Chapter 26

I decided to play it cool; I wasn't going to be pushy because I certainly didn't want him to think I was some psycho stalker, but it definitely wasn't easy. Leaving the hospital without him that day was probably the loneliest I ever felt, and being forced to go to my mother's home just made it that much worse. All her squealing, and crying, and talk of "Edward's miraculous return to the living" was driving me insane. She didn't know him, not really anyway, and her voice shrieked through my ears like nails on a chalkboard; I couldn't take it anymore, so I locked myself in my room for the rest of the day.

The next morning I went to the hospital…just as a friendly – 'hey it's been a long time, how are you?' – sort of visit, and Edward actually looked pretty good. He was sitting up and joking around with Emmett, of course when he saw me gawking at him from the door way, the jokes stopped and a thick haze of discomfort filled the room.

"Hey," I said uneasily. "I just came by to see how you were doing today…But I can come back later if this is a bad time."

"Nah, it aint a bad time," Emmett said quickly before Edward had a chance to answer for himself. "I was just leaving."

"We were about to play cards," Edward argued.

"Well I just remembered that I have…a thing," Emmett replied while getting up and winking at me. "See ya later, bro."

Edward scowled in the direction of Emmett's departure, and then he reluctantly looked back at me. "So…how long have you been back in town?" he asked with forced casualness.

"Uh… A few weeks," I said as I crossed the room to sit in the chair Emmett had vacated. "I figured I owed my mom a visit."

He chuckled at my comment. "Doesn't Renee usually go to see you? For someone who refuses to move away, she sure seems to jump at the chance to leave as often as possible."

"Yeah well, I do come from a long line of head-cases," I joked, but was actually pretty serious.

"I was under the impression you didn't ever plan on coming home?" he asked strangely. His tone almost had a sharp edge to it, and that was when I remembered Alice saying how upset he was that I never came back after graduation.

"I guess I didn't plan on coming back," I admitted. "But circumstances happened that sort of…forced me here, and I'm really glad that I did."

"Why?" he asked, sincerely baffled. "There's nothing here."

I shrugged. "I'm not so sure about that."

He thought about it for a minute, but then seemed to just dismiss it. "So how much longer are you going to be staying?"

"Open-endedly. I'm just waiting for my next step to be revealed," I said, and then had to pause from the déjà vu my 'next step' comment gave me.

"Wait for it to be revealed?" he asked incredulously. "I always thought you were the type to search things out, not wait for them to come to you."

I raised my shoulders sheepishly. "I guess I've learned not to mess with destiny."

He rolled his eyes. "There's no such thing."

"Trust me, I was a cynic too, but then everything changed."

"What do you mean?"

I honestly considered telling him exactly what I meant by that, the entire truth, but then I bit my bottom lip. "It's a long story," I told him, knowing he'd probably just think I was crazy.

"Yeah, I guess we don't have time for a long story right now," he said distractedly while looking up at the clock behind his head. "I think I'm almost due for a doctor check."

"Oh…Well, I can step outside when he comes if you need me to."

"When he was here earlier he said I really needed to limit my visitation for now…just so I can rest, and whatnot."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" I said jokingly with a smile, even though I was actually a little hurt since I knew that was exactly what he was trying to do.

He huffed. "Look, Bella, it's…good to see you after all this time, but….I mean, you have to see how awkward this is."

"Awkward?" Of course it was awkward - not that I was willing to admit it or let it get in the way.

"Yeah, it's not like we were the best of friends last time we saw each other," he went on slowly. "I mean, I'm here…in the hospital…after almost dying and being in an extended coma. That's not usually the time for reunions with - whatever the hell we were to each other. I would just rather…if you didn't come back."

I had prepared myself for the wrath of Dickward like Alice had warned me he'd be, but he was surprisingly soft and obviously not trying to hurt my feelings; his bluntness still stung though.

"We were close once…and I was worried about you. That's all," I said, refusing to let the tingling in my nose and prickling in my eyes turn into tears. 'Be strong Bella,' – I had to keep reminding myself. "I was hoping we could…spend a little time together while I'm in town. You know, just to catch up."

He breathed in deeply through his nose. "I'm sorry, I'm just not at a place in my life where I want to catch up," he said as gently as possible given the content of his statement. "I mean, I have some physical therapy ahead of me, and then I need to try to get back into some form of normalcy. I just can't deal with the whole 'blast from the past' thing right now."

I swallowed hard and tried to think of something, anything, that would convince him to just give me a little chance, but what was I supposed to say after that? Any kind of arguing or pleading would just seem insane and desperate – of course I was both, I just didn't want him to think that I was.

"Okay," I heard myself whisper. I wasn't giving up, I just needed to come up with some sort of new idea on how to get close to him again. Forcing myself on him definitely wasn't going to work; he had to want to spend time with me. "Well…good luck with everything. Maybe we'll run into each other around town after you're feeling better."

He smiled apologetically. "Yeah, maybe."

I forced out a smile in return, and then reluctantly left. Perhaps he was right after all, perhaps I needed to leave him alone while he recuperated; he did always hate feeling vulnerable. I could spend that time setting up my own life so that when we finally did have a chance to get to know each other again, I wouldn't seem like such an aimless loser. In a way I was excited; it was going to be difficult, but I finally had real motivation to get myself back on track…