Lydia says I should write this down exactly as I remember it, and anyone who knows Lydia can tell you it's better to be in her good graces than bad, so write it I shall, though it is likely to take all day at the least. Mary says that my recollections may not exactly coincide with how it really happened. That is the thing about talking to Mary. I had to look up at least six of the words in those sentences alone in the dictionary… or ask Mary. Asking Mary usually got me an entire lecture on words and more questions than answers, so I usually just pretended I understood her and used the dictionary when she left. I do not think I fool her, but she goes along… but heaven help me if I pretend to know a word and I cannot write it correctly a week later.
I will ask your leave to not even attempt to write it exactly as I remember it. I could neither read nor write then, and did not talk very well either. I would be ashamed to write it just the way it happened, so I hope you will be kind with the small lie, to save me the embarrassment. I didn't even know that word at the time… that is how bad it would be if I wrote it exactly as is.
I was standing by the little pony cart with the boy the soldier liked to call 'young Simon', even though he was older than I was by a year or so when Charlotte had her run‑in. I knew she did not like the man. That much was obvious, but he was a persistent sort. I thought maybe that stubbornness might be useful when he was crawling through mud and smoke for the chance to kill someone, but it seemed it would always a good idea to remember that killing business goes both ways. I was not entirely certain Charlotte was going to put up with him very much longer.
They argued for a time, and I really did not pay that much attention to what they were saying. After a time I finished all the hard candy Simon brought, and then we somehow came to an agreement to talk to the Bennet sisters. I never really knew any of them before. I did not really know Charlotte before either. Miss Lucas of course visited her father's tenants, and I remember her giving me a piece of candy once when I was perhaps ten, but Papa's farm was not a very good one. With six brothers, I doubted even my mother knew who I was sometimes.
The soldier somehow convinced Charlotte to let him arrange a room. I still thought she did not want to, but eventually found it easier to agree… or maybe she was running short on coin. As for me, I did not, and still do not, hold any particular grudge against soldiers. The one that hurt me was terrible, but once I saw what the whip did to him, I thought I need not think of them ever again. It was not the first time I had been hurt and would not be the last. Charlotte told me the terrible things that could have happened to me, just like it did to her; but it had not and I was going to spend no more time thinking about it.
We went into a room that was very nice, probably nicer than we could really afford and Charlotte just sat down on a sofa and looked lost. I knew not what to do, but I had an idea. I was a skinny scrawny little thing, barely any bigger than a girl, what with having to fight with my brothers for every scrap of food. My father considered me an extra mouth to feed and of no use. My mother mostly ignored me. I did not know what to do, but I had an idea.
Charlotte was just sitting on the sofa staring at a wall, so I went over, climbed up on her lap, where I fit easily, and just reached around her waist, put my head on her shoulder and hung on for dear life. A moment later, she put her arms around me and her head on my shoulder and we just sat there crying for some time. My mother had never once held me like that as near as I could remember, but I thought Charlotte would certainly take better care of that babe she was carrying; regardless of where he came from. No, Charlotte Lucas would not hold something like that over a child.
Charlotte had explained to me how babies worked, so I thought I understood. We were to live in a cottage somewhere, and we would do some sort of work. Maybe I was to be a maid. Charlotte would have a baby, and we would take care of it. That was all there was to it. I neither knew nor cared what the details of that life would be. It could even be a farm and I would be content, so long as I was with Charlotte.
We sat like that for some time. I could see the shadows move across the room, so it must have been hours, but back then I had no real notion of time other than thinking of the chores I had to do around the farm, or when I would have to have my next battle with my brothers for something to eat.
When we had both done all the carrying on we planned to do, we went over to a pitcher a nice maid had set out when we took the room. I reckoned the soldier must have a lot of money, as the maid treated him like a prince, with curtsies and yes sirs until she made my head spin. I imagined a man like that probably dropped more money accidentally on the floor than my Papa made, so the maid was just being clever, and I had no grudge with her. I might be a maid just like her soon enough, so I thought learning some of the trade might be useful.
Charlotte and I used a towel to clean our faces, and I tried reaching down for my apron to dry my hands, only to find for maybe the dozenth time that I had no apron, and was not a child to be wiping my hands on my dress again. Charlotte unpinned my hair and put it back up. I think there was nothing wrong with it, but she just wanted something to do. I was not really old enough to have my hair up, but she had said that if I was old enough to leave home with her, I was old enough for my hair up. Charlotte was like that, always saying things that made no sense, but I just did what she said. Anyone who got me off of that farm could ask nearly anything of me, and when we got to the place we were going, I imagined nobody would know me at all and it could go right back down when I got a dress with a proper apron.
Sometime later we heard a scratch on the door, and Charlotte called, "Enter".
Two very elegant looking ladies that I now call Mary and Kitty came into the room. I tried to be on my best manners as Charlotte had been trying to teach me, but neither of the Bennet sisters seemed very inclined to proper introductions. Mary flew across the room and grabbed Charlotte in a big hug, and Kitty came over and did the same to me, even though I am quite certain she had never seen me in my life. I was confused, but that seemed to be the way with these Bennet girls. Maybe that was how good friends always greeted each other in the gentry, but it did not matter because Kitty was very warm and nice and easy. In a moment's time she had managed to actually make the introductions, and it was confusing but comforting.
After that flurry of introductions, we all sat down on two sofas and Mary began. I have since learned that Mary is not… what is the word… subtle.
She said, "Charlotte and Betsy, we cannot even begin to tell you how happy we are to see you, though distressed by how you came to be here. You will not be leaving today or tomorrow or perhaps ever again. You must come with us. We will take care of you, and you will be welcome."
Mary also had what I now think of as excessive forwardness, as she reached over and placed her hand directly on Charlotte's stomach, and said, "You are all welcome."
Charlotte started to say something, and Kitty stopped her.
"What Mary means to say is, we have much to tell you but the most important thing is you are among friends."
Charlotte said, "Perhaps your friends, but not mine."
She had that stubborn look I knew so well that did not bode well for argument, but Mary took both of her hands and said, "Charlotte, trust me. I only ask that of you. Nothing more. We have so much to tell you. Come with us for one day. One day cannot hurt your plans. If you will not come to Rosings, let me place you with some dear friends, or stay here at the inn. Just tell me you will not leave. I know you wanted Lizzy to help you with something. Let us do it in her stead."
By now, I think Charlotte was just exhausted by the ordeal. She had spent much of the previous month with her head over a bucket, and she exhausted easily. That had been how we spent this very morning, starting before daylight. Today had been a trying day, and she seemed like she was in some kind of battle.
Still stubborn as always, she said, "I wish to have the story, and I would like to see Lizzy. You say she is abed? How did that happen?"
The two sisters looked at each other as if judging what to say, and Kitty left her sofa to kneel on the floor beside Charlotte, and said, "Her husband… Mr. Collins… he… he… you see… I cannot… not now."
She just ran out of words, and looked ready to start crying, but did not.
Mary said, "It is a hard story Charlotte, much like yours. Will you not share your burden with us? Will you not allow us to help you? Fitzwilliam will do anything for Lizzy. He basically adopted all of us, warts and all. Please let him help you. Please?"
Charlotte looked confused and said, "I may not have been completely fair to the Colonel, but I… I… I cannot bring myself to be in his company. I just cannot. Do not ask it of me."
Mary looked somewhat alarmed and said, "Oh, we do not mean that Fitzwilliam, although I believe you will warm to him… eventually. He is a chowderhead, but a good man. No, I mean Fitzwilliam Darcy!"
Charlotte once again stared at both girls and said, "That appears… unseemly. Does he not know Elizabeth is already married?"
Kitty said, "Oh, he knows! He chastises himself for it every hour of every day of his life, but please, Charlotte! Do not judge him until you know the entire story. All of it. It is… it is… it is if at least as bad as yours. We wish to hear your story as well, if you wish to share it, and will never ask again if you do not."
Charlotte just looked confused and Kitty practically pleaded, "Talk to Fitzwilliam, Charlotte! Or let me tell you the story! Come see Jane and Lydia and Lizzy. Please!"
Charlotte was not quite stubborn enough to resist such pleadings, and I did not see how she could quit the neighborhood without at least seeing her friend, so she finally, after a very long pause while the Bennet sisters sat in anticipation said, "Very well. I shall go tomorrow, but please…"
Mary was not to be denied so easily said, "Please Charlotte, your room is already made up. It has a bed for Betsy as well. You can see Lizzy tonight, in a half‑hour's time. We shall not force you to endure a supper, but we would all feel better with you down the hall."
Running out of energy for argument, Charlotte said, "This will seem selfish, but if I come for a day…"
The two girls watched her anxiously as she fought for words, and now I realize she was trying to not sound cruel or heartless.
She finally finished, "… will you keep the Colonel away from me."
The girls looked at each other oddly, as if there was much more to that discussion than they were willing to entertain, but of course at the time I did not even notice it, since everything about the encounter was odd.
Mary said, "Of course."
Then I was a bit surprised when Kitty jumped up as if wanting to set the plan in motion before Charlotte changed her mind, apparently unaware that Charlotte rarely changed her mind about much of anything once it was made up.
When the door was open, she simply yelled into the common room, "Brother! Aunt! She has agreed. Please come to be introduced."
A moment later, a tall and I would later guess handsome man entered the room. At the time of course, all I could tell was he was very tall, his hair was very fancy and his boots were very shiny. I had no idea he was rich as a lord, but I imagined his clothes alone must have cost at least a pound.
He bowed to Charlotte and said, "Miss Lucas, well met. I am very happy to see you again, thought I wish it were under less trying circumstances. Please accept my gratitude that you will visit us, and know that you are most welcome at Rosings or Pemberley any time."
Then he turned to a very elegant looking lady much older than my mother… perhaps as old as Lady Lucas and said, "Aunt Catherine, may I present you to Elizabeth's good friend Miss Charlotte Lucas. Miss Lucas, my aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh."
Charlotte looked at her suspiciously, but she did a curtsy just as she had been trying, without very much success I might add, to teach me.
The tall gentleman surprisingly turned to me, and said, "Miss Lucas, may I have the pleasure of an introduction to your friend?"
Charlotte introduced me to them just as if I were a lady worthy of an introduction to such as them, and I had no idea what to do so I just made my best reply and looked at my feet.
The older lady walked in front of me, very forwardly put her knuckle under my chin and made me look up at her, and said, "Have no fear child. You are most welcome."
For some reason, and I will never really know why, I trusted her just like I did Charlotte with just those few words. I have since learned that lots of people say lots of words they do not mean, but until this day, I have never heard Lady Catherine do so. Sometimes what she says may seem unkind, or difficult, or vexing or… well, other kinds of unpleasant, but she never says anything she does not mean.
The tall man, who I assumed was the mysterious adopted brother said, "Miss Lucas. Miss Clymer. Let us go. The other sisters are most anxious for your return.", and then he with an odd look at the older lady, he offered his arm to Charlotte, while the lady said, "Perhaps, you might escort me, Miss Clymer."
I wondered how our trunks would get to this place we were going to, but Charlotte did not seem concerned, so I was not either.
I wondered just how big this Rosings was that everyone kept talking about. I imagined it might just be very grand; perhaps bigger than Lucas Lodge!
Now I sit in a schoolroom larger than my father's farmhouse, with my hair thankfully down, and with a thankfully less fancy dress, and hope that Mary will only make me rewrite this two or three times before I go for my pianoforte lesson. I will never be any good, and frankly, neither will Charlotte; but she finds it restful to give me the lessons and it is my favorite part of the day.
I once asked Aunt Catherine, "Why me? Why am I here instead of the maid from the inn, or another farmer's daughter or one of the girls in the village?"
She just said, "Not all can be welcomed, child. It is just the way of the world. Life is a matter of circles and connections, and nobody knows why one person is in a particular sphere and another is not. The Bennet sisters are in mine because… well, I have my own reasons, but mostly because my nephew loves them. Miss Lucas is in our circle because she is friends with the Bennets, and you are here because you are friends with her. Nobody knows why the dice roll like that, but you are here now, so make the most of it."
Sometimes, she makes more sense than anybody.
