CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Edward did everything he could to provide the most stress-free environment for the flight back to Seattle. He had noise canceling earphones and an array of subscriber movie and television platforms. Lavender scented blankets and just a touch of alcoholic beverages to attempt to ease my distress. Far more than I deserved after our failed 'vacay' trip.

Poor guy would have probably felt better coming back in a body bag.

The one gold star that I did earn was not throwing up on the flight. Even if I hadn't eaten anything in over twelve hours just to make sure I wouldn't. But, that lovely boyfriend of mine was prepared with a happy meal waiting on the tarmac for me.

Lovely.

I began to say words in my head that sounded like the word but not quite. My hopes that I would get over myself and just say it already. Le sigh.

In the end, no amount of tunneling into Edward's side to attempt sensory deprivation or meditation techniques would help me. Edward's future was becoming very bleak indeed. He would be wise to invest in a skipper and Gilligan if he had plans to get me anywhere out of the country. Well, that is if he ever wanted to go somewhere with me again especially after our disastrous weekend.

After spending five minutes over the toilet bowl as I watched the lights fade from my poor urine sullied phone, I said my farewells and then let out a piercing scream. Edward came barging into the bathroom like the room was on fire.

"Bella! What's wrong?" he asked charging in completely naked. Seems as if someone was a little too ready for me to join him back in bed.

"My phone," I cried dramatically looking down into the bowl.

Edward walked forward and took a gander for himself.

Now was the true test for the germaphobe.

"Can you get it out before it succumbs to its watery grave?" I asked.

I see Edward begin to wring his hands as he assesses the situation.

"Maybe, we should call maintenance up and have them retrieve the device. I will…buy you a new one tomorrow."

I sighed and looked longingly at the phone one last time.

"If you feel that's best."

I walked slowly out of the bathroom. My eyes were downcast but I imagine my vag was singing at the top of her lungs, 'Celebrate' while doing the Cupid Shuffle.

I climbed back in bed and snuggled down under the covers while Edward called down and alerted housekeeping of our unusual situation. I can just picture the person on the other end of that call wondering why the billionaire couldn't be bothered reaching into the toilet and retrieving the damn phone himself. Damn rich people and their rich problems.

Edward pulled back the covers and slid in beside me.

"You know, I have my phone and I did note that earlier when you were scanning through the channels that there were some pay movies we could rent."

OH GOD!

I feel myself cringing and wanting to bang my head into the nearest hard object. Apparently, that would be my boyfriend's dick as I already felt it gently poking me in the butt.

"Edward, I…I just can't. I just lost my phone and I am completely torn up about it. Do you have any idea the mental ramifications it takes when you lose something so important? Imagine for a minute that it was your phone? I just want to go to sleep and forget this day ever happened."

Okay, I may have been a tad overdramatic. Looking back on it, that is probably what found me out.

"Bella, it's just a phone. Let me take your mind off it," Edward replied kissing up along my neck.

Oh no, if he kissed too much, I would be in a sexually induced haze that would lead to poor choices. Must find a compelling argument before he completes his mission. I feel myself tremble. My poor honey pot doing everything she can to moisten herself, but I envision that she looks like a car that needs a smog check. Choking out dust clouds.

I yawn and stretch my arms.

"I think I need to sleep. I'm not feeling too well."

I feel Edward stop and pull away. He turns, and I no longer feel my butt being poked at like an excavation site.

"Bella, what's going on?"

Once again, I ask, is it too late to fake sleep?

"Uh…I'm just…not in the mood."

I stare at the blackout drapes and pray he will let it go.

"Look at me."

Okay, he is not going to let it go.

I slowly turn over and look at him in the eye prepared for him to use his Jedi-mind tricks on me and pull whatever information he requires from the depths of my mind without my permission.

"You're lying to me," he states after a few long seconds.

I scoff and look away.

"Just go to bed, Edward."

"No! Talk to me. Tell me what the matter is. Why don't you want to have sex? You want to watch porn, but you don't want to have sex with me. You feel the need to buy toys. What else aren't you telling me? Am I not good? Are you dissatisfied?"

"GOD!" I screamed. "It has nothing to do with you!"

I jumped out of bed and pace about until I slowly sit on the loveseat by the window.

Great, now I had self-conscious virgin Edward to deal with.

"I mean…well…it kind of does but not in the way you think."

He sits there in bed with a menacing stare.

"My vagina hurts! I may have downplayed just how much it hurts. I can't…I just can't have sex again unless you find me crying in the corner afterward sexy. Okay?"

Edward looks away and shakes his head slowly.

"We just had sex in the shower. Was it hurting then?"

I so didn't want to answer that. Any answer I would give would surely be upsetting.

"Bella!"

I cringed and looked down.

"Then why didn't you say something!" He barked. "God, Bella! Do you think that I want to hurt you? That I find your pain pleasurable to me? Why on earth did you not stop me or tell me?"

I feel my cheeks warm at his pestering questions. If I tell him the truth, he will be mad. If I lie and he figures it out, he will mad. If I lie and get away with it…hmm…what is a convincing lie option 'C'?

I look around and feel that his penetrating angry gaze. I don't want to be here. I need to leave. I jump up and grab my robe attempting to make it to the door. Edward pops out of bed so fast and blocks me with his naked body.

"NO! You are not leaving here until you talk to me. Tell me the truth. It's uncomfortable I know but in order for this relationship to work, we have to be honest."

I want to laugh now thinking back to that moment. If only I had known all the lies and deceptions he had created, I might have one damn fine closing argument.

I can't look him in the eye. I huffed annoyed and turn to go back to my chair.

"Please don't make me say it," I pleaded.

"Tell me!" He ordered calmly.

If I tell him, he'll think I'm a fucking nutcase. Well, …he might already but this will just add even more uncompromising evidence to his case.

"It hurt like hell before. I began slowly, "I…was upset with myself before. I…"

Edward slowly advances on me and I nearly want to seek cover under the chair before I finish my sentence. If I can manage to stop stuttering long enough to get it out.

"You tell me that you…" I stop still unable to say the word. Lovely. Lovely. Lovely. "Every time you declare your feelings for me…it makes me feel like shit. I know that you want to tell me that…you know… but when I hear it, it breaks me apart inside because I can't tell you back. It really is messing with my head. So yes, I stupidly let you fuck me because I deserve to feel what you feel. Because I know that when you say it and I don't, it hurts you. I hurt you over and over again by my incompetence. I deserve to feel pain…"

"You had sex with me as some form of punishment?" He seethed.

Okay, if I thought he was mad before, it was nothing like I had witnessed till now.

"Um…no?" I began to laugh. "It was a joke. My god. You should see your face. I was just kidding. In fact, everything was just a big huge joke. My pussy is all systems go. We should really get to fucking."

I jumped up and tore off my nighty and jumped into bed with my legs spread. I laid there and wagered a look at him. His jaw was tense, and I could tell from his eyes that he hadn't bought it. He melted from his stance and walked over to me, his eyes trained solely on my face. Edward came to a stop by the bed and then proceeded to push his fingers into me. I did everything I could to not cringe at the invasion, but he made his point. He pulled out and then sat down beside me.

"I waited for so long for you," He began quietly. "I thought of nearly nothing else since the day I met you. I dreamed of you. Dreamed of being able to hold you and love you and make love to you. What is the matter with you, Isabella? Why on earth would you ever use me to hurt you? I am…horrified and it makes me not want to ever touch you again. How could I ever trust you? Every time I would wonder if you are hating it? Wishing for it to be over. All I ever wanted was to be good for you. To give you pleasure and make you happy."

I feel the tears run down my face at his hollow broken words. I have nothing to offer him. An apology would never be enough. I have done far more damage than I could make up for.

He stands up and walked to the chair and grabbed his robe and boxers.

"I have work to do," He mumbled.

I spent the rest of my night crying. I never should have told him. What were you thinking, Bella?

When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I had a hangover. Edward wasn't beside me but as I looked over to the clock I saw that it was well past eleven. His meetings were to begin at nine. He had left and hadn't even woken me. He didn't want to see me. I deserved that.

I didn't know what to do. I still had no way of contacting Rosalie who would know how to fix this. I didn't even have a cell phone. I went to the bathroom to find my phone sitting on a towel on the counter. I tap at it and of course, it isn't working.

After showering and getting dressed I walk downstairs to find my trusty sidekicks.

"You wouldn't happen to have Alice Cullen's phone number on you?" I asked.

The Clearwater duo shares a look. I swear, they couldn't even answer a simple question before looking to one another as if the answer were taped to their foreheads.

"Yes, Miss Swan."

The girl walked over and handed me her phone with Alice's contact information. I grab a pen from off the side table and write the number down on my hand before giving her the phone back.

I return back upstairs away from prying ears and flopped back onto the bed. Why I would decide to call Alice, I did not know. Probably because if I thought to call and talk to Esme, she might not want to hear of Edward's and my bedroom failings. Alice was the better choice. However, these days, it seemed as if I wasn't capable of making smart choices, so we shall see how well my thought process was doing.

Alice picks up on the second ring.

"Who is calling me from Vegas?" she answered.

"Alice? It's me, Bella. Edward's…." What was I again? After last night I might have been downgraded.

"Bella. I know who you are. What's up chica?"

I chew on my inner cheek as I come up with something.

"Well…I don't really know why I called. I…uh…really pissed off your brother. I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't be talking to you about this?"

"You can talk to me. I know how frustrating my brother can be. I'm an expert. What happened?"

"I don't want to go into too many details. For one…it has to do with our sex life and I can imagine how grossed out you might be, but I recently upset him with something I did and now…I don't know how he will ever forgive me."

"Did you cheat on him?" Alice whispered.

"No! Never! I…lied to him and…it's complicated."

I groaned out in frustration.

"Bella, you have to tell me more. I can't help you if you don't talk to me," she replied.

I sighed and told her the whole story. After this call, she should be nominated for sainthood. I can't imagine how weird it would be to hear about your brother's sex life and discuss it calmly with their significant other.

"Okay…" Alice replied after I had finished. "Well, …you want the good news or the bad first?"

I nibbled on my thumbnail.

"Just…tell me."

"Well, the good news is that Edward loves you. As much as you don't want to hear it, he loves you so much. I know that. Even if you had cheated on him, he would get over it. Not that I am giving you permission to do so. So, the good news is that he will forgive you because he loves you. You need to get over it. Just let him tell you that he loves you and stop seeing the bad in that declaration. The bad news is that it is going to take a lot of apologies on your part before he will trust you again. Knowing Edward, he probably will be very self-conscious when you two have sex again. There are going to be a lot of things going through his mind and he will probably be focused on anything but being with you. That is something that you will have to fix. It won't be easy. You can tell him a thousand times that everything is great but since he was a virgin, it could mess with him on your sincerity."

I sighed and shook my head even though she couldn't see me.

"I should never have had sex with him. He needed someone far more mentally stable."

"Don't say that! Things might be messed up now, but this will eventually fade, and Edward waited for you. If he had gone out and screwed the first woman to cross his path, that might have messed him up too. He wants you, Bella. And…from now on, if you care about him at all, you won't question that again."

Alice made me promise that I would see her on Christmas Eve for their annual bash. I promised even though a part of me wondered if I would even be around by Christmas Eve. I didn't know what to do after my call with Alice. Edward and I had a date planned for that evening. Was that still happening? I didn't eat the entire day. My body filled with anxiety for when Edward would arrive back to the hotel. I stayed in my room and watched television while looking out the window every once in a while to gaze at the dancing fountains below.

It started to get late and I wondered if I should get dressed for the evening. I went through the motions just in case and waited around with my hopes dwindling with every passing minute.

After nine, I gave up. I pulled off my fancy dress and threw it to the corner. I was about to dive back into bed but decided against it. I threw on some jeans and a top and made my way down the stairs.

Boy Clearwater was there and stood immediately at attention. I pressed the elevator button and walked onto the car without a word. Boy Clearwater followed along like a trusty Golden Retriever.

"Where are we heading to, Miss Swan."

I bristle at the question. Partly because I knew he wanted to alert his boss and partly because I didn't know where I was going.

"We'll know when we get there."

I walked around the Bellagio and watched all the fun that was being had. The passing bachelor and bachelorettes out for one last hurrah. The fancy ladies and gentlemen dressed to the nines on their way to dinner and a show. The crazy drunks gambling their hard-earned money away.

I see a café and head straight for it. My stomach was emptier than it had ever been before. I plop down in a booth in the very back of the restaurant. Clearwater sits down a table away from me and yet in perfect sight of the entire restaurant.

"Can I get you something to drink?" A nice waitress asked.

I hadn't even opened the menu.

"Do you have like a really huge banana split?"

She looks at me and thinks for a minute.

"Bad day?"

"The worst."

"I'll see what I can wrestle up," she replied.

"Great. Can I also have a large French fry and an order of onion rings and coke…keep them coming."

She leaves me be and I lay my head down on the table not caring if I am messing up my makeup. I open an eye and see the Keno cards on the table and pull one out. I take the crayon they provided and begin for fun marking off numbers. A minor distraction.

My food is brought to me eventually and I sit there staring at the table before me. I can just imagine what the Clearwater is thinking. I guess I shouldn't be surprised when Edward shows up, but I am.

I don't say a word. I put down my fry and look up at him slowly. He pulls the chair opposite of me and sits down. Fancy ass suit and all. He doesn't say a word and neither do I for the longest period in history. But what could I say?

"I'm sorry," he apologized first.

I shake my head a little.

"I…uh…should have called or something."

I pick up my spoon and play with the melty mess in front of me.

"You have nothing to apologize for," I whispered.

"No, I do. I should have been here. We had plans and I ruined them."

"I don't deserve to go anywhere special. It's fine. Can you just…go. I just…need to be alone with my ice cream."

I try not to cry but his very presence hurts so much that if he doesn't leave now, I worry that I will have a breakdown in a very public place.

"Bella…."

"Please Edward. I just…I know that no amount of apologies from me will make up for what I have done. Please just go."

I stare into my ice cream and will myself to stay strong.

"I'm sorry. I fucked up. Please, Bella. Just give me a chance to make this right."

I laughed and finally look him in the eyes. He could practically be my mirror image.

"You fucked up? You didn't do shit. I fucked up. Even Alice knows I fucked up. I…I…I don't know how to fix this? I want to say I am sorry, but it doesn't feel like enough. I ruined you. I fucked you up and even if you forgive me, it won't fix this."

Edward creeps over to my side of the booth and pulls me to him, crushing me into his suit. I pull back remembering my makeup and knowing that my tears mixed with my Covergirl will create an unholy mess on his jacket.

"No, I don't want to fuck up your suit too," I blubber.

"I don't give a fuck about my suit."

He brings his thumbs up and wipes my tears away staining his fingers with my apparently 'waterproof' mascara.

"Yes, you messed up but so did I. You said that you felt you wanted to be punished and I don't want to punish you but…with my actions tonight and not being here. I did punish you. Even if I never meant to, by my failure to face you, I punished you by not showing up tonight. So…I'm sorry. I tell you all the time that I want you to stay and fight with me and my anger caused me to do the opposite of my words. I will work on being a better man."

He pulled me back and continue to hug me while I soiled his perfectly expensive suit.

"I…hope that you will work on allowing yourself to…be loved. I don't ever want you to 'punish' yourself again for hearing me say 'I love you.' Contrary to what you have said in the past, I am not Christian Grey. I don't get off on inflicting pain on the woman I love."

I pull back a little and look up at him.

"What do you know about Christian Grey?" I asked skeptically.

Edward sighed and look towards the table.

"After you kept calling me that name, I picked up the book to find what it was all about. I could only manage a chapter of that ghastly book before giving up on it completely, so I asked Seth to tell me about it instead. However, he had not read the book, so he had Leah come talk to me. To be honest, I don't know who was more uncomfortable with that conversation. I cannot understand for the life of me how it managed to make so much money. Nearly makes me question everything I do for a living."

I squash my laughter.

"Edward…I don't know how I will make this up to you but…I want you to know that I do care about you and I never want you to think that I don't enjoy sex with you. In fact, I probably enjoy it a little too much most days. I sometimes wonder if I am taking advantage of you. If I was a better person, I should have ended this…"

"God, don't say that! Please don't say that ever," Edward pleaded.

"Alice said you would forgive me, but it would take a long time before you would ever forget."

"I do forgive you and I don't think it will take as long as she or you believe. I know you, Bella. You are harder on yourself than anyone ever could be. I'm glad you talked to my sister. I know that Rosalie's departure has brought you pain. You feel like you have no one and I don't want that for you."

Edward said it wouldn't take long but we were approaching Christmas Eve and he had not moved to touch me once. Sure, he would come to bed and 'spoon' me but no longer was his toy soldier standing at attention.

I also felt a shift in our relationship. Edward took to working longer hours and even though I would see him…as his assistant, I didn't really spend that much time with him.

I wanted to pull off some bold move like waiting naked in bed for him or seeing if he would make good on his deal for boyfriend services and service me if I asked him too in the middle of his day on his desk, but I was scared that he would reject me and I had become so fond of my lovely boyfriend. Love…ing boyfriend that I didn't want to mess anything up.

I instead placed my focus in finding him the perfect Christmas gift. But what the hell would I give him when he could literally buy anything. I googled 'Top Christmas Gifts for Boyfriends' but that only gave me ideas like televisions and grill sets. So, I Googled 'Top Christmas gifts for Billionaires' but that gave me a list of the most preposterous items like villas and crystal studded water bottles. They would take an average item and bedazzle the shit out of it. Edward didn't really seem like a crystal studded water bottle kind of guy even if I had the dough. So, I googled, 'Top gift idea for billionaire boyfriends' and let's just say, I was back to square one.

Square one. Completely fucked!

I knocked on his office door the day before Christmas Eve.

"Come in."

Cautiously I opened the door and walked in.

"Yes, Bella."

He looked up and waited expectantly like I would say something and then go.

"Uh…I wasn't sure…I didn't know if we should discuss this…now?"

I felt my hand rise voluntarily to my mouth to nibble on my index finger's nail.

"What should I tell your mother about tomorrow?"

I see him breathe in deeply.

"Do you wish to go?"

Wish? Right about now I wish for a major life do-over.

"I know your mother would appreciate your presence. If its easier…I could stay here, and you could go," I offered.

"Why would that be easier?"

I sighed and shook my head.

"Well…to be honest…ever since Vegas, I can't really get a read on you. I…wonder if you even want me here anymore," I said finishing with a quiet whisper.

"Of course, I want you here. My apologies that I have been busy as of late. Its…the fourth quarter and I am afraid it will probably get worse as we head into tax season. Please, don't believe that I have stopped loving you, honey."

He stood up and came from around his massive desk.

"Bella, do you want to go tomorrow evening?"

I nodded.

"Yes, very much so. I'm…not exactly a soiree kind of gal but it far outweighs my usual Christmas plans of bar hopping or falling into a sugar-induced coma while watching 'Home Alone'."

Edward made the gesture to pull me into his chest. It felt awkward.

"Well…that beats my usual Christmas plans of focusing on our annual projections while ordering in a small ham dinner from down the street."

I stumble a little out of his grasp and run my hand through my hair.

"Okay…so…what time should I tell your mom to expect us?"

He cleared his throat.

"Well, I imagine you will want to drive up?" He looked to me for confirmation.

"Whatever's best for you," I said honestly hoping if I gave him this one, he might forgive me a little more for my past transgression.

"It's okay, Bella. We can take our time. Why don't you tell my mom to expect us around six? I have something I want to do with you in the morning before we go if that's okay."

I nodded and then slowly back up to exit.

We were in a serious need of a Christmas miracle if Edward and I were ever going to get back to what we once were. Be careful what you wish for. It seems as if my Christmas miracle would mean for the tables to turn. Christmas Eve day? Magical. Christmas Eve Eve? The beginning of the end.

AN: The beginning of the end indeed. Only a few more chapters left I'd say. Thank you as always for your support of this story. I am so happy to know that I have entertained you. TTFN

STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.