A/N: This one's partially about Cuddy, but I like it, I think I picked up on something I didn't get from just watching the episode. I really like writing these things because, assuming I'm not completely off, I learn a lot about the characters.

Recap: House pranks Wilson and catches him lying about having a breakfast meeting, so he and Lucas stalk him. Wilson pranks House back but really did lie to him about where he was, so House stalks him again until he finds him helping Cuddy pick out a crib. Cuddy says she's been approved to adopt a baby, she was using Wilson as a character reference, and that's where he was. House looks surprised and less than thrilled. He leaves.

Lucky Thirteen

This is dumb. I feel like a bad kid who's done something wrong. I haven't done anything wrong. Well, except kill Wilson's girlfriend, there's that, but I haven't done anything to Cuddy. Not that I can think of. I don't even really care about Cuddy that much; why do I feel hurt?

When she wanted to get pregnant, she only told one person, and that was me. She had me give her the injections in her ass to increase her chances of pregnancy, she had me help her choose a sperm donor, and she trusted me to keep her secret for her. And I did. Well, I slipped once, but then I acted like I was just kidding and I think I got away with it.

But for some reason she doesn't trust me anymore. She never told me she was trying to adopt. She told Wilson. Both of them deliberately kept this from me. I feel betrayed by...both of them. Wilson said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to betray Cuddy's trust. He had no problem betraying my trust with Amber. But that just goes to show how insignificant his love for me is compared with a girlfriend.

No, the Wilson thing is irritating, but it's Cuddy I feel betrayed by right now.

Why wouldn't she tell me? Why tell him and not me? She likes me. I mean, she likes him too, but not the way she likes me. She likes me. When I was in the hospital after the DBS she spent the nights in a chair next to my bed, and she held my hand. I didn't even really care that much because I was too focused on Wilson and on Amber's death, but she still did it.

Maybe that's why.

She wanted something to happen, she was there supporting me, showing me how much she cared about me, and I didn't even notice because all I cared about was Wilson.

Oh.

She loved me, but I only loved Wilson, I didn't pay any attention to her, I didn't care that she was taking care of me, and I hurt her without even realizing it.

It's not that I don't love her, I just love Wilson more. When my relationship with Wilson is stable, I've got no problem focusing on her, flirting with her in every way, shape, and form, and finding attention to give to her. But Wilson comes first. Wilson has to come first. He came to my room, but he just gave me a look and left, and he ignored my calls, didn't come to see me again, and wasn't at work. I couldn't notice she was there because I was distracted by the fact that he wasn't there.

And then he wasn't there for good. Or so I thought.

Maybe she knew me flirting with her that time was just a distraction. I was using a middleman anyway. But it's not like Cuddy'd ever go for Lucas anyway. He doesn't really like her, he just likes girls in general. He only liked her because she was there. He was flirting on my behalf. She knew it was about me, she's not that stupid. But Wilson had been gone for a few weeks and I was starting to think he might not come back and I needed a distraction. If flirting with Cuddy, through Lucas or not, had led to something more that time, it wouldn't have been for her. I only flirt with her for her when Wilson and I are okay.

I've said it before, she's my House. I like her, I even love her, but Wilson's gotta come first.

The difference is that I'll always love Wilson no matter how much he hurts me or no matter how many times he betrays me, but she can give up on me. I guess she has.

I didn't mean to hurt her. I care about her enough that it bothers me that she's hurt. I do feel bad, I guess. A little guilty. But if it happened all over again I wouldn't do anything differently. I can't put her before Wilson, it's just not possible. Even if we ever did start a relationship, he'd still come first. Another reason why we wouldn't last long.

I guess there's not a chance of that happening now anyway. Whatever. I guess I'll get over it soon enough.

At least Wilson and I are okay again.