This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!

This chapter started out at the suggestion of a good friend. I need to add more to the next chapter but it starts here what I have been dreading to put down on paper. Fan art also helped with this chapter is called Worth by LadyWinde at DeviantArt.

TWENTY-SIX

It's raining…Maker's breath, did I even notice it when I left the mansion? I asked myself as I sat huddled on the steps leading to the Chantry. I was soaked to the bone and the cloak I wore covered my face but was not enough to keep me dry. I sat in the darkest part of the steps so as not to disturb anyone rushing up the Chantry steps in this weather.

I had come to the Chantry to speak to Sebastian. He had asked me once if I had anything to confess to him and I sent him away. I knew there was much I felt in my heart I needed to speak with someone about but how do you confess something only half-remembered? Without proof it would seem ridiculous to explain that night, having woken in the cellar of my home, unaware when I had come down there and for what purpose. I could only remember faintly and I was too ashamed to delve deep into my own mind to find the answers I needed as to what I had done.

And now I had the proof in my hands…

I was wandering the mansion, looking for the kitten I could faintly hear but not see. I went from room to room and still could not find her when I passed the door that lead to the cellar, realizing she must have followed the smith when he was down there earlier. I paused at the door, wishing I had kept the key just a little longer so I could see how well the new locks held up, thinking to myself that I could always ask Isabela to try her skills at trying to unlock it sometime soon.

I picked up a candle and slowly made my way into the dark cellar, hearing the cries coming from further in. I wandered towards the noise until I found her. She was by the corner I had woken so long ago in, lapping her paw and cleaning behind her ears. She looked at me and cried once again as I put down the candle and held out my arms for her but instead she turned and walked further into the corner for a moment before returning with something in her mouth.

Dear Maker, please let that not be a mouse! I thought as she hopped into my arms and I took it from her. It was a dusty feather and heat filled my face as more of that night came to me. I saw it all clearly but from far off, through someone else's eyes. I scooped up the candle and ran back upstairs with the kitten still in my arms. I paced in front of the fire in the library, arguing with myself what I should do when I recalled Sebastian was always willing to talk over such matters with other, why not with me? And if not him then I needed some solace to figure out what I should do.

I left the mansion, grabbing a dark cloak and sword, making my way slowly to the Chantry steps when I felt a phantom pain in my abdomen. I sat down and thought about the last time I had been here at the Chantry, the night I failed to save Saemus, wondering if I had any right to step inside when I had defiled it with the blood of it followers. Insane followers of Mother Petrice, yes, but believer's none-the-less. I stared down at the feather in my hand, unable to continue on up the steps or return to my home.

How long I sat there is a mystery to me but it must have started raining while I sat there, allowing myself to be drenched. I barely acknowledged the man climbing the steps towards me, as I locked in my own thoughts.

"Maker's breath! Seelia, why are you just sitting out in the rain?" Sebastian asked as he knelt down in front of me, reaching inside my hood and touching my face. "You're freezing!"

I barely moved when he decided it was best to carry me in his arms as he has so long ago, calling to a guard to open the Chantry doors so he could pass without putting me down. I could feel that it was much warmer as we crossed to the main chamber and he headed for the stairs when someone called out to him.

"Sebastian, who…is that Serah Hawke? Where did you find her?" asked the Grand Cleric once she reached us and pushed my cloak back to see my face.

"She was sitting out on the Chantry steps, Grand Cleric. I barely spotted her as I was returning," he said.

"Poor girl, always carrying the weight of Kirkwall around on her shoulders… Sebastian, get her in front a fire quickly. I will send a guard to find her husband," she said and walked away. "And a Sister to stay with her so you can change as well."

I had never thought about the quarters that Sebastian had at the Chantry, only thinking that they must be small and with little or no luxury that pointed out that in fact, he was the Prince of Starkhaven. Or he would be if I could finally convince him to return to his home, especially knowing that the current "Prince" was not the least bit worthy of sitting on the throne. I looked around at the small room, kept as neat as I knew he would have it. I looked at the bow that belonged to his grandfather, which had a place of honor above his mantle, the only thing that he had from the home he lost.

I did not see the face of the Sister who was sent by the Grand Cleric with blankets for me to dry off in, nor did I acknowledge her presence when Sebastian left his room to remove his armor. I glanced up as he returned and was surprised to see him in a plain shirt and dark trousers. I was so used to seeing him in his armor, the one his father had made for him long ago, that I almost did not recognize this new man. If it were not for his eyes, I would have thought that Sebastian had left me in the care of a stranger, a man I had never met before. I wondered if this was the real Sebastian, the man he could have been if he had not been promised to the life in the Chantry.

He knelt on the floor besides me and held me as the tears finally came, counting how long until Fenris would show up, worried that I had left once again so late without him when I had promised not to. I could not stay a moment longer, thinking about what I had done. Now I had lost the opportunity to speak privately with someone before having to face Fenris, and decide if I could bear to lose him if I confessed actions I did not recall, things I could have sworn were only parts of my imagination.

I cried also at my own cowardice.

I had thrown the feather into the fire when Sebastian had left and watched it burn until there was nothing but ash.