Chapter Twenty-Eight: My Love, My Life
As Rothen opened his eyes, the room was mostly dark. A slight movement to his right caught his attention. He looked in surprise at the visitor sitting in one of his guestroom chairs, quietly reading one of the books he recognised from his own shelves. Her expression was the one she always had when reading- of happy, intelligent curiosity. Her fingers not holding the book were tracing circles into the arm of the chair, a habitual gesture Rothen knew meant she was thinking hard.
"When did you get here?" he asked groggily.
The visitor looked over at him at the sound of his voice, a gentle smile gracing her already soft features. She placed the book on the low table between them and leaned towards him, green robes rustling as she did so. "Oh, a little while ago," she said with quiet affection.
"But you didn't wake me?"
"No, I thought you needed the sleep. You look tired, my love. What's bothering you?"
Rothen gave the woman a knowing look. "You always know what's bothering me."
She smiled crookedly back at him. "Whilst that may be true, I think it would be helpful for you to voice it."
Rothen sighed, and passed a hand over his face. "Lately it seems like I lose everyone."
The woman seemed to tut slightly. "Oh, come now! Who?"
"Well, to start with, Dorrien."
"Dorrien is still very much part of your life. He's just at a distance, that's all, and doing very important work- you should be proud of him."
"Alright, Dannyl."
"Dannyl is a young man on a new adventure- once he has earnt for himself. He'll be back soon, he's so very fond of you. Who else is on your list?"
Rothen paused, trying to suppress the emotion he felt at the next name. Eventually he managed to clear his throat. "You would have liked Sonea, you know- she reminds me a lot of you."
"I do not doubt I would have loved her- she sounds wonderful. And very good for you, too."
"She was."
"She's not gone, Rothen. Have faith." A sternness entered her voice now.
"And how do you know that?" he retorted irritably.
"Because I am in a position to know things you don't."
"You don't need to remind me."
"Rothen," she said soothingly. Her voice always had a way of bringing him back to himself- a voice that felt like coming home. "Peace- I didn't mean to upset you."
"Well then, if you are in that position as you say, you must know know what the last name on my list is," he said, in a calmer tone this time.
The woman simply nodded, no readable emotion in her gaze. She sighed, and reached for his hand, but stopped herself just before she touched it. "Do you remember when we met?" she asked softly.
He chuckled softly. "Of course I do. It was on the first floor of the Novices' Library, my second year, your first. I showed you where you could practice making smoke rings out the window without Jullen noticing."
"And in return I helped you revise for your Anatomy final three years later, despite being in the year below and with my own studying to do."
"I said "thank you", didn't I?!"
"I believe you did when you proposed after your graduation celebrations, yes." She looked away, smiling to herself, seeming to enjoy the memory.
"I meant in other ways, but alright then."
She gave him a withering look, but then chuckled at the boyish pride on his face. "Alright, that too." Her face then grew more serious. "And do you remember what we promised each other, when we were married? Beyond the official vows, obviously."
Rothen nodded slowly. "We promised to never let each other's demons get in the way of our better angels."
"Exactly. And that is what I am doing right now, can't you see? You're letting yourself be defeated, dearheart. It's time to rejoin the land of the living. There are many good times still to be had. No storm lasts forever, this one will pass too- I promise."
Rothen looked at her helplessly. "I don't know how to get through this storm."
"Well, stop taking that awful nemin stuff for a start. I never liked prescribing it, myself." Her voice softened then. "Then focus on your classes, focus on all the novices that you are able to help. Don't squader your talents – you truly are an exceptional teacher. You started all those years ago by showing me how to make smoke rings- don't let that effort go to waste."
Rothen looked hard at her. Then he let out a breath heavily, shaking his head, working something out. "This is a dream, isn't it?" he said. He looked back at the woman sitting beside him.
Yilara's smile lessened slightly as she nodded, fair hair moving softly around her face as she did so. "But a very good dream, is it not?"
Rothen smiled at her. "The very best. You are still my love and my life, no matter the years we were robbed of."
Yilara came to crouch beside him- beautiful grey eyes, full of love and concern, looked deeply into his. She was close enough for him to feel warmth radiating from her. "You know I never really left you- not really. Nothing can separate people who truly love each other. I'm never far away."
"I will see you again, then?"
"As sure as the sun rises in the east. I'll be waiting for you, to spend eternity together."
She smiled then, a genuine, joyful smile, and held up her hand.
Rothen reached out, and as he placed his palm against her's, feeling the soft warmth of her skin, the scene seemed to fade.
When Rothen truly opened his eyes, he was once again alone in his guestroom. He sighed. He got up, and put the jar of nemin powder into a drawer. He then made a couple of glow lights, and went to his bookshelves, and considered where his second years were at in the curriculum.
It was time to rejoin the land of the living.
Okay, that turned out to be a lot more emotional than I was expecting it to be! Yowza!
Now, I've had a couple of super interesting reviews pertaining to my views on Akkarin- firstly thank you soooo much for sending them. I am presenting him in a rather sympathetic light, to be sure. This is not a view I expect everyone to hold. I do believe, however, he is a fundamentally good person. Flawed, yes, with an awful and questionable history, yes, but in the end, he gives his life in the service of the Guild. He does everything he does to keep the Guild (and Kyralia) safe. Sonea considers in book three, "he might even be a good person." So that's why I present him the way I do, as a "tortured soul", as it were. I also never believed he would go on to marry Sonea if she had graduated as his novice- I genuinely think he would have come up with some other arrangement. That would have looked way too obvious- she clearly hated him! But again, that's just one woman's view. See you all sooooon, love Cece xox
