Author's Note: Here you go! The moment you've all been waiting for (at least the first part of it)! This conversation takes 2 chapters, but expect the next part maybe Thursday or Friday (I know, I'm an evil human being).
Oh, and one thing that I wanted to address a couple chapters ago that I kept forgetting about: in the chapter when Arthur and the gang meet up with the bridge keeper, I mentioned something like Percival trying to figure out what was said to him. I know a lot of fics like, for some reason, to dumb down Percival, but I really wasn't doing that. I just thought that what was said was worded confusingly to anyone, and it happened to be directed to Percival. So, no, I wasn't trying to make him out to be stupid, I really like him and wish that he had had a bigger part in the series. Just wanted to clarify that in case anyone thought that I was doing that.
Enjoy!
He simply stared back, refusing to make the first move. Finally Arthur cleared his throat. The man quickly turned towards the King.
"Are you Emrys?" It may have been a pointless question, but it felt best to clarify.
"Depends on what you want," came a rough voice with such a thick accent they almost couldn't understand him. They seemed taken aback at such a voice, but there was something slightly familiar about it to all of them, as if they had heard it somewhere before.
Arthur did his best to stop trying to place the voice in his head. "I'll take that as a 'yes.'"
"What do you want?" asked the man again, this time impatiently.
Arthur eyed him wearily. "Thank you," he said. "For saving us back there."
"Nothing to save you from. The wyverns were simply protecting their castle, the way you would protect your land," he said with bitterness in his voice.
"Emrys," Arthur started.
"Haven't confirmed anything yet," grumbled the man.
"Emrys," he started forcefully again. "We need your help. You are the only one who can help us. We're here in a time of great urgency and desperation. Please."
Arthur never begged. The group and the man looked up in surprise. They weren't expecting this tactic from their king.
"And why should I help you, Arthur Pendragon?" sneered the hooded man. "Yes, I know who you are. You have killed my kind and executed too many than can be forgiven. Why should I come to Camelot's aid when I will most likely be killed as soon as my work is done?"
Arthur did his best to cover his frustration and shame. "Because," said Arthur, trying to think of how to word this perfectly. "Because Morgana is forming an army of sorcerers. I have been trying my best to change the laws concerning magic these past several months; if she attacks, Camelot will fall to her tyranny."
"What makes you think Camelot isn't already under a tyrant?"
A shocked silence filled the air. The man's brazenness surprised all of them, to say the least. He chuckled at their speechlessness.
"Never thought of that, did you? How many people have you killed, Pendragon? How many have died at your hand, at your father's hand? And how many were justified killings? You, King of Camelot, are nothing more than a murderer," the man spat out these last words with utmost contempt and anger.
"I know what I've done in the past, but I can't help what has happened then. It was not my fault that I was raised to-"
"Don't you try to use that excuse with me," threatened the man. "Don't you dare hide behind the bloody cape of your father's teachings. You still had a mind of your own; you still had a choice to defy him when you were sent to kill innocent men, women, and children. So tell me, Pendragon, why should I help you? You even killed your manservant; a close friend if I recall."
Silence pierced through the air. Even the wind and wyverns outside the room could not be heard outside, as if the whole castle was holding its breath for an answer.
Arthur swallowed before continuing. "I understand that I must take charge of my past actions. I regret them more and more every day. And there is no death that I regret more than that of Merlin. I cannot explain myself where he is concerned."
"Then try," hissed the man, narrowing his eyes, even if the group couldn't see.
Arthur had never looked so lost and helpless. Tears were forming in his eyes as he stared into the fire, thinking back to Merlin's last days in this world.
"I honestly cannot recall what my thoughts were. I… I have no idea what caused me to execute him. I didn't want to; I was going to let him free. I was going to change the laws," he looked up at the man and the group around him pleadingly. "When I saw him, down there, on… on the pyre…" his hollow voice trailed off as a tear fell.
He took a shuddering breath before continuing, "When I saw him there, I realized what I had done. I couldn't believe it. I didn't understand why he was there, why he was staring at me like that. And then I remembered. I remembered my sentence, what I had said. What I had done," his voice was shaking and he couldn't stop it. Never had anyone around that circle seen their King break down like this. Pity and guilt filled their hearts as they thought back on their own actions the past several months. They still hadn't quite forgiven him, but they began to realize just how much he was suffering with them at Merlin's loss.
The man didn't move. "So, tell me, Pendragon. Do you fear for Camelot?"
"Sorry?" Arthur looked confused.
"Do you feel fear for you kingdom?" he asked.
Arthur thought for a moment before answering. "Yes, yes I fear for Camelot's safety and future. I fear for what will become of my people if Morgana takes over. I fear what will happen to the world that I have been trying to build if she gains the power she seeks."
The man was silent for a few seconds before whispering back in a voice so quiet and dangerous the rest of the group felt shivers run down their spines. "No. No, you don't feel fear. You have no idea what fear is, and you believe yourself so strong and courageous, when you cannot possibly have known what real fear is. Shall I enlighten you, your majesty? Would you like to know what it is like to truly feel fear?"
Arthur stayed quiet. Everyone held their breaths for what he was going to say next.
"You have no idea what it is like, none of you, to live everyday of your life in fear that it may be your last. To wake up every day with a paralyzing fear that you might not be back in your bed that night, but you have to get up anyway and face the day like nothing is wrong. To face your best friends and have to play the fool when you are really so much more than them, when you could knock them all off their feet with just a few words or a glance. You have idea what it is like to be raised alone, shunned from the world, keeping secrets and telling lies, because if anyone were to find out, there went your head. You have no idea what it's like, growing up knowing that if any of your friends knew what you really are, they would think you're a monster. Because that's what we are, right? Why else would we be hunted and killed? Why else would everyone in the world hate and fear us? There has to be a reason, and so you believe them. You believe you're a monster. You believe that you're evil, and the world is better off without you. You don't see how or why, because you're just you, but why else would you have to live like this? Any small slip up could end you up in the gallows or with your head on the chopping block before sundown.
"And then you're not only scared of what others can and will do to you. You're scare of what you could do to them or to yourself. Not many sorcerers can get proper training, so there's just that raw and inexperienced power you're trying to suppress. You have no idea what could happen if you snapped. If just one thing pushed you over the edge and you hurt someone. It could be someone you hate, someone you love. And then you really do become that monster. You really are that hated being that deserves to be hunted and brought down. No, not to justice, just down. The world is safer without you, people you love would be better off without you near them to hurt them. You belong nowhere in the world. You have no home. Anywhere you go you will just run into the same problems, the same fear, the same prejudice. And you live like this everyday.
"That's how your manservant lived, Arthur Pendragon. That's how anyone in your kingdom with magic lives, really anyone in all of Albion with magic lives like that. There are no safe corners for us to hide, no safe havens where we are protected. I myself was living in a cave where I thought I was safe, but was smoked out like a wild hare or fox to be caught by a bounty hunter. Do I deserve that? Am I nothing more than a creature that needs to be hunted? And I thought here I was safe, yet here you found me. And tell me now, Pendragon, tell me now how you feel fear. Tell me that you know what fear even feels like. And if you can, well, I bet my magic that you can't."
The group had listened with a growing horror at each word the man spoke. Was the really how Merlin lived? Was this really how so many unknown sorcerers and citizens of Camelot lived? How many did actually live like this? How could anyone live like this? What kind of existence was that?
And they began to understand. They began to see why Merlin had never told anyone, why he wouldn't go out to the tavern to drink with Gwaine and the Knights. They began to understand why Morgana was doing what she was doing, and why so many people were aiding her. But they also realized that there was no way they could relate, no way that they could fully comprehend such a life.
Arthur's face was full of sorrow and remorse. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't know—"
"No, you didn't. And you don't know. You have no comprehension of what pain and fear you have instilled in many of your subjects. I should be on their side. I should go join Morgana and fight for her. But you expect me to help you. Give me one good reason why."
This wasn't going as planned. They were losing this argument. There was little that could be said to win him over. They needed him, and now that they realized what was going on in the minds of the people fighting against them, and that fear that was being acted upon shook them to the core. Now, more than ever, they knew they needed this man's help. He was their only hope.
Author's Note: "Help us Emrys, you're our only hope."- Medieval Earth Princess Leia (sorry I had to).
