Dean paced in the hallway outside of Sam's room. A week had passed since he kicked Cas out. He hadn't heard from him since then. At this point, he wasn't even sure if they were together anymore. It had also been a week since he and Sam had anything more than distant and cordial interactions. He needed to talk to his brother about Luci, but where the heck would he start? Why did you let this guy beat you? That didn't seem like something that would get Sam talking in the slightest.

"If you have something to say, you might want to actually come in here to say it," Sam called through his door. Dean opened Sam's door and walked in slowly.

"Heya, Sammy," Dean greeted with what he knew was a half- hearted smile.

Sam put down the book he was reading and asked, "You need something?"

"I need to talk to you about Luci," Dean said evenly. Sam swung his legs off the side of his bed and faced Dean.

He countered, "Alright. I need to talk about you and Cas." Dean turned around toward the door and started to pace in Sam's room like he had been in the hall.

"C'mon, Sammy. There's nothing to talk about," Dean tried.

"Then, I guess you don't really have to talk to me about Luci," Sam replied, reopening his book.

He was really going to be a difficult shit about this, wasn't he? Dean pulled Sam's desk chair away from his desk and sat on it backwards, putting himself at eye level with Sam.

"Fine," Dean said, "We can talk about Cas. But if you don't like my answers, you're gonna have to live with that."

Sam put his book down and grinned stubbornly, "Fine. I go first."

"Sammy, that's not how this is gonna-"

"Yes, it is. Why'd you kick Cas out?" Was he serious?

"Sam, you already know why-"

"Dean. Answer the question."

Dammit. What did he want from him? Sam was right there when he told Cas to leave. Was he expecting reality to change or something?

"I told him to go, because he wasn't honest with me. I just can't entirely trust him right now," Dean said.

"Dean, you can't be-"

"My turn," Dean interrupted, "What happened with Luci?"

"Gabe told you," Sam snapped quickly.

Dean shot Sam a look. Here he was, forced to talk about Cas, and Sam was gonna try to get out of this? Ha, no.

Sam said quietly, "I really don't want to say it."

Dean nodded. Sam's voice told him that there was a lot more pain there than he'd thought.

"Okay. How long was that going on?" Dean asked.

Sam hesitated. Dean didn't really want to know how long. If it was the full five years, he knew he was going to be sick. But he wanted at least one straight answer from his brother.

Sam finally answered, "A year and a half."

What.

"Shit, Sam. Why'd you stay with him?" Dean asked.

"Are you still dating Cas?" Sam asked, ignoring the question.

Dean sighed, "I don't know. I want to be, but I haven't heard from him since he left. I don't know where his head's at."

Sam nodded.

"Things used to be better with Luci. That's why I stayed at first, anyway," Sam said, answering Dean's question.

"I'm gonna need a little more than that, Sammy," Dean said.

Sam paused, probably considering ignoring his request, and said, "When I met Luci in high school, he was great. He was fun, he was funny, and even though he was still a she and very uncomfortable, he was adorable. When he transitioned, he was just more of who he always was, and I loved him for it. I know you never really liked him, but he was amazing. We had some really good times."

Sam stopped for a moment, but when Dean didn't say anything, he continued, "Luci was awesome. When he started hitting, it wasn't very hard, and it kind of felt like his other masculine phases. You remember when he was addicted to John Wayne movies?"

Dean grinned. There really was nothing more hilarious than seeing that prick wearing a cowboy hat in the middle of Chicago like it was completely normal.

"Well," Sam said, "The abuse started like that. It wasn't all the time and when it got worse, you know I can take a punch. It didn't seem like anything serious. When it got serious, I started thinking about leaving. But we'd been together for so long. He'd been so amazing for so long. So, I stuck around, hoping he'd go back to how it was before. I know, it's stupid, but I'm stupid, so what're you gonna do?"

Dean shook his head. He'd hung in there with Lisa for much longer than he should've all in the hopes that the fighting would die down. It wasn't anything like Sam's situation, but he got it.

"You're not stupid, Sam," Dean said, "I get it."

Sam nodded half-heartedly, like he didn't believe him.

"Well, anyway, it started getting worse than serious. I figured it wasn't worth it to wait anymore. I was going to leave him, but then he started saying that he'd kill himself if he didn't have me. And I knew he wasn't lying," Sam said, "Then, I found him cutting...Gabe has a friend watching him now to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. That's the only reason I felt comfortable enough to end it."

Holy shit.

"Sam, why didn't you tell me?" Dean asked.

Sam asked, "Do you want Cas to come back and stay here?"

"Sam, this I ask something, you ask something thing is really not working very well."

"Just answer, Dean."

Fine.

He thought about it. He was much more worried than angry at this point. He'd tried calling Cas a few times, but he never picked up. His friends hadn't seen him, or at least that's what they told Dean.

"Yes," Dean said.

He'd have to search for him, but Dean definitely wanted Cas back. He'd fight for him in a heartbeat if he had to.

"Sam," Dean said, "I'll ask again. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was just a phase he was going through, so it wasn't a big deal. When it was a big deal, it was my problem that you shouldn't have to deal with. And don't think for a second that I don't know how much you're blaming yourself for all of this," Sam said, making Dean look at the floor.

Yeah, he blamed himself. His brother went through shit for a year and a half without Dean knowing. He could've helped. He could've gotten help. He could've been there for his little brother when he'd needed him.

Sam continued, "Then, there was the shame. How the hell was I supposed to tell you that my boyfriend was beating me?" Sam blinked quickly, which gave Dean the distinct impression that Sam was closer to breaking down than his calm demeanor suggested. Dean considered his next words carefully

"How were you able to tell Gabriel, then, or Cas?" Dean asked slowly. He wanted answers, but the last thing he wanted was to set Sam off.

"Cas just overheard us talking. That was an accident. He was never supposed to know," Sam said, "Gabe was never supposed to see me again. We met randomly, and I...wasn't in the best shape. He let me vent and helped me calm down. I figured a stranger's judgment wouldn't be a big deal. But apparently, he was a friend of Cas', so there was really no avoiding it. Since he already knew what was going on, I was able to talk to him about everything else. And he took care of me..."

Sam paused, then asked, "Are you in love with Cas?"

Dean shook his head, "I dunno. I'm not sure if I've ever been in love, really. Not sure if I'd know if I was."

"I'm in love with Gabe," Sam said quickly, like he wanted to get it off his chest, "But I can't tell him. Not yet, anyway."

Dean wanted to tell Sam about Gabriel's feelings he expressed in the hospital, but he was so out of the loop at this point, there was probably a very good reason why Gabriel told him not to tell Sam.

"How are you guys doing, anyway? Gabriel said you were gonna be really pissed at him," Dean said instead.

Sam nodded, "We're better than I expected. Haven't talked to him since that day, and I am pissed. He had no right to tell you my personal shit even if I should've. If you had to find out what happened with Luci, it should've been from me."

"I don't think you should be pissed at Gabriel. Let's be honest, you weren't going to tell me."

"I don't think you should be pissed at Cas. Let's be honest, Dean, it's my fault he thought he needed to lie."

Fair enough.

After a moment, Sam said, "I should probably talk to Gabe."

Dean nodded, "Good idea."

"Call Cas," Sam ordered.

Dean sighed, "I've tried. He won't answer."

"Then, go find him," Sam said, "I have to go." He stood up quickly and walked out of the room.

Dean followed him. If he did have to hunt down Cas, he'd better get started. Sam shrugged on his jacket and opened the front door.

"Dean!" Sam shouted. Dean ran to the door quickly, adrenaline rushing from the alarm in Sam's voice.

"What…Cas!" Dean yelled. Cas was leaning against the wall opposite their door, seemingly unconscious.

Dean rushed forward and grabbed Cas' face in his hands.

"Cas," he said as he tried to gently shake Cas awake.

Cas opened his eyes and said, "Dean."

He moved to hug Dean, winced, groaned, and slumped forward against Dean's chest. Dean held Cas up and saw where Cas' hand was pressed to his side, blood seeping through his fingers. Dean's heart stopped.

"Sam, call an ambulance," he shouted.

Sam quickly punched numbers into his phone as Dean helped Cas sit on the floor of the hallway. He peeled off his shirt, moved Cas' bloody hand away, and held it to the gash in Cas' side.

"It's gonna be okay, Cas," Dean said.

Cas felt really cold and looked frighteningly pale.

"I've got you," Dean said quietly, "It's gonna be okay."