended. All of this. The fights, the pain, the deaths, the capture, the escaping, it was all planned. And I danced along his lines like a labor rat. I don't even pay attention to Alfred that gives through that he'll be at the mansion in about 2 minutes, I don't pay attention to Joker simply going back to the surface, I don't pay attention to him asking me if I need an extra invitation to swing my ass up there. Gritting my teeth I go up with him but while Joker makes his way to the front door, I turn straight to the other direction to get up into my room.
I am not strong enough.
My legs are tingling, I feel like the blood in them just keeps leaving before coming straight back again. But it's all the way better than what it felt like before. I can deal with the small pain the tingling leaves, the cramping was a lot worse. And compared to the pain I felt while Freeze's potion run through my veins this is a tickle. Barely even there. My legs may feel a little weird for a few more days but I can walk and run again, I can do everything I did before. And nothing will change this. I could break those guys their ribs with a few kicks again and I loved it. I loved the feeling of being superior to them again, loved the feeling of their bones cracking under my feet. I will not let anything take this away from me again. With a smile I lean back in my seat and look at Alfred who glances at me here and then,
'' So, did anything happen or did they get along? '' His eye meet mine in the mirror now,
'' Do you expect and honest answer? ''
'' I expect an answer that's not lead by your hate towards my partner. '' He focuses back on the street but I still see the anger in his eyes. He's more than just a little unamused by Joker being at Wayne Manor for these days. I always thought I got the hardcore-glares but boy, was I wrong. If looks could kill Joker would be a mass of blood and torn flesh on the ground now. He took it with ease and made fun of Alfred for his bad attempt to scare him. While Bruce held Alfred back, I tried to stop Joker making any more jokes.
'' Master Bruce and him went along quit well. Yet, he managed to break one of the keyboards as he felt the need to express his anger. '' I roll my eyes but smile slightly,
'' You know, I would probably be a little more angry about how you treat Joker but I'm right now too happy for that. '' He shakes it off with a shrug and focuses back onto the street. As soon as we're in front of the manor I see Joker, but to my surprise not Bruce, in front of the open door. I get out of the car and look back as I see Alfred driving away suddenly. Probably to park the car somewhere else. I turn back to Joker and give him a big, happy smile before rushing up the stairs to jump into his arms. This one I would have missed. Jumping into his arms and having him twirling me around then. It's probably the most kitschy thing that you can find in our relationship but I love it,
'' How ya doin'? ''
'' My legs tingle a little but other than that I'm fine. You can't believe how happy I am...! '' I say as I pull back to look at him. He's shrugging his shoulders with a grin, his hand sneaking up behind my head,
'' I think I got an idea. '' He says before pulling me in close enough for our lips to meet. I purr into the kiss and feel my body melting into him, right now my body is so full of endorphins that I could hug the world. As soon as Joker feels me clawing into his jacket he pulls back just enough to speak into the kiss,
'' We gotta find out what that's in yer blood. '' I nod. Yes, we really need to find that one out. I mean, I never felt different before, just after the kidnapping. But in Germany I always felt more or less normal, never before my senses showed any special strength or something like this.
'' Maybe Bruce will find out something. -Where's he anyway? '' I pull back completely to look inside but he's not there either. His smell lingers still in the air but it's fading. He wasn't even at the door. Joker turns around to look inside and I see slight confuse in his eyes,
'' I dunno, one moment he was there and then, poof, gone he was. '' I purse my lips and narrow my eyes in confuse,
'' Did something happen? ''
'' Nope. '' I raise my eyebrow at him and title my head in a questioning manner,
'' You sure? ''
'' Angel. ''
'' Just wondering. '' I look back to the stairs and pull out of his embrace,
'' I'll go check up on him. ''
'' He's a big boy Angel, he can take care of himself. '' Joker says but I wave him off and climb upstairs. The door to Bruce's bedroom is locket with both, the key lock and the electronic code he has. I knock at the door but don't get any answer, not even any movement is to be heard inside the room. Biting my lip I feel a bad feeling inside my belly. With a sigh I rush into my room, grab my phone and hack into the lock long enough so that I can enter without any problems,
'' Bruce?`'' I ask, holding the door open to find him lying on the bed, completely covered up underneath the blanket. He's not moving but from the moving of his breathing I can tell he's awake. And something's bothering him badly. I smell the salt of sweat and, can I dare to say it, tears. Silently I close the door behind me what causes the lock to click right back into place. For several moment I don't move and keep my breathe low. There's something more than just a little wrong here...
I watch with an annoyed sigh how Angel runs up the stairs and disappears from my eyesight. Of course, right in that moment Jeeves has to get back too. As soon as he spots me alone his eyes narrow,
'' Where is Master Bruce. ''
'' Hanging from the wall in 's cave. Bleedin' out. Ya should hurry if ya wanna save 'im. '' His glance changes into a lock of shock and absolute anger. Before he can say anything I give a laugh,
'' Calm down Jeeves, Angel's checkin' up on 'im. ''
'' My name is Alfred. On the other hand I do not want you to talk to me at all. ''
'' Well, ma name's Joker, you can call me what'cha want though. ''
'' Why is Selina up with Master Wayne? '' I shrug my shoulders and look upstairs,
'' Dunno, ask 'er. '' I'm not even sure what the hell bit his ass now but fact is that Brucey-boy suddenly got a dark look and disappeared then. Maybe Angel gets Batsy back to his grumpy self. Oh wait, that's not better at all. Well, she's at it anyway already. I give a dramatic sigh and look back at the old man who by now got a look on his face that makes my blood broil. I hate those looks.
Would Angel take it bad on me if I skin him? Just a little bit surely wouldn't be such a problem, would it?
'' Don't. '' I feel my head twitching at the 't' but the older man only keeps up the face. Like he wants to stamp me under his foot. Like I'm just some insect. I give him 2 minutes to stop this or I'll fucking hurt the bastard.
'' Don't what? ''
'' This look. I don't like it. Don't...! ''
'' I hardly believe that you care much about the way other people look at you. ''
'' Well, normally I carve a nice smile into the people's faces that always look at me like that but I don't think Angel would like that right now. So... I'm tellin' ya nicely to let it be before I do something we both would regret later. '' His eye narrow to slits but just as he opens his mouth I hear two pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs. Angel got Bruce on her hand like he's some brat that needs a leader and pulls him downstairs. While Bats goes straight to the English-muffin, my Angel comes up to me with a look on her face that makes me grin,
Ohh, I just love that look! Love it! Always means Sex!
Bruce Wayne is shaking under the blanket. I'm not sure if he's really crying, sometimes I think he lost the ability to cry over the years he's fighting now. On the other hand, Batman may be an emotionless dick, but Bruce Wayne is a scarred man with more doubts and fears than anyone else. My lips press into a thin line as I silently move up to the bed. As soon as I take my seat close to his head he freezes in his movements, like I would believe he wasn't even there. Softly I move the blanket back and scoot closer to him, my fingers running through his hair in a comforting manner,
'' What's wrong...'' I ask in a whisper, there are no tears on his face. At least I don't smell or feel them. But something tells me he was crying, if just a little. So something must have put him out of his usual I-don't-feel-anything scheme. And I know, to manage something like this, he must be thinking that he's personally in fault for something bad. Like with the kids. There he was thrown out of his normal way and that hurt him enough to cause a break down. I know what this feels like. But I think Bruce is going through a lot more than me, emotionally and in many more ways. I saw his X-Rays. To that comes, I have Joker. He may not be the best one in expressing his love but he shows me that he cares and for me that's enough. Bruce has Alfred but I doubt that Alfred knows about Bruce's problem. Because, if you feel like you're just there to fulfill your purpose, you don't want to bother the only person that means something to you with a bunch of problems.
'' Talk to me Bruce...''
'' Get out. ''
'' No. '' Suddenly he sits up and grabs my arm tight enough to leave bruises. But really, this is something I'm already used to. It's not hurting me anymore so I stay where I am and allow him to almost crush my arm,
'' Get. Out. '' He presses through gritted teeth. I title my head and give him a soft look,
'' I can help you, you know? ''
'' You don't know anything. ''
'' Bruce, I was hardcore schizophrenic and manic-depressive for over 5 years. I was beaten, betrayed, insulted, locket up and left alone. I practicually saw my life going to hell in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything against it. I know what you feel like, believe me. You're my friend so... if you want to, I can help you. ''
'' Over 5 years? '' His grip loosens a little and his hand lowers. I nod my head and look up at him with a pained smile,
'' Once it got under your skin, you can't run away anymore. I tried to run and made it all worse. ''
'' What happened? ''
'' A lot of 'who' and too less of 'who not'. My dad for example, he was an alcoholic, at least I think so. Maybe I just made that up to excuse what he did. He used to beat me up most of the time and later lock me into the basement because he didn't know what to do with me. I don't know if my mother knows about this, more likely not. She was working all the time already as I was a child so I was completely helpless. It's strange, now that I think about it, it's almost like she was avoiding being close to me the whole time. I mean, normal parents don't leave their children alone for days if there's no one to look after them do they? You see, I understand that you can't understand why I left my family for a life here but... In Germany I never felt like I belonged there. I had to listen to rules that I didn't understand which where made from people that don't know what it feels like to have no money. It felt like I was watching some movie that I didn't like but couldn't change. The only person I could talk to was my grandma... but she died. She committed suicide as I was a kid and with that I was alone. And at some point there was the moment in my life where I stopped begging and hoping for anything to change and I just endured. Pain became pleasurable, fear and sadness became the only emotions that were left in me. And one day I woke up and I looked into a mirror and I couldn't tell anymore who was looking back at me. I couldn't tell if I felt good or not, if I was myself or not. And then the pain and the fear and the sadness were drowned in hate and anger. There was so much hate that I thought I would drown in it. And I didn't know where to get rid of it. So I got rid of it on myself...'' I hold my arms out at him but I know he already saw the smallest scars that are left on my arms, the lasting bits that remind me on who I was before I met Joker. Before he saved me from myself.
'' They were a lot larger and deeper before. I don't know why they're like this now. I was cutting, burning and punching myself just to get rid of the hate. Then my parents divorced and I never saw my father since then. My mother left again for some business trips and I was left alone with my dogs and my rats. The only person that was still there here and now was my grandpa but he had his own life and the lasting bits of my family refused to talk to me through I broke off contact to my dad. Bonny and Lily, they were the only people that ever tried to help me. But I never let them. I never wanted to bother them with my stupid problems. 'Look at the poor depressive girl, can't even keep up a normal relationship to her family'. I couldn't stand the thought of them leaving too even if I knew they would, sooner or later. There was so much hate in me and then I couldn't express my feeling and I never wanted to go out... I knew it would annoy them at some point. Like my family they would leave me alone. So I didn't want them to see what I really am like. '' I look at my hands as Freeze's words come to my mind,
'' It is perfectly in peace with your blood, it must be in there already for years if it's not already in your system since you were born. ''
'' But now when I think about it... did they never know about me? My mom and my dad... Has no one ever noticed that I'm different? That I was suffering? Did they even care? Is that the reason why they all left me? Because they knew what I was like but couldn't deal with it... I never was part of their family, they never tried to keep me safe. My mom tried to love me but she couldn't. I was so addicted to the suffering that I pushed everything and everyone away from me. And I was thinking about killing myself but that would mean that I wouldn't be able to hurt myself anymore. And I was asking myself... why couldn't I be addicted to drugs or alcohol? I mean, for that you find a 10-steps-program everywhere online. And that you can actually get done with. But this... this whole hate and the suffering and the stupid thought of going through all of this alone... made me become so lonely... I was so easy to hurt... I was sure I would stay like this for the rest of my life. Every morning I stood up and looked into the mirror and I felt... disgusted...'' A small smile tugs at the edges of my mouth,
'' But Joker... He saved me. He came to Germany and suddenly I felt like I belong somewhere. Like everything I feel isn't even this wrong. That it maybe even can feel right. That I actually can be happy, that I can belong somewhere... that I have someone that could actually love me for who I am. And I separated from my family, from the pain and the hate. Bit for bit I became... happy. All thanks to Joker and the others. If they wouldn't be... I don't even want to think about it... You see, while you can't understand how I could give up on a family for this... I can't think about ever going back to normal. Because I love my life. I love Joker for being there for me without ever telling me, I love him for everything he is and for everything he's doing for me. I love him for hitting me every time I tried to hurt myself again to show me that, if I want to hurt something, it's okay to let it out on him if I only don't hurt myself then. I love the guys for making me laugh, for telling me they're my family, for being there for me if I need them... I love Johnathan for always taking care of me, for getting angry when someone tries to hurt me, for helping me with nightmares and with all the shit that's still in my head...'' I take a deep, shaky breathe, feeling tears jumping into my own eyes now,
'' And... I love you for being my friend. For always being there for me even if you should hate me, for taking me out to Starbucks when you see that I miss Joker, for just sitting somewhere with me, talking to me, laughing with me... Hell I even love Alfred... Because he's more of a father to me than anyone else ever has been. ...Bruce if I wouldn't have abandoned the people that make me sad and allow the people that I should have kept away from to help me I wouldn't be happy now. And I'm so... so happy to be where I am now. Even if there are times where I think that I can't go on, even if I want to scream and cry there always is someone that will do everything to make me happy again. And I promise you, I will not let you down. If you would just allow it finally I would help you! But you have to let me in! Talk to me, call me when you need something. Hell even if it's in the middle of the night and I am deep asleep just call me and tell me that you need something and I promise... I will get here as fast as I can and do everything to make you smile again. I understand that you feel the need to save those people, I understand that you want to have a purpose but... if you're always running after the people that hurt you, only because you think they're the only people you are allowed to get involved with, then you will always be angry and sad and lonely. I know that you feel bad because you like Joker's company as much as you like mine... but you have so much in common with him, you could be such great friends but you first have to allow that! You have to realize that the people that are called evil aren't all automatically evil... They're just different. But if you have them as your friends, they will die for you. Because as insane as they may be, they're just as loyal. Just let it in... the feeling of happiness... let me in Bruce, let me help you... Please...'' I can't tell if he's looking at me or not. By now the tears in my eyes grew thick enough to cover my sight until they finally spill over. I wipe them away but still can't see right. And suddenly, I hear Bruce talking. His voice raspy, thick and full with pain,
'' I'm not strong enough, right? ''
'' ...What? ''
'' I'm not, am I? Every time I got Joker into Arkham it was because he planned for it to happen, not because I was this good or because I'm stronger. It was always just because he planned for it to happen like this. '' I look at him confused for a few moment. Slowly a wide grin comes up to my lips and even if it's the worst I can do right now I start laughing,
'' Oh god you're such a genius, how can you be this thick at times?! ''
'' Sorry? ''
'' He's not planning to get locket up you idiot! You get him into Arkham every time again because you're a strong guy and not because he wanted it like this! ''
'' Selina the last time I crashed you into a wall he could easily have killed me. He didn't because he wanted to get you safe but he had the chance to do so! What tells me I can still protect the city of him if I can't even be sure what's real anymore? ''
'' Okay I want you to listen to me now. And push aside the fact that you think we're talking about an emotionless dick here while that. Joker is strong, he's really fucking strong and he's intelligent. He's maybe even as intelligent as you are, that's why the people all fear him. But he's never planned to get locket up from you. Yes he could kill you but he doesn't want to and that's because he likes you, in his own strange way maybe but he likes you. Without you his world would crash down on him. The reason why he's getting a lot more dangerous at times is because he's working on instinct when I'm in danger. He's not thinking, he's not even noticing any possible injury then. Joker's like a alpha-wolf, he's getting absolutely dangerous when someone hurts me. But that doesn't make you weak or useless. '' He snorts at that but I see the small bits of release in his eyes.
'' Bruce? ''
'' Yes? ''
'' Do you want me to help you? About the depression I mean. ''
'' ...I'm not sure this- ''
'' Yes or no. '' His eyes lock with mine again and he licks over his by now dry lips. A look of frustration in his deep brown eyes. Very slowly he nods his head, swallowing hard,
'' ...Yes. ''
'' Then you have to convince Alfred now of something. '' I smile at him and get off the bed. Clapping into my hands I motion him to follow me. With a careful look he gets off the bed and titles his head,
'' Of what? ''
'' Joker and I'll move in, not for long of course but for a few weeks. As much as your mind tells you that you should hate Joker, I know that he's the kind of person you will perfectly get along with. Just trust me. ''
'' Are you fucking kidding me? ''
I was crying while writing the last bits of Selina's talk... God I'm getting too emotional with my characters.
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