"What'll it be?" a waitress asked Jace, who sat in a secluded part of a downtown pub. He hadn't told anyone where he was going, mostly because he just wanted to be left alone. He didn't want Clary seeing him like this, and he probably wouldn't admit it out loud, but everything seemed to be falling on him like a pile of bricks. Sebastian, Clary's condition, and now Alec's death that he was struggling to get past. Or maybe that was just it. Perhaps he never would.
"Hmm...Surprise me?" he asked, not even bothering to pick up the menu. The waitress smiled at him and nodded. Seconds after she left, his back pocket suddenly vibrated. He'd only taken the phone so he could get a hold of Clary or anyone else if an emergency occurred, which was doubtful. But then again, this was them.
He fished it out and looked at the number.
Simon? Why was he calling? And more importantly, why would his number be saved on here?
Reluctantly, Jace flipped it open and held it by his ear. "What is it?" he asked, though he didn't intent his voice to sound so sharp. He coughed.
"Luke's gone," Simon said. "Sebastian has him."
The words took a moment to register for Jace, but when they did, anger flooded him. "How do you know it was him?"
"He left a note."
Jace stopped. Wait. Had he been in there?
He clenched his jaw. "What does it say?" Luckily for him, Simon didn't miss a beat. "'Olly Olly Oxen Free, Clary.'"
Before he even realized it, Jace was standing and headed straight for the door. He ignored the waitress as he burst out the doors and turned in the direction of the Institute.
"Still there?" Simon asked.
"Yeah. Did Clary find the note?" This time, he couldn't keep the ice out of his tone.
"She did. In the Weapon's Room." So he had been there.
"I'm on my way," Jace said before hanging up.
Clary heard Jace the moment he returned. He didn't try to open the doors quietly. He didn't attempt to step as lightly as he usually did. No, Jace entered like he was ready to take off and kill someone, which he probably was. They all were.
His eyes met hers from over the banister at the top of the stairs and he was suddenly running. Once at the top, he pulled her against him and kissed her head. "I'm sorry, Clary," he said. "I should have been here."
" It wasn't your fault," she said. The blame really fell on her. Guilt had been clawing at her the entire time, thinking that perhaps if she'd said something about the first note, she could have sent up a warning to the others. Maybe it would have given Luke something to expect. But she hadn't run out of plans yet. She still had one more.
Clary hugged him back, but she was hesitant. She didn't deserve to be comforted. Her mother should be the one feeling reassured, not her.
"I still haven't told her," Clary whispered, feeling both notes weigh like lead in her pockets. She'd retrieved the other one after discovering the second and went straight to Simon. Yet another thing to bear the guilt of.
"Why not?" Jace asked.
She wanted to. Her mom should be told the truth of what happened, but a part of Clary didn't want to give it. She had no idea what she would do; probably go after him, much like she would. But knowing Sebastian and the notes left behind, Jocelyn wouldn't allow Clary to go. Better yet, she'd tie her down and make Jace stand guard over her. And she wasn't even exaggerating.
"Because I know what she'd do," Clary said. "And we know Sebastian would take advantage of that. He'd- he'd use her. He'd use my mom like he's using Luke and I can't lose both of them."
"How do you know it was definitely from him? He shouldn't be able to get in here."
Clary let go of Jace and dug around her pocket, retrieving Luke's ring. "This was attached to the note. And because..."
She had to tell him. She couldn't keep this lie from both Jocelyn and Jace. It wasn't fair.
"I know he can get inside the Institute because he visited me," she said hurriedly.
She felt Jace tense. He stood back and looked down at her. "He what? When?"
"It happened awhile ago," she said. "That's why I didn't think much of it." Such a rotten excuse.
He fell back another step. Clary could see the hurt in his eyes and the anger, however hard he tried to mask it from her. It seemed that she was the only one immune to the armor he used.
"And you...You didn't tell me?" His voice raised.
Clary bit her lip. "Let's talk back here."
Once standing yet again in the Weapon's Room, the torn piece of fabric still visible and very much real, Jace started again. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She took a deep breath. "I didn't think you needed it. He only came to talk."
"What did you talk about?"
Clary shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself. "I don't know. He was just talking about Shadowhunters being pawns. It wasn't like he threatened me or anything."
"Oh, yes," he snorted. "Because that would be the time to tell me, right? Well, I feel so relieved."
"Look, it happened just after Alec. I didn't know what you would do if I told you!"
"So you decided it best to keep it from me?!" he yelled. Clary could see his hands shaking, clutched so tightly that the knuckles had turned white.
"I'm sorry, I know it was wrong," she said. "But after everything that happened, I just didn't think we could deal with it."
He turned his back to her. "That wasn't for you to decide."
"I know."
"Is that it? Are you keeping anything else from me?" he asked. Clary let out a breath and retrieved the first note Sebastian had left for her. "A couple weeks after he visited me, I found this."
When he faced her again, she handed him the note.
Clary watched the muscles in his jaw constrict as his eyes met hers again. He stared at her for a moment before speaking. "Tell me what to think, Clary," he said. "Do you not trust me? Did you think I couldn't handle this? After all I've dealt with, do you honestly think that I'm that weak?"
"NO, that's not it."
"Then what is? Are you hiding any other meetings from me? Do you guys Facebook and PM on a daily basis?"
Clary felt her own anger rising, heating her face. She shook her head. "That's not funny."
"Really?" he asked, sarcastic. "Because what I find hilarious is you trying to protect me. To protect all of us. Why wouldn't you tell me? Better yet, why wouldn't you tell just someone? Why is it that you had to wait until one of our lives have been put in danger? Why did you have to wait until another of us might already be dead?-"
"I did tell someone!" Clary shouted back, her anger boiling over the surface. "I told Simon!"
This made Jace pause, and they stared at each other in silence. Seconds fell away, but neither of them spoke. Clary wanted to say something, but Jace was the first to break it. "You told Simon." He laughed, though there was absolutely nothing humorous about this at all. "You told Simon but not me."
Her own anger dissipated. "I just," she hesitated. "I just knew he wouldn't act on it if I asked him not to. I knew that he would hear me out before doing anything."
Jace nodded, but he wasn't looking at her. His eyes rested on someplace above her head. "So you didn't trust me."
"I didn't know what state you were in after losing Alec."
"Oh, stop with the patronizing, Clary," he hissed. "Do you see me running off now?"
No she didn't, but it was different now. She knew what Jace would have done and try as he might to deny it, it still would be true. But she had been wrong to keep it from him. Just like she was wrong to continue keeping it from her mom.
She said nothing.
"I guess that's it then," he shrugged. Jace walked over and picked up one of the blades, facing off the target.
"I'm sorry," she said, but he didn't answer. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, she thought. And I'm sorry I have to do it again. Clary felt tears well up as she turned away and left him behind.
It really wasn't how she wanted to end this.
Back in her room, fully dressed and equipped with her weapons, Clary sat at her desk and pulled out a sheet of paper. She wrote quickly, apologizing to her mom, asking her to tell the others goodbye for her, and to tell Jace that she loved him. Then she folded the paper and crept downstairs, sliding it under Jocelyn's door.
She walked quietly to the Institute's entrance and reached for the knob.
"I'm coming." a voice said. Clary whirled around so fast that the room spun. She stared, bewildered, at the last person she worried of discovering her.
Isabelle stood at the base of the stairs, completely geared up from her blades to her boots. The bags under her eyes stood out prominent under the small light lit from above.
She folded her arms stiffly, "Don't think you get to go tromping off after the psychotic killer without me. I've got my own message to deliver."
